Survival [Chapter 2]
Title: Survival
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: angst, zombies, apocalypse, character death, gore, AU, OOC, violence, language
Pairing(s): eventual Ian/Anthony, Anthony/OFC, slight Ian/OMC
Summary: After it was all over, they wanted to hear Ian Hecox's story. They wanted him to retell the hell that he went through, that he desperately wanted to forget. And he agreed to it.
Chapter Summary: Ian remembers the warning that Lelia gave him and how he wished for things to be alright with Anthony.
Author's Note: I would've posted this early but I was a little preoccupied reading manga and procrastinating. You know what I keep doing? I keep writing "Ian was" instead of "I am" because I'm so use to writing in third-person omniscient and past-tense instead of writing first-person and present-tense. It's getting really annoying. Anyslut, I warn you, shit is gonna get dramatic and gory preettty quickly.
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1
Forgetting. That's what I keep doing. I keep forgetting that I'm in a studio, a camera stuck right in my face with a blond woman staring at me intently. I keep forgetting that I'm not back in the gym, surviving off of canned yams and the hope that one day, it would all be over. The hope that scientists would find a cure to stop and wipe out the infection and peace would be restored on Earth. Eventually that all did happen but at the time, it was all false hope.
I finish my sentence and then stop. Breathe. I need to take a breath. I'm here, safe, not there. Not in danger of getting eaten. Not in a fight with Anthony. Not sleeping on a mat in a gym. None of that. I am here, in a studio, safe from the zombies, not in danger of being infected. I am just talking, reminiscing the past.
"Do you need to take a break, Ian?" the blond woman asks, putting her hand over mine like she was genuinely concerned. I let out a shaky breath and shake my head. I can do this. I am safe. There is no danger here. That is all done.
"I'm good, I'm good," I mutter, trying to convince myself. I was fine, I can do this. I am doing this.
•-•
When I awaken, darkness is enveloping the room and I know it had to be a little after two o'clock. I let my eyes adjust and register the soft footsteps that are lightly hitting the wooden floor. It has to be either Lelia or Fiona. I hope it's Lelia when I call out quietly, "Lelia? Is that you?"
The footsteps stop and I see a movement. Whoever it was turned to face me. "Ian? Are you awake?" It was Lelia, thank god. I don't want to talk to Fiona. I'm not ready to talk to her.
"Yeah," I whisper back. I hear the footsteps get louder and can feel her sitting down next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. She scoots closer and I can feel her shivering. I then realize how cold it was in the room. It was the beginning of February, after all. I hug her closer to my body, trying to give her some of the body heat that I was radiating off.
"How are you doing?" she asks in my ear. I was about to say okay but decide against it because I don't want to lie to Lelia. She's like Demetrius: you know you can trust her. I want to tell her everything but I don't because I don't know if anyone else was up and eavesdropping so I just say, "I've been better."
She makes a noise of agreement and puts her head on my shoulder. "He's just in denial," she says quietly. I start to panic. Did she talk to Zavier? Why does everyone think we harbor romantic feelings for each other? Sure, we are closer than most best friends but all my feelings for Anthony are completely platonic. There is nothing romantic about our relationship. There never has been nor will there never will be something romantic about our relationship. We are bros, nothing else. At least, I think so.
I can tell she feels differently. I want to tell her that she's wrong but she'll just scoff at me and tell me that I'm lying to myself. I don't know if she's right. I hope she isn't.
I change the subject so that these confusing feelings would be put to rest. "What are you doing up so late?" I ask her because I really was genuinely curious.
Lelia shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," she replies off-handedly. "Thoughts were racing in my head and I couldn't shut up them."
I agree with her because I know what it feels like to not be able to sleep because of my thoughts. I've had many nights like that. I can feel her watching me, trying to figure me out. I let her; I don't want to start a fight between her and me. She is nice and resourceful and is almost like the girl version of Demetrius: strong, smart and kind. She's a person you know you can trust.
"You want to go to the track? I think the lights are on down there?" she asks and I flinch at the offer. Should I go down to the track with Lelia? Am I ready to go back there after everything that happened there? She takes my silence as a yes and pulls me towards the doors of the classroom. I decide that I wanted to go back to the track just because Lelia asked me to and Lelia would keep me safe from my own demons as well as the ones outside.
We walk down the hallway in silence; the only noise is the soft noise of our feet hitting the floor. I fidget with the hem of my shirt, not sure if I should start a conversation or just wait until Lelia does, if she does. But does and it leaves me wishing that I would've stopped being a pussy and started a casual conversation to save me from drifting into dangerous territory, territory that I wasn't ready to enter yet.
"What happened with you and Anthony, if you don't mind my asking?" Lelia asks. I sigh because I know that she's the only one in the group that is still not fully informed about our "fight."
"He…I don't even know why we're fighting to be honest," I say. "I mean, we argued for a bit because of the Fiona thing, which was a stupid thing to be arguing about, and things got out of hand and I slapped him…"
Lelia gives me a stunned look. "Wow, Ian, um…I'm sorry I guess," she stutters and leaves me confused.
"Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong," I tell her though I want to yell at her because I don't deserve her apologies. I'm the one that should be apologizing; I am one of the reasons that there is drama among the group. It is my fault.
"It's not your fault, Ian," Lelia says because she saw the self-loathing expression on face. She grips my shoulder comfortingly. "None of this stupid drama is your fault, you understand?"
I nod even though I disagree with her. Even if it's not all my fault, the drama is still partially my fault. It takes two to tango, as they say. Her expression then turns sour and I fear that I have done something to piss her off. But I realize that the anger is not targeted towards me when she mutters darkly, "I told that fucking girl to stay out of your relationship."
She then faces me and continues louder, "That's Fiona for you: she goes in and destroys relationships and then leaves the picking up the pieces part to others. I wouldn't be surprised that if you and Anthony have a falling out that Fiona would leave right after it's done. That's who she is and she won't change just because of this damned apocalypse.
"You better keep Anthony close, she'll destroy your friendship and everything else because of her selfishness. She won't stop until she has her way with Anthony. I've seen it happen before, unfortunately."
I take in what she says. I don't want to lose Anthony; I can't lose him. I won't be able to survive this without him. So I decide right there and then that I would do everything in my power to be the best best friend that I can be. I would apologize to Anthony and tell him that I was stupid, jealous of losing my best friend. I would do everything it takes to keep my relationship with Anthony pleasant; I won't let some outsider come in and destroy it.
Lelia sees the determination written on my face and encourages me. "That's the look I want to see, Ian," she says, ruffling my hair like she was petting a dog. I grimaced at her and patted my hair down so that it wouldn't be sticking in so many different directions. She laughed at me and I felt a little bit better. I wanted to thank Lelia but she'd just brush me off and say it was something. But it was something. She's helping me out and now I owe her big time.
We talk a little bit longer about nothing of importance, never mentioning anything that has to do with Anthony, Fiona or the zombies that are most definitely outside, trying to barge their way in and feed on the nin-eight of us. We mostly talk about the past and our dreams of the future, how Lelia used to be a photographer and traveled around the world. She told great stories about all the countries that she visited in Asia, Africa and Europe. We talked about our families and how we missed them dearly. We talked for so long that Demetrius and Aaron had to come down to get us for breakfast.
When we went upstairs, I noticed that bags under Demetrius's eyes and wondered if he had gotten any sleep last night. I wonder why he couldn't sleep last night. Was his thoughts racing in his head like Lelia's or was it something else? Is it my fault that he couldn't sleep? Or is it something else entirely that was bothering him? Was it about Jordyn? Maybe that's why Lelia couldn't fall asleep as well.
When we get to the yoga room I noticed the division between everyone. No one made a move to talk to Anthony or Fiona and I guess it was because the drama still wasn't resolved yet. I can tell that Dylan is still pissed about the whole debacle because he was right: we don't need this on top of the zombie apocalypse and living off of shit that we are finding in a gym.
I make a move to go and talk to Anthony, who was at his mat which happens to be next to my own. He sees me moving towards him and his eyes brighten but I stop when Demetrius volunteers us two to go and retrieve another can of yams for breakfast. I want to refuse because I really need to talk to Anthony but I go anyway because I don't need Dylan hating me. He was on edge, more than the rest of us, even Anthony. I sigh and follow Demetrius out, falling into step with him.
"Hey," he starts off. "I guess you talked to Lelia, huh?" I look at him for a second and then nod slowly, unsure where he was going with this. "Did she tell you about Fiona?"
I'm surprised. So I guess he knows about what happened too with Lelia's friend or whatever. It gets me wondering whose relationship Fiona had come in and messed up. I was going to ask but then deciding against it because what if it was Demetrius's relationship? That wouldn't be good.
"Yeah, it's pretty bad," he says casually like it doesn't matter and it leads me to believe that it was in fact Demetrius relationship that was ruined by Fiona. I feel my face softening and I put my hand on his shoulder. He looks just about ready to cry and it's funny how the roles have changed in just a matter of hours.
He takes a shaky deep breath and looks down at me, his eyes tell it all. He still feels the hurt, the pain of losing someone he loved because of a stupid decision he had made. I want to hug him, comfort him, tell him that it's in the past but I can't. I can't because then I'll get involved. I'll get involved with something that doesn't involve me and I don't even know much about it all. I feel like a horrible person, like a horrible friend. No wonder Anthony preferred Fiona over me; I probably suck at being a best friend.
Demetrius started laughing and I can hear the note of hysteria in it. "It's funny how it was so long ago but I just can't let it go," he mutters to himself, facing away from me, and then spins around, his eyes wild. "I just can't let it go, Ian, I just fucking can't!"
He bursts into tears and slides to the ground pathetically. I can't help but take pity in Demetrius. Fiona probably ruined his life, the bitch. And now here we all are, Demetrius and Fiona stuck in the same survivor group, and Demetrius, heartbroken Demetrius, has to watch Fiona do what she had done before to him. Now I understand why Demetrius refuses to do anything with Fiona alone and why Demetrius let me cry on his shoulder in the fitness room. It's because he's been through it all; he knows how it feels.
"Demetrius," I say. "Demetrius, look at me." He doesn't. Instead, he buries his face further into his hands. "Demetrius, c'mon, Demetri. Look at me, goddammit." He peeks out of his hands meekly, looking like a broken child who just got hit by his parent.
"You need to get a grip," I tell him, harsher than I probably should've. "Crying about the past is not going to help you. In fact, it's going to make things worse than they already are."
The tears stop falling, thank god. I hate seeing people cry, especially people who I care about. Yes, I do care about Demetrius. I know he has my back so I have to have his in return. I know I can't get too attached but…I like Demetrius. I know he'll keep me safe. I realize that I trust him.
"We better get the yams before they start searching for us," Demertius says and I agree because I don't want them to get the wrong idea, not that they probably would because the idea of Demetrius and me together is just preposterous. We run to the staff room, laughing loudly and shoving at each other playfully. I wonder if this will be Anthony and me after we make up. Will we be our old goofy selves or are we going to be depressed, lifeless survivors like we should be? I hope it won't be the latter.
We make it back without a problem and there are no longer any signs of crying on Demetrius's face. We burst into the yoga/spin classroom with the canned yams and I notice that the setup of the mats have changed. My stomach drops down to my feet when I see Anthony's mat is now next to Fiona's and Lelia's mat has replaced Anthony's. This is all wrong. Anthony's mat was suppose to be next to mine, not Fiona's.
The next thing I register is the sour expression that Lelia and Dylan are both wearing, probably for the shockingly similar yet entirely different reasons. Dylan and Lelia were probably pissed about the new mat arrangements, Lelia because she knew that Fiona was "winning" this "battle," and Dylan because this will just cause more drama among the group.
I want to tell Anthony that I want to stop fighting, that I was sorry for everything and I'd do anything to make it up to him but I couldn't, not it front of everyone, in front of her. I'll do it after breakfast when everyone goes off to do their own thing. I will pull Anthony aside and say all that and then we'll make up and he'll move his mat back next to mine and everything will go back to how it is suppose to be.
There is quiet chatter during breakfast, mostly between Dylan and Zavier, who were talking about possible escape plans in case the living dead finally break down one of the barricades and raid this place. The other was Anthony and Fiona, who were whispering and giggling to each like schoolgirls while the rest of us watched in disgust, except for Demetrius, who had stood up halfway through breakfast and fled the room. I make a move to follow him but Lelia grabs my wrist and shakes her head. Aaron, instead, gets up and follows Demetrius out.
I can feel Anthony's eyes on me, they've been on me since Demetrius left. It was like he observing my actions, seeing how I reacted towards seeing Demetrius upset. I want to be sick because I realize why Anthony was observing me. He thinks Demertius and me…never. That would never happen, neither of us would allow it, I'm sure of it.
Breakfast ended a little bit after that. Zavier and Lelia offer to bring the yams back to the staff room, Lelia sending a meaningful glance my way before she left. I nod because I already knew what she meant and I want to tell her that I was going to try to do it anyway and that I didn't need her to tell me that I did.
I'm just about to call out Anthony's name but his name dies on the tip of my tongue when I see that he's a little preoccupied. Fiona has a fistful of his shirt in her hand, dragging him out of the yoga room. I can hear Fiona's giggles echoing in the hallway and I throw myself down on my mat, utterly defeated and frustrated to no end. I glance at Dylan, whose looking at me pitifully. Even hardass, leader Dylan is taking pity in me. My life sucks major ass.
When Lelia comes back with Zavier trailing a few feet behind her and she finds me on my mat, looking defeated, and Anthony and Fiona nowhere in sight, she storms out of the room, slamming the door shut, no doubt going to search for Anthony and Fiona and bitch them out when she finds them.
I close my eyes, rolling onto my stomach. I start to doze off, not entirely sleep but am lulled to sleep but Lelia's harsh yelling.
•-•
I am waken up by a loud bang! and am on alert. I shot up right away and notice Zavier and Dylan in similar positions. The bang! rings out again and Dylan's the first one to his feet, running out of the room and towards the source of the noise, which seemed to be coming from the southwest entrance of the gym.
Zavier and I follow him out and were joined by Anthony, Lelia and Fiona, who all seemed to be red in the face, must be from yelling at each other so much. Aaron and Demetrius were already at the scene, adding more to the barricade then there was before.
"It seems this is their favorite spot to try and get in from," Zavier comments quickly, no one retorting with a sarcastic comment, which was unusual.
"We should either completely barricade this entrance or put pairs to guard here," Dylan says, hand gripping his chin thoughtfully.
"Having people guard it would be the safest move and we can't afford to be risky," Demetrius chirps and Dylan nods thoughtfully.
"I agree. We can split the shifts up, three to four hours each shift," Dylan says. "We should start now. Lelia and Anthony, you two have the first shift, which starts…now." Lelia and Anthony are just about to start protesting but Dylan started to walk away, adding before he leaves, "Ian and Aaron, you two are relieving Lelia and Anthony." After that, Dylan leaves sight. Everyone just stares at each other for a minute before startin to scatter, except for Lelia, Anthony and me.
"Ian-" Lelia starts but I don't say anything, and just start to walking away instead. I can hear both Lelia and Anthony sigh and then Anthony say, "He hates me." I pause and wait for Lelia to respond. She does, eventually. "No, he doesn't, just give it time."
I start forward again and return to the classroom, where I find Aaron resting and Demetrius sitting on a mechnical bike designed for spin. We stare at each other for a few moments and then a smile appears on Demetrius's lips and he says, "Thank you." I shake my head because I don't deserve it. If anything, Demetrius deserves it.
He's about to say something but he's cut off by a long bang! like the one before and a shriek that sounds like it came from Lelia. Before my mind could register anything, I am running towards the southwest entrance. When I get there, I see the panic in Anthony's eyes and the fear in Lelia's.
•-•
Dun dun dun! Cliffhanger! Just note that this may be the last chapter post for two weeks 'cause I don't know if I'm going to have time to write this week and then I'm on vacation next week. I'll try to post something, I swear on my manga!
Next Chapter
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: angst, zombies, apocalypse, character death, gore, AU, OOC, violence, language
Pairing(s): eventual Ian/Anthony, Anthony/OFC, slight Ian/OMC
Summary: After it was all over, they wanted to hear Ian Hecox's story. They wanted him to retell the hell that he went through, that he desperately wanted to forget. And he agreed to it.
Chapter Summary: Ian remembers the warning that Lelia gave him and how he wished for things to be alright with Anthony.
Author's Note: I would've posted this early but I was a little preoccupied reading manga and procrastinating. You know what I keep doing? I keep writing "Ian was" instead of "I am" because I'm so use to writing in third-person omniscient and past-tense instead of writing first-person and present-tense. It's getting really annoying. Anyslut, I warn you, shit is gonna get dramatic and gory preettty quickly.
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1
Forgetting. That's what I keep doing. I keep forgetting that I'm in a studio, a camera stuck right in my face with a blond woman staring at me intently. I keep forgetting that I'm not back in the gym, surviving off of canned yams and the hope that one day, it would all be over. The hope that scientists would find a cure to stop and wipe out the infection and peace would be restored on Earth. Eventually that all did happen but at the time, it was all false hope.
I finish my sentence and then stop. Breathe. I need to take a breath. I'm here, safe, not there. Not in danger of getting eaten. Not in a fight with Anthony. Not sleeping on a mat in a gym. None of that. I am here, in a studio, safe from the zombies, not in danger of being infected. I am just talking, reminiscing the past.
"Do you need to take a break, Ian?" the blond woman asks, putting her hand over mine like she was genuinely concerned. I let out a shaky breath and shake my head. I can do this. I am safe. There is no danger here. That is all done.
"I'm good, I'm good," I mutter, trying to convince myself. I was fine, I can do this. I am doing this.
•-•
When I awaken, darkness is enveloping the room and I know it had to be a little after two o'clock. I let my eyes adjust and register the soft footsteps that are lightly hitting the wooden floor. It has to be either Lelia or Fiona. I hope it's Lelia when I call out quietly, "Lelia? Is that you?"
The footsteps stop and I see a movement. Whoever it was turned to face me. "Ian? Are you awake?" It was Lelia, thank god. I don't want to talk to Fiona. I'm not ready to talk to her.
"Yeah," I whisper back. I hear the footsteps get louder and can feel her sitting down next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. She scoots closer and I can feel her shivering. I then realize how cold it was in the room. It was the beginning of February, after all. I hug her closer to my body, trying to give her some of the body heat that I was radiating off.
"How are you doing?" she asks in my ear. I was about to say okay but decide against it because I don't want to lie to Lelia. She's like Demetrius: you know you can trust her. I want to tell her everything but I don't because I don't know if anyone else was up and eavesdropping so I just say, "I've been better."
She makes a noise of agreement and puts her head on my shoulder. "He's just in denial," she says quietly. I start to panic. Did she talk to Zavier? Why does everyone think we harbor romantic feelings for each other? Sure, we are closer than most best friends but all my feelings for Anthony are completely platonic. There is nothing romantic about our relationship. There never has been nor will there never will be something romantic about our relationship. We are bros, nothing else. At least, I think so.
I can tell she feels differently. I want to tell her that she's wrong but she'll just scoff at me and tell me that I'm lying to myself. I don't know if she's right. I hope she isn't.
I change the subject so that these confusing feelings would be put to rest. "What are you doing up so late?" I ask her because I really was genuinely curious.
Lelia shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," she replies off-handedly. "Thoughts were racing in my head and I couldn't shut up them."
I agree with her because I know what it feels like to not be able to sleep because of my thoughts. I've had many nights like that. I can feel her watching me, trying to figure me out. I let her; I don't want to start a fight between her and me. She is nice and resourceful and is almost like the girl version of Demetrius: strong, smart and kind. She's a person you know you can trust.
"You want to go to the track? I think the lights are on down there?" she asks and I flinch at the offer. Should I go down to the track with Lelia? Am I ready to go back there after everything that happened there? She takes my silence as a yes and pulls me towards the doors of the classroom. I decide that I wanted to go back to the track just because Lelia asked me to and Lelia would keep me safe from my own demons as well as the ones outside.
We walk down the hallway in silence; the only noise is the soft noise of our feet hitting the floor. I fidget with the hem of my shirt, not sure if I should start a conversation or just wait until Lelia does, if she does. But does and it leaves me wishing that I would've stopped being a pussy and started a casual conversation to save me from drifting into dangerous territory, territory that I wasn't ready to enter yet.
"What happened with you and Anthony, if you don't mind my asking?" Lelia asks. I sigh because I know that she's the only one in the group that is still not fully informed about our "fight."
"He…I don't even know why we're fighting to be honest," I say. "I mean, we argued for a bit because of the Fiona thing, which was a stupid thing to be arguing about, and things got out of hand and I slapped him…"
Lelia gives me a stunned look. "Wow, Ian, um…I'm sorry I guess," she stutters and leaves me confused.
"Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong," I tell her though I want to yell at her because I don't deserve her apologies. I'm the one that should be apologizing; I am one of the reasons that there is drama among the group. It is my fault.
"It's not your fault, Ian," Lelia says because she saw the self-loathing expression on face. She grips my shoulder comfortingly. "None of this stupid drama is your fault, you understand?"
I nod even though I disagree with her. Even if it's not all my fault, the drama is still partially my fault. It takes two to tango, as they say. Her expression then turns sour and I fear that I have done something to piss her off. But I realize that the anger is not targeted towards me when she mutters darkly, "I told that fucking girl to stay out of your relationship."
She then faces me and continues louder, "That's Fiona for you: she goes in and destroys relationships and then leaves the picking up the pieces part to others. I wouldn't be surprised that if you and Anthony have a falling out that Fiona would leave right after it's done. That's who she is and she won't change just because of this damned apocalypse.
"You better keep Anthony close, she'll destroy your friendship and everything else because of her selfishness. She won't stop until she has her way with Anthony. I've seen it happen before, unfortunately."
I take in what she says. I don't want to lose Anthony; I can't lose him. I won't be able to survive this without him. So I decide right there and then that I would do everything in my power to be the best best friend that I can be. I would apologize to Anthony and tell him that I was stupid, jealous of losing my best friend. I would do everything it takes to keep my relationship with Anthony pleasant; I won't let some outsider come in and destroy it.
Lelia sees the determination written on my face and encourages me. "That's the look I want to see, Ian," she says, ruffling my hair like she was petting a dog. I grimaced at her and patted my hair down so that it wouldn't be sticking in so many different directions. She laughed at me and I felt a little bit better. I wanted to thank Lelia but she'd just brush me off and say it was something. But it was something. She's helping me out and now I owe her big time.
We talk a little bit longer about nothing of importance, never mentioning anything that has to do with Anthony, Fiona or the zombies that are most definitely outside, trying to barge their way in and feed on the nin-eight of us. We mostly talk about the past and our dreams of the future, how Lelia used to be a photographer and traveled around the world. She told great stories about all the countries that she visited in Asia, Africa and Europe. We talked about our families and how we missed them dearly. We talked for so long that Demetrius and Aaron had to come down to get us for breakfast.
When we went upstairs, I noticed that bags under Demetrius's eyes and wondered if he had gotten any sleep last night. I wonder why he couldn't sleep last night. Was his thoughts racing in his head like Lelia's or was it something else? Is it my fault that he couldn't sleep? Or is it something else entirely that was bothering him? Was it about Jordyn? Maybe that's why Lelia couldn't fall asleep as well.
When we get to the yoga room I noticed the division between everyone. No one made a move to talk to Anthony or Fiona and I guess it was because the drama still wasn't resolved yet. I can tell that Dylan is still pissed about the whole debacle because he was right: we don't need this on top of the zombie apocalypse and living off of shit that we are finding in a gym.
I make a move to go and talk to Anthony, who was at his mat which happens to be next to my own. He sees me moving towards him and his eyes brighten but I stop when Demetrius volunteers us two to go and retrieve another can of yams for breakfast. I want to refuse because I really need to talk to Anthony but I go anyway because I don't need Dylan hating me. He was on edge, more than the rest of us, even Anthony. I sigh and follow Demetrius out, falling into step with him.
"Hey," he starts off. "I guess you talked to Lelia, huh?" I look at him for a second and then nod slowly, unsure where he was going with this. "Did she tell you about Fiona?"
I'm surprised. So I guess he knows about what happened too with Lelia's friend or whatever. It gets me wondering whose relationship Fiona had come in and messed up. I was going to ask but then deciding against it because what if it was Demetrius's relationship? That wouldn't be good.
"Yeah, it's pretty bad," he says casually like it doesn't matter and it leads me to believe that it was in fact Demetrius relationship that was ruined by Fiona. I feel my face softening and I put my hand on his shoulder. He looks just about ready to cry and it's funny how the roles have changed in just a matter of hours.
He takes a shaky deep breath and looks down at me, his eyes tell it all. He still feels the hurt, the pain of losing someone he loved because of a stupid decision he had made. I want to hug him, comfort him, tell him that it's in the past but I can't. I can't because then I'll get involved. I'll get involved with something that doesn't involve me and I don't even know much about it all. I feel like a horrible person, like a horrible friend. No wonder Anthony preferred Fiona over me; I probably suck at being a best friend.
Demetrius started laughing and I can hear the note of hysteria in it. "It's funny how it was so long ago but I just can't let it go," he mutters to himself, facing away from me, and then spins around, his eyes wild. "I just can't let it go, Ian, I just fucking can't!"
He bursts into tears and slides to the ground pathetically. I can't help but take pity in Demetrius. Fiona probably ruined his life, the bitch. And now here we all are, Demetrius and Fiona stuck in the same survivor group, and Demetrius, heartbroken Demetrius, has to watch Fiona do what she had done before to him. Now I understand why Demetrius refuses to do anything with Fiona alone and why Demetrius let me cry on his shoulder in the fitness room. It's because he's been through it all; he knows how it feels.
"Demetrius," I say. "Demetrius, look at me." He doesn't. Instead, he buries his face further into his hands. "Demetrius, c'mon, Demetri. Look at me, goddammit." He peeks out of his hands meekly, looking like a broken child who just got hit by his parent.
"You need to get a grip," I tell him, harsher than I probably should've. "Crying about the past is not going to help you. In fact, it's going to make things worse than they already are."
The tears stop falling, thank god. I hate seeing people cry, especially people who I care about. Yes, I do care about Demetrius. I know he has my back so I have to have his in return. I know I can't get too attached but…I like Demetrius. I know he'll keep me safe. I realize that I trust him.
"We better get the yams before they start searching for us," Demertius says and I agree because I don't want them to get the wrong idea, not that they probably would because the idea of Demetrius and me together is just preposterous. We run to the staff room, laughing loudly and shoving at each other playfully. I wonder if this will be Anthony and me after we make up. Will we be our old goofy selves or are we going to be depressed, lifeless survivors like we should be? I hope it won't be the latter.
We make it back without a problem and there are no longer any signs of crying on Demetrius's face. We burst into the yoga/spin classroom with the canned yams and I notice that the setup of the mats have changed. My stomach drops down to my feet when I see Anthony's mat is now next to Fiona's and Lelia's mat has replaced Anthony's. This is all wrong. Anthony's mat was suppose to be next to mine, not Fiona's.
The next thing I register is the sour expression that Lelia and Dylan are both wearing, probably for the shockingly similar yet entirely different reasons. Dylan and Lelia were probably pissed about the new mat arrangements, Lelia because she knew that Fiona was "winning" this "battle," and Dylan because this will just cause more drama among the group.
I want to tell Anthony that I want to stop fighting, that I was sorry for everything and I'd do anything to make it up to him but I couldn't, not it front of everyone, in front of her. I'll do it after breakfast when everyone goes off to do their own thing. I will pull Anthony aside and say all that and then we'll make up and he'll move his mat back next to mine and everything will go back to how it is suppose to be.
There is quiet chatter during breakfast, mostly between Dylan and Zavier, who were talking about possible escape plans in case the living dead finally break down one of the barricades and raid this place. The other was Anthony and Fiona, who were whispering and giggling to each like schoolgirls while the rest of us watched in disgust, except for Demetrius, who had stood up halfway through breakfast and fled the room. I make a move to follow him but Lelia grabs my wrist and shakes her head. Aaron, instead, gets up and follows Demetrius out.
I can feel Anthony's eyes on me, they've been on me since Demetrius left. It was like he observing my actions, seeing how I reacted towards seeing Demetrius upset. I want to be sick because I realize why Anthony was observing me. He thinks Demertius and me…never. That would never happen, neither of us would allow it, I'm sure of it.
Breakfast ended a little bit after that. Zavier and Lelia offer to bring the yams back to the staff room, Lelia sending a meaningful glance my way before she left. I nod because I already knew what she meant and I want to tell her that I was going to try to do it anyway and that I didn't need her to tell me that I did.
I'm just about to call out Anthony's name but his name dies on the tip of my tongue when I see that he's a little preoccupied. Fiona has a fistful of his shirt in her hand, dragging him out of the yoga room. I can hear Fiona's giggles echoing in the hallway and I throw myself down on my mat, utterly defeated and frustrated to no end. I glance at Dylan, whose looking at me pitifully. Even hardass, leader Dylan is taking pity in me. My life sucks major ass.
When Lelia comes back with Zavier trailing a few feet behind her and she finds me on my mat, looking defeated, and Anthony and Fiona nowhere in sight, she storms out of the room, slamming the door shut, no doubt going to search for Anthony and Fiona and bitch them out when she finds them.
I close my eyes, rolling onto my stomach. I start to doze off, not entirely sleep but am lulled to sleep but Lelia's harsh yelling.
•-•
I am waken up by a loud bang! and am on alert. I shot up right away and notice Zavier and Dylan in similar positions. The bang! rings out again and Dylan's the first one to his feet, running out of the room and towards the source of the noise, which seemed to be coming from the southwest entrance of the gym.
Zavier and I follow him out and were joined by Anthony, Lelia and Fiona, who all seemed to be red in the face, must be from yelling at each other so much. Aaron and Demetrius were already at the scene, adding more to the barricade then there was before.
"It seems this is their favorite spot to try and get in from," Zavier comments quickly, no one retorting with a sarcastic comment, which was unusual.
"We should either completely barricade this entrance or put pairs to guard here," Dylan says, hand gripping his chin thoughtfully.
"Having people guard it would be the safest move and we can't afford to be risky," Demetrius chirps and Dylan nods thoughtfully.
"I agree. We can split the shifts up, three to four hours each shift," Dylan says. "We should start now. Lelia and Anthony, you two have the first shift, which starts…now." Lelia and Anthony are just about to start protesting but Dylan started to walk away, adding before he leaves, "Ian and Aaron, you two are relieving Lelia and Anthony." After that, Dylan leaves sight. Everyone just stares at each other for a minute before startin to scatter, except for Lelia, Anthony and me.
"Ian-" Lelia starts but I don't say anything, and just start to walking away instead. I can hear both Lelia and Anthony sigh and then Anthony say, "He hates me." I pause and wait for Lelia to respond. She does, eventually. "No, he doesn't, just give it time."
I start forward again and return to the classroom, where I find Aaron resting and Demetrius sitting on a mechnical bike designed for spin. We stare at each other for a few moments and then a smile appears on Demetrius's lips and he says, "Thank you." I shake my head because I don't deserve it. If anything, Demetrius deserves it.
He's about to say something but he's cut off by a long bang! like the one before and a shriek that sounds like it came from Lelia. Before my mind could register anything, I am running towards the southwest entrance. When I get there, I see the panic in Anthony's eyes and the fear in Lelia's.
•-•
Dun dun dun! Cliffhanger! Just note that this may be the last chapter post for two weeks 'cause I don't know if I'm going to have time to write this week and then I'm on vacation next week. I'll try to post something, I swear on my manga!
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