Maybe Tomorrow (part 9)
“Harry!” Tom peered at the hand-written sign on the door and hurried on to the next one. He stopped, listened a second and pushed it open.
“Walk beside you in... the...” Harry trailed off. Danny stopped strumming and turned in his seat.
“Harry, listen.” Tom coughed. “You-”
He bent double as the coughs took hold. Harry picked up a bottle of water and brought it across the room. Tom sipped at the water, in between thumping his fist against his chest.
“I’m never going to get better.” He drank some more, capped the bottle and set it on the table beside him. “Look, Harry... You can’t do this.”
“Why not?” Harry stepped away, turned back. “You were the one saying I should do something.”
Danny stood. “Tom?” He took his guitar to the side of the room, keeping his eyes on the other two.
“It’s not that, I-” Tom started coughing again.
“Fuck’s sake, Tom.” Harry started towards the door. “This was your idea.”
Tom’s cough took over. He pulled his arms against his chest and shook his head. He tried to reach out, but Harry stormed past him and through the door.
“Harry!” Danny started to follow, but shrugged and stopped beside Tom instead. “What is it? Legal? Performing rights?”
Tom shook his head and coughed some more.
“Better be summat important. He’s doing this for-“
“Dougie.” Tom straightened a little. “I know. He’s...” He caught his breath and let a trickle of water from the bottle cool his throat. “It’s because of Dougie.” He took another sip. “Get him back.”
Danny opened his mouth, looked towards the door and back. Tom grimaced and waved him on his way.
Giovanna tucked her legs under her, leaned over the arm of the chair and watched while Doug flipped the pages of his magazine. He sighed as he closed it, leaned back against the wall and stared across the room.
She smiled. “I know if I ask you what is the matter, you will make a joke and talk about something else,” she said. “But after all this time, I know when something is wrong. With Tom. With Danny. With Harry...”
Doug’s eyes flicked up to hers.
“And I know when something is wrong with Dougie. What would you do if you were me?”
“Run.” He motioned with one hand. “Run Giovanna! It’s too late for me, but you can save yourself!”
She laughed, and for a moment the room kept the sound of it alive. Gi shook her head and shifted a little on the chair arm.
The drummer was at the end of the corridor, pressing his forehead against the glass front of a vending machine. “You understand, don’t you?” he said as Danny padded up behind him. “Why I’m doing this, why I’ve got to do this.”
Danny rested a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Tom’s a lot of things, but he ain’t spiteful. He knows the score, must have a reason. Don’t know what it is, but...”
Harry sighed.
“Come on, mate.” Danny slipped his hand down Harry’s back and rubbed his shoulder blade. “Let’s hear what it is. Must be some way round it, won’t know unless...”
Harry turned, his eyes pleading.
Danny flashed a smile and shrugged. “I’ll try. Come on.” He began to turn, spied something in the vending machine and reached into his pocket, brought out a handful of coins and began to sort through them. “Got 50p, mate?”
“You and Tom.” Doug picked at the floor beside his leg. “Doesn’t it scare you?”
“How would Tom scare me?”
A bit of carpet fluff came away in his hand. He flicked it aside and rubbed a finger to close the gap.
“You’re so close. He knows everything about you, he could... There isn’t anyone who can hurt you as much as him.”
“That is true.”
“So... if he gets a contract in America, or finds someone else, or just goes away, or...”
“I see. That could happen.”
“Doesn’t that scare you?” Doug’s eyes searched her face.
Giovanna smiled. “No.”
Tom sucked on a cough sweet, unwrapped a second one and popped it into his mouth. “Dougie, he’s...” The sweets clicked together as he chased them with his tongue. “He’s really stressed, upset about...” He swallowed again.
“Me.” Harry said. “I know. Breaking his phone, being an arse. That’s why I-”
Tom shook his head. He opened his mouth, closed it again, exhaled and studied the floor “Let’s say you do this. Then what?”
“He’ll see I’m sorry, and maybe then he’ll...”
Danny nodded.
“What, run in slow motion across the stage into your arms?”
Harry stuttered.
“Eh!” Danny half-rose from his chair. “Is this what was so important?”
Tom clicked the sweets and swallowed. “Sorry. It’s just, he... I don’t know how to...” He shut his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, and took a deep breath. He turned to Harry. “Talk me through it.”
“What?”
“Imagine it’s tonight. Talk me through what you’re going to do.”
Harry frowned.
“What happens, when...”
Doug pulled his legs to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and rested his head on his knees. Giovanna dangled an arm and touched her hand to his shoulder, and he tilted his head towards it.
“He may never come back through that door.” She nodded towards it. “Tonight, a hundred things may happen on the stage: a trap door breaks, a light falls, a pyro goes wrong. Or perhaps a car when he crosses the road. Or perhaps he just packs his bags and goes and we never learn why. And it is true, to lose him would hurt very very much.”
Giovanna smiled. “You are right. He can hurt me more than anyone. But it works two ways. I can hurt him more than...” She laughed. “Well, maybe there is someone else.”
The creases in Doug’s forehead deepened.
“Three someones.” She tilted her head, smiling, then started to count on her fingers. “One is named Danny, one is Harry, and one is... You must know this, is it not the same for you? Any of you?”
Doug stared at where the far wall met the ceiling, then closed his eyes. He nodded.
“Ah.” Giovanna lowered her hands to her lap. “But, I do not like to think about hurting, because then I am afraid. I like to think that he makes me feel better than anyone else can.” Her cheeks turned a little red. “I do not just mean...”
The corners of Doug’s mouth rose.
“He makes me happy, and when I make him feel good - not just like that - it makes me happy too. And when we are apart, I have so many good things to remember: the things we have now, and all the things we will make for each other before... if...” Her voice trailed away.
Doug glanced up at her, turned his head and watched her as she stared into the distance.
Danny sat up. “Well, first thing,” he said, nodding at Tom, “you introduce my solo. And you...” He grinned at Harry. “Come down off your high hat. Only this time...”
“I’m going to be so fucking nervous.”
“You’ll be all right.” Danny smiled. “You know it backwards. Just pretend we’re in here, just me and you.”
Harry’s frown grew deeper. “So you’ll introduce me...”
“Kickin and screamin.”
Tom nodded. “And Dougie and me?”
“Getting drinks in the shack, and... Can you make sure he’s watching?”
“I doubt that will be a problem.”
“And you sing it...”
Harry nodded.
“And I’ll play it,” Danny said, “and do the backing vocals.”
“OK, so, verse...” Tom sat back and toyed with the sweets in his mouth. “Chorus...” He raised an eyebrow. “Are you really going to call Dougie darling? In front of umpteen thousand fans?”
Harry opened his mouth, and closed it again.
“It’s just words to song.” Danny shrugged. “They’ll all think he means them.”
Harry nodded.
Tom crunched the sweets between his teeth, chewed, and swallowed. “And what about Dougie?”
“He’s with you, watching.”
Tom coughed, and sipped at his bottle of water. “Second verse… You’re right. It is an amazing song.” He tilted his head, nodding to a silent beat. “Chorus... middle eight...“
“Scared of this bit, to be honest,” Harry said. “My voice doesn’t really go that high.”
“Bit of adrenaline, you’ll be fine.”
Tom’s voice was quiet. “What do you think Dougie will be doing?”
“He’ll be listening, watching. He’ll...”
“And you’re going to be looking at him?”
“I guess. I...”
Tom tilted his head. His mouth tightened. “You’re doing the proper ending?”
Harry looked to Danny for the answer. Danny nodded.
“And then?”
“The crowd goes wild! Yay-y-y-y...” Danny waved his arms above his head, grinning. “I’m gonna have to follow that. Got my work cut out for me.”
“I meant...” Tom cleared his throat. “Then what does Dougie do?”
“He’ll... He’s standing there.” Harry waved a hand. “And we... I... He... Oh God.”
Danny’s face fell as he looked back and forth between his bandmates.
Harry pulled out a chair and slumped into it. “He’ll run.” He covered his eyes with one hand. “He’ll fucking run. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”
“So many good things, “ Giovanna said at last. “Not to have them to remember, not ever to have them, I think that would be much worse.” Her hand sank back onto Doug’s shoulder, and she smiled. “In any case, it is too late. I could not stop now, even if I wanted to. That would hurt him - and me - more than anything.”
Doug raised his head. “So you’re trapped.”
“No, no, it is not a trap.” Giovanna shook her head and looked into his eyes. “It is where I should be. It is...” She shrugged. “It is home.”
He snorted softly. “You spend too much time listening to him writing songs.”
Again her laughter filled the room. He lifted his head and grinned at her, and as the echoes faded she gave the back of his head a gentle swat.
They sat in silence, Giovanna’s fingers moving softly against Doug’s neck and through his hair. She looked around the room, raised her arm and checked her watch. “Do you know where is Tom? My train leaves in a little while.”
⇐ Part 8