Dear,
I’m done. It’s sad to say but I’ve love and lost you and there’s nothing I can do.
I’ve tried my very hardest to be open and honest with you. I’ve tried holding on and being there but I will not be walked on. I still love you. I will always love you and you will always be welcomed in my heart. Your room will be sealed off ready for you to pick up the pieces left inside and to restore. I will not beg for you to come back. I will not lie down in front of you and let you walk on me. I have a lot to give. I gave you everything and you selfishly took and took and never gave back. You were too afraid to give back. So this is me wishing you well. I hope this has changed you for the better. I want you happy and you need to not be so afraid. This is life, your only one. There is no time to be afraid. There are no second chances at life. So take your one gift and do everything you want, don’t look back just dive in. Regrets are for the dead. Sleep is for the dead. We have one life to do anything we want, and we’re the ones in control of everything. We are the only ones who get in our way. We just delude ourselves to think it’s someone else, or some circumstance or lack of opportunity but that’s not true b/c if it means that much to us we will find away. If I mean that much to you; you will find me again. You will keep in touch if you truly love me. If you truly want my words, thoughts and love, you won’t let me go.
You mean so much to me and a little part of me will always love you. I will not destroy something so beautiful. I will keep my love for you. I say I'm done trying, but really I'm just taking a step back. I’ll be there but I'm done trying. I can’t make you do something your hearts not in. I can’t make you see what’s been in front of you this whole time; you have to realize it for yourself dear. I'm doing you a favor by stepping back, I'm giving you the opportunity to grow, change, and prove yourself; not just to me but to yourself. That is what’s important. I was ready for us. I was ready for love. I was completely open to it, but you weren’t. That is why we didn’t work. You weren’t ready; you were too selfish for love.
Being in love...it’s an organic thing. It’s a mutual agreement. It’s a give and take and I pushed I forced you into this thing, and for that I apologize. This is me saying I'm going to stop pushing and I’ll be around for you. I'm not waiting on you, don’t mistake me please. I’m moving on but your still a part of me I'm glad to have had and a piece of me will always be in love with you. I'm fine with that.
Love is a beautiful thing, and for me it’s worth everything. Love for me has beauty in every piece of it. It’s a reminder that we’re human. It’s tragic but that’s what keeps it new and refreshing. It’s different with every person. It’s a new story and experience and it gives way to such enlightenment and education about yourself, your nature, what you want and about the human mind in general. It may end but there’s always more out there to find, you just have to be yourself and be open for it. You have to be a little bit vulnerable, but most importantly you have to do nothing. You have to let it come to you and you have to just allow it to go its pace and its path. Love is something that can’t be pushed. You just have to let it sink into your skin, permeate all boundaries and walls and let it grow in your heart. Love for me is worth all the risk. I have one life and I choose to risk it all and do whatever I want with whomever I want. There is no time to think too much. Life is passing us all by with every second and every breath. I'm not going to spend this one wretched gift being frustrated or upset. I want to be happy and light as air so that’s what I'm going to do.
-Emily 7-22-10
6:18 p.m.