(no subject)
#._.# I find the silliest little things that I've saved, but I still can't get rid of them. I went through to clean out my email, and I found I'd saved the emails livejournal sent to a few post replies. I can't get rid of them. Maybe it's because it's things that made me happy to read.
It was a time when this one person that was so important actually cared. And that person doesn't any more. If I feel like I'm falling, he won't offer to catch me.
But now, all I do is fall. I don't want to tell him. I don't want him to see it. It's not really fair. He doesn't know that it still comes in the night. For some reason it doesn't wake him, he can't see it. But I'm glad. I don't want him to see that, it would only worry him more.
Someday, this will be the death of me. I've accepted it, so I'll just live how I can and wait for it to happen. Forever for me, it's not really forever. I think everything will be over soon. But no one has to know. I'll just fix my broken bridges and do what I can until my time is up.
I've hit the point where I need to fix everything that's wrong. There's a lot that's wrong between us. I think we've both hurt each other in some way. Maybe we should fix it. If you don't want to, it's fine. Some things are irreparable. But I need to make the effort to clear my conscience.