The Greatest Form of Expression...
"I'm sorry, it's the... it's the pleats. Mm. It's actually an optical illusion. It's the pattern on the pants. It's not flattering in the crotchal region. I'm actually taking them back right now. Taking them back to the pants store. Oh, this is awkward." ~ Ron Burgundy, Anchorman
It is said that pants are the window to one's soul. Trust me on this, I'm the one who said it. Damian Lewis, well... Damian Lewis has some of the most expressive pants that I have ever come across in my 24 years of life on this Earth. So much is conveyed through every line, every swish, every beautiful bulge. So come with me on this voyage through Damian's pants. The pants will make you laugh, they'll make you cry, and most of all, they'll bring a deeper meaning to this thing that we call life.
Oh, Damian's Pants, you are SUCH a tease.
Sit back and enjoy the ride. Slow and hard and... well, you get the picture. I think these pants would be more than willing to let you call the shots.
But first, let's have a spot of tea...
While we contemplate what the world be like if the sky were green and the grass was blue. These pants are very philosophical like that.
Oh! Hey, Sparky! Good thing you aren't a weiner dog, because if you were, there's no telling what kind of filth that old firthy would come up with.
Okay, now that the tea and philosophical pondering is out of the way, let's begin with the classic "I'm a model" pants. Hands are almost always found in the pockets, and if of the jeans variety, there is a sleek belt haphazardly hanging down, pointing to the goods (psh, as if we needed directions to said goods).
Note: These are "I'm a grungy homeless model" pants. Apparently they've hit some hard times. It's quite sad, really.
These are "I'm a model who does charity work" pants, and they've raised enough money to provide Grungy Homeless Model Pants clean water for an entire three hours! OMG! This... this is all so moving. This is like watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Apparently Grungy Homeless Model Pants lost their accompanying belt in a freak sharking accident. :'(
Oh pants. Pants, pants, pants. These pants are so free! So open! So yearning to taste the world! Oh pants, they want to have fu-un, oo-oh pants, they wanna haaave fun!
Now these pants, these are the ones you need to look out for. They're experienced, coy, they like to play games. They're open, but they still have an air of mystery to them, always wanting to create intrigue. These are the kind of pants that make you fall in love with them, then they go and break your heart ("It's not you, it's me." Psh, total commitment phobes). It's hard to let go of these.
Oh, now these are the dazzling rich playboy pants. Extravagant, intriguing, you'd love to get them wet, but there is no future with these pants unless you can deal with moving to a pig farm and sharing them with other women.
These pants can often be found at coffee shops discussing Nietzsche and Henry David Thoreau. The kind of pants you just watch from afar and fear that they're too pretentious, but you just can't stop the lusty feelings, because they are so damn smart and confident and artsy.
Oooooh, these pants are shy. So adorably shy. But underneath that shell they are just as open as the pants above. These are the kinds of pants that you can take home to your mother.
These pants are saying, "Take me. Take me right now." But they're kind of disinterested. Methinks they have some issues to work through. They must not have been loved enough by the machine that stitched them together.
You again? What are you... Oh, you scoundrel!!! *jumps on*
JAMES BOND PANTS!!!! *dies*
And now we meet the leaning pants variety. Oh, how the leaning pants love to taunt me. They are total flirts. So non-chalant, so... expressive, and so "you want me, don't you?" Don't you just hate it when pants know how irresistible they are? *sigh*
Oh, pants, why must you torture me so? AND THE HANGING BELT IS OUT OF CONTROL!
These pants will play a song for you. Notice how they fall so perfectly.
Mmm, pants, you have such a classic style, you remind me of Goodfellas for some reason. And oh, how I love the ripples. Gorgeous, gorgeous ripples.
Leaning against an invisible wall. These pants must have a certain magic to them. Notice how the female pants just can't stay away. These pants love to banter, and it looks the Dani pants totally got the best of the Charlie pants.
Now these are the kind of pants that you might find leaning around at a gay bar. Gorgeous and flaunting their button fly, but don't waste your time ladies, they are totally unavailable.
What's that you say? Eh? More ripples? Okay:
These are the sunshine pants. Everything revolves around them. EVERYTHING!
These are the totally unprepared pants. Late to work, total slob, car is broken down... these pants are in dire need of a woman to straighten them out.
These are the best friend of Unprepared Pants. Notice how the belt is perfectly emphasizing the beautiful bulge. Speaking of bulge...
THE BIG FREAKING HUGE SHINY BULGE PANTS!!! OMG! *faints* Quite possibly the most expressive pants of all. BUT... some might argue that the "Damian in motion" pants are even more expressive:
But what about the bathing suits?
They say so much, so very much. This will obviously cause heated debates for many years to come.
And because I'm a butt girl:
Oooooooh yeah.
These are the "Goodbye, I hope you enjoyed your ride on the Damian Expressive Pants Express" pants.
These are the "SADFACE" pants, because he didn't want this picspam to come an end. :'( I told you his pants would make you cry.
It is said that pants are the window to one's soul. Trust me on this, I'm the one who said it. Damian Lewis, well... Damian Lewis has some of the most expressive pants that I have ever come across in my 24 years of life on this Earth. So much is conveyed through every line, every swish, every beautiful bulge. So come with me on this voyage through Damian's pants. The pants will make you laugh, they'll make you cry, and most of all, they'll bring a deeper meaning to this thing that we call life.
Oh, Damian's Pants, you are SUCH a tease.
Sit back and enjoy the ride. Slow and hard and... well, you get the picture. I think these pants would be more than willing to let you call the shots.
But first, let's have a spot of tea...
While we contemplate what the world be like if the sky were green and the grass was blue. These pants are very philosophical like that.
Oh! Hey, Sparky! Good thing you aren't a weiner dog, because if you were, there's no telling what kind of filth that old firthy would come up with.
Okay, now that the tea and philosophical pondering is out of the way, let's begin with the classic "I'm a model" pants. Hands are almost always found in the pockets, and if of the jeans variety, there is a sleek belt haphazardly hanging down, pointing to the goods (psh, as if we needed directions to said goods).
Note: These are "I'm a grungy homeless model" pants. Apparently they've hit some hard times. It's quite sad, really.
These are "I'm a model who does charity work" pants, and they've raised enough money to provide Grungy Homeless Model Pants clean water for an entire three hours! OMG! This... this is all so moving. This is like watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Apparently Grungy Homeless Model Pants lost their accompanying belt in a freak sharking accident. :'(
Oh pants. Pants, pants, pants. These pants are so free! So open! So yearning to taste the world! Oh pants, they want to have fu-un, oo-oh pants, they wanna haaave fun!
Now these pants, these are the ones you need to look out for. They're experienced, coy, they like to play games. They're open, but they still have an air of mystery to them, always wanting to create intrigue. These are the kind of pants that make you fall in love with them, then they go and break your heart ("It's not you, it's me." Psh, total commitment phobes). It's hard to let go of these.
Oh, now these are the dazzling rich playboy pants. Extravagant, intriguing, you'd love to get them wet, but there is no future with these pants unless you can deal with moving to a pig farm and sharing them with other women.
These pants can often be found at coffee shops discussing Nietzsche and Henry David Thoreau. The kind of pants you just watch from afar and fear that they're too pretentious, but you just can't stop the lusty feelings, because they are so damn smart and confident and artsy.
Oooooh, these pants are shy. So adorably shy. But underneath that shell they are just as open as the pants above. These are the kinds of pants that you can take home to your mother.
These pants are saying, "Take me. Take me right now." But they're kind of disinterested. Methinks they have some issues to work through. They must not have been loved enough by the machine that stitched them together.
You again? What are you... Oh, you scoundrel!!! *jumps on*
JAMES BOND PANTS!!!! *dies*
And now we meet the leaning pants variety. Oh, how the leaning pants love to taunt me. They are total flirts. So non-chalant, so... expressive, and so "you want me, don't you?" Don't you just hate it when pants know how irresistible they are? *sigh*
Oh, pants, why must you torture me so? AND THE HANGING BELT IS OUT OF CONTROL!
These pants will play a song for you. Notice how they fall so perfectly.
Mmm, pants, you have such a classic style, you remind me of Goodfellas for some reason. And oh, how I love the ripples. Gorgeous, gorgeous ripples.
Leaning against an invisible wall. These pants must have a certain magic to them. Notice how the female pants just can't stay away. These pants love to banter, and it looks the Dani pants totally got the best of the Charlie pants.
Now these are the kind of pants that you might find leaning around at a gay bar. Gorgeous and flaunting their button fly, but don't waste your time ladies, they are totally unavailable.
What's that you say? Eh? More ripples? Okay:
These are the sunshine pants. Everything revolves around them. EVERYTHING!
These are the totally unprepared pants. Late to work, total slob, car is broken down... these pants are in dire need of a woman to straighten them out.
These are the best friend of Unprepared Pants. Notice how the belt is perfectly emphasizing the beautiful bulge. Speaking of bulge...
THE BIG FREAKING HUGE SHINY BULGE PANTS!!! OMG! *faints* Quite possibly the most expressive pants of all. BUT... some might argue that the "Damian in motion" pants are even more expressive:
But what about the bathing suits?
They say so much, so very much. This will obviously cause heated debates for many years to come.
And because I'm a butt girl:
Oooooooh yeah.
These are the "Goodbye, I hope you enjoyed your ride on the Damian Expressive Pants Express" pants.
These are the "SADFACE" pants, because he didn't want this picspam to come an end. :'( I told you his pants would make you cry.