Huh? Wha?
This thing is still here? The LJ gods haven't deleted this account out of sheer frustration at my apathy and lack of posting? Ye gods.
Some people send out Christmas cards, or the annual holiday letter. I figure I may as well post something here.
Two years ago, B and I spent Christmas up in Vermont, staying with my aunt and uncle. Last year, we spent Christmas in our gorgeous, beautiful cottage in Markington, North Yorkshire, with a tree we'd cut down ourselves. Less than a month after that, our marriage had begun to fall apart (much to my surprise, possibly because I hadn't realized there were problems)... and within three months of that, I had come back to the States to stay with my parents for awhile, try and get my thoughts together, and to try and effect some sort of rapprochement with B from afar. Distance makes the heart grow fonder?
Apparently not. I knew that she'd been sort of half-dating this fellow in her duty shift at work, but what I didn't realize was that she didn't wait more than a month or two after I left to get *engaged* to the guy. In mature hindsight, that makes a lot of my failed overtures at repairing the marriage make more sense. I just didn't realize at the time that she'd already written me off, so I grew increasingly frustrated with the way things were going.
In the meantime, of course, I'd not really been looking too hard for work, since I was all the time hoping to go back to Yorkshire (which I loved).
By the time I found out about the whole engagement thing (in August, I think), I was sunk in a deep depression, and finding out about that didn't really help any. As is usual for depression, it took me a couple of months to even think about seeking help; I've been seeing an unusually perceptive and wise counsellor for a couple of months now, but the medication doesn't seem to be helping any.
At any rate, here we are, about a year later... and I'm back in Vermont for the holiday season. Of course, the air seems tainted by B's presence. Everywhere I look, I'm reminded of her. And when people say to me "The entire family is here!", I can't help but think: all but one. All but one.
Two years ago, they shanghaied B and me into singing along with them, and took *video*, which later appeared in some form on the Internet. It's really, really bad, and very painful (purely on grounds of tone, tune, and note accuracy; even ignoring the emotional freight). Last night they started back in on the Christmas carols, in the same damn room we were in two years ago. They seemed mystified when I didn't want to join in. Eventually I just left, and took a walk in the falling snow, very soothing.
So, what have I done with my life in the last year? Practically nothing. I've played a lot of World of Warcraft. I've drunk probably about thirty gallons of pure alcohol. I've discovered that I am, effectively, unemployable in my chosen profession, so it's time to start looking at entry-level positions in other professions. (Teaching, maybe? Chimneysweep? Professional gigolo?)
And that's all I have to report. I'm sorry to have been so cryptic and absent over the last year, but I haven't had the heart to follow LJ very closely. New Year's Resolutions? Only two: Don't be such a depressive bore. Take an interest in life again.
Wishing all of you the best in this Christmas season.
Some people send out Christmas cards, or the annual holiday letter. I figure I may as well post something here.
Two years ago, B and I spent Christmas up in Vermont, staying with my aunt and uncle. Last year, we spent Christmas in our gorgeous, beautiful cottage in Markington, North Yorkshire, with a tree we'd cut down ourselves. Less than a month after that, our marriage had begun to fall apart (much to my surprise, possibly because I hadn't realized there were problems)... and within three months of that, I had come back to the States to stay with my parents for awhile, try and get my thoughts together, and to try and effect some sort of rapprochement with B from afar. Distance makes the heart grow fonder?
Apparently not. I knew that she'd been sort of half-dating this fellow in her duty shift at work, but what I didn't realize was that she didn't wait more than a month or two after I left to get *engaged* to the guy. In mature hindsight, that makes a lot of my failed overtures at repairing the marriage make more sense. I just didn't realize at the time that she'd already written me off, so I grew increasingly frustrated with the way things were going.
In the meantime, of course, I'd not really been looking too hard for work, since I was all the time hoping to go back to Yorkshire (which I loved).
By the time I found out about the whole engagement thing (in August, I think), I was sunk in a deep depression, and finding out about that didn't really help any. As is usual for depression, it took me a couple of months to even think about seeking help; I've been seeing an unusually perceptive and wise counsellor for a couple of months now, but the medication doesn't seem to be helping any.
At any rate, here we are, about a year later... and I'm back in Vermont for the holiday season. Of course, the air seems tainted by B's presence. Everywhere I look, I'm reminded of her. And when people say to me "The entire family is here!", I can't help but think: all but one. All but one.
Two years ago, they shanghaied B and me into singing along with them, and took *video*, which later appeared in some form on the Internet. It's really, really bad, and very painful (purely on grounds of tone, tune, and note accuracy; even ignoring the emotional freight). Last night they started back in on the Christmas carols, in the same damn room we were in two years ago. They seemed mystified when I didn't want to join in. Eventually I just left, and took a walk in the falling snow, very soothing.
So, what have I done with my life in the last year? Practically nothing. I've played a lot of World of Warcraft. I've drunk probably about thirty gallons of pure alcohol. I've discovered that I am, effectively, unemployable in my chosen profession, so it's time to start looking at entry-level positions in other professions. (Teaching, maybe? Chimneysweep? Professional gigolo?)
And that's all I have to report. I'm sorry to have been so cryptic and absent over the last year, but I haven't had the heart to follow LJ very closely. New Year's Resolutions? Only two: Don't be such a depressive bore. Take an interest in life again.
Wishing all of you the best in this Christmas season.