hello little girl,would you like a baloon?
count olaf is a peodophile and lemony snicket is a stalker
yay six feet under is coming backill write about my trip to waitomo caves soon,but for now heres...For reasons that I really don’t care to know about, you’ve decided you want to become an evil clown. Ok, fine. Let’s get started, shall we?
“PREPERATION”
To be a truly competent evil clown, you must live it, think it, breathe it, eat it, bath in it…in other words: saturate yourself with evil clown unholiness.
Wickedness begins at home. Decorate your environment appropriately to set a dark creepy mood. Place 'Clown Paintings' on your coffee table. 'Killer Clown, Color Poster Card, 8x10' looks great on black or blood red walls. Cuddle up in an 'Insane Clown Posse Wraith Cotton Throw Blanket' which is also good for inspiring pleasurable nightmares. Don’t forget small details such as knick knacks. A 'Chia Clown' placed in the kitchen window will chase out all traces of cheeriness, and 'Dark Carnival: Cadaver the Clown' adds a gruesomely stylish touch to any mantelpiece or side table.
Once the household is in order, you can get down to the business of rearranging the interior of your skull. You’ll need more than one CD player for this, so beg, borrow, or steal if need be, but do not skimp because this is a very important step in twisting your mind into evil clown contortions.
First, make sure each player is set on repeat mode and the volume cranked to the max, then begin listening to 'Leoncavallo: I Pagliacci', a story of a clown driven to murder. Eventually add 'Circus Clown Calliope', then layer on 'Clown and Midway Calliope Music Vol. 1'. The moment your ears start bleeding from the horrendous cacophony of sound, you are ready to add '101 Digital Sound Effects: Sounds of Horror'. You now have the supplemental soundtrack for the classic 'Kidsongs - A Day at the Circus' which you will watch repeatedly until the blood vessels in your eyes pop.
Play 'Closed on Account of Rabies: Poems and Tales of Edgar Allan Poe' while you sleep, allowing its macabre beauty to subliminally warp your brain even more.
Continue this therapy day in and day out until you feel a desperate need to hit yourself in the head with a sledgehammer. That is the sign that you are ready to move on in your training.
“BASIC TRAINING”
Although your aim is be evil, you still must know the foundations of “good” clownmanship. Remember: one must know the rules in order to twist, corrupt, and debase them.
Lesson 1: Study the video 'Be a Clown'.
Lesson 2: Read 'Clown Magic' and 'Clown Act Omnibus: Everything You Need to Know About Clowning Plus over 200 Clown Stunts' and practice all the magic tricks, goofy gags, and silly stunts described. Yes, you will feel like an idiot, but never forget that these are nothing more than the basics and once you have them down pat you can take them to whatever heinous extreme your little black heart desires.
Lesson 3: Learn all the inside tips and tricks to proper application of makeup as shown in 'Strutter's Complete Guide to Clown Makeup' and 'Special Make-Up Effects'.
Lesson 4: To continue intensifying your internal sinister vibe, read 'Step Right Up: Stories of Carnivals, Sideshows, and the Circus', 'The Monster Show: A Cultural History of Horror; Revised Edition with a New Afterword', and 'Filthy Death the Leering Clown'.
Ok, doing great! Time to move on to the next level.
“ADVANCED TRAINING”
Feeling deliciously malicious? Good! Now we are going to round out your evil clown self with some intense no-goodness and a few finishing touches.
Lesson 1: Read 'How to Be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More!!!' for suggestions on achieving some downright nasty mannerisms plus many truly inspiring ideas on extending your immoral ambitions.
Lesson 2: Memorize everything contained within the pages of 'Re/Search #11: Pranks', 'Get Even : The Complete Book Of Dirty Tricks', 'Tricks With Your Head: Hilarious Magic Tricks and Stunts to Disgust and Delight', and 'Talking Dirty: a Bawdy Compendium of Abusive Language, Outrageous Insults and Wicked Jokes'. Compared to everything else you’ve learned, these may seem rather tame, but no self-respecting evil clown doesn’t practice the art of terrorizing prior to full on assault.
Lesson 3: Now immerse yourself in the tales of some seriously nefarious acts:
'Struwwelpeter: Fearful Stories & Vile Pictures to Instruct Good Little Folks', 'Maldoror and the Complete Works', 'Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us', and 'The Most Evil Men and Women in History'.
Lesson 4: Watch these movies. Study carefully. These are your role models.
'Batman' No, not Batman, silly, the Joker!
'Killjoy'
'Circus of Horrors'
'Vulgar (Unrated Edition)'
'Boogeymen - The Killer Compilation'
'Killer Klowns from Outer Space'
'Stephen King's It'
Lesson 5: Play 'Kiss Psycho Circus: The Nightmare Child'. This game will give you a bitof a virtual reality feel for destruction and mayhem.
Lesson 6: Read 'Fool of the Kingdom: How to Be an Effective Clown Minister'. The author is a Clown Minister of God. If you should ever lose direction or feel uninspired then use this as a guide book - take his advise and do the opposite.
Congratulations! You are now a genuine nightmare in the flesh, and greasepaint.
“GRADUATION”
I must admit, you’ve pleasantly surprised me by being one exceptionally depraved student. You have learned your lessons well and I’m sure you will succeed in whatever act of terror you attempt.
I proudly present you with this little starter kit:
Some basics for creating a hideous face: 'White Cream Makeup Tube', 'Black Cream Makeup', and, last but not least, 'CLOWN NOSE (12 per pack)'.
And a few tools of the trade: 'Twisty Balloon Kit' and 'Henckels Pro S 3-Piece High Carbon Stainless Steel Knife Starter Set'.
As you know, I encourage all evil clowns to develop their own unique scary look, but if you should ever find yourself with an unexpected opportunity to commit an evil deed but don’t have the time to prepare, just throw one of these on:
'Mad/Killer Clown Latex Appliance Kit'
'Killer Clown Costume'
'Hobo the Clown Oversized Grabber'
Ok, now off you go. Have fun, do lots of appalling acts, and be careful out there!
also count olaf is a peodophile and lemony snicket is a stalker
yay six feet under is coming back
yay six feet under is coming backill write about my trip to waitomo caves soon,but for now heres...For reasons that I really don’t care to know about, you’ve decided you want to become an evil clown. Ok, fine. Let’s get started, shall we?
“PREPERATION”
To be a truly competent evil clown, you must live it, think it, breathe it, eat it, bath in it…in other words: saturate yourself with evil clown unholiness.
Wickedness begins at home. Decorate your environment appropriately to set a dark creepy mood. Place 'Clown Paintings' on your coffee table. 'Killer Clown, Color Poster Card, 8x10' looks great on black or blood red walls. Cuddle up in an 'Insane Clown Posse Wraith Cotton Throw Blanket' which is also good for inspiring pleasurable nightmares. Don’t forget small details such as knick knacks. A 'Chia Clown' placed in the kitchen window will chase out all traces of cheeriness, and 'Dark Carnival: Cadaver the Clown' adds a gruesomely stylish touch to any mantelpiece or side table.
Once the household is in order, you can get down to the business of rearranging the interior of your skull. You’ll need more than one CD player for this, so beg, borrow, or steal if need be, but do not skimp because this is a very important step in twisting your mind into evil clown contortions.
First, make sure each player is set on repeat mode and the volume cranked to the max, then begin listening to 'Leoncavallo: I Pagliacci', a story of a clown driven to murder. Eventually add 'Circus Clown Calliope', then layer on 'Clown and Midway Calliope Music Vol. 1'. The moment your ears start bleeding from the horrendous cacophony of sound, you are ready to add '101 Digital Sound Effects: Sounds of Horror'. You now have the supplemental soundtrack for the classic 'Kidsongs - A Day at the Circus' which you will watch repeatedly until the blood vessels in your eyes pop.
Play 'Closed on Account of Rabies: Poems and Tales of Edgar Allan Poe' while you sleep, allowing its macabre beauty to subliminally warp your brain even more.
Continue this therapy day in and day out until you feel a desperate need to hit yourself in the head with a sledgehammer. That is the sign that you are ready to move on in your training.
“BASIC TRAINING”
Although your aim is be evil, you still must know the foundations of “good” clownmanship. Remember: one must know the rules in order to twist, corrupt, and debase them.
Lesson 1: Study the video 'Be a Clown'.
Lesson 2: Read 'Clown Magic' and 'Clown Act Omnibus: Everything You Need to Know About Clowning Plus over 200 Clown Stunts' and practice all the magic tricks, goofy gags, and silly stunts described. Yes, you will feel like an idiot, but never forget that these are nothing more than the basics and once you have them down pat you can take them to whatever heinous extreme your little black heart desires.
Lesson 3: Learn all the inside tips and tricks to proper application of makeup as shown in 'Strutter's Complete Guide to Clown Makeup' and 'Special Make-Up Effects'.
Lesson 4: To continue intensifying your internal sinister vibe, read 'Step Right Up: Stories of Carnivals, Sideshows, and the Circus', 'The Monster Show: A Cultural History of Horror; Revised Edition with a New Afterword', and 'Filthy Death the Leering Clown'.
Ok, doing great! Time to move on to the next level.
“ADVANCED TRAINING”
Feeling deliciously malicious? Good! Now we are going to round out your evil clown self with some intense no-goodness and a few finishing touches.
Lesson 1: Read 'How to Be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More!!!' for suggestions on achieving some downright nasty mannerisms plus many truly inspiring ideas on extending your immoral ambitions.
Lesson 2: Memorize everything contained within the pages of 'Re/Search #11: Pranks', 'Get Even : The Complete Book Of Dirty Tricks', 'Tricks With Your Head: Hilarious Magic Tricks and Stunts to Disgust and Delight', and 'Talking Dirty: a Bawdy Compendium of Abusive Language, Outrageous Insults and Wicked Jokes'. Compared to everything else you’ve learned, these may seem rather tame, but no self-respecting evil clown doesn’t practice the art of terrorizing prior to full on assault.
Lesson 3: Now immerse yourself in the tales of some seriously nefarious acts:
'Struwwelpeter: Fearful Stories & Vile Pictures to Instruct Good Little Folks', 'Maldoror and the Complete Works', 'Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us', and 'The Most Evil Men and Women in History'.
Lesson 4: Watch these movies. Study carefully. These are your role models.
'Batman' No, not Batman, silly, the Joker!
'Killjoy'
'Circus of Horrors'
'Vulgar (Unrated Edition)'
'Boogeymen - The Killer Compilation'
'Killer Klowns from Outer Space'
'Stephen King's It'
Lesson 5: Play 'Kiss Psycho Circus: The Nightmare Child'. This game will give you a bitof a virtual reality feel for destruction and mayhem.
Lesson 6: Read 'Fool of the Kingdom: How to Be an Effective Clown Minister'. The author is a Clown Minister of God. If you should ever lose direction or feel uninspired then use this as a guide book - take his advise and do the opposite.
Congratulations! You are now a genuine nightmare in the flesh, and greasepaint.
“GRADUATION”
I must admit, you’ve pleasantly surprised me by being one exceptionally depraved student. You have learned your lessons well and I’m sure you will succeed in whatever act of terror you attempt.
I proudly present you with this little starter kit:
Some basics for creating a hideous face: 'White Cream Makeup Tube', 'Black Cream Makeup', and, last but not least, 'CLOWN NOSE (12 per pack)'.
And a few tools of the trade: 'Twisty Balloon Kit' and 'Henckels Pro S 3-Piece High Carbon Stainless Steel Knife Starter Set'.
As you know, I encourage all evil clowns to develop their own unique scary look, but if you should ever find yourself with an unexpected opportunity to commit an evil deed but don’t have the time to prepare, just throw one of these on:
'Mad/Killer Clown Latex Appliance Kit'
'Killer Clown Costume'
'Hobo the Clown Oversized Grabber'
Ok, now off you go. Have fun, do lots of appalling acts, and be careful out there!
also count olaf is a peodophile and lemony snicket is a stalker
yay six feet under is coming back