i hate hating xmas...
im sittin here watchin mi dad n colleen decorate the xmas tree and SO much is going through mi head. im realli just tri'in to figure out whi i dont like xmas so much and whi this whole season realli pisses me off. i guess its just cuz i cant realli remember a christmas that wasnt all one big rush cuz i have to split the dai. and i guess ive alwais been jealous of everione that gets to have that. and no one realli knows how much shit like this hurts me inside cuz i've never realli even told anione cuz the fear of how stupid ppl wud think i am is pretti crisp in mi mind. but then i got to thinking -- that no matter how much it has put me threw, in mi life, i think mi parents being divorced could b for the better. in alotta wai's its changed the personaliti ive create for miself and ive have it no other wai. cuz who knows maib if mi parents hadnt gotten divorced i wudda just become the little snobish rich girl that has everithing and thinks less of anione who cant keep up with the newest, most expensive shoes that thei onli sell in a catalog that iou can onli get bi being put on the mailing list after bui'in an over priced handbag made from the skin of an animal that died to be sold on fifth ave, manhattan as a wai to carri ur lipstick around when ur too good to carri a capstick in ur god damn front pocket. and ifthat was the kinda person i'd b then i prolli wudnt have the friends i have now and god knows what kinda shithole mi life could find itself then. the thought crossed mi mind and it occured to me how lucki i am. and i just needed to tell u ((all of u -- anione whos ever been in mi life)) that i love iou. and u mean the world to mean. and i could not ask for more for xmas...so maib for the first time in a while -- it'll b good.
<33 -- love to everione. ((u know who u are ;) ))
<3.