and so i finalli understand the meaning of being 'bored to tears'.
its like 4 in the morning...im tired as fuck, mi bro just got home, stuarts on mi coach, mi stepdad took over mi room to watch a movie, and theres no room on mi moms bed so until mi step dads done i get to sit alone on mi kitchen floor in the dark. IAI. i cant take nights in this house. =/.
aniwais...tonights been weird. random convo's that just make u think, and think, and think some more until uve had so much thinking that iou start to feel that hole in iour stomach start to come back and everi word that comes into ur head just makes it that much worse. and for once in mi life i want the world to know how i realli feel, and i dont wanna have to sit here in the dark hiding it all like ive alwais done. but OH MAN. how can u tell something to the onli person in the world that needs to but doesnt know? iea. i dont know either. but i need help, cause im afraid to take a step i might regret and lose what still makes me happi in this world. and all of this is just one big thought that wont go awai, but i dont want it to go awai...cuz this love does more good than bad so whats the use in turning awai?
4:15 - still havent moved. i wonder how long ill b here. ive spent the last two hours talking to this gui i met in australia about the god damn church. and the backwards, twisted, fucked-up shit it puts in ppls head and the onli thing it came to was him sai'in "its not fair but christians are just lucki that wai" ((in reference to whi he gets to b right and hundreds of other religions just get thrown out the door)) and me sai'in "w.e im not tri'in to change how u feel...just tell u how i feel" and then...were back in the same fucking place we started, i dont either of us made an impact on eachother, we still cant understand eachothers beliefs, and at the end of the dai we find ourselves somehow being happi knowing nothing at all and another two hours of mi life are wasted questioning miself and the world and causing everione more headaches. maib if i just shutup...things will go awai =X.
4:30. i finalli get to go to mi bed. gee thanks.
<3.