refocus
(I realise, quite depressingly, I've been putting my music player on shuffle and then opening Spider Solitaire or Minesweeper and putting myself through the usual motions almost distractedly, while musing over small things, or worse, finding after a while my mental processes stopped some time ago.
Can't afford the breakdown right now, really. It's not the crying or the crowded thoughts that scare me. Those indicate that I'm still coping emotionally, and mentally - that I'm still feeling, and thinking. On their waning, beyond the turmoil, their presence is an odd sort of comfort.
It's the sheer drifting space of the oblivion that comes with the tiredness, after.
It never seems to have an end, except when I set my mind into motion again.
I hate it when I find myself repeating small restless, mindless actions out of nervous habit.
I don't want to forget how to relax.
But I don't want force myself to learn how, merely as a means to an end, merely to able to focus for revision.
It's still highly necessary, even if it's for those ends alone.
My performance (in examinations, and in preparation for them) speaks for itself.
Refocusing, a blur. Your hands work, one twisting the knob, feeling their grooves pressing into your skin, the other holding the camera in place before your eyes. As you squint through the viewfinder, you're barely aware of the zoom lens unfolding. A flash of clarity, you pause - but there, it's lost again. You begin seeking anew, staring ahead and trying not to blink.)
Can't afford the breakdown right now, really. It's not the crying or the crowded thoughts that scare me. Those indicate that I'm still coping emotionally, and mentally - that I'm still feeling, and thinking. On their waning, beyond the turmoil, their presence is an odd sort of comfort.
It's the sheer drifting space of the oblivion that comes with the tiredness, after.
It never seems to have an end, except when I set my mind into motion again.
I hate it when I find myself repeating small restless, mindless actions out of nervous habit.
I don't want to forget how to relax.
But I don't want force myself to learn how, merely as a means to an end, merely to able to focus for revision.
It's still highly necessary, even if it's for those ends alone.
My performance (in examinations, and in preparation for them) speaks for itself.
Refocusing, a blur. Your hands work, one twisting the knob, feeling their grooves pressing into your skin, the other holding the camera in place before your eyes. As you squint through the viewfinder, you're barely aware of the zoom lens unfolding. A flash of clarity, you pause - but there, it's lost again. You begin seeking anew, staring ahead and trying not to blink.)