[fic] darkness within
Darkness Within
007. dark. leeteuk/sungmin. 2273 words. pg-13. angst
Leeteuk has always thought that Sungmin is afraid of darkness
Are you afraid of the dark?
He rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. Afraid? Of the dark?
Pfft... How could he be afraid when darkness is all he ever sees for the past ten years?
"Heck no"
"Sungmin?" calls a familiar voice. Voice he misses so much. "Minnie? Are you there? I'm home."
Sungmin smiles brightly and switches off the television that was playing a lamp commercial before gets up and says,"I'm here, Teukie-hyung"
-
"How's your day?"
"Same as ever" Sungmin answers while drinking his water.
Smiling sadly, Leeteuk continues his eating. They are having dinner now, eating the takeouts that he bought on his way home. Leeteuk watches his dongsaeng eats fondly; never taking his eyes off him, occasionally helps the younger boy reaching his glass or the seasoning bottles.
"Hyung?"
"Hmmn?"
"How's your day?" Sungmin asks, smiling brightly. His unfocussed eyes crinkle in happiness.
"Oh, just the usual" the older answers, looking away and for the first time in his life he feels grateful that Sungmin could not see.
-
Their everyday life is always the same.
Early in the morning Leeteuk would go to his university, leaving his dongsaeng, Sungmin, alone. In the afternoon a home tutor would come to teach the eighteen years old Sungmin. Around 5pm their lessons end and the teacher would go home, leaving piles of homework for the blind boy to do.
After that, Sungmin would either do his homework watch television, read the numerous Braille books that Leeteuk bought for him or go to the park near their house. He then would wait patiently for his hyung to come home and have dinner together. Yes, Sungmin’s daily life is always the same, typical and average but he never feel bored of it or rather would not dare to feel bored.
-
Leeteuk is everything for him. Literally. He is his world, savior, and angel, whatever. The older man is always there for him. When they were little, Sungmin was always being bullied by other kids and Leeteuk would always protect him.
When Sungmin was eight years old he had a fever. A very bad one that costing him his sight. He was very sad and disappointed and his parents were not helping. They were ashamed of having an imperfect son, a blind son. He still remembers what they have said,
"We would rather not having a child than having a blind one! You’re such a disgrace!"
Even until now, he always his heart clenches at the memory, his tears welling and threaten to pour down his cheeks. Sungmin owes his hyung his life; that's a fact he would never forget. Leeteuk has cared for him when his own parents had not. Leeteuk has taken Sungmin in when his parents disowned him.
Sungmin would do practically anything for his hyung. He could follow the older man and throw his life in his hands and feel guilty about it. He feels like a burden but could not do anything about it. Leeteuk is his universe and he knows he would never make it without that man.
-
Sungmin has been living together with Leeteuk since he was being chased out of his house by his parents. They both used to live with Leeteuk's parents, but after they died in an accident, they have been living together ever since.
Sungmin loves his hyung. He loves him as a brother, a father and as a man. He knows that the other would never love him in that way, and he accepts it. He is grateful enough and decides not to reveal his feelings to the said man. It is better be this way than has none of it.
Besides, he knows that Leeteuk already has a boyfriend, Kangin. Sure, the older man has never said anything about it, but though he is blind he is not stupid. Kangin has come and visited their house several times. Sungmin likes Kangin; Kangin is a strong man that he knows can protect his hyung. He knows and acknowledges it but it still hurts, badly
-
Leeteuk has been feeling down and drained for a few days. He has skipped schools and takes more jobs. He who usually comes home around 8 is now never gets home before midnight. His reason is simple: he needs more money. It is not like he does not have any, it is just he is in desperate need of money for Sungmin's eyes operation.
Leeteuk has been saving for it for years, but recently he feels like the surgery needs to be done as soon as possible. He could not bear to see Sungmin feeling miserable anymore. He really wants to show the younger man all the things he had missed, the world and himself.
So he has taken various jobs, from being a waiter to a host in some random bars. Leeteuk hates working at the bars, but he does not have any choice, the wages are high. He just needs to brace himself from the drunks' leering looks and slight groping every now and then. It's worths just enough.
His best friend, Kangin has practically begged him to stop doing all those jobs and go to school again but he sternly refused. Leeteuk does not care about others; his main priority is to save enough money for Sungmin’s surgery. No matter what happens and the cost is he will make Sungmin see again.
-
"Hyung, are you alright?" Sungmin asks one day, looking worried and all.
";Huh? Yeah, of course I am"
"You've been coming home late a lot lately. Where have you been going?"
Leeteuk smiles tiredly, "Don't worry, I'm alright. School has been crazy lately. I need to stay for afterclasses and projects. Well this is my last year after all."
The younger man looks unconvinced but shrugs it off quietly. "Just don't overwork yourself, hyung."
-
Later on that night, Sungmin cries his heart out.
Why?
Why did he lie?
-
Few days later, Leeteuk brings Kangin over and the three of them ate dinner in silence. Confused, Sungmin withdraws to his room after Leeteuk said that he needs to talk to Kangin in private. He was reading some random books when he heard both his hyung and Kangin raise their voices. Feeling worried, he goes out and heard the front door being slammed of loudly.
"Hyung, what happened?" he asks the still panting Leeteuk.
"N-nothing..." the elder replies, trembling.
Sungmin moves forward and reaches blindly for his hyung, hugging him affectionately. He softly whispers, "It's okay hyung..."
Leeteuk could not take it anymore. He was upset and disappointed. He loves Sungmin and he was there. The older man suddenly gathers Sungmin in his arms, pulling him close. He hears the other gasps and decides to ignore him.
"H-hyung?"
"Minnie"; breathes Leeteuk. He kisses him. It was soft and sweet at first which gradually becomes hot and passionate. Sungmin moans against his lips, arms wounding around his neck. They kissed for a while and when they finally separate for air, Leeteuk lifts his dongsaeng up, earning a small yelp. He walks towards his room with Sungmin in his arms.
-
Sungmin wakes up the next day feeling sore and tired. He turns his head only to feel swift and soft breathing against his face. He was startled and pulls back quickly, hand clamping over his mouth to stifle his yelp. After a minute or two, he remembers their little encounter last night and blushes furiously at the thought.
Why the hell Teukie-hyung did that?
It's not like he likes me, not in that way anyway, he thinks miserably. He thinks of it long and hard while staring at the beautiful sleeping face before his. At that right moment he really wishes that he could see, even only for seconds.
By the end of his thought, he concludes: Hyung was upset from his fight with Kangin and needed a getaway. He feels satisfied. It seems logical to him. But even though Sungmin does not regret doing it, the thought of being a mere replacement hurts so much he feels like crying.
Yeah, Teukie-hyung does not like him; he just feels sympathy for him for his blindness. Nothing less nothing more.
-
"Sungmin"
"Hmmn?" He replies casually. Days have passed since that night and he had finally manages to overcome his nervousness. Not that it’s difficult anyway because they never talk about it. Not even once. It makes him feels like that night never happened, that they never kissed and had sex.
Only it really did.
"There's something I want to discuss with you" Leeteuk says with a serious tone.
"Shoot"
The older man did not talk at once. Instead he takes several deep breaths before begins and trails "Uh... There's this surgery..."
"No" replies Sungmin quickly.
"Please Minnie. I've almost made the money for it... I-I'm getting my paychecks in two days time, so ―"
"No!"
"But―" Leeteuk pleads, standing up and go towards the other.
"No hyung," came his reply in a deep, curt voice he never know he has. "I never asked for this. I don't want to use your money for that shit. Where did you get the money from anyway? Eyes surgery is far than cheap" Right after saying it, realization hits him, cold and hard.
He hisses darkly, "So you've been skipping classes and working at bars for this?" Sungmin feels sick. He feels disgusted at himself for being such a burden to his hyung and for his secret thoughts.
Leeteuk was surprised. He never thought that Sungmin knew. "How did you know?"
"The school called. And heh, you smells like cigarettes and perfume every night, where else could go except for bars?"
"So... the surgery..."
"Definitely not! Hyung, you are not ruining your life for me! I never said anything to you before because I thought you had good reasons!"
"This is a good reason" Leeteuk says desperately.
Sungmin just cannot take it anymore. "Whatever. Just so you know, I would rather being fucking blind forever than having you ruining your own life."
With that he leaves, slamming his bedroom door and collapses onto his bed. His chest hurts so much and he cries. He cries for being a useless blind man, for his thoughts and for completely hurting his hyung, the man he owes his life with, the man he loves deeply.
-
Leeteuk sits still on the edge of his bed. He feels desperate. He had thought that convincing Sungmin was not going to be easy, but definitely never thought it's going to be this hard.
He brings his head to his hands, thinking hard. He will not give. Sungmin will go through the operation, no matter what the cost is. With the new determination, Leeteuk falls asleep.
-
On the other hand, Sungmin could not sleep. His eyes puffy and swollen from crying and his head pounds so hard that he groans. He knows Teukie-hyung will not give up and he’s afraid of it. Sungmin really means it when he said: he would rather be blind forever.
Helpless, he reaches blindly for his phone and makes a call, hoping for someone to help him.
"Hello?"
-
The day quickly came and gone. In no time Leeteuk was seen coming out of the ATM, carefully carrying his large sum of money in a thick envelope inside his messenger bag. He curses under his breath.
What kind of hospital does not accept NETs?he swears. The hospital had insisted that he brings cash, at least half of the sum. Leeteuk hates withdrawing money at nights and there have been more than enough stealing cases for him to approve his preference.
"Hey you!"
Leeteuk turns and swears that night is the last time he would ever go to the ATM late at night.
-
Sungmin was crying hard when he heard his phone rings. He stands up from his sitting place, next to Leeteuk’s bed and goes out of the room. Not before giving a pained glance to his unconscious and bruised hyung.
He flips open his open his phone and upon hearing the voice of the caller he spat in rage,
"I thought I have specifically ordered you to NOT hurt him!"
"Hey! It's not my fault. He fought back. Thanks to him I have a black eye as big as my fist right now."
"Whatever. You'll have your share later,"he says as he lifts the crumpled envelope from the dinner table. It's thick. Hyung must have been working like crazy.
The man laughs and says, "Don't forget." Sungmin hangs off the phone and sighs. He feels immensely guilty for what he had done but does not regret it. He puts the envelope down and sits down. Sungmin closes his swollen eyes tiredly, his mind keep repeating the same things:
He just feels sympathy for him for his blindness.
Nothing less nothing more.
Nothing less nothing more.
He would rather be blind forever than losing him.
Suddenly he hears a faint whisper, "M-minnie..." coming from his hyung's room.
He quickly gets up to go to his hyung only delaying for a moment when he realizes that the television is still on. He makes his ways to it to switch it off.
After half a minute of searching, he finally finds the remote and quickly switches the television off right after he hears a too familiar line from some random lamp company:
Are you afraid of the dark?
Sungmin smiles faintly and says,
"Heck no. I love it"
author's note:This thing came up to me at freaking 2 am in the morning and I couldn't sleep after that D: Finally! my first challenge fic!
007. dark. leeteuk/sungmin. 2273 words. pg-13. angst
Leeteuk has always thought that Sungmin is afraid of darkness
Are you afraid of the dark?
He rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. Afraid? Of the dark?
Pfft... How could he be afraid when darkness is all he ever sees for the past ten years?
"Heck no"
"Sungmin?" calls a familiar voice. Voice he misses so much. "Minnie? Are you there? I'm home."
Sungmin smiles brightly and switches off the television that was playing a lamp commercial before gets up and says,"I'm here, Teukie-hyung"
-
"How's your day?"
"Same as ever" Sungmin answers while drinking his water.
Smiling sadly, Leeteuk continues his eating. They are having dinner now, eating the takeouts that he bought on his way home. Leeteuk watches his dongsaeng eats fondly; never taking his eyes off him, occasionally helps the younger boy reaching his glass or the seasoning bottles.
"Hyung?"
"Hmmn?"
"How's your day?" Sungmin asks, smiling brightly. His unfocussed eyes crinkle in happiness.
"Oh, just the usual" the older answers, looking away and for the first time in his life he feels grateful that Sungmin could not see.
-
Their everyday life is always the same.
Early in the morning Leeteuk would go to his university, leaving his dongsaeng, Sungmin, alone. In the afternoon a home tutor would come to teach the eighteen years old Sungmin. Around 5pm their lessons end and the teacher would go home, leaving piles of homework for the blind boy to do.
After that, Sungmin would either do his homework watch television, read the numerous Braille books that Leeteuk bought for him or go to the park near their house. He then would wait patiently for his hyung to come home and have dinner together. Yes, Sungmin’s daily life is always the same, typical and average but he never feel bored of it or rather would not dare to feel bored.
-
Leeteuk is everything for him. Literally. He is his world, savior, and angel, whatever. The older man is always there for him. When they were little, Sungmin was always being bullied by other kids and Leeteuk would always protect him.
When Sungmin was eight years old he had a fever. A very bad one that costing him his sight. He was very sad and disappointed and his parents were not helping. They were ashamed of having an imperfect son, a blind son. He still remembers what they have said,
"We would rather not having a child than having a blind one! You’re such a disgrace!"
Even until now, he always his heart clenches at the memory, his tears welling and threaten to pour down his cheeks. Sungmin owes his hyung his life; that's a fact he would never forget. Leeteuk has cared for him when his own parents had not. Leeteuk has taken Sungmin in when his parents disowned him.
Sungmin would do practically anything for his hyung. He could follow the older man and throw his life in his hands and feel guilty about it. He feels like a burden but could not do anything about it. Leeteuk is his universe and he knows he would never make it without that man.
-
Sungmin has been living together with Leeteuk since he was being chased out of his house by his parents. They both used to live with Leeteuk's parents, but after they died in an accident, they have been living together ever since.
Sungmin loves his hyung. He loves him as a brother, a father and as a man. He knows that the other would never love him in that way, and he accepts it. He is grateful enough and decides not to reveal his feelings to the said man. It is better be this way than has none of it.
Besides, he knows that Leeteuk already has a boyfriend, Kangin. Sure, the older man has never said anything about it, but though he is blind he is not stupid. Kangin has come and visited their house several times. Sungmin likes Kangin; Kangin is a strong man that he knows can protect his hyung. He knows and acknowledges it but it still hurts, badly
-
Leeteuk has been feeling down and drained for a few days. He has skipped schools and takes more jobs. He who usually comes home around 8 is now never gets home before midnight. His reason is simple: he needs more money. It is not like he does not have any, it is just he is in desperate need of money for Sungmin's eyes operation.
Leeteuk has been saving for it for years, but recently he feels like the surgery needs to be done as soon as possible. He could not bear to see Sungmin feeling miserable anymore. He really wants to show the younger man all the things he had missed, the world and himself.
So he has taken various jobs, from being a waiter to a host in some random bars. Leeteuk hates working at the bars, but he does not have any choice, the wages are high. He just needs to brace himself from the drunks' leering looks and slight groping every now and then. It's worths just enough.
His best friend, Kangin has practically begged him to stop doing all those jobs and go to school again but he sternly refused. Leeteuk does not care about others; his main priority is to save enough money for Sungmin’s surgery. No matter what happens and the cost is he will make Sungmin see again.
-
"Hyung, are you alright?" Sungmin asks one day, looking worried and all.
";Huh? Yeah, of course I am"
"You've been coming home late a lot lately. Where have you been going?"
Leeteuk smiles tiredly, "Don't worry, I'm alright. School has been crazy lately. I need to stay for afterclasses and projects. Well this is my last year after all."
The younger man looks unconvinced but shrugs it off quietly. "Just don't overwork yourself, hyung."
-
Later on that night, Sungmin cries his heart out.
Why?
Why did he lie?
-
Few days later, Leeteuk brings Kangin over and the three of them ate dinner in silence. Confused, Sungmin withdraws to his room after Leeteuk said that he needs to talk to Kangin in private. He was reading some random books when he heard both his hyung and Kangin raise their voices. Feeling worried, he goes out and heard the front door being slammed of loudly.
"Hyung, what happened?" he asks the still panting Leeteuk.
"N-nothing..." the elder replies, trembling.
Sungmin moves forward and reaches blindly for his hyung, hugging him affectionately. He softly whispers, "It's okay hyung..."
Leeteuk could not take it anymore. He was upset and disappointed. He loves Sungmin and he was there. The older man suddenly gathers Sungmin in his arms, pulling him close. He hears the other gasps and decides to ignore him.
"H-hyung?"
"Minnie"; breathes Leeteuk. He kisses him. It was soft and sweet at first which gradually becomes hot and passionate. Sungmin moans against his lips, arms wounding around his neck. They kissed for a while and when they finally separate for air, Leeteuk lifts his dongsaeng up, earning a small yelp. He walks towards his room with Sungmin in his arms.
-
Sungmin wakes up the next day feeling sore and tired. He turns his head only to feel swift and soft breathing against his face. He was startled and pulls back quickly, hand clamping over his mouth to stifle his yelp. After a minute or two, he remembers their little encounter last night and blushes furiously at the thought.
Why the hell Teukie-hyung did that?
It's not like he likes me, not in that way anyway, he thinks miserably. He thinks of it long and hard while staring at the beautiful sleeping face before his. At that right moment he really wishes that he could see, even only for seconds.
By the end of his thought, he concludes: Hyung was upset from his fight with Kangin and needed a getaway. He feels satisfied. It seems logical to him. But even though Sungmin does not regret doing it, the thought of being a mere replacement hurts so much he feels like crying.
Yeah, Teukie-hyung does not like him; he just feels sympathy for him for his blindness. Nothing less nothing more.
-
"Sungmin"
"Hmmn?" He replies casually. Days have passed since that night and he had finally manages to overcome his nervousness. Not that it’s difficult anyway because they never talk about it. Not even once. It makes him feels like that night never happened, that they never kissed and had sex.
Only it really did.
"There's something I want to discuss with you" Leeteuk says with a serious tone.
"Shoot"
The older man did not talk at once. Instead he takes several deep breaths before begins and trails "Uh... There's this surgery..."
"No" replies Sungmin quickly.
"Please Minnie. I've almost made the money for it... I-I'm getting my paychecks in two days time, so ―"
"No!"
"But―" Leeteuk pleads, standing up and go towards the other.
"No hyung," came his reply in a deep, curt voice he never know he has. "I never asked for this. I don't want to use your money for that shit. Where did you get the money from anyway? Eyes surgery is far than cheap" Right after saying it, realization hits him, cold and hard.
He hisses darkly, "So you've been skipping classes and working at bars for this?" Sungmin feels sick. He feels disgusted at himself for being such a burden to his hyung and for his secret thoughts.
Leeteuk was surprised. He never thought that Sungmin knew. "How did you know?"
"The school called. And heh, you smells like cigarettes and perfume every night, where else could go except for bars?"
"So... the surgery..."
"Definitely not! Hyung, you are not ruining your life for me! I never said anything to you before because I thought you had good reasons!"
"This is a good reason" Leeteuk says desperately.
Sungmin just cannot take it anymore. "Whatever. Just so you know, I would rather being fucking blind forever than having you ruining your own life."
With that he leaves, slamming his bedroom door and collapses onto his bed. His chest hurts so much and he cries. He cries for being a useless blind man, for his thoughts and for completely hurting his hyung, the man he owes his life with, the man he loves deeply.
-
Leeteuk sits still on the edge of his bed. He feels desperate. He had thought that convincing Sungmin was not going to be easy, but definitely never thought it's going to be this hard.
He brings his head to his hands, thinking hard. He will not give. Sungmin will go through the operation, no matter what the cost is. With the new determination, Leeteuk falls asleep.
-
On the other hand, Sungmin could not sleep. His eyes puffy and swollen from crying and his head pounds so hard that he groans. He knows Teukie-hyung will not give up and he’s afraid of it. Sungmin really means it when he said: he would rather be blind forever.
Helpless, he reaches blindly for his phone and makes a call, hoping for someone to help him.
"Hello?"
-
The day quickly came and gone. In no time Leeteuk was seen coming out of the ATM, carefully carrying his large sum of money in a thick envelope inside his messenger bag. He curses under his breath.
What kind of hospital does not accept NETs?he swears. The hospital had insisted that he brings cash, at least half of the sum. Leeteuk hates withdrawing money at nights and there have been more than enough stealing cases for him to approve his preference.
"Hey you!"
Leeteuk turns and swears that night is the last time he would ever go to the ATM late at night.
-
Sungmin was crying hard when he heard his phone rings. He stands up from his sitting place, next to Leeteuk’s bed and goes out of the room. Not before giving a pained glance to his unconscious and bruised hyung.
He flips open his open his phone and upon hearing the voice of the caller he spat in rage,
"I thought I have specifically ordered you to NOT hurt him!"
"Hey! It's not my fault. He fought back. Thanks to him I have a black eye as big as my fist right now."
"Whatever. You'll have your share later,"he says as he lifts the crumpled envelope from the dinner table. It's thick. Hyung must have been working like crazy.
The man laughs and says, "Don't forget." Sungmin hangs off the phone and sighs. He feels immensely guilty for what he had done but does not regret it. He puts the envelope down and sits down. Sungmin closes his swollen eyes tiredly, his mind keep repeating the same things:
He just feels sympathy for him for his blindness.
Nothing less nothing more.
Nothing less nothing more.
He would rather be blind forever than losing him.
Suddenly he hears a faint whisper, "M-minnie..." coming from his hyung's room.
He quickly gets up to go to his hyung only delaying for a moment when he realizes that the television is still on. He makes his ways to it to switch it off.
After half a minute of searching, he finally finds the remote and quickly switches the television off right after he hears a too familiar line from some random lamp company:
Are you afraid of the dark?
Sungmin smiles faintly and says,
"Heck no. I love it"
author's note:This thing came up to me at freaking 2 am in the morning and I couldn't sleep after that D: Finally! my first challenge fic!