Война и снег

[ku_wa_bara]

GENTLEMEN!

[Volgin stands on a hilltop, arms spread wide to take in the frigid landscape. He grins beneath his ushanka as his coat snaps in the icy wind.]

The winds have changed! Can you endure the elements in an all-out war for survival? This means one man left standing! This means our forces unleashed! This means...

SNOWBALL

Comments

1/2

[aaaaaaaahh]

[Winter, eh?]

2/2

[aaaaaaaahh]

[SOKOLOV WAS BORN READY]

[ku_wa_bara]

[DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY GIGANTIC SNOWBALLS ARE HURLING IN YOUR DIRECTION GRAYISH MANBLOB]

[aaaaaaaahh]

[HA HA HA THE JOKES ON YOU. THE PADDING ON SOKOLOV'S WINTER GEAR IS SO THICK AND BULKY THAT THE SNOWBALLS JUST BOUNCE OFF, MUCH LIKE BULLETS SHOT AT FATMAN'S TORSO BECAUSE IDK THAT MAKES SENSE SOMEHOW.]

[musthatefrogs]

[Chew, chew, chew.]

...

[Observe. Sip.]

...

[Chew, chew, chew.]

[ku_wa_bara]

What are you waiting for? Stop chewing and pick up a weapon! These targets won't obliterate themselves!

[musthatefrogs]

[He calmly sets aside his drink.]

/You're throwing snowballs./

[Translation: I won't play big snow puppy unless you're Raikov.

And no one else is around.

... Particularly the latter.]

[ku_wa_bara]

/What better weapons than the ones nature drops into your hands?/

[volginswaifu]

[Sorry, Raikov is too busy lounging back and having a few snowcones to care about your petty snowball fights.]

[ku_wa_bara]

/Have no fear, Vanya! I'll defend you!/

[volginswiafu]

[Ivan smiled, getting extra comfy in his puffy jacket and garbage truck's worth of snowcones now that he knew there would be no interruptions.]

/Ohh, thank you Zhenya~ How thoughtful. If you want anything later, just ask./

[WINKS]

[ku_wa_bara]

[Volgin stands in front of him like a snowball-armed wall.]

[&hearts &hearts &hearts]

/You know what I want from you, Vanya./

[ku_wa_bara]

[A shitload of lavish meals have been described!]

You can't hide, girl!

[That is, you can. But what you hide behind is immediately hit with a MASSIVE SNOWBALL TORRENT]

[ku_wa_bara]

[A few snowballs paft onto Volgin like flies hitting a windshield.]

Hah! You've got spirit!

[He hurls a double-handed boulder of snow straight at the center of her fortifications.]

Come out and show me what you can do!