Pieces to a puzzle...

[fixthepast]

Somehow I've found myself working for the Company.  Still not sure how that happened but it's not something I was going to turn down either.  A chance to be around all these specials?  Gain their powers and fuck with their minds?  What's not to love?  But for now I have to do all the tedious work and the first person I get to see is Sylar. He comes

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[heartofmurder]

"Yeah, she clearly has good taste if she'd spending her time with the senator and not with you," I chuckle, watching him. He thinks he can deny things, but we both know human nature. I know how people work.

"I don't know, Petrelli. I think you want to find out how we work because you hate yourself. You hate how much less than you are. Less than your brother, not good enough for your mom. And your dad? Forget it. He probably hated you. Nathan is a lot older than you, isn't he? You were probably a mistake." I give him an evil grin. This is just too much fun. "She probably wont listen to you anyway. Maybe I should talk to Nathan."

[fixthepast]

He will not win, I won't let him. He might think he can crack me but he won't. I've been doing this too many years for something like that to happen. He's going to try though, and try hard. "Or maybe I have better taste." I smile, though it doesn't reach my eyes.

"That's good, really good." I laugh. "Too bad you're wrong." I don't hate myself, I hate them. I know I'm better than they are, I always have been. "As for being a mistake, if you think that's a surprise, you're sadly mistaken." He says he should talk to Nathan and my nails dig in deeper but I keep the smile on my face. "Go ahead. He'll have nothing to do with you. If he has his way, you'd be rotting in a cell."

I watch his face. "So if you want outside and not to rot the rest of your life in a cell, I'm your only hope." My smirk widens a bit. "But go right ahead." I let go of my other hand, pushing the phone towards him. "I'll give Nathan's number."

[heartofmurder]

I can see how hard he's trying to be strong, trying to keep it inside. I bet people don't usually dig as deep. They just get flustered by his questions, his talk of feelings, but they never try to get inside of his head. It's what I do too. "If you had better taste, you wouldn't be sitting here with a clock you hate on your wall and nothing but a bunch of pens on your desk." He'd have a lot more in his life.

My smile gets wider, "Oh, but I'm not wrong. You probably don't even know it, though. You have yourself convinced. My, that's a feat unto itself." I nod my head, "Must be hard, knowing all your life that you were a mistake. I don't like talking to mistakes." Oh his face, it's priceless. I can hear his fingers digging into his skin, blood rushing to the surface. "I'll take my chances."

"You're not my only hope. Don't delude yourself. You're just the pick of this week." I lean forward, taking the phone, "Good, while I'm at it, I'll ask him how he feels about you."

[fixthepast]

"Maybe I haven't found anything worth wasting my time with." My voice is starting to get an edge to it and I hate it. He's the only one to ever get under my skin and I want to tear his head off for it. "Just because I have nothing here doesn't mean I don't have things at home." Bastard.

I don't have myself convinced of anything. I know who and what I am, I don't need him to tell me anything. "Then don't talk to me, no one's making you." I just want to wrap my hands around his damn neck, show him just what it is I am. He might actually appreciate it but he might give me up and I can't have that.

His last statements push me over the edge and I lose control for the first time since I found out what I could do. The anger spills over and the glass on my desk and the others on the bar explode, tiny shards of glass spraying everywhere.

[fixthepast]

He did lose control though. He didn't want to kill me and lose this but once he was in that place, he wanted to kill me. At least he stopped and that's the main thing. "I could go for regen right now." I chuckle lightly. "Yes, I did lose control and I regret it. Not just because of this," I motion at my head. "But because I don't like to lose it

[heartofmurder]

He mentions regen and I wince. God damn it, that's the one I've always wanted too. I have something else, but it isn't the same. "I don't like to lose it either. I don't lose control." Not any times that I would admit, anyway.

He's still bleeding and I know if he walks out of here with that, I'm gonna be in trouble. So lets just say I'm doing this for me, more than him. "They wont see it. I can fix it." I stand up slowly, going over to him. I've never actually used this one before. I can see him flinch ever so slightly when I put my hand out, but I just place it gently against his forehead and heal the deep gash. "Angela and Bennet are your problem. You said you could make that work, so do it."

I sigh, going back to sit. I wont think about how I just healed someone. I wonder if he can do it too, now. "I can keep my temper as long as they don't push me. I'm not going to let people walk all over me. I'm not going to let them do whatever they want." I don't think I can do that, damn it.

[fixthepast]

"Then we can agree not to lose control with each other at least?" That would help. If he does with someone else, I can at least help fix it. I look up at him when he says that he can fix my head and I frown slightly. Watching carefully as he comes over to me, I can't help the flinch as he reaches out. Shit

[heartofmurder]

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." I guess I can do that, as long as he doesn't push me. He doesn't get free reign just because of all of this. "I wouldn't know." I tell him when he says my ability is handy. "I've never used it before. Didn't have a reason to." And I don't intend on using it again.

I give a small shrug when he thanks me. "Fine, I wont beat the shit out of them. I'll just fuck with their heads." I'm good at that too. "So how does your ability work?" I just can't help myself. "Do you just touch people and get their ability?"

[fixthepast]

He grumbles at me, telling me that Bennet's been riding his ass but that was to be expected really. He gets an excited look on his face when he hears I talked to my mother, that he gets to go out tomorrow. If he only knew what hoops I had to jump through for the bitch to even listen to me, let alone take my advice

[heartofmurder]

The hard part. I can deal with that. Once I'm out there, it wont be that hard. It's worse being cooped up in here. "I'll be fine out there, believe me. I'll do whatever, it's not a big deal." I wonder who they're going to stick me with. It'll be interesting.

"So um... do I still have to come here, then?" A small part of me hopes he says yes and that really surprises me. I don't even like this guy, except... he's the closest thing i have to a friend right now. Thank god he can't read my mind. It sounds pathetic in here right now.

[fixthepast]

"I'm sure you will be just fine." I smile at him. I know he will. He'll be out of here and doing what he enjoys. Well, part of it at least. He won't be killing but that will be my job once they're in here. I just have to be careful they don't blame him. "Just keep your head and don't let them push you too far. I'm sure you can handle that easily."

I look up at him when he asks me if he still has to come here. I'm not sure if that's something he wants to do or not, it's hard to read his emotions right now because they're all over the place. Best to give him the choice. "If you'd like to keep coming back here, that's fine with me. I would like to talk to you more." I give him a friendly smile. I'd love nothing more than to pick his brain even more.

[heartofmurder]

"I'm not gonna let those assholes screw this up for me." I'll just do what I need to do and keep my head down. If I help them out, maybe they'll even leave me alone or at least just stay out of my way.

I don't want him to know that I want to come back here. That would make me look bad. So I just give him a shrug. "I don't know. I guess we'll see." There. That's ambiguous enough. "There's nothing we really need to talk about, once I'm out in the field." But there probably will be. They'll try to drive me nuts and I'll need to talk to him about it. "I'll just see you when I let you know about interesting people." If I feel like it.

I stand up, about to extend my hand to him, but I don't. I don't need this getting too weird. I already hate that I considered him a friend. He's not my friend. He never made any indication that he really wanted to be. "I'm gonna go then. Bye."

[heartofmurder]

"But you're trying to ruin people's lives." I guess I shouldn't talk. I've ruined plenty of peoples lives. Not that I care. I really don't. He says ideally he would want to partner up and a part of me actually likes that idea, but it wouldn't get me what I need. It wouldn't get me that family I long for. "But you told me that if I kill, I'd lose everything. Wouldn't this be the same?" I want him to include me, though. I'm actually sitting in his house and he didn't even once try to kick me out of send me away. It's hard for me to turn away from that.

He tells me I'm very special, above normal people and I give him a small smile, "It's not a bad thing. But... it's very lonely." The wine. I need to stop drinking, I think as I take another long sip. "Do you like me? I mean... not that it matters, I just want to know."

[fixthepast]

"To a degree. I'm not pushing more than they can take Sylar, I just want to push them to the edge, see how they react." And if some fall over, that's not my problem or my fault. They just weren't strong enough. I look at him steadily when he asks if he kills he loses everything. "No. You're not ending their lives Sylar, you're just pushing their limits

[heartofmurder]

"But your going against your job. You're going against your evolutionary place." I don't like that, but in a way it fascinates me. I understand what it's like to revel in the fear these people give off. "The brain is an intricate thing. You fuck with the brain and you can do far worse damage. With killing them, they're gone. With this, you're putting them in their own personal hell." I might be uncomfortable right now if I wasn't completely buzzed

[fixthepast]

"Part of my job is to study the mind, see how it works. I can't do that if everyone is fixed and perfect, can I?" I shake my head slightly, taking another sip of wine. "I need to find the boundaries of the mind, what will push someone to the edge, what will pull them back." What will make it snap. "Agreed. Killing is fast, once it's over, it's over. When you mess with the mind, there's so many variables that can change things. It makes them stronger in the long run

[fixthepast]

"It's hard not to be, especially around those idiots. Sometimes I wonder why neither one of us has snapped and taken them all out." I sigh, swirling the wine in my glass. "It's been tempting, more than once." Especially when they start to fucking whine about how hard they have it and everything. Give me a break

[heartofmurder]

"Believe me, it's crossed my mind quite a number of times. It will be better when I'm out in the field. I don't have to be surrounded by them as much, but I can still do something I'm good at." I could probably do better though, even with that, but I'm not sure what I would do. I don't want to change that much about myself and the Company does have a lot of things I need. I get to chase down people and retrieve information. I'm good at that

[fixthepast]

"It will be better, as soon as they don't have you on a leash. I wonder if they'll have you partnered up or if they'll eventually let you out on your own." I muse. I hope that they do let him out on his own, that would be wonderful

[heartofmurder]

"I don't think they'll ever let me out on my own. Even if they partner me up, it will be more like a supervisor I'm sure." And I hate it. But I'll try not to pay attention to it much. At least I'm out there now and not stuck doing paperwork.

"For a while I thought I could do more with it, beat people down, take over, but it never really got me much in the end." Besides a headache. He laughs when I ask about sex and I frown a bit, watching him. I wonder how really, truly happy he is. I let out a small cough when he asks me if I need sex and if my face wasn't red before, it definitely is now. Damn it. "I... well... sure I do. Of course I do." Why did I bring up this topic again? God. "I do it. All the time." He wouldn't really know if I was lying. "I didn't really give up a part of my life for my mother." But I guess I really did. "It just worked out that way." Why am I even talking about all of this?