it's been awhile... again
The quarter is winding down and I still haven't really gotten anywhere with my situation
*My parents can no longer afford to claim me as a dependent, therefore, I'm on my own. Basically, I've been cut financially and I don't have a place to go back to in San Diego. And it's tough enough living out here...
*I have plenty of bills to pay
*I have to pay back Stephen
*My account is in the red by close to a hundred bux
*I can't afford my rent here
*I need to find a new place to live in about 20 days
*I desperately need moneys...
But I'm trying... I'm working 2 jobs now, I'm still working at quiznos and I'm working now at Crepe Shack. So that's crazy. I need to get my license over the summer... otherwise, I'm fxcked for next year.
Just a whole bunch of shxt that's going on.
So I have something quick to blog about, among other things. First, let me mention that I paid for a full page ad in the Ultimate Brawl program. And it was for the team to advertise in it. Soooo I had asked everyone but Stephen to help me out with it (just $10). And so I hear from someone that they can't pay me because of family shxt and other problems that's going on... well... in case you haven't read my situation, please do so right now so that you can be schooled in having a shxtty life thus far...
And even though I owe stephen so much... at least my reasons are more legit. i.e. My account is in the red, I have no money, my income goes mainly to rent which leaves me nothing to pay him and to LIVE.. like I can't buy food/drinks, not even something from the dollar tree store... I starve for almost a week because my life is shxt... I'm that broke-as-fxck right now...
so it's OBVIOUSLY a pet peeve of mine when someone tells me they can't pay me back because of family problems because family obviously has nothing to do with it... and if you have a BofA visa/debit card, then you should have a checking account, and thus have checks... even tho they are generic... and even if you dont' have checks, at least you got money dumb bxtch... and don't play games and think I'm gonna fall for it... I'm too good of a friend to say it out loud. the 15 you need is probably not even for anything at all... or it's probably just for food... its all, if you go home every now and then, you should be bringing back food from home... cuz at least you can do that... while I can't anymore... and I never go home anyways because I can't (too far of a drive, and I dont' drive...)
sooo for all you public readers, you can imagine how bad of a life i've built up for myself. Yes a lot of this is my fault and a lot of it is something I couldn't necessarily help... and a lot of it is the other person's or the people's fault...
there's just so much at fault that it's just shxtty altogether. So to not put blame on anyone, I'm just saying times are shxtty right now and I wish it wasn't.
I just need to find a way to get into some money real quick... otherwise, I'm not gonna last for that long... I know it's stupid but sometimes I think of hurting myself... like throwing myself over the bridge and onto the freeway... or something... i don't know... like buy a whole bunch of sleeping pills, down them, and then right before I knock out, put a plastic bag over my head... like that one girl a few years back. Anyways, all in all, I'm scared. And I just want things to fix themselves right now.
in other places in my life, I've withdrawn from Spring Quarter... and I think i'll be readmitted back in the Fall... Right now, I just need to do my FAFSA for next year so that I can try and fix things for next year so that I can hurry up and get the eff out and start doing my own thang.
I've also decided to switch to Dance for a major. Japanese Language and Culture just isn't cuttin' it for me. Like, I'm not putting in the focus for it anymore because my head is elsewhere... It's hard to focus on it when dance has taken over my mind and my body. I want to create, I want to experiment, I want to teach... most of all, I want to dance and see my passion blossom in others that I teach (ooo nice hehehe). So that sounds kind of exciting.
All I need to do right now is fix my GPA before switching and then appeal to extend my credits, and I'm good to go... or I can double major... buuuut that seems a bit much for me.
is that it? I guess... no wait!
ULTIMATE BRAWL RECAP
So practicing for ultimate brawl was almost like a bust... I wasn't really put into anything else besides intro... and my place for outro stayed the same. I was always on the side and in the back... never in a place where people are able to see me... and I think people purposely put me there... But I'm over it... I see it this way. 909 isn't my ticket into the dance community. Me, myself, and I are the only tickets, or ticket, in and getting appreciated or getting exposed. For awhile I thought that 909 could do it for me. But no, I've realized that 909 isn't the bus ride in... it's more like a step from ground floor to the top floor of a 20 story building. And I really shouldn't depend on 909 to help me get out there anyways... the end.
But enough about that, IT was awesome, it was crazy, it was spectacular. Ultimate Brawl was the place to be if you were a competition team. Hospitality was on point, all the teams were happy and social, the show was great, everything was on time, everyone saw familiar faces and rejoiced, it was just crackin'~! of course it was a long day for 909ers because we were there from 8am-10pm (i mean, we host the damn thing)... There are pictures up at Tikko Studios Online so go check them out... you won't find me in any of the 909 photos because I was blocked so as to not be seen (jk... ha... =___=). But the rest of the photos look tight~! fab job Louis!
then there was drinking and some socializing afterwards at Broadbent... a little mishap with party locations but I guess that couldn't have been helped. But hey, at least we were able to drink.
EVOLUTION BANQUET
I understand that it's our first banquet... but all the more reason to make it big and exciting... and cab this year was just not on top of it. If anything they were lazy. Or they're not dedicated enough. Of course, I could've tried myself. But that would recquire time that I couldn't get out of because of work and whatnot... the rest of them were not as busy as I was.
AND they just don't know how to do it... because they've never done it before... so next year, I'll try to spearhead it since I can't rely on a certain someone... actually make that 3 certain someones... because by the time it's banquet again with them, I'll make sure it was planned a month in advanced. and we'll MAKE IT SPECIAL THIS TIME! this year's wasn't special enough...
But the dinner was good (again, thanks so much stephen)... although the location was kinda bad, shoulda sat outside, i guess it couldn't have been helped...
The afterparty was lame at first, then it just ended up being a kickback and a small social at an apartment... which wasn't all that great but I mean, I guess... it was fun ^___^
again, I emphasize on making it SPECIAL... the only special thing about both the banquet and the after celebration was Mina's letter/poem. and that's kinda sad. great going guys.
so I'm not all that sorry for being bitter... only for some of it. I'm just sad and sorry that times are shxtty and my "friends" aren't as comforting as I hoped they'd be.
thanks guys
and tomorrow, 909 banquet... I need to make something specially tonight... but all I can think of is drawing up a cool ass picture for him. this is going to take me awhile... awwww fxck.. ok here we go...
*My parents can no longer afford to claim me as a dependent, therefore, I'm on my own. Basically, I've been cut financially and I don't have a place to go back to in San Diego. And it's tough enough living out here...
*I have plenty of bills to pay
*I have to pay back Stephen
*My account is in the red by close to a hundred bux
*I can't afford my rent here
*I need to find a new place to live in about 20 days
*I desperately need moneys...
But I'm trying... I'm working 2 jobs now, I'm still working at quiznos and I'm working now at Crepe Shack. So that's crazy. I need to get my license over the summer... otherwise, I'm fxcked for next year.
Just a whole bunch of shxt that's going on.
So I have something quick to blog about, among other things. First, let me mention that I paid for a full page ad in the Ultimate Brawl program. And it was for the team to advertise in it. Soooo I had asked everyone but Stephen to help me out with it (just $10). And so I hear from someone that they can't pay me because of family shxt and other problems that's going on... well... in case you haven't read my situation, please do so right now so that you can be schooled in having a shxtty life thus far...
And even though I owe stephen so much... at least my reasons are more legit. i.e. My account is in the red, I have no money, my income goes mainly to rent which leaves me nothing to pay him and to LIVE.. like I can't buy food/drinks, not even something from the dollar tree store... I starve for almost a week because my life is shxt... I'm that broke-as-fxck right now...
so it's OBVIOUSLY a pet peeve of mine when someone tells me they can't pay me back because of family problems because family obviously has nothing to do with it... and if you have a BofA visa/debit card, then you should have a checking account, and thus have checks... even tho they are generic... and even if you dont' have checks, at least you got money dumb bxtch... and don't play games and think I'm gonna fall for it... I'm too good of a friend to say it out loud. the 15 you need is probably not even for anything at all... or it's probably just for food... its all, if you go home every now and then, you should be bringing back food from home... cuz at least you can do that... while I can't anymore... and I never go home anyways because I can't (too far of a drive, and I dont' drive...)
sooo for all you public readers, you can imagine how bad of a life i've built up for myself. Yes a lot of this is my fault and a lot of it is something I couldn't necessarily help... and a lot of it is the other person's or the people's fault...
there's just so much at fault that it's just shxtty altogether. So to not put blame on anyone, I'm just saying times are shxtty right now and I wish it wasn't.
I just need to find a way to get into some money real quick... otherwise, I'm not gonna last for that long... I know it's stupid but sometimes I think of hurting myself... like throwing myself over the bridge and onto the freeway... or something... i don't know... like buy a whole bunch of sleeping pills, down them, and then right before I knock out, put a plastic bag over my head... like that one girl a few years back. Anyways, all in all, I'm scared. And I just want things to fix themselves right now.
in other places in my life, I've withdrawn from Spring Quarter... and I think i'll be readmitted back in the Fall... Right now, I just need to do my FAFSA for next year so that I can try and fix things for next year so that I can hurry up and get the eff out and start doing my own thang.
I've also decided to switch to Dance for a major. Japanese Language and Culture just isn't cuttin' it for me. Like, I'm not putting in the focus for it anymore because my head is elsewhere... It's hard to focus on it when dance has taken over my mind and my body. I want to create, I want to experiment, I want to teach... most of all, I want to dance and see my passion blossom in others that I teach (ooo nice hehehe). So that sounds kind of exciting.
All I need to do right now is fix my GPA before switching and then appeal to extend my credits, and I'm good to go... or I can double major... buuuut that seems a bit much for me.
is that it? I guess... no wait!
ULTIMATE BRAWL RECAP
So practicing for ultimate brawl was almost like a bust... I wasn't really put into anything else besides intro... and my place for outro stayed the same. I was always on the side and in the back... never in a place where people are able to see me... and I think people purposely put me there... But I'm over it... I see it this way. 909 isn't my ticket into the dance community. Me, myself, and I are the only tickets, or ticket, in and getting appreciated or getting exposed. For awhile I thought that 909 could do it for me. But no, I've realized that 909 isn't the bus ride in... it's more like a step from ground floor to the top floor of a 20 story building. And I really shouldn't depend on 909 to help me get out there anyways... the end.
But enough about that, IT was awesome, it was crazy, it was spectacular. Ultimate Brawl was the place to be if you were a competition team. Hospitality was on point, all the teams were happy and social, the show was great, everything was on time, everyone saw familiar faces and rejoiced, it was just crackin'~! of course it was a long day for 909ers because we were there from 8am-10pm (i mean, we host the damn thing)... There are pictures up at Tikko Studios Online so go check them out... you won't find me in any of the 909 photos because I was blocked so as to not be seen (jk... ha... =___=). But the rest of the photos look tight~! fab job Louis!
then there was drinking and some socializing afterwards at Broadbent... a little mishap with party locations but I guess that couldn't have been helped. But hey, at least we were able to drink.
EVOLUTION BANQUET
I understand that it's our first banquet... but all the more reason to make it big and exciting... and cab this year was just not on top of it. If anything they were lazy. Or they're not dedicated enough. Of course, I could've tried myself. But that would recquire time that I couldn't get out of because of work and whatnot... the rest of them were not as busy as I was.
AND they just don't know how to do it... because they've never done it before... so next year, I'll try to spearhead it since I can't rely on a certain someone... actually make that 3 certain someones... because by the time it's banquet again with them, I'll make sure it was planned a month in advanced. and we'll MAKE IT SPECIAL THIS TIME! this year's wasn't special enough...
But the dinner was good (again, thanks so much stephen)... although the location was kinda bad, shoulda sat outside, i guess it couldn't have been helped...
The afterparty was lame at first, then it just ended up being a kickback and a small social at an apartment... which wasn't all that great but I mean, I guess... it was fun ^___^
again, I emphasize on making it SPECIAL... the only special thing about both the banquet and the after celebration was Mina's letter/poem. and that's kinda sad. great going guys.
so I'm not all that sorry for being bitter... only for some of it. I'm just sad and sorry that times are shxtty and my "friends" aren't as comforting as I hoped they'd be.
thanks guys
and tomorrow, 909 banquet... I need to make something specially tonight... but all I can think of is drawing up a cool ass picture for him. this is going to take me awhile... awwww fxck.. ok here we go...