Fic: Four (Memorable) Times Jim Faked It and the One Place He Never Had To
Fandom: Star Trek Reboot
Rating: R
Pairing: Kirk/Spock, Kirk/the-first-girl-he-had-sex-with
Word Count: ~1000
Genre: Humor with a touch of fluff
Warning: Not as porny as you may expect... Should that be a warning?
Summary: The title pretty much says it all. Companion piece to The Play
Disclaimer: Once again, I referenced a quote from Firefly.
The first time is awkward.
It is his first time on the receiving end of a handjob. It is clearly the girl's first time giving one as well.
She's already received her end of the deal, so she isn't really as careful or focused as she could be. Her pink, paint-chipped nails catch on places that nails are never supposed to catch, and her grip is just over the edge of too tight to be pleasurable.
Eventually, it gets to the point where she wants to experiment in new areas, and Jimmy, for the sake of his nonexistent future children, decides he's had enough.
He fakes a loud moan like he's seen people do when they were having sex in pornos and removes the girl's claws carefully from his junk.
They both stare at each other.
"Ummm... Thanks?" Jimmy says.
"Y-you too?" the girl stutters.
She keeps looking down, so he decides it would be best if he put the Photon Torpedo (PT for short) back in his boxers.
There is a moment of silence.
"So, um, don't take this the wrong way," the girl starts, "but isn't, like, stuff... supposed to come out?"
-----------------------------------
The sixteenth time is a distraction.
He is dead drunk in the back of an alley getting the shit kicked out of him. He'd made the terrible mistake of flirting with a cute guy with great hair in the bar.
Apparently, cute-guy had taken offense to the fact that another male had flirted with him. Cute-guy thought the flirting indicated that he appeared homosexual.
One would think that in the 23rd century, sexuality would no longer be an issue, but, somehow, there were still men who thought being/looking/acting "gay" detracted from their inherent, testosterony goodness.
Thus, Jim is in an alley, getting the shit kicked out of him.
He actually gets the idea for how to escape from the asshole kicking him in the ribs.
"You cock-sucking fag! I bet you're so sick that you're getting off on this!"
He really isn't getting off on it, but... hmmm...
Jim starts moaning and panting and grunting and making any other noise he thinks of that could possibly convey pleasure.
Once cute-guy hears the noises, he stops kicking and steps away from the body on the ground.
Jim continues his performance until cute-guy runs from the alley in disgust.
At the very least, he manages to comm Bones before passing out on the ground.
-----------------------------------
The twenty-third time is a joke.
It is Kirk's eighty bajillionth physical with a very grumpy doctor.
Recently, something of unknown origin had given Jim some insane intestinal distress. In the follow-up, McCoy had decided it was best to do a full, comprehensive examination of his digestive tract to ensure that there would be no lasting damage.
There is one last part to the exam.
McCoy pulls on two latex gloves and retrieves lubricant from the replicator.
"I need you to turn around, bend over, and pull down your pants."
"Ooh! Sounds super kinky, Bones!" He wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"Jim, please, let's just get this done. You can't possibly make this worse for me than it already is." McCoy's voice sounds pained.
James T. Kirk makes sure that a certain doctor regrets that entirely unintended challenge for the rest of his life.
----------------------------------
The last time is legendary.
Everyone is on the bridge watching in horror as the argument between Captain Kirk and Admiral Komack escalates from bad to worse.
"Excuse me, sir, but you sent us orders to go to some fancy-shmancy party on the other side of the Federation." Kirk's words are ice cold.
"Yes, Kirk, and those orders stand!" Komack shouts.
"But there are people from the planet right next to us who have been kidnapped to be sold into slavery! I know which one I find more important."
"Yes, and I am positive they will be saved by the next big damn hero that comes along. Surely you aren't the only one in the universe." Anger is changing Komack's ruddy cheeks from red to purple.
Kirk's nostrils flare as he opens his mouth to respond.
His mouth shuts with a click.
He takes a big breath as he tries to gather himself.
Then, something changes.
His body abruptly relaxes, and he sighs, letting his eyes shut.
Jim hums quietly.
The hum increases volume to a moan, and his head tips back to rest on edge the Captain's chair.
The bridge is confused, but everyone is too focused on watching to ask about what's happening.
He gasps sharply and licks his lips.
The sharp gasp echoes around the bridge as individuals begin to realize what's happening.
"Ah!" he inhales and his chest begins to heave.
There's a clatter as three people drop their PADDS.
He moans, long and drawn out, thrashing his head from side to side.
More clatters follow.
"F-Fuck!" he stutters. "Oh fuck!"
Chekov squeaks and turns scarlet, as comprehension finally dawns on his face.
"Yes," he whispers, back arching.
His audience tries to tear their eyes away, but the show is far too hypnotizing.
"Yes. Yes! YES!" Each progressive repetition gets louder.
Jim hisses out a final breath between his teeth, and his body turns lax.
There is a moment of silence.
The look on Komack's face is frozen somewhere between horror and fascination.
Kirk suddenly sits up straight.
"Oh, sorry." He is as collected and cold as he was before his performance. "I figured if the admiralty was going to be fucking with me by treating me like their poster boy instead of the captain of a flagship, I may as well enjoy it."
Captain James T. Kirk is almost court martialed, but, somehow, a recording of the incident appears all over the nets the next day.
For all that he has faked being fucked by the admiralty, public adoration makes him untouchable to all, barring one person.
--------------------------------
Regardless of the hundreds or thousands of times he has been there, there is a specific location where Jim has never faked--not even as a game--and that place is their bed.
In fact, unless Spock encourages otherwise, sex between them is shockingly vanilla. Jim has already been a part of sex with games and has done every taboo possible, but nothing has ever felt as pleasurable or as right as being with Spock, so he feels no need to add anything else.
So, every night, after they've fallen into bed together, Jim buries his face into the crook of Spock's neck. Into that soft, smooth skin, he whispers about how lucky he is to have a sacred haven where he never has to fake.
Rating: R
Pairing: Kirk/Spock, Kirk/the-first-girl-he-had-sex-with
Word Count: ~1000
Genre: Humor with a touch of fluff
Warning: Not as porny as you may expect... Should that be a warning?
Summary: The title pretty much says it all. Companion piece to The Play
Disclaimer: Once again, I referenced a quote from Firefly.
The first time is awkward.
It is his first time on the receiving end of a handjob. It is clearly the girl's first time giving one as well.
She's already received her end of the deal, so she isn't really as careful or focused as she could be. Her pink, paint-chipped nails catch on places that nails are never supposed to catch, and her grip is just over the edge of too tight to be pleasurable.
Eventually, it gets to the point where she wants to experiment in new areas, and Jimmy, for the sake of his nonexistent future children, decides he's had enough.
He fakes a loud moan like he's seen people do when they were having sex in pornos and removes the girl's claws carefully from his junk.
They both stare at each other.
"Ummm... Thanks?" Jimmy says.
"Y-you too?" the girl stutters.
She keeps looking down, so he decides it would be best if he put the Photon Torpedo (PT for short) back in his boxers.
There is a moment of silence.
"So, um, don't take this the wrong way," the girl starts, "but isn't, like, stuff... supposed to come out?"
-----------------------------------
The sixteenth time is a distraction.
He is dead drunk in the back of an alley getting the shit kicked out of him. He'd made the terrible mistake of flirting with a cute guy with great hair in the bar.
Apparently, cute-guy had taken offense to the fact that another male had flirted with him. Cute-guy thought the flirting indicated that he appeared homosexual.
One would think that in the 23rd century, sexuality would no longer be an issue, but, somehow, there were still men who thought being/looking/acting "gay" detracted from their inherent, testosterony goodness.
Thus, Jim is in an alley, getting the shit kicked out of him.
He actually gets the idea for how to escape from the asshole kicking him in the ribs.
"You cock-sucking fag! I bet you're so sick that you're getting off on this!"
He really isn't getting off on it, but... hmmm...
Jim starts moaning and panting and grunting and making any other noise he thinks of that could possibly convey pleasure.
Once cute-guy hears the noises, he stops kicking and steps away from the body on the ground.
Jim continues his performance until cute-guy runs from the alley in disgust.
At the very least, he manages to comm Bones before passing out on the ground.
-----------------------------------
The twenty-third time is a joke.
It is Kirk's eighty bajillionth physical with a very grumpy doctor.
Recently, something of unknown origin had given Jim some insane intestinal distress. In the follow-up, McCoy had decided it was best to do a full, comprehensive examination of his digestive tract to ensure that there would be no lasting damage.
There is one last part to the exam.
McCoy pulls on two latex gloves and retrieves lubricant from the replicator.
"I need you to turn around, bend over, and pull down your pants."
"Ooh! Sounds super kinky, Bones!" He wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"Jim, please, let's just get this done. You can't possibly make this worse for me than it already is." McCoy's voice sounds pained.
James T. Kirk makes sure that a certain doctor regrets that entirely unintended challenge for the rest of his life.
----------------------------------
The last time is legendary.
Everyone is on the bridge watching in horror as the argument between Captain Kirk and Admiral Komack escalates from bad to worse.
"Excuse me, sir, but you sent us orders to go to some fancy-shmancy party on the other side of the Federation." Kirk's words are ice cold.
"Yes, Kirk, and those orders stand!" Komack shouts.
"But there are people from the planet right next to us who have been kidnapped to be sold into slavery! I know which one I find more important."
"Yes, and I am positive they will be saved by the next big damn hero that comes along. Surely you aren't the only one in the universe." Anger is changing Komack's ruddy cheeks from red to purple.
Kirk's nostrils flare as he opens his mouth to respond.
His mouth shuts with a click.
He takes a big breath as he tries to gather himself.
Then, something changes.
His body abruptly relaxes, and he sighs, letting his eyes shut.
Jim hums quietly.
The hum increases volume to a moan, and his head tips back to rest on edge the Captain's chair.
The bridge is confused, but everyone is too focused on watching to ask about what's happening.
He gasps sharply and licks his lips.
The sharp gasp echoes around the bridge as individuals begin to realize what's happening.
"Ah!" he inhales and his chest begins to heave.
There's a clatter as three people drop their PADDS.
He moans, long and drawn out, thrashing his head from side to side.
More clatters follow.
"F-Fuck!" he stutters. "Oh fuck!"
Chekov squeaks and turns scarlet, as comprehension finally dawns on his face.
"Yes," he whispers, back arching.
His audience tries to tear their eyes away, but the show is far too hypnotizing.
"Yes. Yes! YES!" Each progressive repetition gets louder.
Jim hisses out a final breath between his teeth, and his body turns lax.
There is a moment of silence.
The look on Komack's face is frozen somewhere between horror and fascination.
Kirk suddenly sits up straight.
"Oh, sorry." He is as collected and cold as he was before his performance. "I figured if the admiralty was going to be fucking with me by treating me like their poster boy instead of the captain of a flagship, I may as well enjoy it."
Captain James T. Kirk is almost court martialed, but, somehow, a recording of the incident appears all over the nets the next day.
For all that he has faked being fucked by the admiralty, public adoration makes him untouchable to all, barring one person.
--------------------------------
Regardless of the hundreds or thousands of times he has been there, there is a specific location where Jim has never faked--not even as a game--and that place is their bed.
In fact, unless Spock encourages otherwise, sex between them is shockingly vanilla. Jim has already been a part of sex with games and has done every taboo possible, but nothing has ever felt as pleasurable or as right as being with Spock, so he feels no need to add anything else.
So, every night, after they've fallen into bed together, Jim buries his face into the crook of Spock's neck. Into that soft, smooth skin, he whispers about how lucky he is to have a sacred haven where he never has to fake.