I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean...

[flake_ige]

I'm not trying to be beautiful
but sometimes, 
people see it in me

I feel like I have changed, or am changing... into this person, that isn't capable of having people close.  I feel like Lauren, who is my BFF, is perpetually mad at me... Like I'm not what she wants or needs, and I don't know what to think about that, or how to feel.  I don't feel

Comments

[ties_u_severed]

im not perpetually mad at you...at all...i just get frustrated sometimes...like i dont feel like im good enough for YOU anymore...like when you are making plans for a night, im a last resort...like not only do you wait for other people to call you with plans but i feel like you SEEK out plans...because anything would be better than hanging out w/ me...and im not expecting that we are going to hang out all the time every night and day because thats not healthy for a friendship and its basically really creepy but i feel like living together i dunno...i just thought it would be different...and i dont know what to do to help you feel or want a more connectedness w/ other people...maybe you need to not think about your feelings so much...like i feel like you overanalyze just like i do...i look at every emotion i ever feel and like dissect it to the point that im going crazy...just let yourself be...like let things happen on their own...dont think about what is going to happen in the future...dont think about what choices your making with

thank you

[flake_ige]

You are not a last resort... The other night I had those hockey plans beofre even coming home, and when it came down to it, even when those failed, I didn't want to go to a bar. The other night though, when you askedme out, I thought.. I could ask some other people (theta phi's) but I thougt no.. just me and lauren.. good times will be had.. I think that a lot.. just depends.. sometimes I need bff time, sometimes I want random social time.. this is a weird night for me, I have a lot of doubts about initiation and I needed to go out and see... youknow? I heart you and you support me so much when you don't evenknow about it, like cooking and cleaning and just being a mom someitmes, you don't know, but like.. I haven't always had osmeone like that, youknow? Most of the time I ignore random deep feelings i have, just not in lj, youknow? I heart you