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seraph_tenshi December 11 2018, 20:12:58 UTC
The Goggle Vampire Lestat....I need to get used to it.

Well, all the celebrities make the experience you make. Every celebrity get strange poems and it will told wrong things. Look what they've done with God. Jeez.

As for your confession. I doubt that there is anyone in this world who has not noticed it. ^^ I also think that makes life sometimes difficult with you. Its stressful when a person you love ignore important things.
Anyway, Your statement "It was so much better to be happy." applies to many people in all kind of life. But many do not admit that they feel or think so.

And the big question "who am I?" can be only answered by yourself. Only you can find the answer to that question. But I could imagine that it is more tricky for a vampire than for a human. After all, you have this soul/spirit part of Amel, this evil, in you. So you are not completely yourself...

So you think ignorance is a virtue?

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flambeauvivant December 11 2018, 20:29:54 UTC
It's never been as intense as it is now, especially with these ghastly new books, and I hate to break it to you, honey, but I'm not god.

Where is my medal for powerful self realization?!

Yes. I know. Only I can answer it and I do know the answer and yet.

It was always better than pain.

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seraph_tenshi December 11 2018, 20:46:33 UTC
Yeah with he Internet age everybody knows -more or less- everything. If I would be you, I would freak out. And even more when I find out, there are indeed people who likes it. How can somebody loves books worse than Twilight? (Now I´ve said it)

Haha. I did not compare you to God. He only came in my mind first. But its very nice of you to say you are not god. We all are proud of you.

Ok, ok.

... )

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flambeauvivant December 11 2018, 20:59:29 UTC
Say it! Shout it from the rooftops! Do you see what I mean? It's out there now as if it is me and yet it's not me! I'm me! I wouldn't do those things. I don't think that way. It's a theft of my soul!

It took some effort.

I have rarely faced up to the true horrors of my existence. What do they call it now? Existential dread. It is always better to be happy, for what else do we have but our experience of the world?

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thedizzywriter December 11 2018, 20:13:49 UTC
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this pain. Is there anything I can do to help?

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flambeauvivant December 11 2018, 20:31:00 UTC
The spirit of self-analysis moves me, petite. It's not easy, but I'm perfectly fine. Merci.

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thedizzywriter December 11 2018, 22:09:35 UTC
Ah, I’m sorry. I misinterpreted this a bit.
I’m sort of feeling a bit of the same and it’s distressing. I guess I just applied my own feelings onto you. Sorry about that.

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flambeauvivant December 12 2018, 19:52:36 UTC
There is nothing to apologize for. I hate probing into the past, but it won't do me any harm.

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beautesauvage13 December 11 2018, 21:04:56 UTC

I enjoyed reading this.  A new perspective on your past.

We all of us I think will reach a point in life where we want the innocence of our youth back.  I know I do.  47 isn't fun.  I want to be 16 again.

Athena

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flambeauvivant December 11 2018, 21:12:23 UTC
Thank you, chere. Yes, innocence can be bliss, mn? It's also time to face up to some truths about my past if I am ever going to change the future. I was naive then and I can be naive still, even when I think I'm very wise. Perhaps after all we can't change.

16? Why 16? Tell me about 16.

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beautesauvage13 December 11 2018, 21:36:20 UTC

Yes.  You are naive still sometimes I think.  Wise too though.

16-I was young and full of dreams.  My last year of high school.  I had this dream of going to Ryerson university in Ontario to study theater acting.  I was in theater arts here. We did a play at the end of the year as part of the course. It was the best time.  I loved every second of it.   I had all these specific ideas, study acting, become famous, win an Academy award, get a star on the Hollywood walk of fame.  I was going to be somebody.  A Hollywood star.  I was also going to marry Arnold Swartzenegger but then he married Maria Shriver, I was crushed.

Of course none of it never happened. I did go to university but I went to the one here.  I studied English and history, which I actually loved.  Did a few drama courses, auditioned for a few local theater groups here got the odd bit part-you know the no lines just stand there and look like a town person.

I suppose if it did happen I may not have ever gone to New Orleans. Might not have gone to New York or ( ... )

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flambeauvivant December 11 2018, 21:59:09 UTC
Not wise enough, mn?

What is 16 about if it's not about being full of hopes and dreams? You are a someone! And you still use that creative streak. It's never too late for drama, why not get another bit part and see how it rolls?

Life is a series of forks in the road. What if is a game I'm reluctant to play, but this bit of introspection has me thinking in a way that I don't usually. It rarely does me much good to resurrect the past. Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’ was his response. ‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered. ‘Then,’ said the cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.”

What do you want?

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sr_kalika December 11 2018, 21:21:10 UTC

I had to read it a couple of times just to take it all in. A little bit of self analysis is always a good thing.

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flambeauvivant December 11 2018, 21:27:12 UTC
I do hope that it wasn't too much to swallow. Introspection has rarely been my forte.

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sr_kalika December 11 2018, 21:35:50 UTC

Only because I was trying to find the right words to say. It’s rather raw to look at someone and realize how they were before and how they are now.

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sr_kalika December 11 2018, 21:36:18 UTC

I love both sides by the way

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inbetweenshades December 17 2018, 04:00:44 UTC
You know what?
I love you! Always have, and I always will!

Here!
Jam with me!!

And in case that doesn't work....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktdQiODWt84

MUAH!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Me

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