my dad and i wrote a song about nostalgia when i was little.

[flaminggoddess]

Today.... today I was cleaning out my drawers (a crucial part of the room straightening process)... and I got to my crap drawer. It's full of things I shouldn't have, things no one knows I have, and things I pray no one ever finds. But now you all know about this drawer so it's kind of pointless. Anyway. So one of the things in this drawer that I pray no one would ever find is my journals. I have every single day of my life since the summer before the 8th grade documented in there. Well... I decided to break from my cleaning spree and sit down and read some of them. I'd sporadically pick a page and read it. It made me realize a lot of things. It made me realize how much i've changed since then. It made me realize how much impact some people and events of my life had made in creating the person that I am today (I think most people could guess what I'm refering to). It also made me realize how sick I was at some points over the past few years and how dependent I was on other people. It made me realize how fake I was and how blind I was to the world around me.... But something about all this doesn't make sense. In some twisted way, I want that all back. I miss the old days. I miss when things were simple. When I was ok pretending to be happy. I miss the old group and how young and stupid we were. I miss not having to worry about college or 'the real world'. I miss being rebellious and making stupid mistakes. I miss stupid friends and stupid fights and stupid make-ups. I don't know where I'm going with this. I think I'm just rambling and congratulate you for reading this far. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy with my life right now. I'm just saying that I wish I could have some of the innocent simplicity back in my life again. It's funny that now that I've "grown up" and started taking things seriously, I realize what an awkward stage I'm in (and we all thought that happened in junior high). Good god I really am just rambling now. I wish I had a closing thought but I don't. So uh... I'll just leave it at that. Goodnight.
I miss you.
..:://♥\\::..