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I'm a miserable fuck up as of late. I have a paper that's five days late in a class that I am probably going to fail. Awesome. When did I start hating school? Fuck. I don't even know what to do about it. Obviously writing the paper would be #1, but after that there are only more papers that I don't want to write. I guess no one wants to
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This sounds a lot like what I went through when I finally faced the fact that I'm not, in fact, good at science. I always thought I was, always thought of myself as a scientist... and then, after three semesters of 2.5s and lower, including two failed classes, I really questioned my identity. It was really, really hard for me to accept not being good at something I used to love so much, and I cried about it quite a bit. Of course, this questioning just led me down a different path in the atlas of academia, but still...
I guess I hope that you get through this without too much damage and find what you're really made for. I learned myself that what we think we love isn't always what we're meant to do, no matter how much we want it to be.
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I always thought you were better at Science than i was.
I really hope i can do this...
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I've never been remotely good at school, until i got to college. In highschool, everything seemed pointless because i was forced to be there, and all of the kids would make fun of me for one reason or another, which was extremely depressing.
But when i got to college, man! no one gave a shit about who you were! And you're allowed to focus on what you want to do, which makes you realize your own ambition.
It isn't all going to be fun, but you force yourself to do it because you have an eventual goal.
Keep your eye on the prize.
You're amazingly intelligent, and i know you can find that Ashley spark of academia again.
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