Letter to the EditorpendulousApril 21 2003, 08:03:28 UTC
Dear Reader's Digest,
I have always found your column, "Holiday Hijinks," to be both humorous and deeply touching. Every month I've been able to read stories of families not so different from my own living, loving, and laughing together at the holiday table. I have always appreciated your attention to finding the best quality stories of true American family life.
However, your most recent issue containing an Easter story from a Mr. Crocodile was offensive beyond words. The flagrant display of violence and disrespect in this "story" is not only unnecessary, but completely unprofessional on your part. Not since your attempt to legitimize Kwanzaa have I been so appalled at a holiday column. You should be ashamed of yourselves for printing such filth.
Please cancel my subscription effective immediately.
Sincerely, Jonathan Davis CEO and Vocals Korn
P.S. When I say "sincerely," what I really mean is "sincerely disappointed."
Re: Letter to the EditorpendulousApril 21 2003, 11:19:07 UTC
Dear Mr. Davis,
While we here at Reader's Digest continually try to reach your demographic with heartfelt true stories that reflect the wholesome American way of life, we regret the publication of My Easter, Mister (that's pronounced Mee-ster).
We have performed a full background check on the editor for that issue, Mr. Ralph Itler. We here at RD were shocked to find out that he is a Nazi and in fact has the evil gene. Upon finding this out, we have added genetic screening for all of our applicants and have even gone back and fired 305 of our employees.
The situation will soon be seen on the big screen in the Charlie Kaufman scripted The Digestion of Readers. And since you were not aware of the situation upon canceling your subscription, we will not only not cancel, but also double it. You will now be receiving two issues of Reader's Digest every month.
Seriously, dude, you should have seen you face. You were all like "we're sorry, we're sorry. it was the evil gene." Dude, this is so awesome!
Hey Ashton, come over here, check this guy out. I was all like "I'm outraged." and he was all like "oh, I'm sorry, let me fire everybody". This is, like, the best one yet. OK, maybe its not better than when we beat up that cripple in front of his kids and he was like, "you kids are gonna pay!" and then we were like "Dude, you just got Punk'd!
But this guy was all like, totally serious. I so love this show.
Sincerely, Jonathan Davis CEO and Vocals Korn
P.S. When I say "sincerely" what I really mean is "Punk'd!"
Re: Letter to the EditorpendulousApril 22 2003, 08:22:52 UTC
Dear Mr. Davis,
This is Vinny from the Reader's Digest Revenge Department. I deliciously regret to inform you that we must break your thumbs. So along with your next issue, you will receive a thug who will "totally go postal" on you.
Sincerely, Vinny Bombatis Revenge Department Reader's Digest
P.S. When I say "sincerely," I mean "I can't wait to see you bleed."
Comments 4
I have always found your column, "Holiday Hijinks," to be both humorous and deeply touching. Every month I've been able to read stories of families not so different from my own living, loving, and laughing together at the holiday table. I have always appreciated your attention to finding the best quality stories of true American family life.
However, your most recent issue containing an Easter story from a Mr. Crocodile was offensive beyond words. The flagrant display of violence and disrespect in this "story" is not only unnecessary, but completely unprofessional on your part. Not since your attempt to legitimize Kwanzaa have I been so appalled at a holiday column. You should be ashamed of yourselves for printing such filth.
Please cancel my subscription effective immediately.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Davis
CEO and Vocals
Korn
P.S. When I say "sincerely," what I really mean is "sincerely disappointed."
Reply
While we here at Reader's Digest continually try to reach your demographic with heartfelt true stories that reflect the wholesome American way of life, we regret the publication of My Easter, Mister (that's pronounced Mee-ster).
We have performed a full background check on the editor for that issue, Mr. Ralph Itler. We here at RD were shocked to find out that he is a Nazi and in fact has the evil gene. Upon finding this out, we have added genetic screening for all of our applicants and have even gone back and fired 305 of our employees.
The situation will soon be seen on the big screen in the Charlie Kaufman scripted The Digestion of Readers. And since you were not aware of the situation upon canceling your subscription, we will not only not cancel, but also double it. You will now be receiving two issues of Reader's Digest every month.
Sincerely,
Rodney Davenport
Reader's Digest
P.S. When I say "sincerely," I mean "sincerely."
Reply
You totally just got Punk'd!
Sucker!
Seriously, dude, you should have seen you face. You were all like "we're sorry, we're sorry. it was the evil gene."
Dude, this is so awesome!
Hey Ashton, come over here, check this guy out. I was all like "I'm outraged." and he was all like "oh, I'm sorry, let me fire everybody". This is, like, the best one yet. OK, maybe its not better than when we beat up that cripple in front of his kids and he was like, "you kids are gonna pay!" and then we were like "Dude, you just got Punk'd!
But this guy was all like, totally serious.
I so love this show.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Davis
CEO and Vocals
Korn
P.S. When I say "sincerely" what I really mean is "Punk'd!"
Reply
This is Vinny from the Reader's Digest Revenge Department. I deliciously regret to inform you that we must break your thumbs. So along with your next issue, you will receive a thug who will "totally go postal" on you.
Sincerely,
Vinny Bombatis
Revenge Department
Reader's Digest
P.S. When I say "sincerely," I mean "I can't wait to see you bleed."
Reply
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