IQ 30
Title: IQ 30
Pairing: David Ferrer/Rafael Nadal
Other character: Feliciano Lopez
Rating: G
Warning: angst, mushiness
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this is fiction.
Summary: David gets to know what his IQ is.
Author's note: Funny summary when this story has nothing to do with IQs. I wanted to try something slightly different to get out of this slump and I can't even come up with a decent summary :)
There is this person in my life, just one person that I’m desperate to have all to myself. Yes, I know that I’m selfish. I can’t possibly deserve him but a boy can dream, no?
He always belonged to someone else. Once it was Carlos, the other time it was Robredo and now it’s Feliciano. The lucky guys are all Spanish so maybe it’s my turn next! I know there’s still Ferrero, Almagro and others but as I said, a boy can dream.
It’s raining outside. Of course, it’s raining, otherwise it won’t be Wimbledon. My Rafa likes rain and loves Wimbledon but absolutely hates rain in Wimbledon. He was so bored last year that he had even asked me if I wanted to play cards with him just by ourselves. I can still remember how he frowned when I won the game and how much I had blamed myself for not letting him win. I was going to let him take the next game but he had left with Carlos.
I really wish that he would only have me inside those twinkling eyes, that he would only smile that sunlit smile of his only for me. I think I could even use his smile for electricity at home. They have solar energy technology, no? But if I want to use him as my source of energy, shouldn’t we live in the same home?
He-he, that idea makes me smile. Hee-hee, I can’t stop smiling now. It’s all Rafa’s fault. He’s always the reason why I look stupid in Davis Cup pictures. Either I have one eye closed and look like a new kind of monster or either I have my mouth wide open as if I haven’t eaten for a whole week.
Talking about Davis Cup, only God and my coach know how hard I worked to join the Spanish team. I love my country but sometimes I wished that Rafa and I were born in a very small country like in Cyprus so that we could join the national team easily. Oh well, it would have been great. We could have had Marcos on the team and as he’s a funny guy, he could have made my Rafa laugh all the time and I would have had plenty of energy for the off-season!
I dream about the day when I will play doubles with Rafa again. I played with him once in Indian Wells and we lost in the first round very easily. It’s always Feli and Fernando in Davis Cup, and in other tournaments, Feli wants to play with Rafa so there’s no chance for me. This is a secret but I practice for my dream doubles everyday, just in case I’ll get another chance to play with him. Who knows? Maybe other players will get sick or injured one day and as I’m probably the fittest one after him, I might get a chance, no?
I’m speaking so much because I’m excited about today’s lunch. It’s Wimbledon so all the top Spanish players are gathering for a huge meal together. I know that Rafa will be there with Feli but it’s always a happy day for me if I can see Rafa in a restaurant. He looks so much cuter with normal clothes on and he smiles much more when he’s around friends. I hope I can sit close to him.
And, after lunch, I’m planning to finally tell him how much I love him. I know it’s a huge risk. Maybe he won’t want to talk to me anymore or maybe he’ll tell Feli and Feli might punch me on the face. But I can’t look at him and keep pretending that we’re just good friends and I owe everyone that has sacrificed so much for my tennis so I should just tell him, cry a month and focus on my tennis again. There’s no way he’ll be happy with what I have to say, no? So it might be the last time that I share a meal with him, which makes me want to sit close to him even more than ever.
Yippee! It must be my lucky day because I arrived in the restaurant and look where I’m sitting now! Right across Rafa! I knew that today would be a good day when my hair dried just the way I like it this morning. Of course, he’s sitting with Feli while I’m stuck between Verdasco and Almagro.
“David, congrats on your first win on grass!”
I look up and Rafa’s smiling at me. “Thanks, Rafa. Congrats on your first win on grass too.”
Everyone congratulates me and Rafa but my eyes are glued to Feli’s hand that is caressing one of Rafa’s wrists. I know I shouldn’t look too jealous and I’m happy that Rafa looks happy with him but I can’t help wishing that that hand was mine.
“So, David, now all you really need is a boyfriend, no?” Feli grins at me and I wonder if he knows how I feel about his boyfriend.
“I’m just waiting for the right guy. I hope he’s on his way, he-he.”
Everybody laughs except for my Rafa. Okay, so maybe my words weren’t so funny. I should work on my humor.
I move my feet into a more comfortable position, careful not to knock the shopping bag I brought with me. There are three huge Nutellas in there which should give me more leverage when I confess my love to this Nutella-killer. This whole world is so unfair when someone like Rafa can finish a whole jar of Nutella in one day and still have unbelievable muscles.
“What’s inside that bag, Ferru? It must be something important.” Almagro asks and I just smile.
“Come on, you’re making all of us curious. Is it a present? I can see a wrapped box inside it.”
Thanks to Almagro’s loud voice, everyone’s attention was quickly on me again.
“It’s nothing.” I try to avoid the subject.
“Aww, it must be for someone you like!” Fernando guessed right and my face goes all red.
Now everyone is busy guessing who the guy is and I can’t help but glance at Rafa. He seems to be uninterested in the subject and is stabbing his food with his fork. I thought he always liked seafood but maybe today’s food isn’t good enough.
The rest of the meal went all right until Feliciano raised his voice.
“Oh, I have a huge announcement, guys!” Feli shouts out excitedly and I have a feeling that it’s going to be something bad, very bad.
“I asked Rafa to move in with me this morning. If he says yes, we’re going to live together!”
Everyone makes cheerful noise, congratulating both of them while I feel something stab me in the heart. I want to grab my poor heart and cry out of pain, but I don’t want to destroy a happy moment for Rafa.
I was planning to finally tell him how much I liked him and this is what I get to hear. Feli asked him to move in. I guess this is God’s way of telling me that I’m not destined to be with Rafa. I look at him and he’s smiling at every kind word people are telling him.
“But I’m afraid that he hasn’t answered yet...” Feli let out his worries and everyone jumps to comfort him.
“Hey, he’s just playing hard to get. Don’t worry, Feli.” Carlos assures him.
“Yes, he’s probably thinking of the right words to say yes in a romantic way.” Robredo chuckles.
“There’s no way that he’ll say no, no?” Fernando adds and I wish I could join the club but my lips won’t move.
Rafa suddenly lays his eyes on me and I’m terrified that he might be asking for my blessing. Everyone at the table has said at least a handful of nice words and I realize that I’m the only one who didn’t breathe a word.
“Ha-ha, I’m so happy for you Rafa. Feli’s like the perfect boyfriend so I’m sure you two will be the happiest couple ever.”
Now I wonder where all those lies came out from. I look at dear Rafa to see his reaction and I almost bit my tongue when I see him look shocked. So maybe he knows that I was lying. He must be shocked that I didn’t truly give him my blessing. But I can’t help it no? I’m in hell right now.
I try to focus on my eating and try my best not to look across the table. I’m asking Fernando about his hometown and his childhood friends so that I won’t have to listen to Feli and Rafa’s conversation. Why did I bring Nutellas in here? I just want to kick the shopping bag.
Of course, Rafa will say yes to Feli. Why wouldn’t he? I can’t believe that I just have to back off without even getting a chance. Anyway, it’s good for Rafa, no? So no need for me to tell him about my feelings. No need at all.
As soon as I finished my plate, I excused myself and rushed out of the restaurant. I came back to the small flat that I’ve rented and ran into the bathroom to throw up everything I ate since breakfast. My throat hurts so much but I’m not sure if it’s because of the vomiting or because of those hideous lies with which I shocked my Rafa so much.
Would he still want me as his friend? I hope so. But maybe I should learn to lie better and smile better if I want to stay with him. I should be able to open my eyes and don’t flinch even if Feli kisses my Rafa right in front of me. Just by the thought of it, I feel like vomiting again but I know there’s nothing left inside me.
I almost crawl out of the bathroom and think about what I’ll do with those useless Nutellas. I don’t know anyone around me other than Rafa who likes them so I decide to put them on his doorstep. He won’t know that it’s from me so I guess it’s okay.
I hurry to get out of the house so that I can reach his doorstep before he and Feli come back. I don’t want to get caught. And I don’t even want to imagine what an awkward situation that will be.
Now I’m walking back to my place after successfully putting the shopping bag on his doormat. Tears are threatening to drop to the ground at any moment but I’m a strong guy. I don’t let them come out. I’m proud of myself for letting Rafa go away to someone that deserves him more than I do. Feli is smart, kind, beautiful and funny; everything that I’m not.
Raindrops are falling hard on me but I don’t feel wet. In fact, I don’t feel anything right now. I’m just empty. Why didn’t I bring my umbrella by the way? I try to think about it but I can’t remember. I’m sure that I left my place with an umbrella to protect those Nutellas from getting soaked in the rain but I have no idea where that umbrella is. Anyway, who cares about a stupid umbrella.
I sigh and kick several pebbles near my feet when I stop dead in my tracks.
Oh my God, the letter!!
I forgot to take out the letter I had written for him!
I have to get it back before he reads it!
I panic and it takes more than five seconds for my body to turn around and start running. I have to get that letter back! I poured my heart out on that piece of paper. Rafa cannot read that! I cannot destroy his happiness when he’s about to move in with Feli!
I run and run and run.
Guess what I see in front of me right now.
Rafa’s reading the letter while Feli grabs some stuff from the back of their rented car.
Oh boy, I’m dead. I can’t even be his friend anymore.
“Rafa, you’re coming in or what?”
I hear Feli yell inside the house. I stop staring at the letter and yell back.
“I’m coming!”
I’m still in so much shock but I pick up the shopping bag and go inside.
“What was that you were reading?” Feli asks.
“It’s just a fan letter.”
“Oh, I see.”
Feli knows that I receive many fan letters a day so he doesn’t take it seriously. I feel bad lying about the letter to him but I don’t think Feli would like to know about this anyway so I guess it was a good decision from me.
“I’m going out for practice now. You?”
“Me too. I’m going out in half an hour.”
“Okay, baby. Think about what I said and I’ll see you at dinner.”
Feli kisses me with so much tenderness that it hurts. I kiss him back and he’s out of the house which makes me sigh. What am I going to do? I love Feli but there’s someone that I love even more.
I open the letter and read it again.
My dear Rafa,
I know that you only think of me as a friend but I am very sorry to tell you that I don’t feel the same way as you do. It’s okay. I understand that I don’t deserve you. It’s really okay. I also know that I am taking a huge risk here by telling you the truth but I decided to end all this pain and accept the situation that I can’t have you by my side. I will also understand even if you don’t want me as your friend anymore.
There is just one thing I want to tell you. I know you’re at the top right now but after ten, fifteen years, things might be different. But even when everybody turns his back on you, I will stay right here. I will be there to catch you when you fall. So don’t worry about anything else and just enjoy the life that is ahead of you. You will still be loved no matter what.
If I get to walk past you near a practice court or get to have a quick chat with you, that will be my lucky day. If the draw permits me to have a match with you, that will fill me with so much joy. But until I get blessed, I will stay right here and wish you all the happiness in life.
- Happy Ferru
I feel tears swell up in my eyes and I also feel anger swirl inside my stomach. Why doesn’t he even think of the possibility that maybe I would like him? How stupid is he? Does this mean that he won’t catch me right now and just wait until I fall?
I can’t believe that he didn’t know how I felt about him. Even today, I think I showed him enough that I was upset at the idea of him liking someone else but he was stupid enough not to notice it. And now he tells me that he likes me? If I knew it earlier, I wouldn’t have wasted any time with Feli!
I kick the shopping bag in frustration and remember that I didn’t even have time to open it. I don’t really care what he gave me but I still pull the box out.
Wait a minute. This is the box that he had with him at the restaurant! I remember it because I had dropped my fork on purpose and had crawled under the table to look inside the shopping bag that Ferru seemed to care so much about. So he really does like me. I remember him blushing when Fernando teased him.
I suddenly feel a little bit better, knowing that he was blushing because of me. I open the wrapped box and look what I’ve found! Nutellas! Not just one, but three!! Okay, so maybe he’s not that stupid after all. He knows what a perfect gift looks like. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still very angry at him. And I’m not smiling because of the Nutellas. I’m just happy that I got to know how he feels about me.
Okay, now I know what I have to do. I have to tell Feli that I found another person to live with. I’m sure he won’t take it in a positive way but I can’t let Feli think that he’s the person that I love most. I’ve been dreaming of becoming Ferru’s boyfriend for months now but I never had the courage to tell him. So I ended up starting to love Feli more and more but I knew that it wasn’t the right thing to do. It didn’t feel right.
I get up from the floor and write a quick note to Feli that I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I can’t just tell him that I’m going to leave him for someone else on a piece of paper. I want to think that I am decent enough to tell him in person. It will be very hard for me to see his sad face but I know there is someone out there who will be perfect for my dear friend.
I am squirming in agony when I suddenly hear someone knock on the door. Who can possibly be here? My coach? I decide to act dead and not move at all. I don’t care who’s at the door right now. My life had ended when I forgot taking that letter out of the bag.
I hear another knock and then someone presses the doorbell so frantically that I get up with a volcano exploding above my head.
“Who is it?” I yell with as much annoyance as I can put in my voice and yank the door open.
Uh-oh. I’m really dead now.
“No need to yell like that, no?” A very annoyed Rafa walks into my place and I’m scared to hear what he has to tell me.
“Sorry, Rafa. I didn’t know it was you.”
He stares at me with so many different kinds of emotions that I can’t read what’s on his mind.
“Here. Grab it.”
Rafa shoves a big spoon in my fist and I have to raise my eyebrows.
“Sit down. Let’s eat.”
Rafa sits on the carpet and pulls another spoon out of the shopping bag that he has brought.
“Eat what?”
“Eat this.”
I can see Rafa opening a Nutella.
“Is that the one I gave you?” I feel so much joy.
“Yes, so shut up and eat.”
Okay, I don’t know why Rafa is so angry but I sit down like a good boy and dip my spoon into the jar.
“What is your IQ, David Ferrer?”
“What?” I wonder why he’s asking about my IQ and why he’s calling me by my full name.
“I asked what your IQ is. Fifty? Sixty? I’m sure it’s below eighty, no?”
His eyes are glaring and I’m not sure what this conversation is about.
“I don’t understand, Rafa.”
He pulls out the shameful letter from his pocket and opens it only to push it in front of my face.
“Why don’t I see a word in here that tells me you’re going to fight for me? Huh? Why? Tell me!”
I gently grab his wrist so I can get that letter out of my face and smile. Okay, maybe he doesn’t want to see my smile right now because he’s wriggling his eyebrows and that looks scary.
“Is everything okay with Feli? I don’t know why you’re so upset.”
Rafa looks at me as if I just kicked his puppy. His mouth is wide open and I feel him kick my thigh.
“Ouch!! Rafa!”
“You don’t know why I’m so upset? You really don’t know why?”
Rafa grabs me by the waist, pushes me on the floor and we start wrestling on the floor. I have no idea why he’s attacking me but then my brain finally decides to register what Rafa had yelled.
‘Why don’t I see a word in here that tells me you’re going to fight for me?’
Does that mean that he wants me to fight for him? But why? I didn’t know that he was so cruel.
Wait a moment. Does he want me to fight because he’s a little bit interested in me?
I try not to roll over when Rafa tries desperately to flip me over.
“Do you like me, Rafa?”
My dear boy stops his assaults and sits up to look down at me with defeat in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Ferru. Your IQ can’t be fifty. I think it’s around thirty. Very sorry to tell you this.”
I don’t know if I should laugh at that joke but I decide to stay quiet and watch his next moves. Surprisingly, he just lies on top of my body and puts his arms around my neck.
“Rafa...?”
“I love you, IQ thirty.”
I blink my eyes and blame my brain for imagining what I want to hear.
“Ferru?” Rafa holds his head up and looks into my eyes.
“Yes?” I answer and I’m shocked that my voice cracked so badly.
“Why are you crying?”
I can feel Rafa’s soft hand wiping a teardrop away. I’m crying? Since when? And why? He couldn’t have possibly said that he loves me, no?
“Um... Rafa, what did you just say?”
“That your IQ’s thirty? Oh, don’t worry, Ferru. I still love you even though you’re stupid. No need to cry.”
Rafa’s patting me on the chest and I realize that he said that he loves me. Again! I didn’t hear it wrong! He really said it!
“You love me...?”
Rafa lets out a long sigh and nods. “I’ll repeat important things three times from now on since your IQ is so low, ok?”
I just look up and blink, not knowing what exactly caused me to be treated like a fool.
“Ferru, I love you.”
“I love you, David.”
“I really really love you.”
And for the perfect ending to his wonderful confession, he gives me a quick kiss on the lips. We both blush since we’re one of the shyest people on the planet.
“Um... aren’t you going to tell me that you love me too?”
Rafa asks so sweetly that I almost die in happiness. He has to give me a warning each time before he says something sweet like that.
“I think I already wrote how much I care about you in that letter, Rafa.”
My dear boy sits up and raises his eyebrows once more. “So now you’re going to play hard to get? Now that you know I love you?”
He tries to get up from my body and I don’t want the warmth to go away. “No, no! I love you, Rafa! I love you.”
“That sounds better.”
“But what are you going to do with Feli? You love him more, no?”
Rafa forms an ‘O’ with his mouth and starts banging his head on the floor.
“What are you doing?!”
I sit up and pull his head in my arms so that he can’t hurt himself. His forehead has only hit the floor once but I can already feel my heart bleeding.
“Don’t stop me. If I’m going to move in with you, I should have a lower IQ, no? I can’t live with someone that stupid when I’m super smart.”
I want to say something back but the feeling of having him in my arms just feel so good that my brain can’t function properly. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am that stupid. But who cares when I have him right here, right now?
“I’ll try to get smarter so you won’t have to bang your head.”
“Really? You’re going to do that for me? Maybe raise it to fifty or sixty?” Rafa raises his head up and I enjoy the luxury of watching those eyes open and close right in front of me.
“Monkeys’ are around sixty, no?” I ask, not too sure whether I should be categorized with them.
“Aww, you know that when yours are only thirty?”
My Rafa bursts into laughter and I’m proud of myself for making him laugh. I want to keep his smile in a treasure box deep down my soul and look at it every time when I’m alone. He’s just that beautiful.
“So what kinds of animals are at my level?” I ask.
“Hmm... dogs?”
“Really? Now I feel a little bit better because there are some really smart dogs out there!”
“Good that you feel happy about yourself.” Rafa chuckles. “Now let’s eat.”
He picks up his spoon again and settles between my legs with his back turned against me. I hesitate for a moment before putting my arms around his waist.
“Too weak, no?”
I understand what he means and hugs him a little bit tighter. He puts on a satisfied grin on his lips and dips his spoon inside his precious Nutella.
“Aaah-”
“Aaah-” I open my mouth as Rafa feeds me.
“Tastes unbelievable, no? Nothing can beat Nutella.”
I nod eagerly. It’s true. Nothing can beat the Nutella that Rafa’s feeding me.
“Don’t worry. I love you more than Nutella. Don’t worry. Don't worry.”
He winks and, oh boy, my dream has finally come true.
Pairing: David Ferrer/Rafael Nadal
Other character: Feliciano Lopez
Rating: G
Warning: angst, mushiness
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this is fiction.
Summary: David gets to know what his IQ is.
Author's note: Funny summary when this story has nothing to do with IQs. I wanted to try something slightly different to get out of this slump and I can't even come up with a decent summary :)
There is this person in my life, just one person that I’m desperate to have all to myself. Yes, I know that I’m selfish. I can’t possibly deserve him but a boy can dream, no?
He always belonged to someone else. Once it was Carlos, the other time it was Robredo and now it’s Feliciano. The lucky guys are all Spanish so maybe it’s my turn next! I know there’s still Ferrero, Almagro and others but as I said, a boy can dream.
It’s raining outside. Of course, it’s raining, otherwise it won’t be Wimbledon. My Rafa likes rain and loves Wimbledon but absolutely hates rain in Wimbledon. He was so bored last year that he had even asked me if I wanted to play cards with him just by ourselves. I can still remember how he frowned when I won the game and how much I had blamed myself for not letting him win. I was going to let him take the next game but he had left with Carlos.
I really wish that he would only have me inside those twinkling eyes, that he would only smile that sunlit smile of his only for me. I think I could even use his smile for electricity at home. They have solar energy technology, no? But if I want to use him as my source of energy, shouldn’t we live in the same home?
He-he, that idea makes me smile. Hee-hee, I can’t stop smiling now. It’s all Rafa’s fault. He’s always the reason why I look stupid in Davis Cup pictures. Either I have one eye closed and look like a new kind of monster or either I have my mouth wide open as if I haven’t eaten for a whole week.
Talking about Davis Cup, only God and my coach know how hard I worked to join the Spanish team. I love my country but sometimes I wished that Rafa and I were born in a very small country like in Cyprus so that we could join the national team easily. Oh well, it would have been great. We could have had Marcos on the team and as he’s a funny guy, he could have made my Rafa laugh all the time and I would have had plenty of energy for the off-season!
I dream about the day when I will play doubles with Rafa again. I played with him once in Indian Wells and we lost in the first round very easily. It’s always Feli and Fernando in Davis Cup, and in other tournaments, Feli wants to play with Rafa so there’s no chance for me. This is a secret but I practice for my dream doubles everyday, just in case I’ll get another chance to play with him. Who knows? Maybe other players will get sick or injured one day and as I’m probably the fittest one after him, I might get a chance, no?
I’m speaking so much because I’m excited about today’s lunch. It’s Wimbledon so all the top Spanish players are gathering for a huge meal together. I know that Rafa will be there with Feli but it’s always a happy day for me if I can see Rafa in a restaurant. He looks so much cuter with normal clothes on and he smiles much more when he’s around friends. I hope I can sit close to him.
And, after lunch, I’m planning to finally tell him how much I love him. I know it’s a huge risk. Maybe he won’t want to talk to me anymore or maybe he’ll tell Feli and Feli might punch me on the face. But I can’t look at him and keep pretending that we’re just good friends and I owe everyone that has sacrificed so much for my tennis so I should just tell him, cry a month and focus on my tennis again. There’s no way he’ll be happy with what I have to say, no? So it might be the last time that I share a meal with him, which makes me want to sit close to him even more than ever.
Yippee! It must be my lucky day because I arrived in the restaurant and look where I’m sitting now! Right across Rafa! I knew that today would be a good day when my hair dried just the way I like it this morning. Of course, he’s sitting with Feli while I’m stuck between Verdasco and Almagro.
“David, congrats on your first win on grass!”
I look up and Rafa’s smiling at me. “Thanks, Rafa. Congrats on your first win on grass too.”
Everyone congratulates me and Rafa but my eyes are glued to Feli’s hand that is caressing one of Rafa’s wrists. I know I shouldn’t look too jealous and I’m happy that Rafa looks happy with him but I can’t help wishing that that hand was mine.
“So, David, now all you really need is a boyfriend, no?” Feli grins at me and I wonder if he knows how I feel about his boyfriend.
“I’m just waiting for the right guy. I hope he’s on his way, he-he.”
Everybody laughs except for my Rafa. Okay, so maybe my words weren’t so funny. I should work on my humor.
I move my feet into a more comfortable position, careful not to knock the shopping bag I brought with me. There are three huge Nutellas in there which should give me more leverage when I confess my love to this Nutella-killer. This whole world is so unfair when someone like Rafa can finish a whole jar of Nutella in one day and still have unbelievable muscles.
“What’s inside that bag, Ferru? It must be something important.” Almagro asks and I just smile.
“Come on, you’re making all of us curious. Is it a present? I can see a wrapped box inside it.”
Thanks to Almagro’s loud voice, everyone’s attention was quickly on me again.
“It’s nothing.” I try to avoid the subject.
“Aww, it must be for someone you like!” Fernando guessed right and my face goes all red.
Now everyone is busy guessing who the guy is and I can’t help but glance at Rafa. He seems to be uninterested in the subject and is stabbing his food with his fork. I thought he always liked seafood but maybe today’s food isn’t good enough.
The rest of the meal went all right until Feliciano raised his voice.
“Oh, I have a huge announcement, guys!” Feli shouts out excitedly and I have a feeling that it’s going to be something bad, very bad.
“I asked Rafa to move in with me this morning. If he says yes, we’re going to live together!”
Everyone makes cheerful noise, congratulating both of them while I feel something stab me in the heart. I want to grab my poor heart and cry out of pain, but I don’t want to destroy a happy moment for Rafa.
I was planning to finally tell him how much I liked him and this is what I get to hear. Feli asked him to move in. I guess this is God’s way of telling me that I’m not destined to be with Rafa. I look at him and he’s smiling at every kind word people are telling him.
“But I’m afraid that he hasn’t answered yet...” Feli let out his worries and everyone jumps to comfort him.
“Hey, he’s just playing hard to get. Don’t worry, Feli.” Carlos assures him.
“Yes, he’s probably thinking of the right words to say yes in a romantic way.” Robredo chuckles.
“There’s no way that he’ll say no, no?” Fernando adds and I wish I could join the club but my lips won’t move.
Rafa suddenly lays his eyes on me and I’m terrified that he might be asking for my blessing. Everyone at the table has said at least a handful of nice words and I realize that I’m the only one who didn’t breathe a word.
“Ha-ha, I’m so happy for you Rafa. Feli’s like the perfect boyfriend so I’m sure you two will be the happiest couple ever.”
Now I wonder where all those lies came out from. I look at dear Rafa to see his reaction and I almost bit my tongue when I see him look shocked. So maybe he knows that I was lying. He must be shocked that I didn’t truly give him my blessing. But I can’t help it no? I’m in hell right now.
I try to focus on my eating and try my best not to look across the table. I’m asking Fernando about his hometown and his childhood friends so that I won’t have to listen to Feli and Rafa’s conversation. Why did I bring Nutellas in here? I just want to kick the shopping bag.
Of course, Rafa will say yes to Feli. Why wouldn’t he? I can’t believe that I just have to back off without even getting a chance. Anyway, it’s good for Rafa, no? So no need for me to tell him about my feelings. No need at all.
As soon as I finished my plate, I excused myself and rushed out of the restaurant. I came back to the small flat that I’ve rented and ran into the bathroom to throw up everything I ate since breakfast. My throat hurts so much but I’m not sure if it’s because of the vomiting or because of those hideous lies with which I shocked my Rafa so much.
Would he still want me as his friend? I hope so. But maybe I should learn to lie better and smile better if I want to stay with him. I should be able to open my eyes and don’t flinch even if Feli kisses my Rafa right in front of me. Just by the thought of it, I feel like vomiting again but I know there’s nothing left inside me.
I almost crawl out of the bathroom and think about what I’ll do with those useless Nutellas. I don’t know anyone around me other than Rafa who likes them so I decide to put them on his doorstep. He won’t know that it’s from me so I guess it’s okay.
I hurry to get out of the house so that I can reach his doorstep before he and Feli come back. I don’t want to get caught. And I don’t even want to imagine what an awkward situation that will be.
Now I’m walking back to my place after successfully putting the shopping bag on his doormat. Tears are threatening to drop to the ground at any moment but I’m a strong guy. I don’t let them come out. I’m proud of myself for letting Rafa go away to someone that deserves him more than I do. Feli is smart, kind, beautiful and funny; everything that I’m not.
Raindrops are falling hard on me but I don’t feel wet. In fact, I don’t feel anything right now. I’m just empty. Why didn’t I bring my umbrella by the way? I try to think about it but I can’t remember. I’m sure that I left my place with an umbrella to protect those Nutellas from getting soaked in the rain but I have no idea where that umbrella is. Anyway, who cares about a stupid umbrella.
I sigh and kick several pebbles near my feet when I stop dead in my tracks.
Oh my God, the letter!!
I forgot to take out the letter I had written for him!
I have to get it back before he reads it!
I panic and it takes more than five seconds for my body to turn around and start running. I have to get that letter back! I poured my heart out on that piece of paper. Rafa cannot read that! I cannot destroy his happiness when he’s about to move in with Feli!
I run and run and run.
Guess what I see in front of me right now.
Rafa’s reading the letter while Feli grabs some stuff from the back of their rented car.
Oh boy, I’m dead. I can’t even be his friend anymore.
“Rafa, you’re coming in or what?”
I hear Feli yell inside the house. I stop staring at the letter and yell back.
“I’m coming!”
I’m still in so much shock but I pick up the shopping bag and go inside.
“What was that you were reading?” Feli asks.
“It’s just a fan letter.”
“Oh, I see.”
Feli knows that I receive many fan letters a day so he doesn’t take it seriously. I feel bad lying about the letter to him but I don’t think Feli would like to know about this anyway so I guess it was a good decision from me.
“I’m going out for practice now. You?”
“Me too. I’m going out in half an hour.”
“Okay, baby. Think about what I said and I’ll see you at dinner.”
Feli kisses me with so much tenderness that it hurts. I kiss him back and he’s out of the house which makes me sigh. What am I going to do? I love Feli but there’s someone that I love even more.
I open the letter and read it again.
My dear Rafa,
I know that you only think of me as a friend but I am very sorry to tell you that I don’t feel the same way as you do. It’s okay. I understand that I don’t deserve you. It’s really okay. I also know that I am taking a huge risk here by telling you the truth but I decided to end all this pain and accept the situation that I can’t have you by my side. I will also understand even if you don’t want me as your friend anymore.
There is just one thing I want to tell you. I know you’re at the top right now but after ten, fifteen years, things might be different. But even when everybody turns his back on you, I will stay right here. I will be there to catch you when you fall. So don’t worry about anything else and just enjoy the life that is ahead of you. You will still be loved no matter what.
If I get to walk past you near a practice court or get to have a quick chat with you, that will be my lucky day. If the draw permits me to have a match with you, that will fill me with so much joy. But until I get blessed, I will stay right here and wish you all the happiness in life.
- Happy Ferru
I feel tears swell up in my eyes and I also feel anger swirl inside my stomach. Why doesn’t he even think of the possibility that maybe I would like him? How stupid is he? Does this mean that he won’t catch me right now and just wait until I fall?
I can’t believe that he didn’t know how I felt about him. Even today, I think I showed him enough that I was upset at the idea of him liking someone else but he was stupid enough not to notice it. And now he tells me that he likes me? If I knew it earlier, I wouldn’t have wasted any time with Feli!
I kick the shopping bag in frustration and remember that I didn’t even have time to open it. I don’t really care what he gave me but I still pull the box out.
Wait a minute. This is the box that he had with him at the restaurant! I remember it because I had dropped my fork on purpose and had crawled under the table to look inside the shopping bag that Ferru seemed to care so much about. So he really does like me. I remember him blushing when Fernando teased him.
I suddenly feel a little bit better, knowing that he was blushing because of me. I open the wrapped box and look what I’ve found! Nutellas! Not just one, but three!! Okay, so maybe he’s not that stupid after all. He knows what a perfect gift looks like. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still very angry at him. And I’m not smiling because of the Nutellas. I’m just happy that I got to know how he feels about me.
Okay, now I know what I have to do. I have to tell Feli that I found another person to live with. I’m sure he won’t take it in a positive way but I can’t let Feli think that he’s the person that I love most. I’ve been dreaming of becoming Ferru’s boyfriend for months now but I never had the courage to tell him. So I ended up starting to love Feli more and more but I knew that it wasn’t the right thing to do. It didn’t feel right.
I get up from the floor and write a quick note to Feli that I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I can’t just tell him that I’m going to leave him for someone else on a piece of paper. I want to think that I am decent enough to tell him in person. It will be very hard for me to see his sad face but I know there is someone out there who will be perfect for my dear friend.
I am squirming in agony when I suddenly hear someone knock on the door. Who can possibly be here? My coach? I decide to act dead and not move at all. I don’t care who’s at the door right now. My life had ended when I forgot taking that letter out of the bag.
I hear another knock and then someone presses the doorbell so frantically that I get up with a volcano exploding above my head.
“Who is it?” I yell with as much annoyance as I can put in my voice and yank the door open.
Uh-oh. I’m really dead now.
“No need to yell like that, no?” A very annoyed Rafa walks into my place and I’m scared to hear what he has to tell me.
“Sorry, Rafa. I didn’t know it was you.”
He stares at me with so many different kinds of emotions that I can’t read what’s on his mind.
“Here. Grab it.”
Rafa shoves a big spoon in my fist and I have to raise my eyebrows.
“Sit down. Let’s eat.”
Rafa sits on the carpet and pulls another spoon out of the shopping bag that he has brought.
“Eat what?”
“Eat this.”
I can see Rafa opening a Nutella.
“Is that the one I gave you?” I feel so much joy.
“Yes, so shut up and eat.”
Okay, I don’t know why Rafa is so angry but I sit down like a good boy and dip my spoon into the jar.
“What is your IQ, David Ferrer?”
“What?” I wonder why he’s asking about my IQ and why he’s calling me by my full name.
“I asked what your IQ is. Fifty? Sixty? I’m sure it’s below eighty, no?”
His eyes are glaring and I’m not sure what this conversation is about.
“I don’t understand, Rafa.”
He pulls out the shameful letter from his pocket and opens it only to push it in front of my face.
“Why don’t I see a word in here that tells me you’re going to fight for me? Huh? Why? Tell me!”
I gently grab his wrist so I can get that letter out of my face and smile. Okay, maybe he doesn’t want to see my smile right now because he’s wriggling his eyebrows and that looks scary.
“Is everything okay with Feli? I don’t know why you’re so upset.”
Rafa looks at me as if I just kicked his puppy. His mouth is wide open and I feel him kick my thigh.
“Ouch!! Rafa!”
“You don’t know why I’m so upset? You really don’t know why?”
Rafa grabs me by the waist, pushes me on the floor and we start wrestling on the floor. I have no idea why he’s attacking me but then my brain finally decides to register what Rafa had yelled.
‘Why don’t I see a word in here that tells me you’re going to fight for me?’
Does that mean that he wants me to fight for him? But why? I didn’t know that he was so cruel.
Wait a moment. Does he want me to fight because he’s a little bit interested in me?
I try not to roll over when Rafa tries desperately to flip me over.
“Do you like me, Rafa?”
My dear boy stops his assaults and sits up to look down at me with defeat in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Ferru. Your IQ can’t be fifty. I think it’s around thirty. Very sorry to tell you this.”
I don’t know if I should laugh at that joke but I decide to stay quiet and watch his next moves. Surprisingly, he just lies on top of my body and puts his arms around my neck.
“Rafa...?”
“I love you, IQ thirty.”
I blink my eyes and blame my brain for imagining what I want to hear.
“Ferru?” Rafa holds his head up and looks into my eyes.
“Yes?” I answer and I’m shocked that my voice cracked so badly.
“Why are you crying?”
I can feel Rafa’s soft hand wiping a teardrop away. I’m crying? Since when? And why? He couldn’t have possibly said that he loves me, no?
“Um... Rafa, what did you just say?”
“That your IQ’s thirty? Oh, don’t worry, Ferru. I still love you even though you’re stupid. No need to cry.”
Rafa’s patting me on the chest and I realize that he said that he loves me. Again! I didn’t hear it wrong! He really said it!
“You love me...?”
Rafa lets out a long sigh and nods. “I’ll repeat important things three times from now on since your IQ is so low, ok?”
I just look up and blink, not knowing what exactly caused me to be treated like a fool.
“Ferru, I love you.”
“I love you, David.”
“I really really love you.”
And for the perfect ending to his wonderful confession, he gives me a quick kiss on the lips. We both blush since we’re one of the shyest people on the planet.
“Um... aren’t you going to tell me that you love me too?”
Rafa asks so sweetly that I almost die in happiness. He has to give me a warning each time before he says something sweet like that.
“I think I already wrote how much I care about you in that letter, Rafa.”
My dear boy sits up and raises his eyebrows once more. “So now you’re going to play hard to get? Now that you know I love you?”
He tries to get up from my body and I don’t want the warmth to go away. “No, no! I love you, Rafa! I love you.”
“That sounds better.”
“But what are you going to do with Feli? You love him more, no?”
Rafa forms an ‘O’ with his mouth and starts banging his head on the floor.
“What are you doing?!”
I sit up and pull his head in my arms so that he can’t hurt himself. His forehead has only hit the floor once but I can already feel my heart bleeding.
“Don’t stop me. If I’m going to move in with you, I should have a lower IQ, no? I can’t live with someone that stupid when I’m super smart.”
I want to say something back but the feeling of having him in my arms just feel so good that my brain can’t function properly. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am that stupid. But who cares when I have him right here, right now?
“I’ll try to get smarter so you won’t have to bang your head.”
“Really? You’re going to do that for me? Maybe raise it to fifty or sixty?” Rafa raises his head up and I enjoy the luxury of watching those eyes open and close right in front of me.
“Monkeys’ are around sixty, no?” I ask, not too sure whether I should be categorized with them.
“Aww, you know that when yours are only thirty?”
My Rafa bursts into laughter and I’m proud of myself for making him laugh. I want to keep his smile in a treasure box deep down my soul and look at it every time when I’m alone. He’s just that beautiful.
“So what kinds of animals are at my level?” I ask.
“Hmm... dogs?”
“Really? Now I feel a little bit better because there are some really smart dogs out there!”
“Good that you feel happy about yourself.” Rafa chuckles. “Now let’s eat.”
He picks up his spoon again and settles between my legs with his back turned against me. I hesitate for a moment before putting my arms around his waist.
“Too weak, no?”
I understand what he means and hugs him a little bit tighter. He puts on a satisfied grin on his lips and dips his spoon inside his precious Nutella.
“Aaah-”
“Aaah-” I open my mouth as Rafa feeds me.
“Tastes unbelievable, no? Nothing can beat Nutella.”
I nod eagerly. It’s true. Nothing can beat the Nutella that Rafa’s feeding me.
“Don’t worry. I love you more than Nutella. Don’t worry. Don't worry.”
He winks and, oh boy, my dream has finally come true.