Magic from above
Title: Magic from above
Characters (in order of appearance): Djokovic/Gulbis (Driving date), Ferrero (Fly me to the moon), Safin (Marat Almighty), Nadal (Cupid’s love arrow), Andreev/Tursunov (Monte Carlo Lovers), Henman (Christmas delicacy), Ancic, Baghdatis (Hotel Ferrero), Roddick/Gasquet (Jeu’s washing machine), A. Murray (A.ND.Y’s hair), Haas/Moya (Appetite), Del Potro, Cilic (ATP Kindergarten)
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2,978
Warning: Possible confusion due to eleven alternate universes clashing together
Claimer: For once, I think that I can claim these characters since I’ve picked them up from my own stories.
Summary: Novak and Ernests enjoy another driving date when Ernests witnesses something that he wasn’t supposed to see.
Author’s note: This is a crazy crossover story in an attempt to look back at what I’ve been writing for the past twelve months :)
“Looloo… lululu…”
Novak was tapping on the edge of the armrest in his seat while humming along to the music. His boyfriend had chosen some light music and even if he preferred songs with lyrics, he had to say that it wasn’t a bad choice. The melody was gay and soothing, just like how he felt around Ernests.
He and the Latvian were out on a driving date, and this time, it was the twenty year old who was behind the wheel.
“Lulu…”
“Haha, I knew you’d approve my choice of music. Kiss?”
Ernests checked the streets before stretching himself to his right. Novak quickly pressed his lips against the luscious ones and didn’t forget to add a kiss on the cute nose.
“Hehe…”
Ernests happily returned to his position when he spotted something in the black sky.
Screech.
“Jesus, Ernie!”
Novak was glad that they had the decency to wear seatbelts.
“What’s wrong? Nothing’s in front of us.”
He looked at his boyfriend, checking if he was all right.
“Ernie? Ernie!!”
He shook his beloved one who was staring up at the sky with his mouth wide open.
“What is it?” Novak had to ask again.
Ernests looked shocked. The Serb grabbed the younger player’s cheeks so he would face him.
“Ernie, tell me what’s wrong. You’re not feeling well?”
“No, I think I saw something.” Confusion was written all over the Latvian’s face.
“Like what? A cat?”
“No. I’m sure it wasn’t a cat. It was… flying.”
Ernests knew that he wasn’t making any sense but that was the truth unless he was hallucinating.
“You probably saw a big bird then. You want me to drive us back home?” Novak offered, pulling his boyfriend into a warm hug.
“It wasn’t a big bird, Novak. Call me crazy but…”
“But?”
Novak waited patiently for the answer.
“I think I saw a witch on a broom.”
“What?”
“I swear I even saw a hat! You know, those pointy witch hats.”
“A pointy witch hat.”
“Yes, a pointy witch hat.”
Novak couldn’t believe what Ernests had said. He looked up in the sky just in case, but of course, there was no such thing as a witch on a broom.
However, a minute ago, there really had been a witch on a broom, flying home above the silver Mercedes.
Juan Carlos was heading home after another late conference. His wristwatch told him that it was already two o’clock in the morning which explained his hunger and grumpiness.
‘Seriously, I’ll never get to understand why we even have those conferences when we never change anything. Urgh…’
The Congressman knew that he wasn’t allowed to fly this low, risking to get caught by human beings, but he was exhausted like any other conference night and all he wanted to do was to fly like a flash of lightening and drop dead on his pumpkin bed.
Checking both sides to see if there were any flying CCTVs in the area, Juan Carlos was about to speed up a notch when he felt something tickle the back of his neck.
“Stop it. I’m not in the mood.”
The new God in town had a very childish hobby; teasing his favorite witch when he was in a bad mood.
But of course, Marat had no intention whatsoever to end his fun. He tickled the soft skin with the tip of his finger again.
“I said, cut it out!!”
“But it’s fun!”
“Well, maybe I wouldn’t tease you so much if you just agree to have drinks with me when I go back to my human self.”
“Why would I want to see you again?” Juan Carlos raised his eyebrows.
“Cause I look good.”
“Ha, how very modest of you.”
“Don’t be sarcastic. I’m just stating a simple fact here. Look for yourself.”
Marat’s face suddenly appeared in front of the witch’s way and Juan Carlos couldn’t stop himself in time to avoid going through the hologram face.
“Aha, you just entered my mouth! You want a nice lick?”
“Jesus, could you at least pretend to be God?”
“But I do that all the time! And, trust me, nobody’s life is as boring as his. He spends all his time in front of that 12 bit computer and goes through his endless prayers. When I say “endless”, I really mean endless! People just never stop praying!”
God roared in annoyance and Juan Carlos had to hold onto his witch hat to fight off the wind.
“Don’t show off your bad breath here. I’m really tired, Marat.”
“Ohoho, so you’re finally calling me by the name!”
The witch shook his head and saw his house in sight. Obviously, God could see it too and he knew that it was time to say goodnight.
“Flowers?” The hologram offered.
“I’m not a girl.”
“Then, what about this?”
Marat held out a block of gold.
“I’m not materialistic either.”
“Oh, then you’re just like me.”
The Russian beamed and held out one of his favorite creations of the real God.
“You’re giving me a condom? A condom? Get that shit out of my face!”
Juan Carlos exploded while Marat’s laughter roared in the air.
“Good night, cranky witch.”
“Go make yourself useful, fake God.”
The witch soon disappeared into his place and Marat pouted.
‘Oh well, I guess I’ll have to go back to work then.’
God put himself back in his office and stared at the endless prayers on his computer screen.
‘Gurh… I can’t deal with this on my own. I need help.’
If anyone could help him out other than the real God, it was angel Rafael. Marat snapped his fingers twice and called his savior’s name.
“Rafa, come up here.”
“I’ll be there in a minute, God.” Rafael’s voice came out of a phallic shaped decoration on his desk.
“Okay. Bring me some Spanish ham on the way.” Marat smiled, his mouth already watering at the mention of the blessed food.
Knock-Knock.
“Come in! You know I never lock the door. Nobody visits boring God anyway.”
Rafael entered the white room and closed the door behind him.
“No need to close it either. I wonder why he even has a door in the first place. Does he do naughty stuff at work? Have you ever caught him?”
The Spanish angel let out a sigh at such a non-godlike question. “No, God, and here is your ham. What else do you need me for?”
Marat almost attacked the ham and looked up at his favorite angel.
“You’re not smiling today. What’s wrong? Didn’t get laid last night?”
Rafael’s jaw dropped at the offensive question, but he knew that in a few days, the real God would be back and that things would go back to normal.
“I’m having trouble helping out two guys in Monte Carlo. I already shot two love arrows last week and sent them back to Russia for a few days, but they came back home still glaring at each other. Strange, no?”
“Om nom nom. Did you say they’re Russians?”
“Yes.”
“Bah, just send them a box of vodka. Vodka solves everything.”
“God, we’re not supposed to help them so… directly.” Rafael had trouble finding the right words in front of a god who was wolfing down some ham.
“I’m God at the moment and I can change the rules. So, yes, we can send them vodka.”
Marat finished three slices of ham and snapped his fingers once. “Now you’ll get to see the mighty power of the god blessed vodka.”
God rubbed his crystal ball and invited Rafael to sit next to him.
Zing.
Igor had just finished his grocery list when he got up from the kitchen table, thirsty for a cool glass of water. He was about to open the refrigerator when he saw a box of vodka in the corner of the kitchen.
“Oh, please. When will you learn that vodka doesn’t solve all problems?” He glared at the guy who was busy reading a gay magazine at the other side of the table.
“What?” Dmitry took a look at the box.
“I didn’t buy them. I swear.”
“Oh, right. Then how else did they get here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you bought them while sleepwalking. Don’t accuse me for something I didn’t do!”
“Don’t lie to me, Dima. I’ve had enough of your lies!”
“But I’m not lying! I didn’t get that box!”
Rafael shook his head and gave the puzzled god a hard stare.
“It works all the time, strange. Maybe they lived out of Russia for too long. They lost the touch of…”
“Don’t worry. I’ll fix it.”
The angel didn’t bother listening to Marat’s lame excuse and did what he had to do; he quickly added some candles and some stuff from Igor’s wish list in the kitchen, hoping that it wasn’t be too late.
Igor gulped down his well deserved glass of water, wondering when his boyfriend had turned into a liar.
“I really can’t believe that you chose to lie to my face when…”
He had to stop talking when he noticed some beautifully wrapped parcels and two candles right behind the vodka box.
“Uh… Dima…”
“What now? I told you that I didn’t…” Dmitry spotted the unfamiliar objects as well and looked at his boyfriend.
“Oh my god. You prepared all that… for me?”
“Huh?” Dmitry couldn’t get a real grasp of what was happening but he had always been quick to adapt to strange situations.
“Oh, yeah, that’s definitely me.”
Praying to God that those weren’t any kind of bombs, he picked up one of the gifts and handed it over to his boyfriend.
“I still love you with everything I have.”
Igor knew that it must be some sort of a stupid, funny gift as always, but given the rough few weeks they had, he was willing to appreciate anything.
“Ah, how did you know that I needed an egg beater? This one’s electric! Thank you, Dima.”
“Ahaha, of course, I always know what you need.”
Assuming that it was a fan gift, Dmitry just accepted his lucky fate and gathered his boyfriend in his arms.
“So are we good again?”
“Oh, yes, we are. I thought you cared less about me now.” Igor felt so relieved.
“Me? Never.” Dmitry hugged his boyfriend tight and placed a kiss on the ear.
“Oh, I know what I can do with that new egg-beater. I’ll whip some cream and...”
“And, we can take that to bed?” Dmitry finished Igor’s sentence for him.
“Why not? I bet we won’t need to buy whipping cream from Tim anymore if I use that electric one. Normal cream is much cheaper.”
“Aww, you thrifty, sexy thing. You go whip that cream and I’ll go get the bed ready. I can even think of a few things we could do with those candles.”
“Oh, you!”
Igor’s tone wasn’t accusing in a long time, and Dmitry gleefully balleted his way to the bedroom.
Meanwhile, a few blocks away, Tim had customers who were interested in something else than his whipping cream. He used to bake cakes at home but more and more people had told him how delicious they were and that he had to start his own business.
So here he was, in the middle of his bakery, serving cakes to some of his favorite customers.
“Here we go. This strawberry cupcake is for Richard, the blueberry muffin is for Andy, and these apple pies are for Mario and his guest. Nice to meet you. I’m Tim.”
“Hi, I’m Marcos. Mario couldn’t stop talking about your pies so I had to come taste them myself, haha.”
Vampire Mario, who worked at an eight star hotel in Spain, had invited a colleague over to his place. As the hotel chef had mentioned, he wanted Marcos to taste the wonderful pie and also to meet his hamsters.
They had already made a stop at A.ND.Y’s Hair, where a white Scot had trimmed Andy and Richard’s fur. Andy had gone for the Mohican style while Richard wanted to look even cuter.
“Yum. Tim’s cupcakes are the best!” Richard busily dug into his cupcake and Marcos couldn’t help but hold out a finger to caress the hamster’s cheek.
“Aww, you’re so cute.”
“Don’t touch my boyfriend.” Andy put a protective, possessive arm around the French hamster’s waist and glared at the beardy intruder.
“Aww, you’re cute too! Mario, I think I should have hamsters like you. After Rosemary got married, it feels so empty without her.”
“You really should. They’re adorable.” The Croatian smiled merrily.
“But not every hamster is adorable like me.” Richard pointed out before nibbling at a piece of strawberry.
“And, not every hamster owns a shiny car like me.” Andy pulled out his wallet from his hip sack to show Marcos what his car looked like.
“Awwww.”
The Cypriot had no words to describe the hamsters’ cuteness and Mario was too proud to even pretend that he was modest.
“You should ask an angel for such special hamsters. You can’t get those like Richie or Andy in a shop, obviously. They are unique.”
“Yes, we are!”
“And, we’re in love!” Andy still couldn’t believe that such a cute, smart hamster like Richard would stay with him during all these years.
He pulled out a blueberry from his muffin and pushed it into his boyfriend’s cupcake. He always wanted to give Richard something more.
“Thanks! Would you like a strawberry too?”
Richard saw the American hamster nod and pulled out a piece of strawberry for him.
“Awwwww.”
Not caring if their guest was suffering from cutenesss overload, the two even exchanged a quick kiss which didn’t go unnoticed by a certain angel.
‘Oh, they’re still doing great. Very good!’
Angel Rafael smiled as he was going through his daily check before heading back home. His job was pretty demanding and he himself could never understand the mysterious dynamics of two lovers, but as far as he was concerned, he had the best job in the whole wide world.
‘Let’s just check on one more couple.’
Rafael rubbed his crystal ball and looked down at his beloved island of Mallorca. He especially liked to take a look at the family who had strawberries in the backyard.
Zing.
“Juma, wake up! You’re going to be late for school!” Tommy yelled at one of his boys.
He and Carlos had adopted one Argentinean boy and one Croatian boy a few years ago, and strangely, the two were so different in the morning. One couldn’t bother less about waking up and one was almost obsessed with waking up at the right time as if he was a mother bird that had to catch early worms for her babies.
The adoption had been Carlos’ idea and Tommy wasn’t sure if he was capable of being a parent, but it turned out that the role fit him pretty nicely. He learned how to cook, stopped swearing in front of the children, and drove his car like mad whenever his boys were late for school. And, at this particular moment, he could picture himself get a ticket for speeding again as he saw Juan Martin’s feet still resting on the bed.
“Juma!! Wake up! Or Marin will eat all of your cookies!”
“Huh? Cookies?” Juan Martin jumped out of bed, ready to fight for his special cookies.
“Where? Where is he?”
Tommy enjoyed a good chuckle as he tried to calm down his boy’s hair.
“He’s in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. You should go do the same.”
“But I don’t like brushing teeth, no?”
Tommy flashed an evil grin and called out, “Carlos! He doesn’t want to brush his teeth again!”
“Eek, don’t call Papa!” The boy freaked out.
“Why? I thought you wanted to meet the teeth monster. You know Papa’s friends with him.”
“No! I need teeth to eat cookies, no? No teeth monster!”
Juan Martin’s desperate cry roared in the room and as soon as a strand of Carlos’ hair came into sight, he ran off to the bathroom with his hands firmly over his mouth.
‘Ahaha, cute boy.’
Rafael pushed the crystal ball away and got ready to go back home.
‘He shall bagel someone tomorrow and earn ten cookies.’
The angel turned off the lights and closed the door of his office. Another demanding day had passed and he couldn’t wait to go back home in his Cupid’s arms.