A warm embrace
Title: A warm embrace
Pairing: Harvey Specter/Mike Ross
Other character: Donna
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 3,550
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
Warning: a little angst at the beginning, scars
Summary: Mike has scars that he doesn’t want to show Harvey.
Author’s note: Originally written for suits_meme. The prompt was ‘Mike feels insecure and very self-conscious about his scars from the car accident that had killed his parents and the subsequent surgeries.’
“Mmm…”
Harvey smiled as Mike moaned into his mouth. They had enjoyed a warm nap on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and now they were enjoying a warm kiss on Harvey’s bed. Harvey liked these times when they didn’t have to worry about the time or the weather of the outside world; they could just live the day together at their own pace in their own mood, not affected by anything other than each other.
After wooing Mike’s tongue, Harvey’s lips started to move lower. He sprinkled light kisses on the smooth chin and then pressed open-mouth kisses on the side of Mike’s neck. By now Harvey could announce with confidence that he knew what kinds of kisses Mike liked the most from head to belly. It was a pure joy to learn what made Mike happy and he felt pride swell in his chest whenever he earned the right to listen to Mike’s contented groans.
They were at the stage of relationship where they were doing more than kissing and lightly making out, but for some reason, Mike had always avoided taking off his pants. Harvey pretended that he hadn’t noticed it, but he knew that it was only a matter of time that they would have to discuss it. No matter how fantastic their making-out sessions were, it wasn’t enough and Harvey wanted more.
“Ah, Harvey…”
Mike sounded a little breathless as Harvey’s tongue teased his belly button while his hands played his ribs like a musical instrument.
As expected, just as Harvey’s lips traveled lower towards the pajama pants, Mike’s body stiffened and he tried to sit up. “Harvey… It’s your turn now. Let me...”
But Harvey pinned down Mike’s shoulders with his hands and looked into the frightened blue eyes. He couldn’t believe that Mike would feel such an emotion towards him when he would never hurt him in any way. He didn’t usually do relationships, but when he did do one, he was devoted and passionate. Harvey Specter always did things right when he needed to.
“Mike, are you afraid of me?”
Mike shook his head without hesitation. It made Harvey feel a little bit better.
“Then do you believe me when I say I will always look out for your best interests?”
Mike looked stunned even as he was nodding. “Of course, Harvey.”
“Good boy.” Harvey kissed him on the neat forehead and lay next to Mike, taking him in his arms again.
“Then tell me what’s wrong. And, don’t say ‘nothing’ because something is clearly wrong.” Harvey demanded in a soft voice, making sure that Mike was comfortable in his arms.
Mike closed his eyes and focused on breathing in and out. He had tried to prepare himself for when this moment arrived, but no matter how much he trusted Harvey, he was still terrified. He started to shiver and cursed himself for having trouble spilling his guts to Harvey.
Harvey was almost shocked at Mike’s reaction. Apparently they were about to deal with a very important underlying issue that he had had no idea it even existed until two weeks ago.
Harvey wrapped his arms tighter around the pale boy and pressed a feathery kiss on the fluttering eyelids. “Mike, you know how things work. You tell me where it hurts and I make the pain go away.”
Mike nodded but he still couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“It’s okay. We have plenty of time. I’ll be right here while you get ready to tell me, all right?”
Mike nodded again and felt hope rise in his chest.
‘Maybe it would be all right this time. Maybe Harvey would be different. Harvey’s always been different. He’s not the type to avoid what he doesn’t want to see, he simply fixes it and makes it look better.’
But Mike knew better. The reactions of his past boyfriends and bed companions were still fresh in his mind. It was one of those moments when he hated himself for having an eidetic memory.
‘What if Harvey shows the same reaction? Will I be able to handle the rejection from none other than Harvey? I should’ve never started this relationship. What was I thinking? Wasn’t it already fantastic enough that I got this job? Did I really have to push my luck and try to be his boyfriend? What was I really thinking?’
“Hey, you’re thinking too much.” Harvey playfully pinched Mike’s chin. “I promise you, you let me know what the problem is, and I’ll make sure it never comes back to haunt you. You know what I’m capable of.”
Harvey was half-expecting Mike to grin a little and give him the usual ‘Oh, you care about me so much!’ speech, but all Mike gave him was a small nod.
“Mikey?”
Mike’s eyes shot up and met Harvey’s. Harvey had never called him like that before; not with that voice, not by that nickname. And now Harvey was looking at him as if he was the single most wonderful thing on the planet. The great Harvey Specter was looking into his eyes, trying to solve a very delicate puzzle for him.
“I… I was in that car accident too.”
That was all Mike could manage as he felt his airway tighten up. Images and sounds of the accident were creeping into his mind again.
“Harvey…” He tightened the grip around Harvey’s waist and buried his head under the older man’s chin.
“Shhh, you’re safe with me here. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” Harvey started to rub soothing circles on Mike’s back and placed reassuring kisses on top of his head.
Harvey could easily deduce what the problem was. He already knew that Mike’s parents had been killed in a car accident. Now that Mike told him that he had been in that accident too, Harvey’s mind immediately went to injuries, scars, surgeries and more scars. The thought of Mike lying unconscious on a surgery table made him shudder. He held Mike even closer to his chest and thanked whoever was up there for keeping Mike in this world.
“Can I see them?” It was barely a whisper.
If Mike hadn’t had his head buried in Harvey’s chest, he would’ve missed the words.
“Why would you want to see them? They look hideous.” Mike was sure of that. Even he couldn’t see the scars without wincing after all these years.
“They are a part of you, Mike. I accept that and respect that. They are proof that you came out alive from the accident. If it weren’t for them, you and I would’ve never met.”
Mike felt his heart drop to the floor. He didn’t want to imagine a world where he had never met Harvey, never got to know him, and never got a chance to love him.
“I wouldn’t have wanted you without them. It would’ve been a different Mike, not the one that I’ve grown to care about. It wouldn’t have been you.”
Mike lifted his head and Harvey could see hope mixed with a considerable amount of suspicion in his eyes. Mike probably thought that Harvey was saying all this because he hadn’t seen just how hideous the scars were.
“I like the Mike that survived the crash. I like the Mike who has been so brave all these years. I love the Mike that hasn’t given up hope of finding someone who would tell him all of this. Your past boyfriends didn’t deserve you, Mike. If they couldn’t see how gorgeous you were, it’s their problem, not yours. You’re beautiful. And, I’m willing to show you how much I mean it.”
Mike took one deep breath and nodded. He leaned in for a kiss and made it last until he desperately needed air; he wanted it to be memorable in case it turned out to be the last one.
As they both tried to get enough air back in their lungs, Harvey reassured Mike with his eyes that everything was going to be fine. Mike looked into the chocolate brown eyes that were filled with so much respect and affection. He wasn’t sure if he could handle all the emotion that Harvey was pouring into him; his eyes flew shut as an instinctive reaction. Then he felt Harvey kiss him one last time on the nose before his fingers started to mingle with the waist of his pajama pants.
“Harvey…”
“You can press charges against me if I dump you after this. Does that make you feel better?”
Surprisingly, it did. Mike never knew that he had that much trust in their legal system. “Let’s get it over with then.”
“Mike, I’m excited to get to know more of you. It’s not something to get over with.” Harvey chose his words carefully. He could feel that Mike had gotten tense.
“I just hope you won’t regret having said all those touching words once you see them.” Mike became defensive as Harvey’s fingers slowly lowered his pants.
“Listen to me.”
Harvey stopped and whispered firmly in Mike’s left ear- he had once read that whispering soothing words in one’s left ear had a better effect than in one’s right ear. “I meant every single word I said. Besides, as my associate, have you ever seen me do something I might regret in the future?”
“You mean, apart from you hiring me through the back channels?”
Harvey laughed, relieved that Mike seemed to have relaxed a little. He decided to act fast, to not give Mike time to tense up all over again. So as he crushed his lips against Mike’s, he pulled down the pajama pants in one fluent motion as if he was ripping off a bandage.
“Mmmhmmph!”
Whatever Mike was trying to say died in Harvey’s mouth. Harvey kissed every corner of the delicious mouth and made sure that Mike understood he didn’t want to force him into anything that he wasn’t willing to do.
“I’m ready, Harvey.” Mike pulled back and squeezed his eyes shut. The hope was too much; he had to know whether he would get a happy ending or not sooner rather than later.
Harvey slowly lowered his gaze and spotted the long scar on Mike’s right thigh. It made him physically ache to imagine what Mike must’ve gone through. He moved lower down the bed and placed a soft kiss on one end of the scar. When Mike was done shivering, he placed another kiss right beneath the first spot that he had kissed.
As more and more kisses landed on the usually unwanted area, Harvey could feel that Mike was accepting the situation better and better. He didn’t have a death grip on the sheets anymore and his face wore a less traumatized expression.
“I’m so proud of you, Mike, so proud that you made it out alive and made it till this very day.”
Now that he had fully kissed the scar, he was about to trace it with his fingers when Mike suddenly flipped back on his stomach.
“It’s okay. I…” It was then that he saw that Mike had a matching scar on the back of his left thigh.
‘Holy shit.’ Harvey bit back a growl. He was so angry at whoever let this happen to Mike.
“Harvey…?” Mike’s voice was full of concern and fear. “Two’s too much…?”
“Nonsense.” Harvey answered simply and started to trace the scar with his fingertips. He felt that he was connecting with Mike on a much deeper level than usual thanks to the scars. He felt like he had finally found the missing ingredient for a more solid relationship.
“You’re beautiful. I still stand by what I said. You have the most amazing thighs I have ever seen. And, believe me, I’ve seen thighs of professional models and athletes, and I still think yours are the best. They are strong, lean, and have a unique personality.”
Mike flipped back onto his back to see if Harvey really meant that. His eyes looked truthful and sincere.
“That’s why you bike.” Harvey kissed the scar again.
Mike’s eyes grew wide and his mouth gaped open. “How did you know?? Nobody guessed that I biked to make sure my leg muscles stay functioning.”
“You still haven’t noticed that I’m different from whomever you met in the past?” Harvey smirked and saw Mike sit up straight.
Mike dived into Harvey’s arms, kissing him with alarming urgency. He felt like his love was spilling over the top and he was determined to pour as much love as he could into Harvey’s system. He couldn’t believe that this was happening. He had gone through so many bad moments of truth that he hadn’t quite expected to see Harvey react this well in any possible scenario. The best that he had hoped for was to see Harvey managing not to frown at his scars thanks to his experience of having been a top attorney for numerous years. He hadn’t pictured him touching and kissing them with so much positive feeling.
Harvey pulled back, trying to catch his breath. “Mike… Are you trying to kiss the life out of me? Because if that’s the plan, you’re almost there.”
“You deserve a lot of good kissing.” Mike announced and fell back on the bed.
“Oh, I think I deserve a little more than good kissing, don’t you think?” Harvey winked and Mike realized that he had never been so turned on by a single wink.
The following Monday, Donna made an urgent spa appointment for the evening. Harvey had been driving her crazy all day, asking her the whereabouts of his associate whenever he couldn’t see him in his tiny cubicle.
“Donna. Where’s Mike?”
Donna took a deep breath as Harvey’s voice buzzed through the intercom for the fifth time.
“Harvey, do you want me to put him on a leash? Or insert a GPS chip under his skin?”
“Do you think I’ll go to jail if I tried that? Will you report me?”
Donna snorted. “You know I’ve got your back.”
Harvey smiled as he tried to figure out a legitimate way to make sure that Mike was alive and safe in his sights. Ever since he learned about Mike’s scars, he hadn’t been able to shake off the feeling that Mike could easily get out of his reach with a simple twist of fate. He wasn’t going to let that happen though. Fortunately he had already convinced Mike to move in with him this weekend, but somehow it didn’t feel like it was enough.
‘Hmm, what more can be done about this…’
Then Harvey had a Eureka moment and thought to himself, ‘Ah, sometimes I love myself more than usual.’
He got up from his chair and walked out of the office.
“Donna. Could you tell Jessica I’m on my way to see her?”
“What a surprise! You’re not asking me where your puppy is?”
“Regarding that matter, I’ll have to talk to you as soon as I’m done talking with Jessica.”
Donna wondered if Harvey was being serious with the GPS chip idea.
When Mike came back from the files room, he found that his desk was empty.
“What the hell!”
There were no gigantic piles of paperwork, no yellow highlighters, no Red Bulls on his desk. Then he realized that his messenger bag was gone and that his drawers were empty as well.
Mike got the attention of the associate that occupied the cubicle next to his and asked, “Harold, is this some kind of prank again? Someone stole my whole cubicle.”
“Err, I don’t think so. I saw Donna clear it out earlier.”
“Donna? Oh god, I must’ve screwed up something and got fired for real.”
Mike’s heart beat fast as he approached Donna’s area. He tried to think about what possible mistakes that he could’ve made but came up pretty much empty. It had been a good day so far.
“Donna? I heard that you cleared out my cubicle. Please tell me Harvey’s not insanely mad at me for whatever I did. If you’d kindly let me in, I’ll explain myself to him and never make that same mistake again, ever.”
Donna looked up at Mike and pointed at Harvey’s office. “Get in there. And, if you care about me even a tiny bit, you will do whatever Harvey asks you to do. Trust me, this is not the right time to be insubordinate.”
Mike nodded eagerly. He didn’t really get the part where Donna talked about him caring about her, but of course, he wasn’t going to be insubordinate when he was about to get fired or has already gotten fired.
“Harvey? I…”
Mike walked into the office but couldn’t finish his sentence. There was a nice desk near the window and his belongings were on it.
“Just in time, Mike. What do you think? Not too bad, right?” Harvey was impressed by Donna’s ability for having found a useful desk in such a short time.
“Uh, sure. It looks very nice. But why is my stuff on it?”
Harvey beamed and proudly answered, “Because this is your desk from now on. You answer to me. You don’t exactly need to be in the associates’ area. Oh, and you will now have access to the partners’ kitchen. Donna will show you around if you need a tour.”
Mike blinked, wondering what was going on. “But I was fine down there. We have a new associate who needs a spot?”
“It’s not important.” Harvey made a gesture with his hand. “Try the chair. It’s supposed to massage the muscles nicely. Come on.”
Mike slowly walked towards the desk, remembering what Donna had told him. He would have to play along with whatever Harvey had in mind.
He sat down on the chair that looked nothing like the one he used to sit on. “Wow, this is really comfortable.”
“Press the massage button. There’s a manual on the desk if you need it.”
Mike did as he was told, and after a minute or two, he melted into a pool of contentment. “Oh, Harvey…”
“You like it?” Harvey knew that he had picked the right chair.
“Well, yeah! Who wouldn’t? It’s really nice.” Mike had never sat on a chair like this before.
“Good. Now we can move onto the next matter.” Harvey pointed at a small box that was lying on the desk.
“What is it?” Mike opened the box.
“It’s a GPS tracking device for your bike. I’d rather buy you a brand-new bike but then you’ll fuss over it, saying that I’m making a perfectly good bike go to waste, so this will have to do for now. If you need help installing it, just ask Ray.”
Mike nodded but he had one little question. “Why do I need this device in the first place?”
“Because I need to know where my associate is at all times.”
“But I’ll be working in your office and I already agreed to move in with you. The only time I won’t be around will be during lunch breaks and when I bike to and from work.”
“Listen. It either goes on the bike or on you. You choose.”
Mike could tell by the look on Harvey’s face that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “I choose the bike.”
“I thought so.”
Harvey let out a small sigh of relief while Mike checked the contents of the drawers. It had gone much more smoothly than he had expected. He wanted to know at all times that Mike was safe. He needed to know where Mike was in order to protect him.
“Thank you, Harvey.” Mike said after appreciating the highlighters with new colors and various other office supplies in the drawers.
Harvey smiled. “You’re welcome.”
“You know I normally wouldn’t just accept all this. But there was nothing normal about the way we started. Things were different with you from the very beginning. You’ve always been different and special, and you make me feel so special. Besides, who am I to say no when you clearly want to spend more time with me?”
Harvey thought that it was very unfortunate that they were in the office where he couldn’t kiss the stupidly adorable grin off his associate’s face. But then he had blinds for a reason.
“Oh, so this is what it’s really about.” Mike grinned wider as Harvey pulled down the blinds and pulled him up for a quick kiss.
“I just need to know that my associate is in the best possible shape to work. Consider this an incentive.”
Harvey leaned in again and Mike gladly threw his arms around his boss’ neck. If this was the kind of life that he got out of the surgeries and scars, well, he could get used to it.