My life is pretty good, but i mean everyone has problems. I think my worst fear in life is failing, dissapointing. What if i'm never good enough? I have dreams, i'm a big dreamer i have goals i'm determined...but is that enough? Will i ever have enough time to do everything, to travel the world, to make my dreams come true, to help the poor, to run across a whole state, to learn how to drive a motorcycle. To fall in love? i mean i'm not a hopeless romantic, but will i ever be enough for somebody. Can i ever make my parents extremely proud, can i ever re-pay them, can i ever buy them a house? Will i ever be able to do everything i ever wished for? will i ever touch someone enough, to help them through something?
I just wish that i had answers, that i had a crystal ball and i could see what could become of me. I just want a good life, i want to be happy. I'm not one to ever care about the future, i live in the present, i have fun that's all i ever want to do. But we all need some depth in our lives, and that's mine,
I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I'm always tired, always upset, always depressed. I don't know what's happened to me. I'm so self conscience. One of my very best friends just go to the top of the popularity chain and I feel so left behind. I just stand there in the dust of her popularity. I feel so jealous all the time, like she's my friend, you don't know her like I do. And now she's friends with all the fake people. And she's becoming so fake and she doesn't even realize it. Fake laugh, fake smile, fake personality, fake person. Never before this year, before she got popular did she ever drink, party, cuss, hook up with anything that had a penis. I don't know who she's become, in turn I don't know who I am. I've always been supported by a study and good group of friends, but now I don't know. And I just wish it was the way it was when we first met four five years ago. We just clicked, now we're just falling apart.
I'm in love with a guy who I don't think loves me back. I've known him for twelve year and we've been the best of friends ever since. Since our friendship began we've been interested in each other, but then just last year we lost touch and now we just began talking again. I realized I love him now just as much as I did back then. I love his goofy smile, his contageous laugh, his witty comments, his dumb jokes, his long hair, his silky smooth skin, the way he lingers with his hugs, the way he stops what he's doing just to talk to me, the way he flirts. I love so many things about him, just wish I knew what he loved about me, if he loves anything about me.
If only he knew he held the only key to my heart, oh how many doors he could open.
I think I've figured out what I want to do with my life, but I'm terrified because it's not one of those stable things. I want to follow my heart, but I'm afraid I'm wrong. But at the same time, it makes me happier than anything else in the world.
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I just wish that i had answers, that i had a crystal ball and i could see what could become of me. I just want a good life, i want to be happy. I'm not one to ever care about the future, i live in the present, i have fun that's all i ever want to do. But we all need some depth in our lives, and that's mine,
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If only he knew he held the only key to my heart, oh how many doors he could open.
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