(no subject)
Alright, I looked up a dream interpretation site. I think the most important part of analyzing dreams is what *you* think they mean, but it doesn't hurt to have some guidance. I'm going to go down the list of things they have here and see which parts are relevant to my dream.
VEHICLES: the direction you are going in your life and/or body. This was a swift-moving RV, a little old and beat-up, owned by a very petite alcoholic and usually populated by a party-type crowd. The Boy and his brother were in it with me, although I don't know what that means. Anyway, since I rented a room in that RV, I think it has something to do with my living situation changing. I'm going to be moving back in with my mom soon, for one thing. Maybe it means I feel chaos surrounding my living situation, and I feel out-of-control (controlled by an alcoholic, which even if I am not drinking I am smoking a lot of pot lately).
BUILDINGS: usually points to a specific area in your life. An RV might count as a building, but I already talked about that. After the RV was the university auditorium. This is interesting, since I'm taking a class with The Other Boy next term, and I can't help but fantasize that maybe we'll be studying together and decide to have a couple drinks and maybe, just maybe, some secret desire will slip out... BAH like that would ever happen. It says here that dreams of great buildings like large cathedrals and stuff indicate that the dream has great meaning. Oh, shit, fuck you! It was VERY grand. Also, I wonder if the couches had anything to do with anything? Like, maybe I do/would feel very comfortable with him?
PEOPLE: usually represent reflections of your own personality traits. Oh, so I'm just having dreams about becoming romantically involved with myself? Fine. Okay... no, let's see... then maybe this means that I am trying to achieve something within myself... what does he represent to me? Order, self-discipline, responsibility. Yeah, those are things I would really like to have. Time-management... Also in the dream was The Boy and His Brother. His Brother, hmm... he sat on my lap, but the same way a very straight female friend would, just for fun and a seat, I dunno. What does he represent to me? Well, I think of him as a comedic genius (seriously, it's incredible). He never ever drinks or uses drugs or anything like that. He keeps to himself and sometimes I wonder if he's ever struggled with depression or an ED. So... I guess he might represent my eating disorder? Because his sitting on my lap made it difficult for me to be near The Boy when that tiny alcoholic was hanging all over him (also symbolic, obvs). The Boy, hmm... I think of him as naive, sometimes, and sheltered. He doesn't realize how privileged he is, and that can make him wasteful and bratty sometimes. That's the only thing that kind of bothers me. What I like is how he is pretty popular with his circle of friends, and he has good leadership abilities. He is so sweet to me so often, too, and sometimes a little bit of a doormat (that can be endearing or annoying, depending on the situation). And he probably represents a conflict of emotions, since sometimes I feel like the longer I stay with him the stronger I should feel for him, which isn't the case, and I feel like I'm lying to him just by continuing the relationship. But I'm afraid to end it because then I will go back to being all alone, with no friends. Maybe he represents my social life. So I think that maybe this is my ED sitting on my lap making it hard for me to reach for my social life, which a tiny (low self-esteem?) alcoholic is very obnoxiously flirting with. Okay!
Okay, so. My dream was basically telling me that I have a strong desire to take responsibility and have good organizational/time-management skills in school, and I want to be really smart. School is a really big deal. My sense of home is changing very rapidly, and may even be unstable at this time. My eating disorder and substance abuse are negatively affecting my social life and also causing a lot of emotional conflicts.
I'm sure there's a lot more to it, but that's what I have so far. That's a lot different than just having a crush on a boy!
In other news, I just has a big ol' banana nut muffin, and I'm working on a cup of coffee with whole milk. I'm gonna call the whole shebang 1000 cals. I'm sure it's at LEAST 800, so I'm going with 1000 just to be safe. Fucking muffins!
Last night I asked my boyfriend to 'give pets' (rub my back, stroke my hair, etc.) while I went to bed, even though I was going to sleep several hours earlier than he was. And he did, for quite a while, until he thought I was asleep. And then he so carefully and quietly got out of bed and shut the door... it was sweet! Aww...
And this morning I did not feel awful. Sometimes I get up before The Boy goes to bed, but this time I didn't and I liked lying down near him. I did not feel as disconnected. I almost told him how I'd been feeling, but I still prefer not to.
I guess I'll do my final for Critical Thinking now. It's take-home, yay!
VEHICLES: the direction you are going in your life and/or body. This was a swift-moving RV, a little old and beat-up, owned by a very petite alcoholic and usually populated by a party-type crowd. The Boy and his brother were in it with me, although I don't know what that means. Anyway, since I rented a room in that RV, I think it has something to do with my living situation changing. I'm going to be moving back in with my mom soon, for one thing. Maybe it means I feel chaos surrounding my living situation, and I feel out-of-control (controlled by an alcoholic, which even if I am not drinking I am smoking a lot of pot lately).
BUILDINGS: usually points to a specific area in your life. An RV might count as a building, but I already talked about that. After the RV was the university auditorium. This is interesting, since I'm taking a class with The Other Boy next term, and I can't help but fantasize that maybe we'll be studying together and decide to have a couple drinks and maybe, just maybe, some secret desire will slip out... BAH like that would ever happen. It says here that dreams of great buildings like large cathedrals and stuff indicate that the dream has great meaning. Oh, shit, fuck you! It was VERY grand. Also, I wonder if the couches had anything to do with anything? Like, maybe I do/would feel very comfortable with him?
PEOPLE: usually represent reflections of your own personality traits. Oh, so I'm just having dreams about becoming romantically involved with myself? Fine. Okay... no, let's see... then maybe this means that I am trying to achieve something within myself... what does he represent to me? Order, self-discipline, responsibility. Yeah, those are things I would really like to have. Time-management... Also in the dream was The Boy and His Brother. His Brother, hmm... he sat on my lap, but the same way a very straight female friend would, just for fun and a seat, I dunno. What does he represent to me? Well, I think of him as a comedic genius (seriously, it's incredible). He never ever drinks or uses drugs or anything like that. He keeps to himself and sometimes I wonder if he's ever struggled with depression or an ED. So... I guess he might represent my eating disorder? Because his sitting on my lap made it difficult for me to be near The Boy when that tiny alcoholic was hanging all over him (also symbolic, obvs). The Boy, hmm... I think of him as naive, sometimes, and sheltered. He doesn't realize how privileged he is, and that can make him wasteful and bratty sometimes. That's the only thing that kind of bothers me. What I like is how he is pretty popular with his circle of friends, and he has good leadership abilities. He is so sweet to me so often, too, and sometimes a little bit of a doormat (that can be endearing or annoying, depending on the situation). And he probably represents a conflict of emotions, since sometimes I feel like the longer I stay with him the stronger I should feel for him, which isn't the case, and I feel like I'm lying to him just by continuing the relationship. But I'm afraid to end it because then I will go back to being all alone, with no friends. Maybe he represents my social life. So I think that maybe this is my ED sitting on my lap making it hard for me to reach for my social life, which a tiny (low self-esteem?) alcoholic is very obnoxiously flirting with. Okay!
Okay, so. My dream was basically telling me that I have a strong desire to take responsibility and have good organizational/time-management skills in school, and I want to be really smart. School is a really big deal. My sense of home is changing very rapidly, and may even be unstable at this time. My eating disorder and substance abuse are negatively affecting my social life and also causing a lot of emotional conflicts.
I'm sure there's a lot more to it, but that's what I have so far. That's a lot different than just having a crush on a boy!
In other news, I just has a big ol' banana nut muffin, and I'm working on a cup of coffee with whole milk. I'm gonna call the whole shebang 1000 cals. I'm sure it's at LEAST 800, so I'm going with 1000 just to be safe. Fucking muffins!
Last night I asked my boyfriend to 'give pets' (rub my back, stroke my hair, etc.) while I went to bed, even though I was going to sleep several hours earlier than he was. And he did, for quite a while, until he thought I was asleep. And then he so carefully and quietly got out of bed and shut the door... it was sweet! Aww...
And this morning I did not feel awful. Sometimes I get up before The Boy goes to bed, but this time I didn't and I liked lying down near him. I did not feel as disconnected. I almost told him how I'd been feeling, but I still prefer not to.
I guess I'll do my final for Critical Thinking now. It's take-home, yay!