(no subject)
The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer.
--- Edward R. Murrow
His head was in his locker when she walked in with Meredith and Alex. She went to her own locker immediately and occupied herself. Christina blew in, late and freaking out about Burke and wedding plans, and then came Bailey.
"People it should not be this difficult to be on time, dressed, and caffeinated. Am I asking too much? I can assure you I'm not. Now everybody move!"
Alex was first out the door, with Meredith and Christina close behind, their conversation continuing in hushed tones. Izzie slowly pushed her locker door shut, it's creaking filling the room. She and George stood with their backs to each other, each waiting for the other. Izzie spoke first.
"We need to talk."
"Find me during lunch."
"Alone."
"I know."
His door closed with a bang. He was out the door, and she had no choice but to follow him.
~*--------------------*~
George looked at Izzie for the first time that day when she was presenting the second case. It lasted five seconds. He figured that was how long he could look before Bailey accused him of not paying attention.
Her dark brown eyes were red today but he could tell she hadn't been crying. She hadn't slept. She was trying to cover the circles under her eyes, but George could see them. She was wearing the dark green, long sleeved shirt under her scrubs, with the high collar, which meant she was either in a bad mood, or preparing to be in one. She wore those dark colors when she wanted people to forget how beautiful she was, so they would take her seriously.
George knew that by physical definition of the word Izzie was beautiful. But a very big part of him forgot that now. When he had first met her, he had dwelt on it for quite a while, like he did with every very beautiful woman he came across. But the more she became Izzie to him, and not the model doctor, George didn't see the beautiful when he looked at her. He saw what he loved in her. And that had very little to do with what he could see with his eyes.
He had a thought that seemed almost funny to him then. How sometimes you can't look at someone because it literally pains you. How simpler men like Alex or Dr. Sloan would look at Izzie and be pained because they want to touch her... how George always believed her was above them and George was pained right now because...
"Is there something I should be aware of Dr. O'Malley?"
"No Dr. Bailey. My mind was somewhere else."
"Moving on then. And you can present the next case."
George didn't look at Izzie again.
~*----------------*~
Izzie lay on her back in the on call room during lunch. She had told George she wanted to talk to him, but right now, 10 minutes of sleep was more important to her. And she didn't know what she would say to him. That was a problem as well.
A bigger problem was that every time she closed her eyes, she could see George. George in all sorts of positions she didn't normally think about George in. And when she managed to push those thoughts out of her head, the only other thing she saw was George's blood shot, hungover, tear filled eyes, penetrating through her in the linen closet. Maybe that is where she could start the conversation. What Izzie had seen in his eyes had everything to do with why she wasn't sleeping.
So many things... best left unsaid. But George had said them. In those two seconds, with their faces so close together and his hand around hers, he had said more to her in that moment than he had in months. And then he'd left her with a click of the door.
And that's when she heard another one.
~*------------------*~
George looked at the floor as he entered. He sat on the bunk across from Izzie and used his hands to cover his face.
"Okay," he said. His voice was shaky.
"I didn't find you because I didn't know what I wanted to say." Izzie sat up in bed across from him. Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling. "I need to sleep George and I can't. I just can't. And I can't cry either. And nobody knows that I should be baking, but I should and I can't." She bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling. "George please look at me."
"No."
"Great, is that how this ends, we just aren't friends anymore because we can't look at each other." He heard her sniff loudly and her foot twitched against the floor. "I need you. I don't have much left George."
"I know."
"Well then look at me, damn it. George please, I will-"
"I can’t look at you. I can’t... because if I do, I will want to touch you and I can’t, I shouldn’t, I’m not supposed to." He was crying. His arms were shaking, trying to prevent himself from moving towards her. "I can’t look at you. I can’t look at you.”
She gave into her tears... for the first time, because if he was allowed to cry, so was she. She sank onto the floor, sobbing, because he was so close to her but she didn't know what he was saying with his eyes. And maybe she never would again.
And George kept his eyes closed. The tears leaked out somehow, but the one thing he didn't do was look at her. And all he could do was wonder why it took so long for this to happen. For him to see what was always there.
--- Edward R. Murrow
His head was in his locker when she walked in with Meredith and Alex. She went to her own locker immediately and occupied herself. Christina blew in, late and freaking out about Burke and wedding plans, and then came Bailey.
"People it should not be this difficult to be on time, dressed, and caffeinated. Am I asking too much? I can assure you I'm not. Now everybody move!"
Alex was first out the door, with Meredith and Christina close behind, their conversation continuing in hushed tones. Izzie slowly pushed her locker door shut, it's creaking filling the room. She and George stood with their backs to each other, each waiting for the other. Izzie spoke first.
"We need to talk."
"Find me during lunch."
"Alone."
"I know."
His door closed with a bang. He was out the door, and she had no choice but to follow him.
~*--------------------*~
George looked at Izzie for the first time that day when she was presenting the second case. It lasted five seconds. He figured that was how long he could look before Bailey accused him of not paying attention.
Her dark brown eyes were red today but he could tell she hadn't been crying. She hadn't slept. She was trying to cover the circles under her eyes, but George could see them. She was wearing the dark green, long sleeved shirt under her scrubs, with the high collar, which meant she was either in a bad mood, or preparing to be in one. She wore those dark colors when she wanted people to forget how beautiful she was, so they would take her seriously.
George knew that by physical definition of the word Izzie was beautiful. But a very big part of him forgot that now. When he had first met her, he had dwelt on it for quite a while, like he did with every very beautiful woman he came across. But the more she became Izzie to him, and not the model doctor, George didn't see the beautiful when he looked at her. He saw what he loved in her. And that had very little to do with what he could see with his eyes.
He had a thought that seemed almost funny to him then. How sometimes you can't look at someone because it literally pains you. How simpler men like Alex or Dr. Sloan would look at Izzie and be pained because they want to touch her... how George always believed her was above them and George was pained right now because...
"Is there something I should be aware of Dr. O'Malley?"
"No Dr. Bailey. My mind was somewhere else."
"Moving on then. And you can present the next case."
George didn't look at Izzie again.
~*----------------*~
Izzie lay on her back in the on call room during lunch. She had told George she wanted to talk to him, but right now, 10 minutes of sleep was more important to her. And she didn't know what she would say to him. That was a problem as well.
A bigger problem was that every time she closed her eyes, she could see George. George in all sorts of positions she didn't normally think about George in. And when she managed to push those thoughts out of her head, the only other thing she saw was George's blood shot, hungover, tear filled eyes, penetrating through her in the linen closet. Maybe that is where she could start the conversation. What Izzie had seen in his eyes had everything to do with why she wasn't sleeping.
So many things... best left unsaid. But George had said them. In those two seconds, with their faces so close together and his hand around hers, he had said more to her in that moment than he had in months. And then he'd left her with a click of the door.
And that's when she heard another one.
~*------------------*~
George looked at the floor as he entered. He sat on the bunk across from Izzie and used his hands to cover his face.
"Okay," he said. His voice was shaky.
"I didn't find you because I didn't know what I wanted to say." Izzie sat up in bed across from him. Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling. "I need to sleep George and I can't. I just can't. And I can't cry either. And nobody knows that I should be baking, but I should and I can't." She bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling. "George please look at me."
"No."
"Great, is that how this ends, we just aren't friends anymore because we can't look at each other." He heard her sniff loudly and her foot twitched against the floor. "I need you. I don't have much left George."
"I know."
"Well then look at me, damn it. George please, I will-"
"I can’t look at you. I can’t... because if I do, I will want to touch you and I can’t, I shouldn’t, I’m not supposed to." He was crying. His arms were shaking, trying to prevent himself from moving towards her. "I can’t look at you. I can’t look at you.”
She gave into her tears... for the first time, because if he was allowed to cry, so was she. She sank onto the floor, sobbing, because he was so close to her but she didn't know what he was saying with his eyes. And maybe she never would again.
And George kept his eyes closed. The tears leaked out somehow, but the one thing he didn't do was look at her. And all he could do was wonder why it took so long for this to happen. For him to see what was always there.