Fix My Ego --30STM Slash--

[flintera]

Title:Fix My Ego
Author: flintera
Pairing: Jared x Shannon
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and it never happened. *waves hand* These aren’t the droids you’re looking for. . .
Warnings: Sex and incest
A/N: Kind of new to 30STM, forgive me if their personalities come out wrong. This is a giftfic for ojaganshi.

Comments

♥mm

[conspiracy_87]

“My ego, Shannon, my ego! You know how sensitive I am!”

*giggle*

LOVED it♥!

write more

xoxox

Re: ♥mm

[flintera]

Yay! Thank you!! ^.~

And maybe. lol ♥ =3

[heles_allgood]

Wow! Simply cool!^^
I loved it! I like so much Jay when he makes the princess of the situation!^^
And Shanimal has to intervene to restore the situation...^^
Stra lol! I love pwp! Hope to read u soon!

[iluisa_echelon]

i did indeed love this :)
but can i give you a little constructive criticsm?
i think you used "Jared.." & "Shannon.." a little too much
maybe if you cut down on the use of their names, it might make the fic a little more realistic, maybe "he.." instead, or something like that
eg;
"Jared ran his tongue along Shannon’s lips until he parted them then Jared (he) delved his tongue into Shannon’s mouth.
Shannon met Jared’s tongue with a little moan echoing in his throat as Jared (he) ran his hands down to his brother’s neck then down to his shoulder’s, massaging lightly.
Shannon skirted his hands up Jared’s sides making Jared (him) squirm and laugh into the kiss.
As their tongues danced, Shannon (he) tugged on Jared’s shirt, pulling it up slightly then sliding his cool hands across Jared’s (his) abdomen. Jared gasped and pulled away from Shannon (him), grabbed his shirt and pulled it off swiftly, the cool air of the room raising goose bumps on his exposed skin.do you get what im trying to say? i mean, its nothing bad, like omg... i just

[flintera]

I know I overused their names. I was just afraid that using he/him would get confusing and I didn't have a beta on this fic. I keep telling myself to go back through and adjust those. ^^'
Hmm... Your suggestions do make sense and they're not confusing.
*saves your comment with fic in word doc*
I really appreciate some good CC, thank you soo much!

[iluisa_echelon]

thats my pleasure :)
i can check over your stuff if you'd like from time to time, i dont mind at all :)
but i just thought, i'd put my two cents worth in :P
glad you didnt bite my head off, like i know some others might've, lol
♥

[flintera]

Aww, thank you for the offer!
I appreciate your two cents soo much, I shall give you a cookie! lol ^.~

And, I would never get mad at someone who's only trying to help me. I really appreciate the suggestions that help to make my writing better, especially since I hope to one day get my original story published ^^

Thank you again for your comment!! ♥ ♥

[japantherine]

teheheheehe i like the ending with the blanket, made me giggle.