久しぶり

[flippy_]

A little over four years ago, I met someone who ended up meaning a lot to me. And I couldn't quite place my finger on why. He wasn't someone very friendly or empathetic, rather he emitted a very cold personality. He always kept his distance from everyone, especially emotionally, even from me. He was rarely sweet, even when he did care, but it was

Comments

[ultimaxffxi]

I can't tell if you're progressed the situation or not, if you haven't, it's time to move on! And if you have, congrats on moving on, it's a good thing!

[flippy_]

I kinda have, in my own way. I'm not crying every day or constantly hating myself for what happened. I used to constantly feel so much regret, and I still feel some, but you could say there is a helplessness that's fallen in. I still hope all the time that he's thinking of me and that he'll eventually come back to me after he's figured out his own problems. But I've given up having any control over the situation.

He wants me to move on, but I can't do that just because he wants me to and just because I want to forget. Maybe if I find the right person...but I'm tired of looking so hard because it's just making me more unhappy in the end. I'd rather wait for him for now, even if that's not what he wants.

[no_silence_xi]

I hope things get better for you.

[ultimaxffxi]

I'm a firm believer that you don't find love if you're looking for it. Just be open to the idea of it and let it find you!

[sstellar]

I don't know the details of your story, but can empathize via recent relationship woes I've been subjected to of late. It's extremely difficult to not look back and think about what you could have done differently to change the outcome.

It kind of reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, if you've seen that. When placed in certain positions in a relationship, our mind tends to unconsciously focus on the positive aspects of the past, causing a recollection of euphoric nostalgia and a yearning to regain that feeling through a reconciliation with the person. I guess the thought I can offer is that dream-esque fantasy that accompanies your past recollection is typically just an anthropomorphic fantasy, that rarely takes shape if given the opportunity to...

Good luck and hope someone understanding what you're going through at least provides minor solace.

[flippy_]

That's very true. But I never minded going through the "bad times" with him, and always put up with it. In fact, I think part of the problem for him was that I put up with it so much that it made him feel guilty. I also think that there is a deeply-rooted part of my personality that believes misery between two people is more meaningful than happiness, and this may have been why I tended to get hurt easily and attempted to hurt him back, and why I refused to move to LA to live with him, which would have fixed a lot of our dependency issues.

Another issue was that I never realized he was unhappy until it was too late. I'd been so focused on my own feelings that I never noticed. But he was never any good at showing me, let alone anyone, how he felt.

Anyway, I think right now I've come to a level of acceptance. There really is nothing I can do except let myself cry when I am feeling sad and wait for my life to change slowly each day until I don't need to cry about it anymore.

[deathrizes]

I know exactly how you feel, I went thought some what of the same situation recently and it sucks because your stuck thinking of how much it could have been different but no matter what you do it will never be that way. I myself also enjoyed the "chaos" of a relationship and it makes it harder for the other person to cope with. It's better that you don't look for love because you will just keep falling from one person to the next making it hard if not impossible to find the right person for you. Just be happy and content with the life you have and live it to the fullest and eventually things will just fall into place. People will always tell you to just not think about it but it's impossible. It hurts for long time but try to keep yourself busy and do stuff with others to help keep your mind off it. I wish you the best of luck with things.
PS! I still remember camping gold bat with you in Valkurm back in 05!