Fic: ... And the Battle Began (Chapter Eight, Part Two)
It's not hard to put Katie off from coming around: Naomi tells her that she's watching a documentary about African witch children and she knows that Katie can't quite stomach it without a bottle of wine and she's still too hungover to drink again.
So she agrees to meet up with her the next day. It just buys Naomi a little more time to make sure she's about to do the right thing.
She doesn't text Emily. She knows she'll see her anyway. But this time Naomi's scared. She doesn't know what Emily will say when Naomi tells her that everything's changed again over the course of an afternoon.
They've made no promises to each other. She can only hope that Emily thinks it's the right thing to do, too.
****
It doesn't fucking help even a tiny bit that, when Naomi arrives in the rec room, Katie and Emily are sat together.
It stops Naomi in her tracks for a moment and she watches them. They look so normal together, so sisterly, with Katie showing Emily stuff on her phone and Emily rolling her eyes and eating an apple.
The others are there, too, but they all look fucking miserable. JJ's sat with Freddie but Cook's on his own, flicking bits of dirt out of his fingernails with a penknife. Naomi's not pissed off with him, and realises as much when he sits up and waves at her with a grin.
"All right, Naomikins?" he shouts, and it attracts the attention of the twins who snap their heads up simultaneously. They both smile softly and Naomi can't for the fucking life of her figure out who to smile back at. So she offers a wave in their direction and then goes to Cook, trying not to look as they both scrunch their noses up at her as she goes.
"Ah," he says as she pulls out a chair. "Finally come to your senses then, babes?"
"Hardly," Naomi scoffs and sets her bag on the table with a dull thud. "Congratulations then, Mr. President. How's the power trip going?"
"Oh, tip-fucking-top. They've told me I can't fucking do anything and that if I even think about starting something they'll expel me like that." He snaps his fingers together for emphasis and Naomi flinches as he continues. "Wouldn't even fucking mind but then I wouldn't have anywhere to live, would I?"
Naomi blinks. "You live in halls?"
Cook laughs and goes back to his nails. "Yeah man. You should come by sometime." He looks up at her and wiggles his eyebrows. "I've only got a single but there's room."
"Hardly," Katie says from behind them, laying her hands on Naomi's shoulders. "Your ego could fill a fucking King Size."
He laughs again and then leans in, conspiratorially. "Nah, but it's a tight squeeze with my massive cock, if you get my meaning. Not that you'd have much trouble with it, right Kates?"
Naomi's face drops even as Katie clips him around the back of the head. She's not flustered, though, and just smirks at him, like they're friends or something, and Naomi wonders if she's missed more than that.
"Don't be a twat, Cook," Effy says from across the table, and Naomi hadn't even noticed she was there until then. She smiles quickly at Naomi and then goes back to her phone, pretending that she's invisible to everyone, including herself.
"Oh come on, Naoms. Don't look like that. Katie knows I'm only messing with her, right treacle tits?"
"Course, you fucking moron. Besides, Naomi knows that I'd never cheat on her, don't you babes?"
Naomi still feels a bit like she's been tackled from behind, though. She had a plan for today and it most definitely did not involve being made a twat of by Cook. Again.
And she can feel Emily looking at her from across the room, waiting to hear what she says. But Naomi had a fucking plan and she's going to stick to it, despite Cook possibly telling her something that she doesn't want to know.
So she finds a smile, reaches back to put her hand on top of Katie's and says, "Yeah, I know hon."
Naomi doesn't see so much as feel Emily leave the room.
It's like she's told her without having to tell her. Maybe she's saved herself from the worst conversation of her life.
At least this way she doesn't have to look at Emily when she tells her that she's made a choice.
****
Of course, it's a fucking poorly constructed fantasy, one which Naomi kicks herself for inventing when, after lunch on the green, she goes to the loos and is quickly joined by Emily.
"What the fuck was that this morning?"
"Emily, look... what was I supposed to say?" Naomi says, resigned, facing the mirrors.
"You could have said, actually, Katie, I'm not sure about that, and, by the way, we need to talk," Emily snaps, coming closer to where Naomi's standing so that Naomi has to steady herself not to fall back into her. Like she tries not to want to.
"Oh, what?" she snaps back, setting her jaw. "Right there in front of everyone. Sorry Katie, you cheating on me is entirely irrelevant because I've been fucking your sister?"
Emily recoils, shaking her head at Naomi in the mirror and Naomi mentally slaps herself for saying that because it's really not the way it is.
"Oh, that's nice. Is that what you think this is? Just a casual fucking fling?" Emily's got her arms folded now and she's got that look on her face, that challenging one, that made Naomi want to throw her against library stacks and kiss her until they both crumbled the last time she saw it.
So she closes her eyes, counts to three silently, and then turns around.
"No, Emily," she says calmly. "It's nothing, okay? It's done. We can't do that again. Ever."
They stare at each other for a long time, and Naomi almost falters, but she remembers that feeling (she's feeling it now) that Emily brings out in her. The one where she thinks that if Emily stopped breathing then so would she, which is just bollocks because no one should have that kind of effect on anyone else, ever.
"Right then," Emily says, looking down at her feet. "So that's it, then? You're going to stay with her?"
Naomi pauses, ignores the part of her that's going NO NO NO and, instead, just says, "Yes," so quietly that she can only just hear it. "I'm sorry."
"Naomi," Emily starts, and when Naomi looks up her face is softer and she's shaking her head. "I'm not going to pressure you to break up with her, I'm not. And I'm not going to try to make you want to be with me because that's not fair on anyone. But... think about what you're doing, okay? Is this really what you want...?"
Naomi can't look away, then, as Emily takes a step closer, and the world does that thing that it does whenever Emily's nearer than she should be and everything else slips away and Naomi bites her lip and shakes her head, willing back the tears, and lets Emily take her hand.
"You've got time, okay?" Emily whispers, and then reaches up to whisper in her ear. "I'm not going anywhere." She kisses Naomi's cheek before falling back to her feet.
She doesn't look at Naomi again as she leaves but Naomi watches her until she's left staring at a green door with the paint flaking off of it.
It takes a fuckload of self-restraint not to start crying in the toilets, because, apparently, she's not all that quiet when she cries and she doesn't want anyone finding her like that.
And it's fucking rubbish because she was meant to be sorting this out, making things clear with Emily, and moving on with Katie.
It's why she doesn't understand why it feels like she's just been dumped.
Emily's not going to fight anymore. Naomi wonders if that means that she shouldn't either.
****
As promised, Emily pushes nothing. In fact, she doesn't contact or talk to Naomi at all, although it's not like it was before when there was some sort of Cold War silently raging between them, and now when she enters a room all they do is look at each other sadly, like someone's died, and then carry on with what they're doing.
And Katie's making an effort now, like she's asking Naomi questions about her coursework and suggesting study sessions almost like she knew how close she was to this being over.
It's nice in a way, Naomi thinks, as Katie makes her a cheese sandwich on brown bread, but then it all stops being lovely when Naomi remembers sharing her sandwiches on a bench at school with Emily, and Katie has to ask if Naomi's okay because she's "gone well pale, babes. You're not gonna faint, are you? Because my cousin fainted once and then he pissed himself and it was minging. Actually, I think it was more of a fit - shit you're not gonna, like, have an epi on me are you?" and Naomi has to snap herself out of it for long enough to reassure Katie that, no, she isn't going to faint, have a fit and/or piss herself.
Things like that seem to be happening rather a lot, Naomi notices, even though she's trying really hard to put everything Emily-related out of her mind. She made a decision. Or, rather, she went with what her gut told her; that Katie had always been there for her. She was brave back then, and she still is now. And just because they'd had a bit of a blip it didn't mean that they shouldn't be together.
They fit, really. They make sense, and the more time Naomi spends with Katie the easier they settle back into their old routine, making each other laugh and just being.
The first time they sleep together after Naomi had been with Emily it was soft and slow. It felt like making amends, the way Naomi had lapped at Katie's cunt so slowly and precisely that by the time Katie came it was long and hard and Naomi's jaw ached with the doing of it all.
She tastes so sweet, Naomi thinks as she's bringing Katie down with her tongue, holding onto the backs of Katie's thighs for support.
It doesn't stop Naomi from feeling the guilt wash through her when Katie pulls her back up to kiss her and then whispers soft, "I love you,"s into Naomi's neck that she can't respond to. So she kisses Katie again, waits for Katie's kisses to become more focussed and tries to drift away as Katie works her fingers through the wetness between Naomi's legs.
Time, Naomi thinks. It'll get better in time.
****
The times when she needs to go to the library Naomi lingers longer than necessary, glancing towards the little corner of it that she'd shared with Emily just that one time.
Sometimes she wanders into the aisle, trying to discreetly glance down at the floor to see if they'd left a mark there, one of those ones that she and Katie have left on the couch before and had to wash the cushion covers quickly before her mum got home. There's nothing there, though, and Naomi can't decide if that's a good or bad thing.
The marks are getting covered up all over. It's why she thinks she's safe - if no one else can see anything then Katie's surely never going to notice.
****
It was too soon to think it, though, because on Friday night, after they'd spent a good week at college and Emily-related staring incidents had reached a plateau, and Naomi's kissing Katie's ear while they watch Eastenders, Katie stops Naomi's thoughts with a quiet question.
"Naoms, what's going with you and Ems?"
Naomi stiffens, but keeps close to Katie's ear. She's not sure what's on her face right now but she knows that she doesn't want Katie to see it. Not just yet.
"What do you mean? Nothing's going on"
"Really? Because it's weird, like," Katie says, leaning her head into Naomi's. "Sometimes you're brilliant mates, yeah, and then others, like now, you're barely speaking. So, what is it?"
There's not much of a response she can provide without a lie being involved, but they've moved on, she's sure of it, and surely she can't have shown anything by not speaking to Emily.
"Katie," she sighs, and pulls away, reaching for her wine. "It's nothing. You know, just... we have different lives really. She's got her mates and I've got..."
"Me," Katie smiles and leans in for a kiss. "I know it just sucks, like, because I was worried that you'd fallen out over me. And you're both my people, you know?"
Naomi kisses back, but then decides to broach a topic that's been on her mind since Emily mentioned it to her. There's a small voice in the back of her head that's saying if it's Katie's fault you break up then that's fine - you can do what you want, right? and she's not entirely sure that's what she wants but it's there, nonetheless, and suggesting things to Naomi that would mean it's someone else's decision to end this, not hers.
"Kay, do you ever think that this will last? You know - us."
There's a shuffle around and then Katie's facing Naomi and holding her hand.
"What's the matter? Why are you asking that?"
She looks worried, and her nose is twitching in that way that means tears might come soon. But she also looks fierce, like she's preparing for a break up speech and she's about ready to tell Naomi to get to fuck. So Naomi ploughs on.
"Well, you know. You were with boys before me. You've got to miss it a bit..."
"Jesus Christ," Katie rolls her eyes, and it seems like the rage is coming but, instead, Katie laughs and squeezes Naomi's fingers. "Babe, you are so insecure sometimes, I don't even know what's up with you. Haven't you got it yet? I fucking love you."
She shakes her head and Naomi has to look away, but there are tiny fingers on her chin and she's brought back around to find a very soft looking Katie sitting there searching her eyes for something Naomi doesn't know is there.
There's that thing, though, about Katie where she exists in moments like these, with her hair casually pulled back behind her head, and a cardigan of Naomi's wrapped around her, and bright blue nailvarnish on the one foot that Naomi can see, poking out from under her leg where she's sat on it. It's almost like there are two Katies, like this one was made for Naomi to try and love, to pull Naomi back in when it looks like she's slipping away.
It's the other one that's a problem, Naomi thinks, even as Katie's leaning over to brush some hair out of Naomi's eyes, only for it to fall back into them straight after.
"I'm not going to say that we're going to last forever because I just don't know that, you know? All I know is that right now you're all I need. Does that make sense?"
It's a total rush of affection that takes over Naomi then and she nods, considering, as she sets her glass on the floor beside the sofa and then, slowly, lowers herself down on top of a smiling Katie.
"I'll take that as a yes then," Katie grins before Naomi catches her legs quickly and yanks them down so they're straight and Naomi can lie flush against her.
Naomi says nothing, and Katie must see the seriousness in her eyes before she latches onto Katie's neck and starts moving her hips against Katie, pushing her leg up against Katie's cunt in a quick, hard rhythm that's already got Katie panting.
"Babe, Jesus," Katie moans, gripping onto handfuls of Naomi's hair that's getting longer, now, and bucks her hips upwards as Naomi works a hand between them and straight into Katie's knickers. "You haven't been like this in ages."
Naomi barely hears her though and keeps sliding her fingers against Katie's clit, kissing her way up to Katie's lips where she finally slows things down.
"Sorry," Naomi murmurs into Katie's mouth.
"It's okay," Katie manages back, even as Naomi's sliding inside her. "Babe, it's all okay."
****
She texts Emily once, just in case.
I think she's suspicious, she says, and sits in Kieran's classroom biting her nails until she gets a reply.
It takes a while, and it sort of makes Naomi want to throw her phone across the room when she gets it.
How can she be suspicious if nothing's going on?
It's not that Emily's right, because she just sort of it, but it's more that she's being naïve about it.
Or maybe she thinks that it really is all over, even though Naomi still thinks about her daily, about the colour of her cheeks when she smiles, about the way one side of her mouth tilts into a smirk when she's being cheeky - about the way she's leaned over Naomi and looked into her eyes and told her things without saying them.
But nothing's going on any more. It's for the best. It's for all of them.
****
"Oh come on," Katie's saying as Naomi tries to remember if she needs to put an apostrophe in 'its', desperately trying to finish her self-set two thousand work mark on her essay. "It'll be fun, and Thomas says we don't even have to pay."
"Really? Well if Thomas can come and finish my essay for me too then that'd be great, thanks. I'm sure Kieran won't mind if it's in French." Naomi swivels around in her chair, swinging her legs as she watches Katie stop preening herself in the mirror and turn to face Naomi, lipstick held in mid-air.
"Thomas is French? But I thought he was from Africa or somewhere else hot?"
Naomi groans inwardly, running a hand across her forehead as she counts to three silently. "Katie, Thomas is from Africa. In some places there they speak French."
"Shit, really?" Katie twists her lip to the side and then shrugs, going back to applying her make-up. "If I were an African I'd choose to speak something well more exotic, like Italian or Russian. Sod crappy French."
"It's not like they chose it, Katie. It's just the way it is."
Katie snorts, then, and turns around so she's leaning against the dresser, and says, "Honey, everyone has a fucking choice. It's just that most people don't really get when they've made the wrong ones, you know?"
She smiles then, like she's just been really philosophical about something, but Naomi's thinking about how wrong she is.
Sometimes it's less of a choice and more of an inevitability. It's the world working against you, really.
"So," Katie puckers her lips and puts the cap back on the lipstick. "You need to stop doing that now and get ready, yeah?"
Naomi winces as she watches Katie attach a rather obnoxious black bow to her hair and tilts it to the side like she's about to sing a jaunty rhyme about being such a sweet girl.
"I've already said I need to do this. I'm behind as it is and I just can't fucking leave it here, can I?"
Katie sighs and spins around, making her way across to Naomi in a few quick steps, pushing her way onto Naomi's lap and wrapping her arms around Naomi's neck.
"Baby, listen to me - we haven't been out in forever. We haven't seen anyone else, done anything with anyone else and, frankly, you know I love you but sometimes it's nice to have a bit of variety, yeah?"
"Variety?" Naomi snaps, and wonders whether that means that Katie will be trying out other various tastes if she doesn't join her for the evening and that jealous prickles at her, making her decision for her. "Ugh, okay. Fine. But I am not getting smashed."
Katie grins and smacks a big, lipsticky kiss on Naomi's cheek. "Thanks babes. New you'd see it my way." She winks and back off of Naomi, stopping to shout, "Oh, and wear those blingy necklaces, the ones like Eff's, okay? I'm just getting wine from the kitchen," before she slips out of the door.
Admitting defeat, rather painfully, Naomi shuts the lid of her laptop, huffing as she does it. Katie always gets her way, she thinks and wonders when it's time for her to get her own way.
If ever.
****
It's an accident that she's tipsy by the time they get to the club, and she's a bit giddy still from where Katie had pulled them into an alley on the way there and teased Naomi briefly through her knickers before backing up with a wink and leading Naomi back out again.
She's already feeling a bit better about leaving the house and it's nice, actually, to let go again for a bit.
There have been days recently where Naomi's felt like the pressure was off a little but it's always hanging over her, everything that's happened, and she can't shake it off completely.
She hasn't spoken to Emily in weeks now and every day they're apart it becomes a little easier.
(Except for those times when Emily smiles at her across the classroom and Naomi's stomach clenches and she has to excuse herself, just for a moment.)
So, walking up to the club hand in hand with Katie, it feels a little like things have returned to normal.
"Oh," Katie says, pointing towards the back of the queue. "There's Freddie - I wonder if he's with Eff? You go find Thomas, yeah, and we'll catch up with you in a bit."
She doesn't need to reach up to peck Naomi on the cheek; her shoes are high enough anyway. She whispers in Naomi's ear before she goes that she's not wearing any knickers and leaves a stunned Naomi watching her arse as it sways away from her.
It means that she's almost distracted enough not to notice how Katie's basically ordered her to do something but she catches it, rolling her eyes as Freddie leans down to hug Katie.
Whatever, Naomi thinks, and wanders over to the front of the queue. Standing there, smoking, is Effy, and Naomi considers shouting over to Katie but decides against it and approaches Effy for herself.
"Hi," Naomi smiles and Effy just blows smoke. "On your own?"
"Not anymore," Effy smirks and it draws out a smile in Naomi. She doesn't quite understand Effy really but she does appreciate the almost simplicity of her. Speaking when she needs to, listening when she doesn't.
"No Cook?"
"No Katie? Or Emily?" Effy tilts her head to the side and Naomi sighs.
"Katie's over there, looking for you. As per. And Emily's... well I don't know where Emily is."
"Not speaking?"
"Not exactly."
"Lover's tiff?" Effy asks, and Naomi freezes, but then there's a hand on her back and a, "Hi babes," from Katie. Effy's still looking at her, though, and it's a relief then that Katie's turned up with a more-forlorn-than-usual Freddie and Effy focuses on him for a moment.
Effy sees too much, Naomi knows. It's almost like magic.
They're not in the queue for long before Thomas beckons them over, letting them know they don't need to pay and that Emily's already inside.
She and Katie exchange a look, one that Effy no doubt catches, and then they're being ushered inside to the sound of Cook whooping somewhere behind them.
It's pretty fucking dark in this club, but there are neon lights flashing around, making it both easier and more difficult to see anything.
Naomi's looking for her as soon as they're in - she can't help it. She doesn't even know what she'd do if she found her, anyway. A curt nod hello, perhaps. A small smile that Naomi can't give back.
Katie sees her first, though, and then she's fighting her way through the crowd, leaving Naomi standing at the bar, watching.
It's distressing, the Emily that she sees being dragged away and out by her sister. But, and Naomi blinks as she thinks it, it's pretty fucking hot. She's got her hair damp and stuck to her face, small vest top clinging to her skin. She looks fucked, like really and Naomi realises she has no fucking idea what's going on with Emily these days at all.
If she knows Naomi's there she doesn't react to her. Naomi wishes that she could do the same - just fucking let go - but she knows she can't.
Maybe she did let go once. Maybe the consequences of such means that she never should again.
****
It's not until later when they're on their way home, after Cook's gotten in a fight and Effy's dragged him off home, and the mood turns sour amongst everyone, that Naomi asks after Emily, as casually as she can.
"Ugh," Katie responds, hooking her arm through Naomi's. "Don't fucking know what her problem is. Like, she was proper letting Cook feel her up. Fucking disgusting."
Katie's still going on about it but Naomi's stopped listening. She wants to throw up a bit, wants to get rid of Katie and get some proper air and space by herself because that image is too much. Knowing that someone else has had their hands on Emily fills Naomi with a dread she didn't want to have. It's like how she gets about Katie - only much, much, worse.
She thinks about it all the way back to her house, wondering where his hands were exactly, what she let him do to her, and whether she enjoyed it. Naomi knows that Emily's gay, though. She said she was. She said it and now she's letting Cook grope her.
Something doesn't add up, she thinks as she lets them into the house, trying to drag her mind away from it as Katie pushes her up against the door once it's closed and kisses her mercilessly.
Everyone's got too many secrets, Naomi thinks. And if they don't know what each others' are then it's going to be even harder to help keep them.
****
She doesn't bring it up, the groping. It would seem too weird to Katie that Naomi was so interested.
She doesn't talk to Emily anyway, so she can't ask her.
And if she asks Cook then she might end up thumping him.
So she sits on it, lets it fester, waiting to see if it's going to bubble up and out until there's nothing she can do to pretend how much she doesn't care about any of this at all.
****
All of her ideas about everything change, though, when Katie suggests they go camping in the woods at Gobbler's End. Naomi likes camping, actually, and remembers when she and her mum would go with a big bunch of hippie types and sit around the fire with a guitar singing Levellers songs and, because she was the only kid, Naomi would get to eat as much sugar as she could manage without anyone noticing.
So, in theory, camping could be good.
What Katie's failed to notice though, Naomi thinks as she's packing a bag, is that usually people go camping with their friends and this group, their little group of people, has fissures running through it so fine and so vast in number that it'll only take a tiny knock to smash it into pieces.
It'll be the most amount of time she's spent with Emily in over a month. It's a good opportunity, Naomi thinks as she folds up a pink blanket and rams it into her holdall, to show how over it all she is. She can show Emily that it's all done, just like she said it was. And she'll show Katie she has nothing to worry about.
A fresh start. Again. For the last time.
Chapter Nine