Fic: Cuts Marked in the March of Men - Katie, Naomi/Emily
Possibly because of that chance meeting in the club toilets, Effy had seemed to remember that Katie existed.
Katie snorted and showed her phone to Emily when the first message had come through, who muttered ‘fucking twat’ before going back to a poem or something that she was writing. A fucking text message after leaving her to fucking die in the cold on her own? There was no chance Katie would even consider responding to it. Just out of, like, respect for herself.
It didn’t stop there, though. Clearly Effy thought that actually talking to Katie might be a bad move and so never called her but continued to send messages apologising and asking for a chance to talk, sometime, anywhere, and had even put a note through their front door.
It freaked Katie out to know that Effy had been that close - that she might have been outside when Katie was in.
For a week she did nothing. Put her phone on silent so that it would just shut the fuck up. Emily was nice enough to stay home for a bit, indulge her in a bit of nail painting and wine consumption. She was relaxed, and actually not thinking about Effy for the first time that week, when Emily ruined it all.
Putting the brush back in the bottle, Emily turned the TV down so it was barely audible.
“Hey, I was fucking watching...”
“She called Naomi,” Emily said, looking right at Katie.
“She... what?”
Emily shifted around on the sofa, turning her body towards Katie’s and putting a palm on her thigh. Katie almost flinched - she was about to get buttered up, and she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted that to happen.
“Katie, maybe you should talk to her...”
Even though she knew it was coming, it still felt like a betrayal.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Emily?” She got to her feet, watching as Emily let her hand fall and clearly bracing herself. “Why the fuck would I want to talk to her? She’s just... conversations between me and her don’t actually end very well, in case you’ve fucking forgotten or something.”
“She’s trying, Katie. She knows she fucked up massively. Naomi thinks...”
“Oh, now that doesn’t surprise me. Naomi would fucking think it was a good idea, wouldn’t she? What the fuck does she care?” Katie was pacing, the anger inside her bubbling up under the surface. It was second nature, to react like this. It was expected, really. And Emily was used to it. She was pretty sure that Emily knew it was because she was more scared than angry, but she’d never admit it if asked.
She hadn’t meant to insult Naomi, but it was out now, and there was that sad look from Emily again. They played their roles. It was the only way some things would work.
“Look, it’s not Naomi’s fault that she’s ended up speaking to Effy. You and Effy put her in this position so she’s just...”
“Oh fuck off, Ems. She’s a fucking big enough girl to handle it. And, maybe like, at the time, maybe if you and her hadn’t been fingering each other in a tent you might have noticed that I was gone and you both wouldn’t feel the need to stick your noses in, yeah?.”
It was too far, always too far. They’d been over this. Emily had said sorry, and so had Naomi. Emily had felt horribly guilty, and it was horribly obvious. Naomi’s guilt had been a little less obvious, and she’d been far less whingey about the whole thing, but Katie could tell that Naomi had felt pretty fucking bad for leaving her there. It was the eyes. Naomi’s eyes just couldn’t lie, even when she succeeded so well with words.
Emily just looked up at her now, shocked, the beginnings of excess moisture threatening at her eyes.
“We’ve been through this,” she said quietly. Katie took a few deep breaths, eyes closed, and sat back down next to her sister, and took her hand, mindful of wet paint.
“I know... fuck, I know we have, okay? Sorry. It’s just... how would you feel, if it was you?” It was meant to be rhetorical but Emily responded anyway.
“I’d want some answers. And I’d want her to see that I was doing okay, without Freddie. You know?”
Katie just nodded. It wasn’t a decision, but she thought it might be the start of one.
****
Later that night, after Emily had turned off her light and they had both settled into bed, Katie tried to get her brain to quieten down for a bit. There was just too much in it, always. She knew Emily was still awake as she could hear the quiet ‘click-clicking’ of Emily sending a text message, a ‘goodnight’ one to Naomi, Katie imagined. It reminded her of something.
“Ems?”
“Mmm?” The clicking didn’t stop. Katie would have rolled her eyes, had they been open.
“What did Naomi say to her, then?” Emily released a deep breath and then the noise did stop. Katie heard the sound of Emily’s phone being placed on the bedside table.
“Well,” she started. “The first seven times she didn’t answer, ‘cos I told her that we were just kind of ignoring Effy. But then she got a bit pissed off and only answered to tell her to fuck off.”
Katie smiled, kind of pleased that Naomi was defending her in some way. Or had at least tried to. She was glad it was dark, better that Emily didn’t see her face.
“Right,” she murmured. “Well, obviously she ended up saying a bit more than that.”
Emily chuckled. “Obviously. She said that Effy basically spoke so fast, thinking she was going to hang up, and the jist was that she’s just... Well, a bit broken, really. Like, Naomi said it was the most she’d ever heard her say. And she just wants to talk to you.”
They were silent, then. As she pulled the duvet tight around her, Katie wanted to sigh. Sometimes, even though it was just Emily, who knew her better than anyone, she just didn’t want to seem weak. But these days, while it felt like there was something heavy sitting on her chest, it was harder to keep it all in.
Quietly, Emily cut through her thoughts. “What are you gonna do, Kay?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay.”
That seemed to satisfy Emily (Katie could almost feel her smile from across the room) and soon she heard her sister’s breath begin to come evenly. She wished she could relax, but the fact that there was now the very real possibility that she would have to have a conversation with Effy seemed to have tensed every muscle in Katie’s body.
It wasn’t like she was afraid of Effy or anything, like she was trying to get in contact with Katie so she could finish the job, but it was just the whole thing, like...
She and Effy had been friends, until Freddie. And then she just wanted something that Katie had. It wasn’t like she was stupid - she saw the way that Freddie looked at Effy but, fuck that, it was done now. If he wanted to have an entire relationship built on long, meaningful glances he could fucking have it. At least Katie had something interesting to say, about life and stuff and Effy just. Well, Effy liked drugs and sex and so did Freddie so they were basically perfect for each other. Who needs conversation when you’re off your face, anyway?
Katie rolled over onto her back, duvet still bunched up around her neck. She’d always found the curtains too thin in their room, it let the light in from the streetlamps and cast an eerie blue-grey glow over the room. The kind of light where bad things happen.
So, whatever, she was well aware that she didn’t like it when people tried to take things that belonged to her. People that belonged to her. And, over the course of a few short hours, Effy had taken Freddie and along with him her pride and status and whatever else. Fuck’s sake.
She tried to steer her thoughts away from Effy (there would be enough thinking and talking about that tomorrow, especially if Emily had anything to do with it) and she found herself thinking of Naomi. Who, it seemed, was actually on her side.
Katie drifted off to sleep wondering if she should send Naomi a text to say thanks, or if that really would be finally admitting to them both that she didn’t entirely hate her. At least, not any more.
****
The suggestion that they both go over to Naomi’s to drink some wine and talk about the situation was, at first, rejected outright by Katie.
The thought of, like, sitting in her expensive River Island skirt in their hippie hovel made Katie unreasonably panicky, but once Emily explained that they were actually clean and not putting up any random tosser that stumbled by, she figured ‘what the fuck?’ but slipped some hand sanitizer into her bag anyway.
If she had confessed that she was actually kind of curious to see how exactly it was that Naomi lived, like if her house was the cliché that she imagined it to be, then she probably would have killed herself and anyone else who had been in earshot.
Less than impressed with Naomi’s mum’s greeting, like she’d never fucking seen twins before, Katie struggled to say something pleasant. Fortunately, Naomi was on her way down the stairs and pretty much just told her mum to fuck off, which entertained Katie enough to bust out a smile as Naomi scowled at her hastily retreating mother.
With a kiss for Emily and an almost-genuine smile for Katie, Naomi led them upstairs.
****
Much to her surprise, Katie found herself having a good time. Wine had long since turned into vodka, and some of the music that Naomi owned had been only just less than awful, so that was an unexpected bonus.
At first, Katie had just thought the whole thing was ridiculous. She had no idea why Emily wanted her to be there and why Naomi was allowing it. But, fuck it. She hadn’t paid for the wine or the vodka, and they’d drunk a fuckload of it as they chatted about various things - Katie divulging a bit more about her relationship with Freddie than she’d have liked (“It was, like, really fucking hard for him to get it up. And I fucking know it wasn’t me ‘cos I’ve never had that problem before, right?”) and Emily had grimaced and Naomi had laughed so hard that Emily felt she had to slap her to get her to stop.
There was something about Naomi when she was a bit pissed or high that made Katie like her. Like, actually enjoy her company, rather than pretending to for Emily’s sake. There were times when Emily would say something particularly pathetic, about, like, the way Naomi’s hair looked in the light, shimmering or whatever, and then she’d look sheepish as she remembered Katie was there, but, Naomi wouldn’t look embarrassed, more like... like she couldn’t believe that Emily actually thought about that kind of stuff.
And then, she and Naomi would exchange a small, knowing smile. And Naomi would shake her head and then kiss Emily anyway. Only then, did Katie have to look away.
****
It was nearing midnight when Katie realised that they still hadn’t talked about the Effy situation. She was relieved, really. She wasn’t sure exactly what they were supposed to be discussing, and was fairly sure Emily had suggested the whole thing anyway just to make herself feel better.
They were all on Naomi’s bed (Katie had already thought about the fact that this was where Emily and Naomi had sex, most of the time, and had tried not to think about it any further, for fear of vomiting) and a lull had settled over them.
Laying on the very edge of the bed and clutching a very nearly empty bottle of vodka, Katie felt something nudge her arm, and rolled her head to the left. She’d forgotten that Naomi was so close and now that she was looking at her at such short range, Katie felt entirely disconcerted.
But, Naomi’s eyes weren’t all the way open, so she wasn’t hit with the full force of those usually piercing blue eyes. It was what made it easier to continue to breathe.
Naomi mimed smoking a fag, which was when Katie realised that Emily must have nodded off. She raised her head slightly to see Emily curled up against Naomi’s side, head on her shoulder and arm resting in the space between Naomi’s breasts. Katie closed her eyes and nodded, turning away even as the image burned itself into her memory.
****
It was colder outside than she’d expected and so hugged herself tightly as she took a drag.
Naomi’s garden was nice, Katie thought. Probably nicer in the daytime, too. She wondered if Emily had planted anything here, and then figured that she most definitely would have done. Anything to remind Naomi of her when she wasn’t around.
Katie was fairly certain that the only thing she’d ever left around anyone else’s house was underwear, and only because it had been ruined by him practically ripping it off to fuck her. The thought made her shudder.
“Cold?” Naomi asked, sat closely beside her, smoking quietly.
“Fucking freezing. Stupid summer.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, Katie told herself.
Naomi chuckled. Katie realised, stupidly, that she liked the sound, and smiled as well.
“So, is this the part where you act out the lines Emily’s written for you to say to me about Effy?” It was meant to be a joke but, once again, Katie failed to make it sound that way. She stiffened as Naomi scoffed next to her.
“Katie, it may come as a shock to you, but just because I’m in a relationship with Emily it doesn’t mean that I do exactly as she tells me to,” Naomi said sternly, turning to Katie, unblinking.
“I know that,” Katie snapped. She was always too harsh, more harsh than she meant to be. Feeling like, perhaps, words didn’t always work, she tentatively placed a hand on Naomi’s knee. She flinched, unprepared for the contact, but didn’t move Katie’s hand away. “I know, okay? Sorry. I just... well, you get it right?”
Naomi nodded, almost sadly. “Yeah, yeah I think so. I mean, that kind of thing’s never happened to me, so I can’t get it completely but... You were meant to be friends, and like, I really don’t think she wants to fucking kill you or anything but... Fuck, I don’t know, Katie.”
It was a relief really, that Naomi wasn’t going to try to make this simple, because nothing about it was. She knew that there was just something that kept her from just accepting Effy’s apology, or, at this stage, her attempt to give one. No-one would understand how it felt to be left for dead by your friend and then realise that she’d fucked your boyfriend while you lay there, bleeding.
Katie realised that she still had her hand on Naomi’s leg and was surprised, as she went to pull it away, when Naomi clamped her own over the top of it, holding it in place.
“If you don’t want to talk to her, like ever again, I don’t think anyone would blame you,” she gave Katie’s hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. Katie pulled it back to herself, wondering how that brief touch had burned and then left her feeling even colder than before. Fucking vodka, right?
They were quiet then, finishing their cigarettes. Katie held hers upright and close to her face, watching as it burned bright red and then faded to grey. Dead and flickering away in the breeze.
She felt Naomi stand and joined her, wobbling slightly. “Christ, I need to drink more often,” Katie mumbled. “Turning into a right fucking lightweight.” Naomi laughed, and offered her an ashtray.
“Right, I’d best be off,” Katie whispered as they re-entered the house. Most of the lights were off, but Naomi had left the landing light on, which provided enough light just so that Katie could make Naomi out in the dark. She was so fucking tall - fuck knows how she and Emily managed to not look completely ridiculous together. It was the first time that Katie had thought it. Today, like most lately, was full of surprises.
“What? No, you should stay,” Naomi said, turning back to Katie, almost colliding with her as she did. “Sorry.” She teetered unsteadily on her heels, rock backwards and then forwards again.
“Stay? And, what? Share a fucking bed with my sister and her humungous girlfriend? No thanks.” Kate laughed, steadying Naomi.
Naomi chuckled back and pushed at Katie’s shoulder. “Fuck off! I’m not that big, you bitch. It’s not my fault you two are basically midgets. Besides,” she said, straight-faced and crossing her arms. “It’s not the size that counts.”
“You would fucking say that, flat-tits,” Katie retorted through squinted, daring eyes. They managed not to smile for a whole second before breaking out into stifled laughter. “Oh fuck off,” Katie pushed back at Naomi’s shoulder in retaliation.
“You really wanna fight me, Katiekins?” Naomi said through a smile. “I’m not entirely sure you’d win.”
Katie pushed her again, harder this time. “I think you’ll find I was winning last time.”
Naomi pushed Katie back, who stumbled a bit. Naomi laughed at her. “I just let you think that, babe. I could totally take you if I wanted to.”
“Really?” Katie scoffed, extending one finger and prodding Naomi firmly in the chest. “I’d like to see you try.”
Looking down at the floor, Naomi released a deep breath, her shoulders shrugging it all out of her. “Okay,” she muttered. “You asked for it.”
Drunk or not drunk, Katie would not have been prepared for the full force of Naomi, who was suddenly pushing her back against a wall, arms pinned at her sides. Had she had enough time to process what was happening Katie reckoned she would have fought back, but she hadn’t been ready at all and found herself only half-heartedly pushing against Naomi’s hands as they held her in place.
They were both breathing rather heavily but Naomi was smiling. “See,” she said, flicking a stray lock of hair away from her face. “Fucking told you.”
It seemed to take all of Katie’s energy to reply as she found the feeling of Naomi’s body being that close, radiating warmth, and strength, quite unsettlingly distracting...
“Fine, you fucking win, all right? Now, get the fuck off me, yeah?” Naomi blinked, as if for the first time realising just how close they were. She took a step back.
Katie decided to brush pretend things off her skin, like some kind of Naomi-germs or something, while she took a moment to recover. When she looked back at Naomi, she looked flushed, and her brow was creased, like she was trying to figure out the answer to a particularly difficult equation.
“Right,” Katie said, snapping Naomi out of whatever it was that she was mulling over. “You’ve successfully passed your audition to be my bodyguard. So, should that crazy bitch come wielding any blunt objects, you’ll be there to take her out, yeah?”
Naomi laughed. It seemed to be happening a lot, recently. Katie would say something, and Naomi would laugh. And not in, like, a totally bitchy way or anything. It was nice.
“So,” Naomi started, serious again. “Does this mean you’re gonna go and see her?”
Katie shrugged. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I will. I’m not sure why but... if it means this’ll just stop... That...”
“What?” Naomi asked, stepping closer again. Katie wished that she could tell Naomi that being that close wasn’t entirely helping, but she wasn’t sure she knew why that was, which meant that she probably shouldn’t say it. For once, she listened to herself and pushed the thought back down.
“It’d just be nice, to get over it.”
Naomi nodded. “Yeah.”
After a moment, Katie slid out from between Naomi and the wall, feeling instantly more relaxed as she moved, and picked up her bag from the floor where she’d dumped it on her way in earlier.
“Sure you won’t stay? I was gonna offer the couch, if that makes you feel any better.”
Not really, Katie thought, but shook it away. “Nah, I always sleep better in my own bed,” she opened the door, but looked back to Naomi before she went. “Just, like, tell Ems that I snuck out when you went for a piss or something. She’ll probably give you a hard time if she knows that you let me go.”
They shared a smile, kind of like realising that they shared a common enemy. But, then, Emily wasn’t that, really.
“Ok, then. Just do me a favour and try not to get molested on the way home, all right?”
Katie smirked. “Chance’d be a fucking fine thing, yeah?” And she winked at Naomi before turning away into the night, walking swiftly as she waited for her hands to stop the shaking that had started the minute she had felt Naomi’s breath on her skin, hours earlier.
****
In bed, after a taxi ride home (clearly Naomi hadn’t noticed the size of Katie’s heels or she definitely would not have left her to walk home) and a brief shower to rid some of the cold from her bones, Katie sent two text messages.
The first one didn’t take a lot of working out. It was simple. There wasn’t much to say, after all.
Ok. I’ll meet you. Somewhere public - I’m not a fucking idiot. Tell me when you’re free and I’ll tell you where we’re going.
Got the point across. Job done. Hopefully Effy would give her a few days so Katie could feel like she was completely ready. And to get a bit more make-up to cover up the last traces of the now greenish bruise that she had left on Katie’s skin.
The second, Katie pondered for a little longer, but eventually decided on keeping it simple also.
Unfortunately no-one appealed to me on way home so I’m tucked up safely in bed. Cheers for not being a twat about stuff. Will let you know if I’m gonna meet her so you can have the ambulance waiting ;) Night, K x.
Katie was almost asleep when the reply came.
Fuck’s sake. If I’d known you 2 would be this much trouble I’d have changed colleges in the first week. I’m sure she won’t try anything. Just keep her away from illegal substances, if that’s even possible. Glad you’re home safe! And, fuck you, I’m lovely. Bitch. ;) xx
Katie snickered to herself before responding.
Who said ambulance would be for me?! And, whatever, you love us both really :p xx
It wasn’t until she woke up in the middle of the night, having fallen asleep with her phone in her hand, that she realised that she’d been waiting for a response.
As she stared at the ceiling, feeling the beginnings of a hangover, she wondered if it was probably better that Naomi hadn’t said anything. Either an admission or a denial, she thought, would have caused Katie’s heart to contract in a way that was starting to almost make sense to her.
She bit her lip and counted to ten, over and over, until sunlight started to creep through the curtains and fill the room with a warm glow. Only then did Katie feel sleep start to overcome her, the vague memory of a warm hand covering her own lining her half-consciousness, seeing her into an unusually dreamless sleep.
Chapter Three