(Untitled)

[floatingcouch]

The benefits Introversion, at the request of the one vote by the lovely Senorita, are as follows:
My own dreams are interest me. For example:Serial Disinterest- read the sign by the old store. What a funny sign! Thought I, peeking through the dusty window, at the musty storefront. What on earth does a shop like this sell, I wanted to ask. Well

Comments

[ciaret]

1) Punctuation.
2) "said I," "thought I," doesn't add anything.
3) Adjective issues. Hands aren't smarmy: the person who uses them is.
4) What's with the $2 bills? Don't introduce conflict in one sentence and entirely resolve it within the next.

[floatingcouch]

Thankyou for reading over this peice... You may actually find, that it is extremely unpolished. This is because the whole goal of this paper was to see how fast I could type a page story with out thinking about it, or polishing it till it gleams.

I recognize that it is not exactly good 'ol high literature to make conflict, than resolve it the next sentence, but it adds some sort of comic value I think. At least I thought it was funny when I wrote the bit on two dollar bills and the NY Post. If I am going to turn this one page thing into a project, perhaps I should make changes to that part.

[senoritaelisa]

2) I think the "said I"s are very funny!
3) making hands "swarmy" almost characterizes the person. It's the whole new fad in modern writing. Just read Chevalier. Or Cisneros. You'll see it..

[bluefire1089]

you want me to read all that??? haha jk....its good

[senoritaelisa]

Heehee.