Still hurting
I thought I was already getting over all this stuff with dan, but I'm clearly not. I was cleaning today and found his pictures and this ring I made him (I made one for myself as well) and I keep trying to just move it all aside and keep going, but I keep getting hung up on him. I feel like such a loser, I feel like someone who can't let go and I know it's normal to still be sad at this point, but I don't feel like I'm just sad...I try to think about moving on (there's a rumor it helps you get over the one before...I think they're called re-bound boyfriends *sarcasm*) but I just can't. No one is going to be him.
I guess I just can't believe it's over. I keep wanting to call him and tell him about all this stuff that's going on in my life right now, but I can't. I swore I wouldn't contact him again...it's just too hard, I just can't believe he's not hurting and not missing me and still in love with me - that hurts so bad. I felt so vulnerable in this relationship, I was worried he'd break my heart and he kept re-assuring me and look where I am. I feel like a loser for opening up so much and believing him every time he told me he loved me. I feel like one of those loser girls in a movie who's all, "why won't he call?" and "what happened". Everyone knows those girls are losers...everyone watches those movies and shows and pities them for being so stupid. Well that's me.
And you know what sucks? I'm getting to the point where even if he wanted to get back together, I'm not sure I could because I wouldn't ever want to feel like this again...but that sucks because I still love him so much. I don't want to be at his beckon call, but I want him to want to get back together, and I want to feel ok about doing that and I just don't. He just hurt me so badly. I feel like I still haven't gotten out what I'm feeling, but I've written this much and gotten basically nowhere so I'm just going to stop and try to keep busy.
I guess I just can't believe it's over. I keep wanting to call him and tell him about all this stuff that's going on in my life right now, but I can't. I swore I wouldn't contact him again...it's just too hard, I just can't believe he's not hurting and not missing me and still in love with me - that hurts so bad. I felt so vulnerable in this relationship, I was worried he'd break my heart and he kept re-assuring me and look where I am. I feel like a loser for opening up so much and believing him every time he told me he loved me. I feel like one of those loser girls in a movie who's all, "why won't he call?" and "what happened". Everyone knows those girls are losers...everyone watches those movies and shows and pities them for being so stupid. Well that's me.
And you know what sucks? I'm getting to the point where even if he wanted to get back together, I'm not sure I could because I wouldn't ever want to feel like this again...but that sucks because I still love him so much. I don't want to be at his beckon call, but I want him to want to get back together, and I want to feel ok about doing that and I just don't. He just hurt me so badly. I feel like I still haven't gotten out what I'm feeling, but I've written this much and gotten basically nowhere so I'm just going to stop and try to keep busy.