vamos!
I haven't updated in a long time, so here we go (I actually don't remember where I left off...) Ok, list style, random order:
-Ordered stuff off the tv, but I don't feel bad because it's an exercise ball w/DVD workout. I also don't feel bad because it was 15 buck including shipping and handling and I got the ball, a pump, and two workout DVDs. Holy crap is it a workout, too. I love it though, the ball is fun. I am optimistic that the ball will be a tremendous start to my goal of getting to a size 8 (currently a 10-12) I feel like much smaller than an 8 would be weird, but I won't complain if I get to a 6 or 7, though the likelihood of that is not good.
-Lunches with Marty again have really made me happy. I look forward to them every day, even on the days we don't do lunch, I look forward to the days when we do. Don't get me wrong, there is no sexual anything, I'm just happy we're on the mend.
-I sent Pat a letter. It was really long and a lot of people read it before I sent it because I wanted to make sure it was good/appropriate/affective/etc. When he got it, he came upstairs (it happened to be a lunch with marty day) and gave me a hug. He said we still needed to talk, which is fine because the talk has already been prefaced with a hug, so I don't think it will be bad. The only problem is that I gave him the letter like 2 weeks ago and we haven't even set a date to meet. I know he's busy, I guess I just felt like this was important and worth making time for. Maybe I'm being selfish, I don't know. I'm just happy that I did my part in rectifying the situation. If nothing happens and he and I never meet, at least I will be okay with having sent the letter and gotten my voice heard.
-I hate this weather. I think my meds doctor confirmed that I have seasonal anxiety, which is fine because I think I've known that for a while, the sucky part is that there isn't really anything you can do about. There's light therapy but I guess you need to start that before you start getting depressed. He's doing research to see if there's anything I can do or if the light stuff would help at all.
-School is going ok. I love english 86. The people rock (actually, there are only two people I really enjoy and one guy who sits across from me that looks really interesting) and I LOVE the professor. Her specialty is feminist stuff and I'm not really into that so I want her to teach something else next semester so I can take another class with her. I can't wait to pick out my schedule for next semester, I know that's cheesy and I don't know why I'm excited because school really stresses me out, but I feel like I'm actually getting smarter which is a good feeling for someone like me who bases their self worth on things like intelligence. I don't like my Shakespeare class but I think that's mostly because the professor talks A LOT and it annoys me. Don't open something up for discussion if you're the only one who's going to talk about it. Also, don't penalize me because I write like Faulkner. If I want a run-on sentence (used properly of course) then I'm gonna do it. Crickey, I'm not Hemingway. I don't write two words then put a period. (that's an exaggeration, but basically that's the idea). Also, he thinks he's right all the time, actually I'm not sure if that's it, it might be more that he makes people feel like shit when they give an answer (not like an idiot gives one that's totally unrelated and un-justified) but a real answer they have clearly thought about and he just dismisses it as wrong. Learning isn't just about imposing your thoughts onto others and dismissing everything other side of things. Anyway... My online class is easy, just kind of annoying, though it is interesting at times. My american novel class is okay, I have to say, I don't love this prof. I don't know why, she's really cool and fun and makes class fun, but she seems a little detached. I like professors I feel like I can talk to if I have a problem, I just don't get that vibe from her. Poetry rocks. Gutman is HILARIOUS. If you can take a class with him, DO IT.
-I haven't had a social life in 2 weeks. It sucks. I want to out and drink and dance and be stupid, but i just have too much work, it even consumes my weekend nights.
-I haven't talked to steph lately...I bring it up because she im'd me last night, but then signed off. I don't know how I feel about the disconnect. I like steph, I think both she and cory weren't the best influences on me, with the smoking and lack of activity (although steph I think has lost a lot of weight, at least the last time i saw her she was). My problem with cory is that i think she has potential, but it will never come out because she'll end up staying in her home town with the friends she's always had, which is fine, but if that's what you're going to do, why go to college and get into all that debt? Steph, on the other hand, while often less mature, is going places. And even her immaturaty can be enjoyable. I also like steph because she acknowledges the things I do for people, I really put myself out there for others and the favor is rarely returned much the less noticed. Steph noticed, she just never reciprocated. She would randomly buy me stuff, but I don't need/want material goods. Do I love presents? Hell yes. Would I rather spend time with people and feel like I matter than get presents? Hell yes. I dont' even know why I went on this huge rant. I guess i'm not over all that crap that went down. it really pissed me off that cory said I was a bad friend. I didn't call her all summer, but did she call me? NO! so what the fuck? Stop lying and admit you're mad about a fish and a plate. She can't admit that she got caught up in the moment and threw away a friendship because of a plate and strainer. I understand she thinks I treated them like shit with the roommate thing, but they don't see my side either...again what the fuck? Don't get mad at me for not understanding and/or changing if you don't do it either. They made no attempt to get someone and my only obligation was to find someone to take over the lease. I can't get into this again, it's over and it doesn't matter so I should just let it go. I'm not upset about all that, I am upset over losing a friend. And it's not even that she's a friend I've been missing like I missed Anne or Marty, I just don't like knowing that there are people who not only dislike me, but think i'm a bad friend (which to me = bad person). I don't like most people, but I still give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are good people until they show me otherwise. I believe both cory and steph have good intentions, but i think cory is too apathetic and complacent so it overshadows the good intentions. I feel like she invests when it's convenient for her. During my whole depressing thing, I felt like she didn't even see it and that she thought it was me being dramatic or something. I dont' know. I don't miss cory and if I had the chance to be friends with her again, I don't think I would do it, but if I had the chance to be cordial and civil and know that we both agree to disagree (which doesn't mean one of us is good and one bad). I do miss steph, though. I loved spending time with her when it was just she and I - no efe or cory. I don't like the way efe treats her and I don't like the way cory influences her. Maybe it's me she's not genuine with, but I don't think so. We've had some really good meaningful talks. She is really smart, but I think maybe not enough people challenge her. Cory doesn't at all, and efe just insults her, her parents are awesome but parents don't generally challenge you because they want your life to be easy. anyway, this is getting out of control for a bulletted list.
-Re-organized my room, I just need to get rid of a lot of crap and maybe creat more shelves/storage? I've been thinking about it...
-I have really been feeling a need to express myself (I know, how cheesy) but seriously, I just had a project and I drew a picture on the handout for the class. Acutally I drew 3, one was a cartoon and the other two were a little more serious. The cartoon was hilarious, though. A king with lords and peasants all in a little 1.5x2.5 inch space. I think I'm going to buy a canvas and some grown up paint and try art, only because I don't really have the time to renovate and re-model, which is what I really want to do.
-Work is decent. It's goin. It's a pretty linear job. I am ready for a raise, though. I think that's greedy of me because I make good money, but I want the 90 day raise thing. I really shouldn't complain. I don't want a raise, I just want to have unlimited funds without having to work. That's super greedy, but a girl can dream, right?
-Super cute boys during lunch the other day who were evesdropping on my conversation with marty and laughing because we were being rediculous (surprise). there was this article in the cinic that i'm still laughing about. I love the cynic - so trashy. Anyway the article - I might scan it and put it up or something...frat boys drinking their own puke - i love it.
-I have a ton more to say, but I really need to shower before work, I'm all sweaty and gross. I got a little distracted in this entry and it became a massive reflection of the last 6 months. that's it, but believe you me, I will be updating very soon, possibly to this very entry (yeah edits).
-Ordered stuff off the tv, but I don't feel bad because it's an exercise ball w/DVD workout. I also don't feel bad because it was 15 buck including shipping and handling and I got the ball, a pump, and two workout DVDs. Holy crap is it a workout, too. I love it though, the ball is fun. I am optimistic that the ball will be a tremendous start to my goal of getting to a size 8 (currently a 10-12) I feel like much smaller than an 8 would be weird, but I won't complain if I get to a 6 or 7, though the likelihood of that is not good.
-Lunches with Marty again have really made me happy. I look forward to them every day, even on the days we don't do lunch, I look forward to the days when we do. Don't get me wrong, there is no sexual anything, I'm just happy we're on the mend.
-I sent Pat a letter. It was really long and a lot of people read it before I sent it because I wanted to make sure it was good/appropriate/affective/etc. When he got it, he came upstairs (it happened to be a lunch with marty day) and gave me a hug. He said we still needed to talk, which is fine because the talk has already been prefaced with a hug, so I don't think it will be bad. The only problem is that I gave him the letter like 2 weeks ago and we haven't even set a date to meet. I know he's busy, I guess I just felt like this was important and worth making time for. Maybe I'm being selfish, I don't know. I'm just happy that I did my part in rectifying the situation. If nothing happens and he and I never meet, at least I will be okay with having sent the letter and gotten my voice heard.
-I hate this weather. I think my meds doctor confirmed that I have seasonal anxiety, which is fine because I think I've known that for a while, the sucky part is that there isn't really anything you can do about. There's light therapy but I guess you need to start that before you start getting depressed. He's doing research to see if there's anything I can do or if the light stuff would help at all.
-School is going ok. I love english 86. The people rock (actually, there are only two people I really enjoy and one guy who sits across from me that looks really interesting) and I LOVE the professor. Her specialty is feminist stuff and I'm not really into that so I want her to teach something else next semester so I can take another class with her. I can't wait to pick out my schedule for next semester, I know that's cheesy and I don't know why I'm excited because school really stresses me out, but I feel like I'm actually getting smarter which is a good feeling for someone like me who bases their self worth on things like intelligence. I don't like my Shakespeare class but I think that's mostly because the professor talks A LOT and it annoys me. Don't open something up for discussion if you're the only one who's going to talk about it. Also, don't penalize me because I write like Faulkner. If I want a run-on sentence (used properly of course) then I'm gonna do it. Crickey, I'm not Hemingway. I don't write two words then put a period. (that's an exaggeration, but basically that's the idea). Also, he thinks he's right all the time, actually I'm not sure if that's it, it might be more that he makes people feel like shit when they give an answer (not like an idiot gives one that's totally unrelated and un-justified) but a real answer they have clearly thought about and he just dismisses it as wrong. Learning isn't just about imposing your thoughts onto others and dismissing everything other side of things. Anyway... My online class is easy, just kind of annoying, though it is interesting at times. My american novel class is okay, I have to say, I don't love this prof. I don't know why, she's really cool and fun and makes class fun, but she seems a little detached. I like professors I feel like I can talk to if I have a problem, I just don't get that vibe from her. Poetry rocks. Gutman is HILARIOUS. If you can take a class with him, DO IT.
-I haven't had a social life in 2 weeks. It sucks. I want to out and drink and dance and be stupid, but i just have too much work, it even consumes my weekend nights.
-I haven't talked to steph lately...I bring it up because she im'd me last night, but then signed off. I don't know how I feel about the disconnect. I like steph, I think both she and cory weren't the best influences on me, with the smoking and lack of activity (although steph I think has lost a lot of weight, at least the last time i saw her she was). My problem with cory is that i think she has potential, but it will never come out because she'll end up staying in her home town with the friends she's always had, which is fine, but if that's what you're going to do, why go to college and get into all that debt? Steph, on the other hand, while often less mature, is going places. And even her immaturaty can be enjoyable. I also like steph because she acknowledges the things I do for people, I really put myself out there for others and the favor is rarely returned much the less noticed. Steph noticed, she just never reciprocated. She would randomly buy me stuff, but I don't need/want material goods. Do I love presents? Hell yes. Would I rather spend time with people and feel like I matter than get presents? Hell yes. I dont' even know why I went on this huge rant. I guess i'm not over all that crap that went down. it really pissed me off that cory said I was a bad friend. I didn't call her all summer, but did she call me? NO! so what the fuck? Stop lying and admit you're mad about a fish and a plate. She can't admit that she got caught up in the moment and threw away a friendship because of a plate and strainer. I understand she thinks I treated them like shit with the roommate thing, but they don't see my side either...again what the fuck? Don't get mad at me for not understanding and/or changing if you don't do it either. They made no attempt to get someone and my only obligation was to find someone to take over the lease. I can't get into this again, it's over and it doesn't matter so I should just let it go. I'm not upset about all that, I am upset over losing a friend. And it's not even that she's a friend I've been missing like I missed Anne or Marty, I just don't like knowing that there are people who not only dislike me, but think i'm a bad friend (which to me = bad person). I don't like most people, but I still give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are good people until they show me otherwise. I believe both cory and steph have good intentions, but i think cory is too apathetic and complacent so it overshadows the good intentions. I feel like she invests when it's convenient for her. During my whole depressing thing, I felt like she didn't even see it and that she thought it was me being dramatic or something. I dont' know. I don't miss cory and if I had the chance to be friends with her again, I don't think I would do it, but if I had the chance to be cordial and civil and know that we both agree to disagree (which doesn't mean one of us is good and one bad). I do miss steph, though. I loved spending time with her when it was just she and I - no efe or cory. I don't like the way efe treats her and I don't like the way cory influences her. Maybe it's me she's not genuine with, but I don't think so. We've had some really good meaningful talks. She is really smart, but I think maybe not enough people challenge her. Cory doesn't at all, and efe just insults her, her parents are awesome but parents don't generally challenge you because they want your life to be easy. anyway, this is getting out of control for a bulletted list.
-Re-organized my room, I just need to get rid of a lot of crap and maybe creat more shelves/storage? I've been thinking about it...
-I have really been feeling a need to express myself (I know, how cheesy) but seriously, I just had a project and I drew a picture on the handout for the class. Acutally I drew 3, one was a cartoon and the other two were a little more serious. The cartoon was hilarious, though. A king with lords and peasants all in a little 1.5x2.5 inch space. I think I'm going to buy a canvas and some grown up paint and try art, only because I don't really have the time to renovate and re-model, which is what I really want to do.
-Work is decent. It's goin. It's a pretty linear job. I am ready for a raise, though. I think that's greedy of me because I make good money, but I want the 90 day raise thing. I really shouldn't complain. I don't want a raise, I just want to have unlimited funds without having to work. That's super greedy, but a girl can dream, right?
-Super cute boys during lunch the other day who were evesdropping on my conversation with marty and laughing because we were being rediculous (surprise). there was this article in the cinic that i'm still laughing about. I love the cynic - so trashy. Anyway the article - I might scan it and put it up or something...frat boys drinking their own puke - i love it.
-I have a ton more to say, but I really need to shower before work, I'm all sweaty and gross. I got a little distracted in this entry and it became a massive reflection of the last 6 months. that's it, but believe you me, I will be updating very soon, possibly to this very entry (yeah edits).