i think it's okay to spend time with j even if you two are so different. sure you can't bitch to her about university policies and procedures and bs, but if you enjoy hanging out with her then there's merit/value to that. you know what's in your best interest and sometimes smoking and feeling better is probably going to win out over spending money on weed and the risk of getting caught. making connections with people is tough. i spent several hours actively worrying/preparing/freaking out for a high school-esque party with steve's classmates. i had already met them, spent time with them, drank with them, and yet i was still terrified that i would look wrong or talk to much or talk to little. it ended up being fine. deep down i knew it was going to be fine, but there's always that little voice that says "this could be the night you blow it." basically, my 2 cents boils down to this: making connections is important. it's also hard. i think it's okay to do whatever you can to feel okay right now until you can get yourself to a place
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