(no subject)
Hey look another update.
Besides my family being dumb
Im still sick.
The doctors can hear fluid in my lungs, yet my xrays look "pretty clear"
Last night i spent almost 4 hours in the bathroom. Not throwing up, but going crazy. I filled the sink with hott water. My arms and my hands were numb, my head felt like a huge block of cement fell on it. My chest feels like theres a ton of bricks just sandwiching me between them. I sat in the bathroom putting water all over me. Drinking water, towels on my head.
I layed on the floor and just cried, and shook. I was delirious. I kept talking to myself but I didnt have any control over it. I know I kept saying the word mom, but not loud enough for her to hear. I wanted hear to hear, but instead I just watched the door. I swayed back and forth back and forth for so long just breaking down. I could't see, talk, breath. I started freaking out. Thats what got me in the first place. Everything closed up on me and I couldn't breath. I went nuts last night. I was upset I didnt yell louder for my mom.
I stayed in bed all day today. I still feel the same.
I cant take being sick much longer.
I wont get any better because my mental state is going to shit.
I have nothing to keep me sane at this moment.
Lights and noise hurt all to much, Im never hungry, and i just wanna pull all my hair out.
The doctors just keep feeding me medication and telling me to come back in 3 days if it doesnt clear up.
I feel like I just want to go to the hospital.
Next time I sit in that bathroom like I did last night, ill scream for my mother to just take me to the hospital. I dont wanna deal with anymore of this.
It hurts to much to do anything.
My mental and physical state are deteriorating, and how am I supposed to get better, if both of them have turned to shit?