The Internet is a nice place, right?
Who: Finn Hudson and random strangers
When: March 13, 2019
Where: The Internet (Omegle)
What: Trying to meet new people... Turns out the Internet isn't always a good place for that.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Yo.
You: Hi, um. How are you?
Stranger: I’m good. A/S/L?
You: A/S/L? Wait, I think I know this one.
Stranger: Oh man. Noobie, huh? Aight, where are you from?
You: Noobie sounds really weird. Like... wait, I shouldn’t say that. I’m from Ohio. USA. Sorry, don’t know if you’re American, huh.
Stranger: Chicago. Boy or Girl?
You: Oh, hey, that’s not super far away. I’m a boy. Man. What are you?
Stranger: A lesbian.
*disconnect*
You: Oh. Bye.
You: Saying me too would've probably been a bad idea anyway.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: A/S/L?
You: Does that still mean where am I from? I’m from Ohio. But shouldn’t you say hi, first?
Stranger: Age/Sex/Location is what it means.
You: Hey, yeah, I think I remember that from a long time ago. 24/Man/Ohio. There. You?
Stranger: 45/m/San Francisco.
You: Oh... um, nice to meet you.
Stranger: You too. What are you into?
You: Like, hobbies? I like video games and working on cars. I’m okay at poker too.
Stranger: No, like what are you INTO.
You: … What are you talking about then?
Stranger: You a virgin? That’s hot.
You: What? No! I have a kid. Not that she’s mine, but... no, I’m not a virgin.
Stranger: You have a kid? Okay. You looking for fun, or what?
You: I was kinda just trying to meet people. I haven’t dated in a while. And, wait, hot? I’m not into guys, man.
Stranger: I can play that game. I’ll convince you, baby.
You: I don’t think this is really what you... I think maybe you want someone else.
Stranger: No, baby, it’s okay. I’ll make it feel good...
You: Woah, um... I think I’ll... go. But, uh, have a nice day. Yeah.
Stranger: Suit yourself.
*disconnect*
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Sup, I’m dAvid.
Stranger: *David.
You: You’re not 45 and in San Francisco, are you?
Stranger: No, I’m 23, in Columbus. I got that guy myself. Weirdo. I’m straight, got a girlfriend. You?
You: Hey, I live in Lima.
Stranger: Kickass. You play Xbox?
You: Yeah, definitely. It’s kinda my thing.
Stranger: Sweet. Me and my cousin play a lot.
You: Cool. You seem really great after that last guy. Who calls anybody baby, anyway?
Stranger: I call my girlfriend that.
You: Oh, well, that makes some sense. She’s not a stranger on the internet though. And not a guy.
Stranger: Yeah, I guess. hang on, my cousin’s talking to me.
You: Yeah, okay. I probably shouldn’t stay long, though...
Stranger: Oh, she was just asking me what I want for dinner. We’re having mac ‘n cheese and hot dogs, I guess.
You: Your cousin’s a girl?
Stranger: She was.
You: Wait, what?
Stranger: What?
You: She was? Like... she’s not anymore?
Stranger: She’s dead now.
You: Dude. You... are talking to your dead cousin?
Stranger: Well, yeah. She’s a ghost now.
You: That’s really weird. At least you don’t have like a corpse laying around, though, right?
Stranger: Oh, no. She’s buried in the basement.
You: Wait, why isn’t she in like a cemetery or something?
Stranger: No one can know she’s dead.
You: Did you kill her?
Stranger: What? No, no, nothing like that. It was an accident. She electrocuted. But if people find out she’s dead they’ll wonder where my parents are. She was my legal guardian.
You: You do know you’re 23, right? Or maybe not? You shouldn’t need a legal guardian.
Stranger: It’s because my folks got me declared mentally unstable when I was younger. I’m bipolar or something. I don’t even know.
You: Okay... Well, I won’t tell anyone, I guess.
Stranger: Thanks, man. You’re a good guy. Hey, I have to go help her make mac ‘n cheese. The metal in the foil packets is hard for her to hold onto.
You: ...Yeah. Good luck with that.
*disconnect*
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hello.
You: Hi. You’re not a lesbian, or an old gay man... or.. dead, right?
Stranger: 24/Female/Toledo. Looking for a good time, sexy?
You: Oh. Maybe? You’re straight, right?
Stranger: Totally.
You: Cause there are a lot of really weird people on here, and it’s kinda starting to scare me.
Stranger: You make me horny.
You: Really? Um... I’ve only said like 4 things.
Stranger: Mhm. I want you to give it to me good.
You: Like... give it to you, give it to you?
Stranger: Yeah, baby, just like that... god, you make me so wet.
You: … but I’m not doing anything.
Stranger: Mhm... god that feels amazing...
You: The words... on the screen? But you can’t touch them.
Stranger: ...Touch me like that... just like that...
You: Like what?
Stranger: Look, little boy, because I assume that’s what you are. I’m trying to get myself off in the worst way over here, but you’re SO. NOT. HELPING. NEXT.
*disconnect*
You: What is wrong with people?
You: Beer, I need beer...
When: March 13, 2019
Where: The Internet (Omegle)
What: Trying to meet new people... Turns out the Internet isn't always a good place for that.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Yo.
You: Hi, um. How are you?
Stranger: I’m good. A/S/L?
You: A/S/L? Wait, I think I know this one.
Stranger: Oh man. Noobie, huh? Aight, where are you from?
You: Noobie sounds really weird. Like... wait, I shouldn’t say that. I’m from Ohio. USA. Sorry, don’t know if you’re American, huh.
Stranger: Chicago. Boy or Girl?
You: Oh, hey, that’s not super far away. I’m a boy. Man. What are you?
Stranger: A lesbian.
*disconnect*
You: Oh. Bye.
You: Saying me too would've probably been a bad idea anyway.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: A/S/L?
You: Does that still mean where am I from? I’m from Ohio. But shouldn’t you say hi, first?
Stranger: Age/Sex/Location is what it means.
You: Hey, yeah, I think I remember that from a long time ago. 24/Man/Ohio. There. You?
Stranger: 45/m/San Francisco.
You: Oh... um, nice to meet you.
Stranger: You too. What are you into?
You: Like, hobbies? I like video games and working on cars. I’m okay at poker too.
Stranger: No, like what are you INTO.
You: … What are you talking about then?
Stranger: You a virgin? That’s hot.
You: What? No! I have a kid. Not that she’s mine, but... no, I’m not a virgin.
Stranger: You have a kid? Okay. You looking for fun, or what?
You: I was kinda just trying to meet people. I haven’t dated in a while. And, wait, hot? I’m not into guys, man.
Stranger: I can play that game. I’ll convince you, baby.
You: I don’t think this is really what you... I think maybe you want someone else.
Stranger: No, baby, it’s okay. I’ll make it feel good...
You: Woah, um... I think I’ll... go. But, uh, have a nice day. Yeah.
Stranger: Suit yourself.
*disconnect*
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Sup, I’m dAvid.
Stranger: *David.
You: You’re not 45 and in San Francisco, are you?
Stranger: No, I’m 23, in Columbus. I got that guy myself. Weirdo. I’m straight, got a girlfriend. You?
You: Hey, I live in Lima.
Stranger: Kickass. You play Xbox?
You: Yeah, definitely. It’s kinda my thing.
Stranger: Sweet. Me and my cousin play a lot.
You: Cool. You seem really great after that last guy. Who calls anybody baby, anyway?
Stranger: I call my girlfriend that.
You: Oh, well, that makes some sense. She’s not a stranger on the internet though. And not a guy.
Stranger: Yeah, I guess. hang on, my cousin’s talking to me.
You: Yeah, okay. I probably shouldn’t stay long, though...
Stranger: Oh, she was just asking me what I want for dinner. We’re having mac ‘n cheese and hot dogs, I guess.
You: Your cousin’s a girl?
Stranger: She was.
You: Wait, what?
Stranger: What?
You: She was? Like... she’s not anymore?
Stranger: She’s dead now.
You: Dude. You... are talking to your dead cousin?
Stranger: Well, yeah. She’s a ghost now.
You: That’s really weird. At least you don’t have like a corpse laying around, though, right?
Stranger: Oh, no. She’s buried in the basement.
You: Wait, why isn’t she in like a cemetery or something?
Stranger: No one can know she’s dead.
You: Did you kill her?
Stranger: What? No, no, nothing like that. It was an accident. She electrocuted. But if people find out she’s dead they’ll wonder where my parents are. She was my legal guardian.
You: You do know you’re 23, right? Or maybe not? You shouldn’t need a legal guardian.
Stranger: It’s because my folks got me declared mentally unstable when I was younger. I’m bipolar or something. I don’t even know.
You: Okay... Well, I won’t tell anyone, I guess.
Stranger: Thanks, man. You’re a good guy. Hey, I have to go help her make mac ‘n cheese. The metal in the foil packets is hard for her to hold onto.
You: ...Yeah. Good luck with that.
*disconnect*
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hello.
You: Hi. You’re not a lesbian, or an old gay man... or.. dead, right?
Stranger: 24/Female/Toledo. Looking for a good time, sexy?
You: Oh. Maybe? You’re straight, right?
Stranger: Totally.
You: Cause there are a lot of really weird people on here, and it’s kinda starting to scare me.
Stranger: You make me horny.
You: Really? Um... I’ve only said like 4 things.
Stranger: Mhm. I want you to give it to me good.
You: Like... give it to you, give it to you?
Stranger: Yeah, baby, just like that... god, you make me so wet.
You: … but I’m not doing anything.
Stranger: Mhm... god that feels amazing...
You: The words... on the screen? But you can’t touch them.
Stranger: ...Touch me like that... just like that...
You: Like what?
Stranger: Look, little boy, because I assume that’s what you are. I’m trying to get myself off in the worst way over here, but you’re SO. NOT. HELPING. NEXT.
*disconnect*
You: What is wrong with people?
You: Beer, I need beer...