The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
Kyuwook 1,510w
G | Friendship, Romance, Angst (possibly)
It's the important things that are always the hardest to say.
He thinks everybody knows. Everybody. Except him - the person who matters most.
He met him on his first year in the university. He was younger than him but they were in the same year. For a while they were no more than strangers. He didn't really know much about him until they coincidentally shared almost all their classes during their second year. It just so happened that there was this one class where they would always sit beside each other at the back. Because it was too early and more often than not both of them would fail to wake up on time.
They had quite a number of things in common. The liked the same music. Enjoyed bus rides. Same habits. Had big appetites. Sometimes he would find that even their views in life matched.
Ever since that day they had lunch together with a couple of other people and talked about everything (and nothing at all), they've been friends. Very good friends.
Ryeowook had no idea how he suddenly got that fluttery feeling when the other was around. He had no idea how he suddenly realized he was probably in love. It had gone on for months - denying his feelings. But the two of them stayed too close to each other he had no way to avoid it even if he wanted to. They went home together, shared meals, talked on the phone until late hours; they were practically inseparable. One day Ryeowook realized he had it bad. But he kept quiet. Because they were friends. Good friends.
"You know sometimes I think the two of you could be dating," Sungmin says during one of their usual Friday night dinners.
Ryeowook chokes on his drink as Kyuhyun jokes, "maybe we should give it a try?"
He slaps him on the arm because he knows he doesn't mean it. Because he's seen and observed very carefully how Kyuhyun acts around their hyung. And he knows he likes him.
The dinner goes on as usual. They were again seated beside each other. The taller one would ruffle his hair playfully. There were feathery touches, warm skin against his cold one. But never more than that. Ryeowoook bears with it. But sometimes he thinks his heart would burst if he didn't guard it enough.
He's been keeping things to himself way too long. He's scared he might not be able to hold it in anymore. But he does. He manages. Because even when he's suffering, they're friends. Good friends.
"You know Wookie-ah, it's hard keeping those kinds of feelings to yourself." Siwon says right after Kyuhyun was out of earshot when they were walking home one day.
"Hyung..." He looks at the tall man but doesn't say anything. He knows. Of course he knows. Everybody knows. Except Kyuhyun.
"I just don't want you hurting yourself," Siwon says gently, as if reading his mind.
Hurt himself. Yes, of course he would only end up hurting himself. Kyuhyun doesn't know, and he doesn't see. Because his eyes are looking exclusively at someone else.
It goes on for months, and months, and months more. Ryeowook still doesn't say anything. By this time he's convinced he's hopeless. But he doesn't mind, at least that's what he tells himself.
There are nights when he and Kyuhyun would walk around, just the two of them, tracing constellations, talking about China and tigers and destiny.
On their free time they would sit inside an empty classroom on the topmost floor of their school building. Open the windows, doze off with their feet resting on arm chairs as the cool breeze brushes their faces.
They would hitch a ride on the back of Yesung's pick-up truck, enjoying the wind and the blue sky and how the sun looks obscured by the leaves of tall trees. They sing as loud as they can as their friend drives off to wherever he's heading.
Kyuhyun would lend Ryeowook his jacket when it was raining and the airconditioning in their classroom was too cold for Ryeowook's skinny body. It felt warm and soft; smelled of soap and perfume. And comfort.
Ryeowook holds all of these memories dearly and sometimes, just sometimes, when it's raining outside and he's lying lazily in bed, he allows himself to think that maybe Kyuhyun could be in love with him too. But he stops himself almost instantly. Because they're friends. Right. Good friends.
Sungmin gets himself a girlfriend and he sees the flicker of pain in Kyuhyun's eyes when they are introduced. It is gone the moment he spots it but he knows it was there. He knows he didn't imagine it because the following week Kyuhyun looks so dismal. He says he's sick but he knows better. He knows because he still catches him staring at Sungmin longingly; just like how he thinks he looks like when he's staring at Kyuhyun. He was right not to hope. From the very beginning, he never stood a chance.
On the day of their graduation Ryeowook takes the time to admire Kyuhyun.
One last time, he muses in his head.
His best friend marches on stage to be named valedictorian of the graduating class. He's always been smart, that brat.
Ryeowook successfully fights the tears that threaten to fall and focuses on basking in the rare beauty in his life that is Cho Kyuhyun.
He knows today is his last chance to tell him. He's got a plane ticket booked this afternoon. The plan's simple, really: Study abroad. Find a nice paying job. Start a new life somewhere. It's always been his dream to see the world and it's splendor. He wasn't running way; he knows that even when they're miles apart, he would not stop adoring that lanky, childish, spoiled brat. For a while he seriously considers coming clean. He watches Kyuhyun give his speech and he thinks maybe it's time he admits everything. Everybody's been waiting for him to do it. But he knows he can't. And he still won't. Because they're friends.
The speech ends, togas are tossed high up in the air, willing them to reach far away dreams. Hugs and teary-eyed congratulations are exchanged, and everything happens in a blur. He is at the airport now, clutching his suitcase, saying his final goodbyes to his friends.
"Why are your faces like that? It's not like I'm dying," he attempts to lighten the mood with a joke. "I'll come visit once in a while." Ryeowook's voice cracks at the end and suddenly there is Sungmin and Yesung and Siwon and even Donghae and Eunhyuk. They are hugging him so tightly, it's a struggle to breathe properly. This time he doesn't bother concealing the tears that fall steadily down his cheeks as he watches Kyuhyun hesitate at the back, waiting for his entourage to clear the way. When they finally do, he takes a tentative stop forward.
"So," Ryeowook begins, voice unwavering despite the wetness that continues to flow from his eyes.
"So," Kyuhyun mimics him. There is silence for a while before the younger one says, his eyes downcast, "I'll see you soon?"
Ryeowook hurls himself into Kyuhyun's arms and hugs him with all he's worth, wishing so, so badly that he didn't have to let go. The latter does exactly the same thing.
Do you know Kyu? He asks, but only in his mind.
Do you know much you really mean to me? How I've always wished I'll wake up one day to find that you feel the same way?
Do you know how much I've longed to tell you but never found the courage to do so?
Do you know how I'm so grateful that I could hide under the pretenses of friendship when inside all I can do is hope that you'll realize that I don't just wanna be your friend anymore?
Do you know that I love you? And how I'll probably always keep loving you?
Do you know? Because everyone knows and I wish you would too ...
There are no words exchanged. Kyuhyun thinks it's unnecessary. Ryeowook refuses to say anything. After all this time he can't. He still can't. Because they're friends. And he'd rather live with that than nothing at all.
They pull apart and look into each other's eyes for a moment before Ryeowook smiles a sad, heartbreaking smile and turns around, dragging his bag.
"Wook!" Kyuhyun calls out and grabs his friend's hand. It is cold, like how it usually is.
Ryeowook faces him and raises an eyebrow. His stomach feels sick and his heart won't stop beating uncontrollably against his chest.
"Wookie, I..." the usually snarky man is at a loss. "You ... you ... take care of yourself, okay?" He finishes.
Ryeowook nods, yanks his hand free from Kyuhyun's grip as gently as possible, and quietly walks away.
He thinks he hears the words he's always been longing to hear. Faint. Barely audible. Coming from Kyuhyun's velvet voice.
But he doesn't stop because he knows his mind is playing tricks on him.
---
A/N:
Lame and typical but I had to get it out.
No time to proofread I'm late for my exam.
Kyuwook 1,510w
G | Friendship, Romance, Angst (possibly)
It's the important things that are always the hardest to say.
He thinks everybody knows. Everybody. Except him - the person who matters most.
He met him on his first year in the university. He was younger than him but they were in the same year. For a while they were no more than strangers. He didn't really know much about him until they coincidentally shared almost all their classes during their second year. It just so happened that there was this one class where they would always sit beside each other at the back. Because it was too early and more often than not both of them would fail to wake up on time.
They had quite a number of things in common. The liked the same music. Enjoyed bus rides. Same habits. Had big appetites. Sometimes he would find that even their views in life matched.
Ever since that day they had lunch together with a couple of other people and talked about everything (and nothing at all), they've been friends. Very good friends.
Ryeowook had no idea how he suddenly got that fluttery feeling when the other was around. He had no idea how he suddenly realized he was probably in love. It had gone on for months - denying his feelings. But the two of them stayed too close to each other he had no way to avoid it even if he wanted to. They went home together, shared meals, talked on the phone until late hours; they were practically inseparable. One day Ryeowook realized he had it bad. But he kept quiet. Because they were friends. Good friends.
"You know sometimes I think the two of you could be dating," Sungmin says during one of their usual Friday night dinners.
Ryeowook chokes on his drink as Kyuhyun jokes, "maybe we should give it a try?"
He slaps him on the arm because he knows he doesn't mean it. Because he's seen and observed very carefully how Kyuhyun acts around their hyung. And he knows he likes him.
The dinner goes on as usual. They were again seated beside each other. The taller one would ruffle his hair playfully. There were feathery touches, warm skin against his cold one. But never more than that. Ryeowoook bears with it. But sometimes he thinks his heart would burst if he didn't guard it enough.
He's been keeping things to himself way too long. He's scared he might not be able to hold it in anymore. But he does. He manages. Because even when he's suffering, they're friends. Good friends.
"You know Wookie-ah, it's hard keeping those kinds of feelings to yourself." Siwon says right after Kyuhyun was out of earshot when they were walking home one day.
"Hyung..." He looks at the tall man but doesn't say anything. He knows. Of course he knows. Everybody knows. Except Kyuhyun.
"I just don't want you hurting yourself," Siwon says gently, as if reading his mind.
Hurt himself. Yes, of course he would only end up hurting himself. Kyuhyun doesn't know, and he doesn't see. Because his eyes are looking exclusively at someone else.
It goes on for months, and months, and months more. Ryeowook still doesn't say anything. By this time he's convinced he's hopeless. But he doesn't mind, at least that's what he tells himself.
There are nights when he and Kyuhyun would walk around, just the two of them, tracing constellations, talking about China and tigers and destiny.
On their free time they would sit inside an empty classroom on the topmost floor of their school building. Open the windows, doze off with their feet resting on arm chairs as the cool breeze brushes their faces.
They would hitch a ride on the back of Yesung's pick-up truck, enjoying the wind and the blue sky and how the sun looks obscured by the leaves of tall trees. They sing as loud as they can as their friend drives off to wherever he's heading.
Kyuhyun would lend Ryeowook his jacket when it was raining and the airconditioning in their classroom was too cold for Ryeowook's skinny body. It felt warm and soft; smelled of soap and perfume. And comfort.
Ryeowook holds all of these memories dearly and sometimes, just sometimes, when it's raining outside and he's lying lazily in bed, he allows himself to think that maybe Kyuhyun could be in love with him too. But he stops himself almost instantly. Because they're friends. Right. Good friends.
Sungmin gets himself a girlfriend and he sees the flicker of pain in Kyuhyun's eyes when they are introduced. It is gone the moment he spots it but he knows it was there. He knows he didn't imagine it because the following week Kyuhyun looks so dismal. He says he's sick but he knows better. He knows because he still catches him staring at Sungmin longingly; just like how he thinks he looks like when he's staring at Kyuhyun. He was right not to hope. From the very beginning, he never stood a chance.
On the day of their graduation Ryeowook takes the time to admire Kyuhyun.
One last time, he muses in his head.
His best friend marches on stage to be named valedictorian of the graduating class. He's always been smart, that brat.
Ryeowook successfully fights the tears that threaten to fall and focuses on basking in the rare beauty in his life that is Cho Kyuhyun.
He knows today is his last chance to tell him. He's got a plane ticket booked this afternoon. The plan's simple, really: Study abroad. Find a nice paying job. Start a new life somewhere. It's always been his dream to see the world and it's splendor. He wasn't running way; he knows that even when they're miles apart, he would not stop adoring that lanky, childish, spoiled brat. For a while he seriously considers coming clean. He watches Kyuhyun give his speech and he thinks maybe it's time he admits everything. Everybody's been waiting for him to do it. But he knows he can't. And he still won't. Because they're friends.
The speech ends, togas are tossed high up in the air, willing them to reach far away dreams. Hugs and teary-eyed congratulations are exchanged, and everything happens in a blur. He is at the airport now, clutching his suitcase, saying his final goodbyes to his friends.
"Why are your faces like that? It's not like I'm dying," he attempts to lighten the mood with a joke. "I'll come visit once in a while." Ryeowook's voice cracks at the end and suddenly there is Sungmin and Yesung and Siwon and even Donghae and Eunhyuk. They are hugging him so tightly, it's a struggle to breathe properly. This time he doesn't bother concealing the tears that fall steadily down his cheeks as he watches Kyuhyun hesitate at the back, waiting for his entourage to clear the way. When they finally do, he takes a tentative stop forward.
"So," Ryeowook begins, voice unwavering despite the wetness that continues to flow from his eyes.
"So," Kyuhyun mimics him. There is silence for a while before the younger one says, his eyes downcast, "I'll see you soon?"
Ryeowook hurls himself into Kyuhyun's arms and hugs him with all he's worth, wishing so, so badly that he didn't have to let go. The latter does exactly the same thing.
Do you know Kyu? He asks, but only in his mind.
Do you know much you really mean to me? How I've always wished I'll wake up one day to find that you feel the same way?
Do you know how much I've longed to tell you but never found the courage to do so?
Do you know how I'm so grateful that I could hide under the pretenses of friendship when inside all I can do is hope that you'll realize that I don't just wanna be your friend anymore?
Do you know that I love you? And how I'll probably always keep loving you?
Do you know? Because everyone knows and I wish you would too ...
There are no words exchanged. Kyuhyun thinks it's unnecessary. Ryeowook refuses to say anything. After all this time he can't. He still can't. Because they're friends. And he'd rather live with that than nothing at all.
They pull apart and look into each other's eyes for a moment before Ryeowook smiles a sad, heartbreaking smile and turns around, dragging his bag.
"Wook!" Kyuhyun calls out and grabs his friend's hand. It is cold, like how it usually is.
Ryeowook faces him and raises an eyebrow. His stomach feels sick and his heart won't stop beating uncontrollably against his chest.
"Wookie, I..." the usually snarky man is at a loss. "You ... you ... take care of yourself, okay?" He finishes.
Ryeowook nods, yanks his hand free from Kyuhyun's grip as gently as possible, and quietly walks away.
He thinks he hears the words he's always been longing to hear. Faint. Barely audible. Coming from Kyuhyun's velvet voice.
But he doesn't stop because he knows his mind is playing tricks on him.
---
A/N:
Lame and typical but I had to get it out.
No time to proofread I'm late for my exam.