[fic] you
you
yoochun/junsu
2100w; r
a love story
When Junsu first met Yoochun, he thought the other boy was strange. He was quiet and subdued and Junsu had to try extra hard to make him laugh. And then there were times when Yoochun was prone to bouts of rebellion; staying out all night, getting drunk and kissing girls. Junsu just didn’t understand. He would share a confused glance with Yunho, who would only grit his teeth and shrug. Yoochun just needed time to calm down and fit in.
As the year went on, Junsu found himself arranged next to Yoochun, singing with him and trying to fit their voices into some semblance of a harmony. Yoochun had calmed down somewhat, opening up and letting his smiles spread to the far corners of his eyes. Junsu liked the way Yoochun smiled, especially when he was helpless to a fit of giggles, head tipped back and illustrating nothing but pure joy. It made Junsu smile with him, laugh along.
While Junsu missed spending so much time with Hyukjae, had felt so betrayed when the members of Dong Bang Shin Gi were announced, he found a new best friend in Yoochun. They fit together like two lost pieces from a jigsaw, clicking in place to make a bigger picture. Yoochun wasn’t afraid to be silly with Junsu and he was equally unafraid of being serious. Sometimes, when it rained, Junsu still felt the remains of a broken heart from his first girlfriend. He sat by the window and wrote silly poems. Yoochun never made fun of him, just held his hand and told him that girls just weren’t worth it. Junsu smiled but he never was quite sure if he believed Yoochun.
Once, in the autumn months, Junsu grew a little too enthusiastic during an insult-swapping session with Yoochun and ended up making a joke about his family. The joy dropped almost immediately from Yoochun’s face and Junsu felt his own smile falter. Yoochun looked away sharply and Junsu caught the stream of tears coursing down his cheeks.
“Yoochun, I-“
Yoochun wiped furiously at his cheeks. Junsu felt suddenly awkward. Boys weren’t supposed to cry. Junsu didn’t cry, at least, not in front of anybody. He gingerly sat down in front of Yoochun and reached forward with uncertain arms. Yoochun didn’t budge, so Junsu wrapped his arms around Yoochun’s neck and brought their bodies together. It felt weird, uncomfortable with angles digging into flesh. But Yoochun shuddered against him with emotion and Junsu held him tighter.
“I didn’t mean it, Yoochun. I’m sorry.” He kept holding on, wanting desperately to squeeze the hurt out and leave Yoochun’s wounds healed.
“It’s okay,” Yoochun said quietly. It wasn’t, but Junsu vowed never to be so careless with his friends again.
After debut, dynamics began to shift. Yoochun found a confidant in Jaejoong and as their apartments changed in location and size, it became normal for Jaejoong and Yoochun to share one room, and the remaining three to share another. Junsu told himself that he wasn’t jealous. Yoochun needed someone who understood, someone who had felt similar pain and most of all, someone who could cry with him. Junsu and Jaejoong’s relationship could be tremulous at times, but Junsu put it down to differences in personality, nothing else. Junsu himself found a new bond with Changmin. They stuck together as the youngest pair and though it wasn’t the same intimate friendship Junsu once shared with Yoochun, it was strong and comfortable. When Junsu was upset, he went to Yunho, who loved him unconditionally and knew him best of all. Yunho often didn’t question the reason behind Junsu’s sadness, just offered a shoulder to lean on and a loving kiss pressed gently into his hair.
Junsu found himself rudely awoken one night. The door to the apartment hit the wall noisily, and Junsu heard the unmistakable footsteps of a drunken Yoochun stumbling inside. He waited, listening for the soft pad of Jaejoong’s feet into the hallway. It didn’t come. Turning over, Junsu watched Yunho. He was sleeping deeply, exhaustion lining every feature. Junsu sighed in resignation and slipped out from under the covers.
Yoochun was kneeling on the kitchen floor in a puddle of his own vomit. Junsu recoiled at the sight and smell, fear curling like a fist in his belly. He inched forward, half-terrified that Yoochun was going to throw up again or pass out or die.
“Yoochun,” he hissed. “Yoochun, get up.”
Yoochun groaned and pushed himself back from the mess. He reached out for one of the kitchen chairs and tried to use it to pull himself up. The chair scraped noisily along the floor. Junsu rushed forward to help, scared that the grating noise would wake everyone up. Yoochun clung to him and Junsu turned his face away, pushing until Yoochun stood at an arms length from Junsu.
“Junsu?” Yoochun muttered, his eyes finally focusing. “Why’re you here?”
Junsu nodded towards the floor. “I’m not cleaning that up.”
Yoochun slurred something unintelligible and then laughed at himself. Junsu felt the ebbing fear turn into anger. He shoved Yoochun away roughly. “Why do you do this to yourself?”
Yoochun shrugged and smiled. He was pale and sweating, the skin under his eyes bruised like early morning sky. Junsu wanted to hit him, or scream at him until he snapped out of it. Instead he whispered, “You’re so stupid and irresponsible,” the words slipping out before he could even think to rephrase them
“Sorry I’m not Mr Perfect,” Yoochun mumbled, his smile melting away. “Go ‘way if you’re so bothered.”
Junsu found himself shouting, hands clenched by his sides, “Don’t call me that! You’re risking everything just so you can puke your guts up in the middle of the night. It’s stupid!”
“So kick me out,” Yoochun retorted, blasé and uncharacteristically emotionless.
Junsu stepped forward, arm pulled back ready to knock some sense into Yoochun. Firm fingers circled his wrist and heavy footsteps broke Junsu out of his rage. He dropped his hand, horrified as Jaejoong cupped Yoochun’s face whispering, “oh Yoochun, oh Yoochun.”
Junsu stood back and watched the scene as if he were floating above it. Yunho steered Yoochun into the bathroom and then bed. Jaejoong and Changmin stayed behind, dutifully clearing up. Junsu watched himself walk to the living room and slump onto the sofa. He put his head between his knees and pressed his palms against his sore eyes. He nearly hit Yoochun. For all their arguments in the past, nothing had ever turned physical. And yet Junsu nearly hit him, so blinded by fear and rage and hurt. He focused on breathing, and if there was moisture in the cup of his palm, no one would know.
When morning broke, Yoochun slipped into Junsu’s room and curled around him in bed. Junsu froze, unwilling to forgive just yet. But Yoochun hugged him with every inch of his body, pressed his face against Junsu’s shoulder and whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” until Junsu turned and put his hand over Yoochun’s mouth. They stayed together, clinging like children afraid of the dark, until Changmin woke up and coaxed them outside for breakfast.
The first time a single did well overseas, Junsu sat by the window in their Japanese apartment and thought. Yoochun and Changmin were out shopping, Yunho and Jaejoong in their respective rooms catching up on sleep. Junsu thought about the roles each member had slipped into, at first jokingly and then seriously as they grew closer and closer. As much as they said it, Dong Bang Shin Gi was a real family. Junsu couldn’t imagine sharing his experiences with anyone else. He was cared for and loved, and gave the same in return.
“Junsu?” Junsu turned as Jaejoong’s soft voice startled him. The rush of air cooled against his cheeks and Junsu faltered, scared and embarrassed. Jaejoong just smiled and held out his hand. “Sit with me?”
Junsu let himself be led over to the couch. He wasn’t as surprised as he should have been when Yunho sank down beside him. They didn’t say anything, didn’t suffocate him. The small gesture sent a rush of emotion through Junsu’s chest and he automatically went to cover his face. Yunho caught his hands gently and brought him into an embrace.
“I’m sorry,” Junsu choked into Yunho’s shirt. “I don’t usually do this. But I just-everyone-and everything, and-“
Jaejoong wrapped around him from behind and stroked Junsu’s hair away from his face. “We know, Junsu. We love you too.”
They held him together, physically and metaphorically, and Junsu felt calm spread through him like heat after a cold day. By the time Changmin and Yoochun got home, Junsu was smiling again. He pulled Yoochun down to the floor in front of the playstation and kicked his butt three times in a row. Changmin laughed at Yoochun’s misfortune, and everything felt right.
Yoochun kissed Junsu in a parked car by the Han River. They were talking and then Junsu laughed, head inclined towards Yoochun and Yoochun kissed him. Junsu moved his mouth, trying to protest until he realised that he was kissing back with his eyes closed. He pulled away and trembled. “I’m not-“
Yoochun shook his head. “Junsu.”
“But, I-“
Yoochun touched his face, thumb brushing along Junsu’s heated cheek. He smiled and said, “Junsu,” soft as anything. Junsu took a deep breath and let it out in a small squeak when Yoochun kissed him again. He kept his eyes open, trying not to feel. Yoochun’s eyelashes fluttered and Junsu felt his own eyes fall shut again. He felt no crisis of faith, no disgust. Just Yoochun.
Years later, and Junsu is thinking of all those memories as Yoochun fills him, so full that he aches everywhere and never wants it to stop. Sometimes it’s rough, as a means to an end, sometimes it’s slow and languid and all about making each other feel good. Mostly it’s just two people wanting to be naked and have fun. But tonight it’s different, perhaps a mixture of everything. Junsu isn’t sure why his memory is replaying the past years to him, but as Yoochun moves inside him, strong and beautiful, Junsu arches up and cries out.
“Junsu?”
Yoochun’s movements slow right down as he leans over Junsu’s body, one hand pushing into the mattress next to Junsu’s head.
“What?” Junsu says breathlessly. “What’s wrong?”
Yoochun uses his free hand to stroke gentle fingertips over Junsu’s cheek. Moisture smears over warm skin and Junsu freezes.
“I should ask you the same thing,” Yoochun says quietly. “Did I hurt you?”
Junsu lets out a watery laugh, relaxing under Yoochun. The idea is absurd; they’ve done this hundreds of times and never once has Yoochun hurt Junsu. “Shut up, keep going.”
Yoochun’s hips build up a steady pace again. He rests his weight with both palms either side of Junsu’s head and watches him carefully. Junsu wants to turn away, doesn’t want to feel any more vulnerable than he already does with Yoochun so far inside him. He can’t though, not when Yoochun is biting his lip, eyes creased with a million different emotions and making Junsu gasp. Hot tears roll down his cheeks and Junsu doesn’t understand why it’s happening.
Yoochun lowers himself down and kisses Junsu’s face tenderly, his cheeks, nose, chin, eyelids. “Don’t cry,” he whispers. “I love you.”
Junsu chokes and sniffles, running his hands down Yoochun’s back to grip his backside. “That’s not helping, you idiot. Don’t stop.”
Yoochun smiles and cants his hips so fast that Junsu’s hands slide and grip onto Yoochun’s shoulders. He moans and whimpers and pushes up against Yoochun over and over.
When Yoochun kisses him, Junsu surges up and feels the heat leave his body in a rush so intense that it’s almost painful. He tastes salt and sex and Yoochun and is left breathless as Yoochun stills inside him and groans.
They don’t part for a long time, cooling down and listening as their heartbeats return to normal. When Yoochun pulls out, Junsu whines and forces their bodies as near as they can possibly get.
“Hey,” Yoochun murmurs, “hey, what’s going on?”
Junsu muffles his voice in Yoochun’s neck as he says, “I was thinking about the first time you kissed me.”
Yoochun pushes him back slightly and Junsu expects to see him laughing. But he isn’t, he just kisses the corner of Junsu’s mouth and hugs him close. “You can cry with me,” he whispers into Junsu’s ear. “It’s okay.”
When they first met, Junsu thought Yoochun was strange. He still is, sort of, but now they laugh easier, fight less and love harder. Yoochun says it’s okay if Junsu cries, and Junsu thinks he might be right.
yoochun/junsu
2100w; r
a love story
When Junsu first met Yoochun, he thought the other boy was strange. He was quiet and subdued and Junsu had to try extra hard to make him laugh. And then there were times when Yoochun was prone to bouts of rebellion; staying out all night, getting drunk and kissing girls. Junsu just didn’t understand. He would share a confused glance with Yunho, who would only grit his teeth and shrug. Yoochun just needed time to calm down and fit in.
As the year went on, Junsu found himself arranged next to Yoochun, singing with him and trying to fit their voices into some semblance of a harmony. Yoochun had calmed down somewhat, opening up and letting his smiles spread to the far corners of his eyes. Junsu liked the way Yoochun smiled, especially when he was helpless to a fit of giggles, head tipped back and illustrating nothing but pure joy. It made Junsu smile with him, laugh along.
While Junsu missed spending so much time with Hyukjae, had felt so betrayed when the members of Dong Bang Shin Gi were announced, he found a new best friend in Yoochun. They fit together like two lost pieces from a jigsaw, clicking in place to make a bigger picture. Yoochun wasn’t afraid to be silly with Junsu and he was equally unafraid of being serious. Sometimes, when it rained, Junsu still felt the remains of a broken heart from his first girlfriend. He sat by the window and wrote silly poems. Yoochun never made fun of him, just held his hand and told him that girls just weren’t worth it. Junsu smiled but he never was quite sure if he believed Yoochun.
Once, in the autumn months, Junsu grew a little too enthusiastic during an insult-swapping session with Yoochun and ended up making a joke about his family. The joy dropped almost immediately from Yoochun’s face and Junsu felt his own smile falter. Yoochun looked away sharply and Junsu caught the stream of tears coursing down his cheeks.
“Yoochun, I-“
Yoochun wiped furiously at his cheeks. Junsu felt suddenly awkward. Boys weren’t supposed to cry. Junsu didn’t cry, at least, not in front of anybody. He gingerly sat down in front of Yoochun and reached forward with uncertain arms. Yoochun didn’t budge, so Junsu wrapped his arms around Yoochun’s neck and brought their bodies together. It felt weird, uncomfortable with angles digging into flesh. But Yoochun shuddered against him with emotion and Junsu held him tighter.
“I didn’t mean it, Yoochun. I’m sorry.” He kept holding on, wanting desperately to squeeze the hurt out and leave Yoochun’s wounds healed.
“It’s okay,” Yoochun said quietly. It wasn’t, but Junsu vowed never to be so careless with his friends again.
After debut, dynamics began to shift. Yoochun found a confidant in Jaejoong and as their apartments changed in location and size, it became normal for Jaejoong and Yoochun to share one room, and the remaining three to share another. Junsu told himself that he wasn’t jealous. Yoochun needed someone who understood, someone who had felt similar pain and most of all, someone who could cry with him. Junsu and Jaejoong’s relationship could be tremulous at times, but Junsu put it down to differences in personality, nothing else. Junsu himself found a new bond with Changmin. They stuck together as the youngest pair and though it wasn’t the same intimate friendship Junsu once shared with Yoochun, it was strong and comfortable. When Junsu was upset, he went to Yunho, who loved him unconditionally and knew him best of all. Yunho often didn’t question the reason behind Junsu’s sadness, just offered a shoulder to lean on and a loving kiss pressed gently into his hair.
Junsu found himself rudely awoken one night. The door to the apartment hit the wall noisily, and Junsu heard the unmistakable footsteps of a drunken Yoochun stumbling inside. He waited, listening for the soft pad of Jaejoong’s feet into the hallway. It didn’t come. Turning over, Junsu watched Yunho. He was sleeping deeply, exhaustion lining every feature. Junsu sighed in resignation and slipped out from under the covers.
Yoochun was kneeling on the kitchen floor in a puddle of his own vomit. Junsu recoiled at the sight and smell, fear curling like a fist in his belly. He inched forward, half-terrified that Yoochun was going to throw up again or pass out or die.
“Yoochun,” he hissed. “Yoochun, get up.”
Yoochun groaned and pushed himself back from the mess. He reached out for one of the kitchen chairs and tried to use it to pull himself up. The chair scraped noisily along the floor. Junsu rushed forward to help, scared that the grating noise would wake everyone up. Yoochun clung to him and Junsu turned his face away, pushing until Yoochun stood at an arms length from Junsu.
“Junsu?” Yoochun muttered, his eyes finally focusing. “Why’re you here?”
Junsu nodded towards the floor. “I’m not cleaning that up.”
Yoochun slurred something unintelligible and then laughed at himself. Junsu felt the ebbing fear turn into anger. He shoved Yoochun away roughly. “Why do you do this to yourself?”
Yoochun shrugged and smiled. He was pale and sweating, the skin under his eyes bruised like early morning sky. Junsu wanted to hit him, or scream at him until he snapped out of it. Instead he whispered, “You’re so stupid and irresponsible,” the words slipping out before he could even think to rephrase them
“Sorry I’m not Mr Perfect,” Yoochun mumbled, his smile melting away. “Go ‘way if you’re so bothered.”
Junsu found himself shouting, hands clenched by his sides, “Don’t call me that! You’re risking everything just so you can puke your guts up in the middle of the night. It’s stupid!”
“So kick me out,” Yoochun retorted, blasé and uncharacteristically emotionless.
Junsu stepped forward, arm pulled back ready to knock some sense into Yoochun. Firm fingers circled his wrist and heavy footsteps broke Junsu out of his rage. He dropped his hand, horrified as Jaejoong cupped Yoochun’s face whispering, “oh Yoochun, oh Yoochun.”
Junsu stood back and watched the scene as if he were floating above it. Yunho steered Yoochun into the bathroom and then bed. Jaejoong and Changmin stayed behind, dutifully clearing up. Junsu watched himself walk to the living room and slump onto the sofa. He put his head between his knees and pressed his palms against his sore eyes. He nearly hit Yoochun. For all their arguments in the past, nothing had ever turned physical. And yet Junsu nearly hit him, so blinded by fear and rage and hurt. He focused on breathing, and if there was moisture in the cup of his palm, no one would know.
When morning broke, Yoochun slipped into Junsu’s room and curled around him in bed. Junsu froze, unwilling to forgive just yet. But Yoochun hugged him with every inch of his body, pressed his face against Junsu’s shoulder and whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” until Junsu turned and put his hand over Yoochun’s mouth. They stayed together, clinging like children afraid of the dark, until Changmin woke up and coaxed them outside for breakfast.
The first time a single did well overseas, Junsu sat by the window in their Japanese apartment and thought. Yoochun and Changmin were out shopping, Yunho and Jaejoong in their respective rooms catching up on sleep. Junsu thought about the roles each member had slipped into, at first jokingly and then seriously as they grew closer and closer. As much as they said it, Dong Bang Shin Gi was a real family. Junsu couldn’t imagine sharing his experiences with anyone else. He was cared for and loved, and gave the same in return.
“Junsu?” Junsu turned as Jaejoong’s soft voice startled him. The rush of air cooled against his cheeks and Junsu faltered, scared and embarrassed. Jaejoong just smiled and held out his hand. “Sit with me?”
Junsu let himself be led over to the couch. He wasn’t as surprised as he should have been when Yunho sank down beside him. They didn’t say anything, didn’t suffocate him. The small gesture sent a rush of emotion through Junsu’s chest and he automatically went to cover his face. Yunho caught his hands gently and brought him into an embrace.
“I’m sorry,” Junsu choked into Yunho’s shirt. “I don’t usually do this. But I just-everyone-and everything, and-“
Jaejoong wrapped around him from behind and stroked Junsu’s hair away from his face. “We know, Junsu. We love you too.”
They held him together, physically and metaphorically, and Junsu felt calm spread through him like heat after a cold day. By the time Changmin and Yoochun got home, Junsu was smiling again. He pulled Yoochun down to the floor in front of the playstation and kicked his butt three times in a row. Changmin laughed at Yoochun’s misfortune, and everything felt right.
Yoochun kissed Junsu in a parked car by the Han River. They were talking and then Junsu laughed, head inclined towards Yoochun and Yoochun kissed him. Junsu moved his mouth, trying to protest until he realised that he was kissing back with his eyes closed. He pulled away and trembled. “I’m not-“
Yoochun shook his head. “Junsu.”
“But, I-“
Yoochun touched his face, thumb brushing along Junsu’s heated cheek. He smiled and said, “Junsu,” soft as anything. Junsu took a deep breath and let it out in a small squeak when Yoochun kissed him again. He kept his eyes open, trying not to feel. Yoochun’s eyelashes fluttered and Junsu felt his own eyes fall shut again. He felt no crisis of faith, no disgust. Just Yoochun.
Years later, and Junsu is thinking of all those memories as Yoochun fills him, so full that he aches everywhere and never wants it to stop. Sometimes it’s rough, as a means to an end, sometimes it’s slow and languid and all about making each other feel good. Mostly it’s just two people wanting to be naked and have fun. But tonight it’s different, perhaps a mixture of everything. Junsu isn’t sure why his memory is replaying the past years to him, but as Yoochun moves inside him, strong and beautiful, Junsu arches up and cries out.
“Junsu?”
Yoochun’s movements slow right down as he leans over Junsu’s body, one hand pushing into the mattress next to Junsu’s head.
“What?” Junsu says breathlessly. “What’s wrong?”
Yoochun uses his free hand to stroke gentle fingertips over Junsu’s cheek. Moisture smears over warm skin and Junsu freezes.
“I should ask you the same thing,” Yoochun says quietly. “Did I hurt you?”
Junsu lets out a watery laugh, relaxing under Yoochun. The idea is absurd; they’ve done this hundreds of times and never once has Yoochun hurt Junsu. “Shut up, keep going.”
Yoochun’s hips build up a steady pace again. He rests his weight with both palms either side of Junsu’s head and watches him carefully. Junsu wants to turn away, doesn’t want to feel any more vulnerable than he already does with Yoochun so far inside him. He can’t though, not when Yoochun is biting his lip, eyes creased with a million different emotions and making Junsu gasp. Hot tears roll down his cheeks and Junsu doesn’t understand why it’s happening.
Yoochun lowers himself down and kisses Junsu’s face tenderly, his cheeks, nose, chin, eyelids. “Don’t cry,” he whispers. “I love you.”
Junsu chokes and sniffles, running his hands down Yoochun’s back to grip his backside. “That’s not helping, you idiot. Don’t stop.”
Yoochun smiles and cants his hips so fast that Junsu’s hands slide and grip onto Yoochun’s shoulders. He moans and whimpers and pushes up against Yoochun over and over.
When Yoochun kisses him, Junsu surges up and feels the heat leave his body in a rush so intense that it’s almost painful. He tastes salt and sex and Yoochun and is left breathless as Yoochun stills inside him and groans.
They don’t part for a long time, cooling down and listening as their heartbeats return to normal. When Yoochun pulls out, Junsu whines and forces their bodies as near as they can possibly get.
“Hey,” Yoochun murmurs, “hey, what’s going on?”
Junsu muffles his voice in Yoochun’s neck as he says, “I was thinking about the first time you kissed me.”
Yoochun pushes him back slightly and Junsu expects to see him laughing. But he isn’t, he just kisses the corner of Junsu’s mouth and hugs him close. “You can cry with me,” he whispers into Junsu’s ear. “It’s okay.”
When they first met, Junsu thought Yoochun was strange. He still is, sort of, but now they laugh easier, fight less and love harder. Yoochun says it’s okay if Junsu cries, and Junsu thinks he might be right.