Kurt/Blaine, Finn: Brotherly Chats (R)
"Okay. Enough is enough," Finn said, dropping something heavy that clanked onto the island in the kitchen.
Kurt had been cleaning up his dinner, thankful that he was all alone in the house for the night. Burt and Carole were at an auto show in Dayton, Finn was supposed to be on a date with Rachel, and Blaine was unfortunately visiting his grandparents in Indianapolis. After an entire day of dodging Finn and his bizarrely intent requests to talk, it appeared as though his luck had finally run out.
"What do you want, Finn?" Kurt asked, not even bothering to try and hide how exasperated he was.
"We're going to talk."
"But why?"
"Because," Finn sighed, hesitating and drumming his fingers against the island while Kurt put his salad dressing back in the fridge, "Do you talk to Mercedes about you and Blaine's sex life?"
"Not in detail."
"Well, you need someone to talk to those things about. It's important."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, it's so. And I don't have that either. I can't really talk to Puck because he dated Rachel before and he just makes fun of me whenever he can tell that I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm not close with any of the other guys in Glee enough that I can actually talk to them about the things I need to talk about. So, we both need someone to talk to and we're going to drink beer until it doesn't feel weird anymore."
"You want us to drink beer together until we want to talk about our sex lives? Have you completely lost your mind?"
“This is what guys do, Kurt. They drink beer and talk about sex. So crack one open, shut up, and talk to me,” Finn ordered, shoving one at Kurt.
“What you just said doesn’t even make sense. How am I supposed to shut up and talk to you at the same time?” Kurt asked, repeatedly clicking the beer can’s tab against the smooth metal surface below.
“Will you stop being difficult?” Finn scowled at him, opening a beer and sliding it across the island to Kurt before grabbing the unopened one from him.
“It’s really not in my nature.”
"Yeah, I know, but if you could try that'd be great," Finn said before raising his now opened can to his lips and taking a long drink. Kurt lifted the can before him and sniffed at the contents, his nose immediately crinkling. When Finn rolled his eyes, Kurt gave in and took a sip.
"This tastes like cat pee smells," Kurt sputtered as he coughed from the horrible taste.
"Smell cat pee often?"
"You know what? I'm just going to go up to my room and then I'm going to spend the rest of the night ignoring you," Kurt said. Finn sighed and reached out to grab Kurt's arm before he could leave.
"Come on, Kurt. I really need this," Finn admitted, and that was what changed Kurt's mind. He'd been assuming that Finn was just doing this for Kurt's sake, but now it was clear. Finn was the one who really needed to talk.
"Fine, but I'm not drinking this. Do you have any idea how many calories are in a can of beer?" he asked. Finn sighed and crossed the kitchen, pulling open the low cabinet beside the refrigerator. From inside he produced a bottle about three quarters of the way full with clear liquid that he sat on the counter next to the beer. "What's that?"
"It's Peppermint Schnapps. Mom has had it for years and it's been at the same level the entire time. We can refill it with water and she'll never know the difference. Don't make that face at me. It's either this or the beer." Kurt relented, grabbed the bottle around the neck and headed out of the room. Finn scrambled to grab the twelve pack and his already open can and followed Kurt down the hallway.
Moments later they found themselves sitting on opposite ends of the couch, Kurt cradling the bottle of Schnapps and Finn emptying the rest of his beer.
"So," Kurt said, "What did you want to talk about?"
"Do you have to be so formal about everything? Can't we just talk?"
"But we don't talk, Finn. Not really. And you obviously wanted to talk about something specific and important or you wouldn't have gone to all this trouble. So I am not going to apologize for trying to get to the point because I did have plans for the evening, you know."
"Oh, I'm sorry, is this getting in the way of your nightly Skype sex session with Blaine?" Finn asked. He really needed to stop spending so much time with Rachel. Kurt narrowed his eyes and fought the urge to flee. Instead, he simply raised the mouth of the bottle to his lips and took a long sip.
At first, it was nice. It tasted like mouthwash, and though that obviously wasn't something Kurt was used to drinking, it was definitely better than the beer had been. But then he swallowed it and a trail of fire burned its way down his chest. He pressed a hand to his sternum and coughed.
"You're just jealous because I actually have a sex life and you don't," Kurt said once he'd finished reacting to the mouthful of liquor he'd just downed.
"You're right. I am," Finn admitted, reaching over and setting his now empty can on the table before liberating another from the case. Kurt shifted nervously and again filled his mouth with the minty liquid. "I just want to talk, Kurt. Not necessarily about just one thing."
"Right," Kurt nodded, taking another drink, "So talk."
It shouldn't have been this hard, having a conversation with his step-brother. It wasn't as if they didn't know each other. They'd been in Glee together for over two years and had been part of the same family for about ten months. They weren't strangers. And yet, as they sat there looking at each other in the living room of the house their parents had bought together, it felt like they were.
"How are you and Blaine doing?" Finn asked.
"I assumed you wanted to talk about you and Rachel."
"I never said that. I mean, I do, but it's called breaking the ice," Finn said.
"I don't want to talk about my relationship with Blaine," Kurt told him.
"Why not?"
"Because you know too much already," Kurt sassed. Finn huffed and turned on his cushion, folding his gangly self into a cross-legged position and fully facing Kurt.
"Since you're being so difficult, let's make a game out of it," Finn suggested.
"A game? What kind of game?" Kurt picked at one corner of the label and tried not to panic. He didn't know the first thing about quarters or beer pong or anything else he'd seen taking place at Rachel's parties.
"We ask each other questions. If we answer, fine. We'll talk about whatever we were asked about. If we don't want to answer, we have to drink."
"But we're already drinking," Kurt said, holding up the bottle for emphasis.
"If I refuse to answer one of your questions, I have to chug half a beer. If you refuse, you have to take a shot," Finn explained.
Kurt looked down at the bottle in his hands. Getting drunk alone with Finn was not a good idea. There was no way that the evening wasn't going end with him sharing far more than he should have about Blaine and their time together. But, even though he'd told Finn that he had plans for the night, he didn't. Mercedes was out with Sam, Blaine had no computer access at his grandparents' house, and he'd already done all of his homework for the weekend. And there was also the fact that Finn kept looking at him like he really needed this. He needed to get drunk and talk.
"Fine," Kurt said, "Go get me a shot glass." Finn was up and out of the room before Kurt could even finish the sentence.
* * *
They started out tame, both of them asking easy questions that the other wouldn't mind answering.
"How are your classes going?"
"Why are you wearing orange leather pants just to sit around the house?"
"Were you dropped on your head at birth?"
"Do you seriously not like football? How can any self-respecting guy from Ohio not love the Buckeyes?"
Kurt could feel the alcohol he'd consumed burning a little confidence and ease into his chest as they sat there and bantered back and forth in a way that was more familiar and comfortable. As he watched Finn go on a three minute long spiel about how amazing Ohio State's offense was this year and how Blaine liked football so why couldn't Kurt start to like football, Kurt couldn't help but smile.
"It's not that I don't like football, it's just that I don't care about it. I don't care enough to sit down and watch a game or pay attention to the statistics," Kurt said.
"But come on! It's guys in tight pants. That has to do something for you. I mean, there has to be a reason why Blaine was in my football pads that one day." Kurt flushed red and took a long drink from the bottle. In fact, he took several. "I didn't ask you a question."
"And yet I still needed the drink," Kurt said, "Besides, it's my turn to ask a question." If Finn wanted to start playing dirty, Kurt could do that. "Have you fingered Rachel yet?"
Finn lifted the can to his lips and chugged the rest of its contents. When he'd finished, he set it down carefully next to the first empty can and took out a third.
"Finn," Kurt admonished, "Are you serious?" Had he really not done that yet? Even after Rachel had given him a blowjob?
"I drank. That means I don't want to talk about it. Those are the rules," Finn said. Kurt couldn't argue, so he just settled back against the arm of the couch and shook his head. "Now that it's my turn, how did Blaine end up in my football pads. I know that you said he found your Cheerios uniform, but what really happened?"
"I thought you didn't want the details."
"Well, now I do. So either drink or talk." Finn clearly had things that he needed to talk about, and even though Kurt really didn't want to be the first to start spilling sexual secrets, if they just went back and forth drinking instead of talking all night, nothing would get accomplished.
"Blaine was helping me go through my closet and he found the uniform. He kind of went crazy, begging me to put it on. He said that he would do whatever I wanted him to as long as I put it on. At first I wasn't sure if I could think of anything and was just going to do it for him, but then I got the idea and, well, the rest is history."
"Isn't roleplaying weird? It just sounds like it would be awkward," Finn admitted, sipping at his beer.
"At first it was. I was really nervous because I had no idea what I was doing. But," Kurt smiled and blushed a little as he remembered, "Blaine was really good at it. It was the first time either of us had ever done anything like that before, but he was really good and it made it easier for me to get into it, too."
Finn nodded and took another drink, this one longer.
"Okay, ask me again," Finn said with a little nod, like he was trying to convince himself of something.
"Ask you what?"
"What you asked me a minute ago. Ask me again." Finally, some progress.
"Have you fingered Rachel yet?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah," Finn said, "But now she won't go further. And I have tried everything. I gave her a massage. I told her how beautiful she is and how sexy she is and how I really..."
"You really what?"
"I really want to... go down on her and she won't let me," Finn said, letting out a final exhalation that shuddered a bit.
They looked at each other for a moment before they both gave in and drank. Kurt welcomed the sweet and fiery heat as it scorched his throat. His head was starting to buzz a little bit, especially right between his eyebrows. He suddenly found himself wishing that he'd had something more substantial than a salad for dinner.
"How many times have you fingered her?"
"I think it's my turn to ask a question now," Finn said. Kurt rolled his eyes and dropped his head back.
"Fine," he gritted out, not bothering to unclench his teeth to speak the word. God Finn was difficult. This thing with Rachel was clearly the issue that he wanted advice about but if he wouldn't actually talk about it, there was no way that Kurt could help him. "Ask away."
"What did you and Blaine do the first time you fooled around?"
"Why do you want to know that? This isn't the first time you've asked me about this," Kurt said.
"Answer the question or drink," Finn said. Kurt gripped onto the neck of the bottle so tightly he would have been worried about breaking it if he wasn't so busy being annoyed. Finn was being so irritating that all Kurt really wanted to do at the moment was embarrass him.
"First we took our shirts off and made out like that for awhile, then we rubbed up against each other, which feels unbelievable, by the way. And then we took our pants off and gave each other handjobs," Kurt said.
"You did all of that in one day?" Finn asked.
"One afternoon, yes," Kurt said. Finn swore under his breath and drained the rest of his beer. "It all naturally flowed. You don't have to be judgmental about it."
"Judgmental? Are you kidding me? I'm not judging, I'm jealous."
"Jealous? Of what?"
"Of the fact that you have crazy monkey sex with Blaine all the time. I've been in two serious relationships and haven't had sex with either of them!" Kurt considered using the shot glass Finn had retrieved for him in order to feel like less of a lush, but instead just drank directly out of the bottle. He swallowed down mouthful after mouthful until he couldn't take anymore. When he pulled back, he saw that the bottle was a little over half empty. That wasn't going to be good.
"You're jealous of my sex life with Blaine? Well, I'm jealous of your relationships with Quinn and Rachel," Kurt admitted, "But the way I see it, it's an even trade for now. I get to have all the sex I want, but you get to walk down the halls hand in hand without people looking at you like you have the plague. You can kiss and get married and do whatever you want without fear of public ridicule. So for now, it's fair. But some day, you'll get to have all the 'crazy monkey sex' you want, as you so eloquently put it, but I might never get to have the things that you have."
The silence that filled the room was thick and laced with something. It wasn't tension. It was heavier than that. Finn eventually broke the silence with a little nervous laugh, one that said the absolute last thing on his mind was displaying amusement.
"I think we both need to drink after that," he said. Kurt didn't say anything in response, just drank. Finn's face was flushed and Kurt suspected that his was as well. You can't drink that much that fast and not have it affect you, after all. "It's funny..."
"What's funny?" Kurt asked.
"I watch you and Blaine together and it just seems so... easy. Everything about the relationships I've had have just been so hard. I feel like I can never say the right thing or do the right thing. And, like, I apparently can't even make Rachel come so there's no way she's going to keep me around much longer."
"Finn, Rachel wouldn't break up with you because of something like that and you know it," Kurt said, sighing a little and hoping that part of the conversation could be finished soon as he scooted over to the middle cushion on the couch, "Why do you think my relationship with Blaine is easy?"
"Because you're two guys and girls are scary and manipulative?" Finn asked before drinking the rest of his beer. How did his stomach even have room to hold all of that liquid?
"You think that my relationship with Blaine is easy because it's a gay relationship?"
"Yeah, I do."
"You're right, Finn. Being gay is so easy. It's so great the way people hate me without knowing me because I'm gay and how I used to get shoved into lockers every day and how no one wants to give our relationship any validity or rights. My god, Finn, were you even listening to what I said earlier? Because I thought you-"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Okay? I didn't mean that being gay is easy, I just meant that... Well, I'm just really scared that this is what my entire life is going to be like. I mean, I love Rachel. I love her so much, but is this going to be my life? Having to work so hard for every little thing? And I'm not just talking about sex, but that's a big part of it. If she's not ready, then fine. I have no problem with waiting for her. But she does things and says things that show she is ready, but then she just keeps me at arm's length like..."
"Like she's holding it over your head that she has the power?" Kurt suggested, lowering the bottle back to his lap. Wait, he'd been drinking? Why was his face so numb? When had the bottle become only a quarter of the way filled?
"Exactly! So, I can't help but wonder sometimes if it wouldn't just be easier to be with a guy because you could just be honest and be like 'Dude, I'm horny. Let's do this' without all the mind games and stuff," Finn said, drooping to the side until his head was leaning against the back of the couch.
"Finn, first of all, Blaine and I don't have sex a lot because we're two guys. We do it because of the kind of relationship that we have. Secondly, you're not gay so you can just stop thinking about how great it would be to date a guy instead of a girl. A relationship is a relationship. There are problems whether it's two guys or two girls or a guy and a girl. Changing up the genders doesn't take away the problems that relationships naturally have. You're not having problems because you're dating girls, you're having problems because of the girls you're dating."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Finn asked.
"You keep dating girls who want to change you. They don't just like you for you, they want you to fit into this mold of what they think a good boyfriend should be."
"And Blaine doesn't do that to you?"
"No. Never. Not once. And that is why our relationship is easy, Finn. Not because we're two guys, but because we respect and trust and love each other for who we are, not because of who we want each other to be," Kurt said. He blinked hard a few times to try and erase the blurriness from his vision. It didn't help. He had the feeling that if he stood up too suddenly, he'd come crashing right back down onto the couch.
"I love Rachel," Finn said, staring down at the beer in his hand before drinking the last of it and sitting it on the table. He'd finished five beers? When had that happened?
"I know you do, but do you honestly think that it's forever? Rachel's great and she's my friend, but I'd like to be honest with you if you'll let me," Kurt said, continuing only when Finn gave him a little nod of approval, "She's not the one you're going to end up with. You deserve better than that. You deserve to have someone who's going to meet you and not be freaked out by how insanely tall you are or laugh at how awkwardly you dance. They're going to love that you sing and play football and they'll find it endearing that sometimes it takes you a little longer than everyone else to catch onto something. They're going to know that you're a great guy, a good leader, and that you're really smart when you let yourself be. You're going to find someone who loves you for you and when you do, it'll be easy."
Finn sat there and stared at Kurt for a long time. Too long. Kurt started to wonder if he'd said something wrong, something offensive, something to make Finn angry. But then Finn was surging forward and wrapping his arms around Kurt so tightly he didn't think he was going to survive the embrace.
"Thank you, Kurt," Finn mumbled into Kurt's neck. Kurt gave him a few pats on the back and tried his hardest to stay upright even though Finn was pretty much sagging all of his abundant weight onto Kurt's chest.
"You're welcome. I mean it," Kurt said, sucking in a huge breath once Finn had pulled back and he again had full use of his lungs.
"I know," Finn said, reaching over to grab another beer and trying to inconspicuously swipe at his eyes in the process. Kurt let him think that he was being sneaky.
"So, um, who's turn is it to ask a question?" Kurt asked, swirling the clear liquid in the bottom of his bottle into a whirlpool.
"I don't know," Finn chuckled a little, "Mine, I think. It's time to lighten things up. Who's the weirdest person you've ever had a sex dream about?"
Kurt cringed and took a long sip, sputtering a little as he tried not to laugh. He knew right then that he was going to tell Finn, and that proved how drunk he was. It was okay, though, because Finn was drunk, too. The way his eyes were having trouble focusing showed that much.
"I so don't want to fess up to this, but I will," Kurt said, "Sophomore year, I had a really inappropriate dream about Mr. Schuester."
"No you didn't!" Finn cracked up, "What happened in the dream?"
"Let's just say that it took place on the stage at school and that I can't listen to the song "Hey Big Spender" without having Vietnam-eque flashbacks," Kurt laughed, "What about you?"
Finn squirmed and raised the fresh can in his hand to his lips. As Kurt watched him empty the can without stopping for air, he patted a hand to his own cheek. It was numb. He was so drunk. Shit.
"I don't want to tell you," Finn admitted.
"You started it when you asked me. So just tell me," Kurt said, slurring a little and looking curiously at Finn when he still refused to meet his gaze, "It wasn't about me, was it?"
"No," Finn said, though he didn't sound particularly defensive or put out by the suggestion. Now Kurt was really curious.
"Come on, just tell me. I thought that was the point of all this, to get drunk and talk about sex."
"It was about..." Finn started, clearing his throat, "Blaine."
"You had a sex dream about my boyfriend." Kurt meant to ask it as a question, but it came out as a dumbfounded statement instead. His grip on the bottle loosened and his eyes opened as wide as they could.
"I did. Are you mad at me?" Kurt started laughing so hard he almost spilled the contents of his bottle onto his own lap.
"Mad at you for having a dream? Of course not, Finn," he managed to get out, "What happened in it?"
"I'm not telling you!" Finn blanched.
"Come on! You just admitted to having a sex dream about my boyfriend, there's no way you can't tell me what happened."
"It was after he had that talk with Rachel about blowjobs and that's all I'm saying!" Finn blurted out, lurching for the now over halfway empty cardboard container on the table and finagling another can from inside.
"That must've been a nice dream. He gives great head," Kurt said dreamily, allowing himself to get lost in the memory of Blaine sucking him off when he'd been handcuffed to the headboard of Blaine's bed. He probably shouldn't have just said that to Finn, but he didn't seem perturbed by the comment and Kurt was feeling to warm and numb to really care.
"He gave very clear and awesome suggestions to Rachel. I know how good he must be," Finn said, "Especially the moaning thing. That... is awesome."
"He learned that from me, actually," Kurt told him, kind of loving the way Finn's eyes opened wide.
"So you're telling me that some of the things that Blaine told Rachel about might be things that you do when... you know."
"It's a possibility," Kurt shrugged.
"That's kind of weird," Finn said.
"I guess it is." Kurt couldn't help but laugh at the look on Finn's face, like he was really thinking something over as he stared down at his beer. "And would you stop imagining me giving a blowjob?"
"I wasn't!"
"Yes, you were," Kurt said, raising the bottle to his lips and finding it empty.
He tipped it upside down just to be sure and frowned at the few stray drops of liquid that dropped onto his pants. With a frown, he swiped the moisture from the leather and set the bottle down on the table with a heavy clang, losing his balance in the process and nearly falling off the couch. A strong hand latched onto his arm and yanked him back into a sitting position before he had the chance to slide onto the floor.
"So are you always on top when you and Blaine have crazy monkey sex?" Finn asked.
"Will you stop calling it that? And why do you care so much about what Blaine and I do in the bedroom?"
"I'm just curious! And, I know that you've never gotten to talk to anyone about this stuff, so I'm giving you a chance to," Finn said, his eyes looking glazed over and his posture having slumped permanently against the back cushions of the couch.
Images of Blaine and his naked chest and his hard cock flashed through Kurt's mind and he smiled as he mirrored Finn's pose, drooping against the couch and sighing. Finn was right, Kurt didn't get to talk to anyone about his sex life with Blaine except, well, Blaine. There were some things that he could talk to Mercedes about, but he'd just never felt right divulging any details. And even though he was sure that Finn really didn't want to know the information he was asking for, he was being nice enough to ask anyway for Kurt's sake.
Maybe Finn wasn't the worst step-brother he could have gotten after all.
"We take turns being on top," Kurt said, "We never really discuss it; well, not after the first few times we did it, anyway. It's always just kind of obvious given what else we've been doing who's going to top."
"So you get to have sex in, like, two completely different ways. That's crazy," Finn said.
"You're ridiculous," Kurt told him, rolling his eyes a little.
'He considered leaning forward to take one of Finn's beers, but then he realized that his eyes were hardly open and his tongue felt heavy and all he really wanted to do was go upstairs and call Blaine and tell him all the filthy things he wanted to do to him while he jerked off.
"You want to do what?" Finn asked. Oh, so he'd said all of that out loud. Oops?
"I'm going to go have phone sex with Blaine," Kurt announced, "When I get drunk, I get horny, so I'm going to go do that now." He was vaguely aware of the fact that his filter had completely dissolved, gone the way of the Peppermint Schnapps, but he just stood and stumbled his way to the stairs. He only tripped and fell once on the way up, so that was pretty good, he thought. He had just downed almost an entire bottle of liquor in a very short amount of time, after all.
When he reached his room, he swayed on his feet and collapsed onto the mattress as he tried to work his iPhone out of his pocket. The last thing he remembered was dialing Blaine's number, and then everything went black.
* * *
Something was buzzing. It was so loud.
Kurt groaned and tried to open his eyes, but the second he did, everything was bright and hurt and he had to press a hand hard into his mouth to fight back the vomit already trying to come up his throat. He struggled to sit up, finding it incredibly hard to do. It was almost as if something was holding him down.
He finally managed to convince himself to peek open one eye, and when he did, both flew wide open, brightness be damned.
There was an arm draped across his stomach. His bare stomach.
He followed that arm up to a shoulder and then to a head. The head that was resting on the pillow beside his. Finn's head. His big stupid head was drooling on Kurt's pillow. Why wasn't Kurt wearing a shirt? Why was Finn in his bed? And why wasn't he wearing a shirt either?
What in the hell was that buzzing sound?
Kurt shoved Finn's arm off of him and clambered from the bed, finding his iPhone on the nightstand just as Finn started to wake up.
"Where am I?" he asked, and Kurt couldn't ignore the bitter irony of the fact that Finn was the second boy to utter those words when waking up in Kurt's bed after a drunken night.
"You're in my room, Finn."
"I don't remember coming up here. Why am I in your room? And why don't we have shirts on?"
"I have no idea."
Kurt could tell that he had a lot of missed calls and text messages, but the first one he opened--the most recent one--sent a chill down his spine.
From Blaine:
You need to call me as soon as you wake up. We have things to talk about.
Part Two
Master Fic List
Kurt had been cleaning up his dinner, thankful that he was all alone in the house for the night. Burt and Carole were at an auto show in Dayton, Finn was supposed to be on a date with Rachel, and Blaine was unfortunately visiting his grandparents in Indianapolis. After an entire day of dodging Finn and his bizarrely intent requests to talk, it appeared as though his luck had finally run out.
"What do you want, Finn?" Kurt asked, not even bothering to try and hide how exasperated he was.
"We're going to talk."
"But why?"
"Because," Finn sighed, hesitating and drumming his fingers against the island while Kurt put his salad dressing back in the fridge, "Do you talk to Mercedes about you and Blaine's sex life?"
"Not in detail."
"Well, you need someone to talk to those things about. It's important."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, it's so. And I don't have that either. I can't really talk to Puck because he dated Rachel before and he just makes fun of me whenever he can tell that I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm not close with any of the other guys in Glee enough that I can actually talk to them about the things I need to talk about. So, we both need someone to talk to and we're going to drink beer until it doesn't feel weird anymore."
"You want us to drink beer together until we want to talk about our sex lives? Have you completely lost your mind?"
“This is what guys do, Kurt. They drink beer and talk about sex. So crack one open, shut up, and talk to me,” Finn ordered, shoving one at Kurt.
“What you just said doesn’t even make sense. How am I supposed to shut up and talk to you at the same time?” Kurt asked, repeatedly clicking the beer can’s tab against the smooth metal surface below.
“Will you stop being difficult?” Finn scowled at him, opening a beer and sliding it across the island to Kurt before grabbing the unopened one from him.
“It’s really not in my nature.”
"Yeah, I know, but if you could try that'd be great," Finn said before raising his now opened can to his lips and taking a long drink. Kurt lifted the can before him and sniffed at the contents, his nose immediately crinkling. When Finn rolled his eyes, Kurt gave in and took a sip.
"This tastes like cat pee smells," Kurt sputtered as he coughed from the horrible taste.
"Smell cat pee often?"
"You know what? I'm just going to go up to my room and then I'm going to spend the rest of the night ignoring you," Kurt said. Finn sighed and reached out to grab Kurt's arm before he could leave.
"Come on, Kurt. I really need this," Finn admitted, and that was what changed Kurt's mind. He'd been assuming that Finn was just doing this for Kurt's sake, but now it was clear. Finn was the one who really needed to talk.
"Fine, but I'm not drinking this. Do you have any idea how many calories are in a can of beer?" he asked. Finn sighed and crossed the kitchen, pulling open the low cabinet beside the refrigerator. From inside he produced a bottle about three quarters of the way full with clear liquid that he sat on the counter next to the beer. "What's that?"
"It's Peppermint Schnapps. Mom has had it for years and it's been at the same level the entire time. We can refill it with water and she'll never know the difference. Don't make that face at me. It's either this or the beer." Kurt relented, grabbed the bottle around the neck and headed out of the room. Finn scrambled to grab the twelve pack and his already open can and followed Kurt down the hallway.
Moments later they found themselves sitting on opposite ends of the couch, Kurt cradling the bottle of Schnapps and Finn emptying the rest of his beer.
"So," Kurt said, "What did you want to talk about?"
"Do you have to be so formal about everything? Can't we just talk?"
"But we don't talk, Finn. Not really. And you obviously wanted to talk about something specific and important or you wouldn't have gone to all this trouble. So I am not going to apologize for trying to get to the point because I did have plans for the evening, you know."
"Oh, I'm sorry, is this getting in the way of your nightly Skype sex session with Blaine?" Finn asked. He really needed to stop spending so much time with Rachel. Kurt narrowed his eyes and fought the urge to flee. Instead, he simply raised the mouth of the bottle to his lips and took a long sip.
At first, it was nice. It tasted like mouthwash, and though that obviously wasn't something Kurt was used to drinking, it was definitely better than the beer had been. But then he swallowed it and a trail of fire burned its way down his chest. He pressed a hand to his sternum and coughed.
"You're just jealous because I actually have a sex life and you don't," Kurt said once he'd finished reacting to the mouthful of liquor he'd just downed.
"You're right. I am," Finn admitted, reaching over and setting his now empty can on the table before liberating another from the case. Kurt shifted nervously and again filled his mouth with the minty liquid. "I just want to talk, Kurt. Not necessarily about just one thing."
"Right," Kurt nodded, taking another drink, "So talk."
It shouldn't have been this hard, having a conversation with his step-brother. It wasn't as if they didn't know each other. They'd been in Glee together for over two years and had been part of the same family for about ten months. They weren't strangers. And yet, as they sat there looking at each other in the living room of the house their parents had bought together, it felt like they were.
"How are you and Blaine doing?" Finn asked.
"I assumed you wanted to talk about you and Rachel."
"I never said that. I mean, I do, but it's called breaking the ice," Finn said.
"I don't want to talk about my relationship with Blaine," Kurt told him.
"Why not?"
"Because you know too much already," Kurt sassed. Finn huffed and turned on his cushion, folding his gangly self into a cross-legged position and fully facing Kurt.
"Since you're being so difficult, let's make a game out of it," Finn suggested.
"A game? What kind of game?" Kurt picked at one corner of the label and tried not to panic. He didn't know the first thing about quarters or beer pong or anything else he'd seen taking place at Rachel's parties.
"We ask each other questions. If we answer, fine. We'll talk about whatever we were asked about. If we don't want to answer, we have to drink."
"But we're already drinking," Kurt said, holding up the bottle for emphasis.
"If I refuse to answer one of your questions, I have to chug half a beer. If you refuse, you have to take a shot," Finn explained.
Kurt looked down at the bottle in his hands. Getting drunk alone with Finn was not a good idea. There was no way that the evening wasn't going end with him sharing far more than he should have about Blaine and their time together. But, even though he'd told Finn that he had plans for the night, he didn't. Mercedes was out with Sam, Blaine had no computer access at his grandparents' house, and he'd already done all of his homework for the weekend. And there was also the fact that Finn kept looking at him like he really needed this. He needed to get drunk and talk.
"Fine," Kurt said, "Go get me a shot glass." Finn was up and out of the room before Kurt could even finish the sentence.
* * *
They started out tame, both of them asking easy questions that the other wouldn't mind answering.
"How are your classes going?"
"Why are you wearing orange leather pants just to sit around the house?"
"Were you dropped on your head at birth?"
"Do you seriously not like football? How can any self-respecting guy from Ohio not love the Buckeyes?"
Kurt could feel the alcohol he'd consumed burning a little confidence and ease into his chest as they sat there and bantered back and forth in a way that was more familiar and comfortable. As he watched Finn go on a three minute long spiel about how amazing Ohio State's offense was this year and how Blaine liked football so why couldn't Kurt start to like football, Kurt couldn't help but smile.
"It's not that I don't like football, it's just that I don't care about it. I don't care enough to sit down and watch a game or pay attention to the statistics," Kurt said.
"But come on! It's guys in tight pants. That has to do something for you. I mean, there has to be a reason why Blaine was in my football pads that one day." Kurt flushed red and took a long drink from the bottle. In fact, he took several. "I didn't ask you a question."
"And yet I still needed the drink," Kurt said, "Besides, it's my turn to ask a question." If Finn wanted to start playing dirty, Kurt could do that. "Have you fingered Rachel yet?"
Finn lifted the can to his lips and chugged the rest of its contents. When he'd finished, he set it down carefully next to the first empty can and took out a third.
"Finn," Kurt admonished, "Are you serious?" Had he really not done that yet? Even after Rachel had given him a blowjob?
"I drank. That means I don't want to talk about it. Those are the rules," Finn said. Kurt couldn't argue, so he just settled back against the arm of the couch and shook his head. "Now that it's my turn, how did Blaine end up in my football pads. I know that you said he found your Cheerios uniform, but what really happened?"
"I thought you didn't want the details."
"Well, now I do. So either drink or talk." Finn clearly had things that he needed to talk about, and even though Kurt really didn't want to be the first to start spilling sexual secrets, if they just went back and forth drinking instead of talking all night, nothing would get accomplished.
"Blaine was helping me go through my closet and he found the uniform. He kind of went crazy, begging me to put it on. He said that he would do whatever I wanted him to as long as I put it on. At first I wasn't sure if I could think of anything and was just going to do it for him, but then I got the idea and, well, the rest is history."
"Isn't roleplaying weird? It just sounds like it would be awkward," Finn admitted, sipping at his beer.
"At first it was. I was really nervous because I had no idea what I was doing. But," Kurt smiled and blushed a little as he remembered, "Blaine was really good at it. It was the first time either of us had ever done anything like that before, but he was really good and it made it easier for me to get into it, too."
Finn nodded and took another drink, this one longer.
"Okay, ask me again," Finn said with a little nod, like he was trying to convince himself of something.
"Ask you what?"
"What you asked me a minute ago. Ask me again." Finally, some progress.
"Have you fingered Rachel yet?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah," Finn said, "But now she won't go further. And I have tried everything. I gave her a massage. I told her how beautiful she is and how sexy she is and how I really..."
"You really what?"
"I really want to... go down on her and she won't let me," Finn said, letting out a final exhalation that shuddered a bit.
They looked at each other for a moment before they both gave in and drank. Kurt welcomed the sweet and fiery heat as it scorched his throat. His head was starting to buzz a little bit, especially right between his eyebrows. He suddenly found himself wishing that he'd had something more substantial than a salad for dinner.
"How many times have you fingered her?"
"I think it's my turn to ask a question now," Finn said. Kurt rolled his eyes and dropped his head back.
"Fine," he gritted out, not bothering to unclench his teeth to speak the word. God Finn was difficult. This thing with Rachel was clearly the issue that he wanted advice about but if he wouldn't actually talk about it, there was no way that Kurt could help him. "Ask away."
"What did you and Blaine do the first time you fooled around?"
"Why do you want to know that? This isn't the first time you've asked me about this," Kurt said.
"Answer the question or drink," Finn said. Kurt gripped onto the neck of the bottle so tightly he would have been worried about breaking it if he wasn't so busy being annoyed. Finn was being so irritating that all Kurt really wanted to do at the moment was embarrass him.
"First we took our shirts off and made out like that for awhile, then we rubbed up against each other, which feels unbelievable, by the way. And then we took our pants off and gave each other handjobs," Kurt said.
"You did all of that in one day?" Finn asked.
"One afternoon, yes," Kurt said. Finn swore under his breath and drained the rest of his beer. "It all naturally flowed. You don't have to be judgmental about it."
"Judgmental? Are you kidding me? I'm not judging, I'm jealous."
"Jealous? Of what?"
"Of the fact that you have crazy monkey sex with Blaine all the time. I've been in two serious relationships and haven't had sex with either of them!" Kurt considered using the shot glass Finn had retrieved for him in order to feel like less of a lush, but instead just drank directly out of the bottle. He swallowed down mouthful after mouthful until he couldn't take anymore. When he pulled back, he saw that the bottle was a little over half empty. That wasn't going to be good.
"You're jealous of my sex life with Blaine? Well, I'm jealous of your relationships with Quinn and Rachel," Kurt admitted, "But the way I see it, it's an even trade for now. I get to have all the sex I want, but you get to walk down the halls hand in hand without people looking at you like you have the plague. You can kiss and get married and do whatever you want without fear of public ridicule. So for now, it's fair. But some day, you'll get to have all the 'crazy monkey sex' you want, as you so eloquently put it, but I might never get to have the things that you have."
The silence that filled the room was thick and laced with something. It wasn't tension. It was heavier than that. Finn eventually broke the silence with a little nervous laugh, one that said the absolute last thing on his mind was displaying amusement.
"I think we both need to drink after that," he said. Kurt didn't say anything in response, just drank. Finn's face was flushed and Kurt suspected that his was as well. You can't drink that much that fast and not have it affect you, after all. "It's funny..."
"What's funny?" Kurt asked.
"I watch you and Blaine together and it just seems so... easy. Everything about the relationships I've had have just been so hard. I feel like I can never say the right thing or do the right thing. And, like, I apparently can't even make Rachel come so there's no way she's going to keep me around much longer."
"Finn, Rachel wouldn't break up with you because of something like that and you know it," Kurt said, sighing a little and hoping that part of the conversation could be finished soon as he scooted over to the middle cushion on the couch, "Why do you think my relationship with Blaine is easy?"
"Because you're two guys and girls are scary and manipulative?" Finn asked before drinking the rest of his beer. How did his stomach even have room to hold all of that liquid?
"You think that my relationship with Blaine is easy because it's a gay relationship?"
"Yeah, I do."
"You're right, Finn. Being gay is so easy. It's so great the way people hate me without knowing me because I'm gay and how I used to get shoved into lockers every day and how no one wants to give our relationship any validity or rights. My god, Finn, were you even listening to what I said earlier? Because I thought you-"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Okay? I didn't mean that being gay is easy, I just meant that... Well, I'm just really scared that this is what my entire life is going to be like. I mean, I love Rachel. I love her so much, but is this going to be my life? Having to work so hard for every little thing? And I'm not just talking about sex, but that's a big part of it. If she's not ready, then fine. I have no problem with waiting for her. But she does things and says things that show she is ready, but then she just keeps me at arm's length like..."
"Like she's holding it over your head that she has the power?" Kurt suggested, lowering the bottle back to his lap. Wait, he'd been drinking? Why was his face so numb? When had the bottle become only a quarter of the way filled?
"Exactly! So, I can't help but wonder sometimes if it wouldn't just be easier to be with a guy because you could just be honest and be like 'Dude, I'm horny. Let's do this' without all the mind games and stuff," Finn said, drooping to the side until his head was leaning against the back of the couch.
"Finn, first of all, Blaine and I don't have sex a lot because we're two guys. We do it because of the kind of relationship that we have. Secondly, you're not gay so you can just stop thinking about how great it would be to date a guy instead of a girl. A relationship is a relationship. There are problems whether it's two guys or two girls or a guy and a girl. Changing up the genders doesn't take away the problems that relationships naturally have. You're not having problems because you're dating girls, you're having problems because of the girls you're dating."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Finn asked.
"You keep dating girls who want to change you. They don't just like you for you, they want you to fit into this mold of what they think a good boyfriend should be."
"And Blaine doesn't do that to you?"
"No. Never. Not once. And that is why our relationship is easy, Finn. Not because we're two guys, but because we respect and trust and love each other for who we are, not because of who we want each other to be," Kurt said. He blinked hard a few times to try and erase the blurriness from his vision. It didn't help. He had the feeling that if he stood up too suddenly, he'd come crashing right back down onto the couch.
"I love Rachel," Finn said, staring down at the beer in his hand before drinking the last of it and sitting it on the table. He'd finished five beers? When had that happened?
"I know you do, but do you honestly think that it's forever? Rachel's great and she's my friend, but I'd like to be honest with you if you'll let me," Kurt said, continuing only when Finn gave him a little nod of approval, "She's not the one you're going to end up with. You deserve better than that. You deserve to have someone who's going to meet you and not be freaked out by how insanely tall you are or laugh at how awkwardly you dance. They're going to love that you sing and play football and they'll find it endearing that sometimes it takes you a little longer than everyone else to catch onto something. They're going to know that you're a great guy, a good leader, and that you're really smart when you let yourself be. You're going to find someone who loves you for you and when you do, it'll be easy."
Finn sat there and stared at Kurt for a long time. Too long. Kurt started to wonder if he'd said something wrong, something offensive, something to make Finn angry. But then Finn was surging forward and wrapping his arms around Kurt so tightly he didn't think he was going to survive the embrace.
"Thank you, Kurt," Finn mumbled into Kurt's neck. Kurt gave him a few pats on the back and tried his hardest to stay upright even though Finn was pretty much sagging all of his abundant weight onto Kurt's chest.
"You're welcome. I mean it," Kurt said, sucking in a huge breath once Finn had pulled back and he again had full use of his lungs.
"I know," Finn said, reaching over to grab another beer and trying to inconspicuously swipe at his eyes in the process. Kurt let him think that he was being sneaky.
"So, um, who's turn is it to ask a question?" Kurt asked, swirling the clear liquid in the bottom of his bottle into a whirlpool.
"I don't know," Finn chuckled a little, "Mine, I think. It's time to lighten things up. Who's the weirdest person you've ever had a sex dream about?"
Kurt cringed and took a long sip, sputtering a little as he tried not to laugh. He knew right then that he was going to tell Finn, and that proved how drunk he was. It was okay, though, because Finn was drunk, too. The way his eyes were having trouble focusing showed that much.
"I so don't want to fess up to this, but I will," Kurt said, "Sophomore year, I had a really inappropriate dream about Mr. Schuester."
"No you didn't!" Finn cracked up, "What happened in the dream?"
"Let's just say that it took place on the stage at school and that I can't listen to the song "Hey Big Spender" without having Vietnam-eque flashbacks," Kurt laughed, "What about you?"
Finn squirmed and raised the fresh can in his hand to his lips. As Kurt watched him empty the can without stopping for air, he patted a hand to his own cheek. It was numb. He was so drunk. Shit.
"I don't want to tell you," Finn admitted.
"You started it when you asked me. So just tell me," Kurt said, slurring a little and looking curiously at Finn when he still refused to meet his gaze, "It wasn't about me, was it?"
"No," Finn said, though he didn't sound particularly defensive or put out by the suggestion. Now Kurt was really curious.
"Come on, just tell me. I thought that was the point of all this, to get drunk and talk about sex."
"It was about..." Finn started, clearing his throat, "Blaine."
"You had a sex dream about my boyfriend." Kurt meant to ask it as a question, but it came out as a dumbfounded statement instead. His grip on the bottle loosened and his eyes opened as wide as they could.
"I did. Are you mad at me?" Kurt started laughing so hard he almost spilled the contents of his bottle onto his own lap.
"Mad at you for having a dream? Of course not, Finn," he managed to get out, "What happened in it?"
"I'm not telling you!" Finn blanched.
"Come on! You just admitted to having a sex dream about my boyfriend, there's no way you can't tell me what happened."
"It was after he had that talk with Rachel about blowjobs and that's all I'm saying!" Finn blurted out, lurching for the now over halfway empty cardboard container on the table and finagling another can from inside.
"That must've been a nice dream. He gives great head," Kurt said dreamily, allowing himself to get lost in the memory of Blaine sucking him off when he'd been handcuffed to the headboard of Blaine's bed. He probably shouldn't have just said that to Finn, but he didn't seem perturbed by the comment and Kurt was feeling to warm and numb to really care.
"He gave very clear and awesome suggestions to Rachel. I know how good he must be," Finn said, "Especially the moaning thing. That... is awesome."
"He learned that from me, actually," Kurt told him, kind of loving the way Finn's eyes opened wide.
"So you're telling me that some of the things that Blaine told Rachel about might be things that you do when... you know."
"It's a possibility," Kurt shrugged.
"That's kind of weird," Finn said.
"I guess it is." Kurt couldn't help but laugh at the look on Finn's face, like he was really thinking something over as he stared down at his beer. "And would you stop imagining me giving a blowjob?"
"I wasn't!"
"Yes, you were," Kurt said, raising the bottle to his lips and finding it empty.
He tipped it upside down just to be sure and frowned at the few stray drops of liquid that dropped onto his pants. With a frown, he swiped the moisture from the leather and set the bottle down on the table with a heavy clang, losing his balance in the process and nearly falling off the couch. A strong hand latched onto his arm and yanked him back into a sitting position before he had the chance to slide onto the floor.
"So are you always on top when you and Blaine have crazy monkey sex?" Finn asked.
"Will you stop calling it that? And why do you care so much about what Blaine and I do in the bedroom?"
"I'm just curious! And, I know that you've never gotten to talk to anyone about this stuff, so I'm giving you a chance to," Finn said, his eyes looking glazed over and his posture having slumped permanently against the back cushions of the couch.
Images of Blaine and his naked chest and his hard cock flashed through Kurt's mind and he smiled as he mirrored Finn's pose, drooping against the couch and sighing. Finn was right, Kurt didn't get to talk to anyone about his sex life with Blaine except, well, Blaine. There were some things that he could talk to Mercedes about, but he'd just never felt right divulging any details. And even though he was sure that Finn really didn't want to know the information he was asking for, he was being nice enough to ask anyway for Kurt's sake.
Maybe Finn wasn't the worst step-brother he could have gotten after all.
"We take turns being on top," Kurt said, "We never really discuss it; well, not after the first few times we did it, anyway. It's always just kind of obvious given what else we've been doing who's going to top."
"So you get to have sex in, like, two completely different ways. That's crazy," Finn said.
"You're ridiculous," Kurt told him, rolling his eyes a little.
'He considered leaning forward to take one of Finn's beers, but then he realized that his eyes were hardly open and his tongue felt heavy and all he really wanted to do was go upstairs and call Blaine and tell him all the filthy things he wanted to do to him while he jerked off.
"You want to do what?" Finn asked. Oh, so he'd said all of that out loud. Oops?
"I'm going to go have phone sex with Blaine," Kurt announced, "When I get drunk, I get horny, so I'm going to go do that now." He was vaguely aware of the fact that his filter had completely dissolved, gone the way of the Peppermint Schnapps, but he just stood and stumbled his way to the stairs. He only tripped and fell once on the way up, so that was pretty good, he thought. He had just downed almost an entire bottle of liquor in a very short amount of time, after all.
When he reached his room, he swayed on his feet and collapsed onto the mattress as he tried to work his iPhone out of his pocket. The last thing he remembered was dialing Blaine's number, and then everything went black.
* * *
Something was buzzing. It was so loud.
Kurt groaned and tried to open his eyes, but the second he did, everything was bright and hurt and he had to press a hand hard into his mouth to fight back the vomit already trying to come up his throat. He struggled to sit up, finding it incredibly hard to do. It was almost as if something was holding him down.
He finally managed to convince himself to peek open one eye, and when he did, both flew wide open, brightness be damned.
There was an arm draped across his stomach. His bare stomach.
He followed that arm up to a shoulder and then to a head. The head that was resting on the pillow beside his. Finn's head. His big stupid head was drooling on Kurt's pillow. Why wasn't Kurt wearing a shirt? Why was Finn in his bed? And why wasn't he wearing a shirt either?
What in the hell was that buzzing sound?
Kurt shoved Finn's arm off of him and clambered from the bed, finding his iPhone on the nightstand just as Finn started to wake up.
"Where am I?" he asked, and Kurt couldn't ignore the bitter irony of the fact that Finn was the second boy to utter those words when waking up in Kurt's bed after a drunken night.
"You're in my room, Finn."
"I don't remember coming up here. Why am I in your room? And why don't we have shirts on?"
"I have no idea."
Kurt could tell that he had a lot of missed calls and text messages, but the first one he opened--the most recent one--sent a chill down his spine.
From Blaine:
You need to call me as soon as you wake up. We have things to talk about.
Part Two
Master Fic List