Steph, that is just so awful. You poor girl, and everyone else who cared about her.... I am very sorry sweetheart. I am here for you if you need to talk, any time at all. *hugs tightly*
oh stephi, sweetheart, i'm so sorry. i'm so, so sorry. please don't blame yourself. i know it's easy to say & much harder to do, but none of this was your fault. you couldn't have stopped her, even if you had talked to her more. you know what it's like to want something, & no matter how many people tell you you can't have it, it doesn't stop the wanting. that's the same with suicide. one a person has made the decision, there's very little anyone can do to change their minds. & i know this all sounds trite now...but i just hate to think of you blaming yourself. you've lost so many people who are dear to you, & it's just not fair.
i love you, gorgeous girl, & i'm here if you want me. any way at all.
katie.macgregor@hotmail.com
+61 422 218 005
katie macgregor lot 1 wearden rd oxford falls nsw 2100 australia
i love you very much. you're not alone, steph. ever. hang in there, chika. lots of love, katie x
i know i can't blame myself... she was there. im here. but i knew she wan't happy. i knew she needed help... and i couldn't reach her no matter how hard i tried. i just... i can't believe that it actually came to this. i can't believe that after the years of the laughing totally blonde asian hannah who couldn't really sing but sung her heart out and would warm her voice up for hours could actually be dead. you know katie, she used to think that if you fed a cow chocolate, it would make chocolate milk lol!
you know this sounds really selfish i know kates, but im angry. well not as angry as i will be soon enough but i can't believe that she actually did it.
it's hard not to blame myself katie. i know in my head that i couldn't change it.... but my heart just breaks i wanted to save her. and i can't.
you're a legend annie. it's taken a few days of talking with Esther (who found her) and thinking about Hannah, so come to the realisation that even though i firmly believe that there is no place for suicide amongst our young people, Hannah deserved to be happy... and if there was no other way that she could see to be (which there always is, but your mind can be hell strong you know?), then i have to let her go with my blessing to let her be happy in the next life or whatever. someone who was such a happy naieve girl for so many years, with her fair share of problems deserves to laugh and feel it echo through her soul you know? so i lit a candle last night and sent her off with lots of tears and love. i love you annie. so.. don't ever leave me k?
ohh my sunshine...i'm so, so sorry. this is just so awful, & i know how sad you have to be. but baby girl, you can't blame yourself. this certainly isn't your fault. people who have decided to take their lives, they have decided to do it by themselves, & there is multiple reasons to it usually. it's not your fault. be gentle to yourself, my sunshine. be gentle to yourself, you deserve it. i love you lots & lots, and i'm here whenever you need me. you're important to me, steph. xxx
i know in my heart i couldn't have done anything more, but you know, there will always be the 'what if's?' but as i said above, everyone deserves to feel happiness. it just breaks my heart that she couldn't find solace somewhere... in someone? i love you veers.... don't EVER leave me like Hannah did k? cause i'll come back and chase yo ass!!
the same questions wallowed in my mind when my best friend took her life by jumping down from 11th floor. & still, i haven't processed all the thoughts and emotions it brought to me. but i know it'll get easier for you, & after a while it is easier to see it wasn't your fault. for a year, & at times i still do, blamed myself of her death. but the truth is that i couldn't have saved her, even if i had been standing there, under that balcony she jumped from. i did my best & it didn't save her, so she was lacking something i couldn't give. & i promise, dearest, i won't leave you. how could i? you're my sunshine and i love you more than i can express ♥ xxx
i think those questions will always plague us, but we have to learn to find acceptance somewhere in all of it. good that you're not leaving me! i'd cry when whip out some kung-foo and come find you and bring you back.. yeah boii!! you're my amazing little bubble and i LOVE you. more than... the ball tonite. oooosh ♥ xxx
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♥
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i love you, gorgeous girl, & i'm here if you want me.
any way at all.
katie.macgregor@hotmail.com
+61 422 218 005
katie macgregor
lot 1 wearden rd
oxford falls nsw 2100
australia
i love you very much. you're not alone, steph. ever.
hang in there, chika.
lots of love,
katie x
Reply
you know katie, she used to think that if you fed a cow chocolate, it would make chocolate milk lol!
you know this sounds really selfish i know kates, but im angry. well not as angry as i will be soon enough but i can't believe that she actually did it.
it's hard not to blame myself katie. i know in my head that i couldn't change it.... but my heart just breaks i wanted to save her. and i can't.
i love you pix
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(The comment has been removed)
it's taken a few days of talking with Esther (who found her) and thinking about Hannah, so come to the realisation that even though i firmly believe that there is no place for suicide amongst our young people, Hannah deserved to be happy... and if there was no other way that she could see to be (which there always is, but your mind can be hell strong you know?), then i have to let her go with my blessing to let her be happy in the next life or whatever. someone who was such a happy naieve girl for so many years, with her fair share of problems deserves to laugh and feel it echo through her soul you know?
so i lit a candle last night and sent her off with lots of tears and love.
i love you annie.
so.. don't ever leave me k?
Reply
this is just so awful, & i know how sad you have to be.
but baby girl, you can't blame yourself. this certainly isn't your fault.
people who have decided to take their lives, they have decided to do it by themselves, & there is multiple reasons to it usually.
it's not your fault.
be gentle to yourself, my sunshine.
be gentle to yourself, you deserve it.
i love you lots & lots,
and i'm here whenever you need me.
you're important to me, steph.
xxx
Reply
but as i said above, everyone deserves to feel happiness. it just breaks my heart that she couldn't find solace somewhere... in someone?
i love you veers....
don't EVER leave me like Hannah did k? cause i'll come back and chase yo ass!!
Reply
but i know it'll get easier for you, & after a while it is easier to see it wasn't your fault. for a year, & at times i still do, blamed myself of her death. but the truth is that i couldn't have saved her, even if i had been standing there, under that balcony she jumped from. i did my best & it didn't save her, so she was lacking something i couldn't give.
& i promise, dearest, i won't leave you. how could i? you're my sunshine and i love you more than i can express ♥
xxx
Reply
good that you're not leaving me! i'd cry when whip out some kung-foo and come find you and bring you back.. yeah boii!!
you're my amazing little bubble and i LOVE you. more than... the ball tonite. oooosh
♥
xxx
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xoxox
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xx
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