Fic: "You Can't Sing with a Broken Heart" 7/?? (Lea/Dianna, RPF)
Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI
Her kiss is sweet, soft and full of yearning like when we first got together and I can’t help but respond even though I don’t want to. Everything has been so strained between us for so long it feels like a life raft for my heart even though my brain is telling me that I’ll sink first.
My heart soars when her arms wrap around me and she kisses me in earnest. Like she’s trying to prove something. Which she is my mind screams. She’s caressing my face with her fingertips as she kisses me; it’s a weakness of mine and I know in my bones I should feel exploited that she’s using it against me. Instead, I melt into her a little.
One hand moves to my lower back and suddenly I realize we’re moving. I know without looking that she’s guiding me towards our bed. I put my hands on her chest and find a sliver of strength to pull my mouth away from hers.
“Wait.” I whisper, then once more when she tries to kiss me again, “Di, wait”
She frames my face in her hands and looks into my eyes. “Tell me this doesn’t feel right.” She kisses me again before I can answer. Dianna pulls back and whispers against my lips, “Tell me and I’ll stop.”
It doesn’t feel right, but it feels so damn good and I try to figure out in that moment if it’s enough. I’ve been craving her attention like this for weeks and I don’t think I can deny myself now that it’s literally within my grasp again.
Her lips move away from mine and I whimper at the loss of contact. I feel weak and powerless as first the hint of her warm breath floats over my neck, then her mouth is moving against my jaw as she kisses her way to the soft spot just below my ear.
“Oh….”
“Let me show you how much I love you, Lea,” is whispered against my ear and my knees go weak.
“I want you.” Her voice is breathless and hot as her hands move more urgently over my body.
God help me...I want her, too.
“Di...” It comes out hesitant and pleading at the same time.
“Let me...” her hand snakes just beneath my shirt and I feel her nails low on my stomach. I lose my breath, then my legs as she gently eases me down on the bed.
My head reels as my body responds to each familiar stroke and caress. “Di....” I should stop her. We have no business making love, not when we’ve been so far apart. Sex won’t fix our problems or heal our wounds.
I feel the press of her body against mine and I can’t think any longer. I can only feel and react.
I turn my head and let her capture my lips with her own; she moves against me and I arch up into her. My lips part and I feel the first firm stroke of her tongue against my own. One of us moans.
She pushes my shirt up to just below my bra and the air feels cool against my overheated skin, until I feel her hands covering me.
Her fingers spread on my stomach as she continues to kiss me. As I start returning her kiss, I thread my hands into her hair. I feel frantic in my need to have her closer to me now that she has pushed through the initial barriers.
I reach for her bottom of her shirt, grabbing and lifting all at once. We break apart just long enough for me to pull it from her body. I drop it on the floor and feel Dianna trying to strip me of mine as well. I raise my shoulders and help her.
Our eyes meet until I feel the soft silk of her skin against mine. My eyes flutter shut. I can’t remember the last time we were this close and it’s almost too much. Almost.
My heads lifts from the pillow and I meet her half-way. Her kiss is searing, all hints of her earlier tenderness is gone. This is a kiss to reclaim me. I feel it in her urgency of her hands and how her tongue sweeps into my mouth.
I kiss her back. It’s hard and rough and I can’t breathe. Her leg slides between mine and presses into the apex of my thighs. It makes me gasp and my lungs fill with enough air to let me keep kissing her.
We strain against one another, our kisses desperate as we try to find our normal rhythm. Dianna pulls back from the kiss and her lips burn down the column of my throat. I cling to her, my head thrown back to give her all the access she wants.
“That’s it…let me love you…Lea…I love you…just you…only you.” Her voice has dropped to the seductive timber that I am nearly powerless to resist but I hear the edge of desperation that has never been there before. “Mark never meant anything to me.” His name is enough to break through the haze of pleasure she has enveloping my body.
“Di, wait…stop.” I don’t push her away, but I don’t let her pull me any closer even though she tries. We’re both breathing hard and the clothes that remain on our bodies are disheveled.
My body screams at me, inflamed and utterly unsatisfied. My heart has suddenly re-aligned with my brain and together they over-rule my hormones.
“Why? You want this. I want this.” Her eyes are searching mine though I know she doesn’t see what she’s hoping for. Acquiescence. She takes a deep breath and I can see the wheels turning as she tries to find the words that will convince me to make love with her.
She’s right. I do want it. I’ve been aching for her touch for weeks. It can’t be like this though. I press against her chest with my hands to create enough distance that I can slide out from under her and sit up.
I draw my knees up against my chest and wrap my arms around them so I have something to hold that isn’t her.
“We can’t do this.” My voice is a whisper. “I…I can’t do this.”
She scrambles to her knees and moves close to me again and rests her hands on my knees.
“Yes, we can. Lea, we were.” Her hand moved to my face and she cups my cheek.
“Please…it’ll bring us closer than anything else can.”
I shake my head in the negative. “It’s just a band-aid. What’s happened to us will take stitches to close the wound.” I raise my hand and remove hers where it rests against my cheek. “I shouldn’t have kissed you back.”
“You did more than kiss me back.” The softness leaves her voice. She’s not happy that she’s not getting her way. “I know you. You weren’t faking that.”
“I got caught up because I’ve been missing you so much.” I tell her the truth because the admission costs me nothing. “We’re beyond kissing and making up.” I feel numb again and wonder for a moment if Dianna’s touch is the only thing that can make me feel anything at all.
“I’ve missed you, too.” She’s talking to me tenderly again. I recognize the change in tactics from all of the fights we’ve had. She thinks if she can keep me off balance that somehow it will make me vulnerable to her charms.
It makes me angry. I hate it when she tries to manipulate me. “Don’t!” I push her away and move from the bed. My shirt is on top of hers on the floor and I snatch it up. “What happens if we make love, Di? Too much has happened to just go back to normal.”
“It’s a first step. It’s better than doing nothing.”
I disagree. I know if I let her have me the same night she was kissing Mark I’ll hate myself later.
“I don’t trust you. Nothing that’s happened in the past few minutes has changed that fact. I can’t make love if I don’t trust you.”
“It didn’t feel that way a few minutes ago when you were clinging to me and kissing me like it was the only thing that could save your life.” She grabs her shirt and pulls it roughly over her head.
I face her, still holding my own shirt in my hands. “I got caught up.” I repeat myself. “This isn’t going to happen. Not tonight. Maybe not ever again.”
Her jaw drops and her mouth hangs open for a few seconds before she blinks and looks at me like she’s seeing me for the first time that night. “What are you saying?”
I swallow hard and try to find some inner strength that I don’t really believe exists. “I…I’m saying what I told you on the street in front of Mark’s place. We’re through. What we had before…it’s over.”
She’s still; she’s so still it make me wonder if she heard me.
“Di?”
She nods once and walks toward the closet. “I need to get some things together.” Her voice is hollow and I feel tears start again as I realize that she’s gathering her things to leave. There’s a finality to her actions that my heart isn’t ready to face.
“Wait!” I call to her.
Her kiss is sweet, soft and full of yearning like when we first got together and I can’t help but respond even though I don’t want to. Everything has been so strained between us for so long it feels like a life raft for my heart even though my brain is telling me that I’ll sink first.
My heart soars when her arms wrap around me and she kisses me in earnest. Like she’s trying to prove something. Which she is my mind screams. She’s caressing my face with her fingertips as she kisses me; it’s a weakness of mine and I know in my bones I should feel exploited that she’s using it against me. Instead, I melt into her a little.
One hand moves to my lower back and suddenly I realize we’re moving. I know without looking that she’s guiding me towards our bed. I put my hands on her chest and find a sliver of strength to pull my mouth away from hers.
“Wait.” I whisper, then once more when she tries to kiss me again, “Di, wait”
She frames my face in her hands and looks into my eyes. “Tell me this doesn’t feel right.” She kisses me again before I can answer. Dianna pulls back and whispers against my lips, “Tell me and I’ll stop.”
It doesn’t feel right, but it feels so damn good and I try to figure out in that moment if it’s enough. I’ve been craving her attention like this for weeks and I don’t think I can deny myself now that it’s literally within my grasp again.
Her lips move away from mine and I whimper at the loss of contact. I feel weak and powerless as first the hint of her warm breath floats over my neck, then her mouth is moving against my jaw as she kisses her way to the soft spot just below my ear.
“Oh….”
“Let me show you how much I love you, Lea,” is whispered against my ear and my knees go weak.
“I want you.” Her voice is breathless and hot as her hands move more urgently over my body.
God help me...I want her, too.
“Di...” It comes out hesitant and pleading at the same time.
“Let me...” her hand snakes just beneath my shirt and I feel her nails low on my stomach. I lose my breath, then my legs as she gently eases me down on the bed.
My head reels as my body responds to each familiar stroke and caress. “Di....” I should stop her. We have no business making love, not when we’ve been so far apart. Sex won’t fix our problems or heal our wounds.
I feel the press of her body against mine and I can’t think any longer. I can only feel and react.
I turn my head and let her capture my lips with her own; she moves against me and I arch up into her. My lips part and I feel the first firm stroke of her tongue against my own. One of us moans.
She pushes my shirt up to just below my bra and the air feels cool against my overheated skin, until I feel her hands covering me.
Her fingers spread on my stomach as she continues to kiss me. As I start returning her kiss, I thread my hands into her hair. I feel frantic in my need to have her closer to me now that she has pushed through the initial barriers.
I reach for her bottom of her shirt, grabbing and lifting all at once. We break apart just long enough for me to pull it from her body. I drop it on the floor and feel Dianna trying to strip me of mine as well. I raise my shoulders and help her.
Our eyes meet until I feel the soft silk of her skin against mine. My eyes flutter shut. I can’t remember the last time we were this close and it’s almost too much. Almost.
My heads lifts from the pillow and I meet her half-way. Her kiss is searing, all hints of her earlier tenderness is gone. This is a kiss to reclaim me. I feel it in her urgency of her hands and how her tongue sweeps into my mouth.
I kiss her back. It’s hard and rough and I can’t breathe. Her leg slides between mine and presses into the apex of my thighs. It makes me gasp and my lungs fill with enough air to let me keep kissing her.
We strain against one another, our kisses desperate as we try to find our normal rhythm. Dianna pulls back from the kiss and her lips burn down the column of my throat. I cling to her, my head thrown back to give her all the access she wants.
“That’s it…let me love you…Lea…I love you…just you…only you.” Her voice has dropped to the seductive timber that I am nearly powerless to resist but I hear the edge of desperation that has never been there before. “Mark never meant anything to me.” His name is enough to break through the haze of pleasure she has enveloping my body.
“Di, wait…stop.” I don’t push her away, but I don’t let her pull me any closer even though she tries. We’re both breathing hard and the clothes that remain on our bodies are disheveled.
My body screams at me, inflamed and utterly unsatisfied. My heart has suddenly re-aligned with my brain and together they over-rule my hormones.
“Why? You want this. I want this.” Her eyes are searching mine though I know she doesn’t see what she’s hoping for. Acquiescence. She takes a deep breath and I can see the wheels turning as she tries to find the words that will convince me to make love with her.
She’s right. I do want it. I’ve been aching for her touch for weeks. It can’t be like this though. I press against her chest with my hands to create enough distance that I can slide out from under her and sit up.
I draw my knees up against my chest and wrap my arms around them so I have something to hold that isn’t her.
“We can’t do this.” My voice is a whisper. “I…I can’t do this.”
She scrambles to her knees and moves close to me again and rests her hands on my knees.
“Yes, we can. Lea, we were.” Her hand moved to my face and she cups my cheek.
“Please…it’ll bring us closer than anything else can.”
I shake my head in the negative. “It’s just a band-aid. What’s happened to us will take stitches to close the wound.” I raise my hand and remove hers where it rests against my cheek. “I shouldn’t have kissed you back.”
“You did more than kiss me back.” The softness leaves her voice. She’s not happy that she’s not getting her way. “I know you. You weren’t faking that.”
“I got caught up because I’ve been missing you so much.” I tell her the truth because the admission costs me nothing. “We’re beyond kissing and making up.” I feel numb again and wonder for a moment if Dianna’s touch is the only thing that can make me feel anything at all.
“I’ve missed you, too.” She’s talking to me tenderly again. I recognize the change in tactics from all of the fights we’ve had. She thinks if she can keep me off balance that somehow it will make me vulnerable to her charms.
It makes me angry. I hate it when she tries to manipulate me. “Don’t!” I push her away and move from the bed. My shirt is on top of hers on the floor and I snatch it up. “What happens if we make love, Di? Too much has happened to just go back to normal.”
“It’s a first step. It’s better than doing nothing.”
I disagree. I know if I let her have me the same night she was kissing Mark I’ll hate myself later.
“I don’t trust you. Nothing that’s happened in the past few minutes has changed that fact. I can’t make love if I don’t trust you.”
“It didn’t feel that way a few minutes ago when you were clinging to me and kissing me like it was the only thing that could save your life.” She grabs her shirt and pulls it roughly over her head.
I face her, still holding my own shirt in my hands. “I got caught up.” I repeat myself. “This isn’t going to happen. Not tonight. Maybe not ever again.”
Her jaw drops and her mouth hangs open for a few seconds before she blinks and looks at me like she’s seeing me for the first time that night. “What are you saying?”
I swallow hard and try to find some inner strength that I don’t really believe exists. “I…I’m saying what I told you on the street in front of Mark’s place. We’re through. What we had before…it’s over.”
She’s still; she’s so still it make me wonder if she heard me.
“Di?”
She nods once and walks toward the closet. “I need to get some things together.” Her voice is hollow and I feel tears start again as I realize that she’s gathering her things to leave. There’s a finality to her actions that my heart isn’t ready to face.
“Wait!” I call to her.