Sunstede 1/6
Word Count: 6238
Warnings: Spoilers for Season 3, 'The Fisher King', also worked in hints of a future ep, if the source was correct. So possible spoilers for an upcoming episode.
Summary: Merlin had a duty to protect Camelot. He would do whatever it took to protect the rise of the Once and Future King, even if it meant his death. Dealing with Morgause and Morgana's plans and hiding who he was is almost easy compared to the mammoth realisation that, perhaps, there is more than destiny that leads his future with Arthur.
Pairings: Arthur/Merlin, mentions of Arthur/Gwen, Merlin/Freya and Gwen/Lancelot.
Sunstede
Solstice: Part One
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Would you let something terrible happen if it meant you'd stop something even worse happening in the future?
~ Merlin
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There was no one else to turn to, no one else Guinevere could trust. She had refused to believe something had changed since Lady Morgana had returned to Camelot, lied to herself even, but the evidence was too much to dismiss now.
"I'm sorry," Gwen stuttered as Gaius opens the door, stepping aside to let her enter. "I didn't know who else to turn to."
She could feel the hysteria creeping in her gut, clawing up at her throat and threatening to push her down. Her eyes constantly focused on new things, old things, odd things, familiar things, just so she could keep the tears at bay.
"Whatever's the matter?" Gaius was concerned and worry crossed his features. Gwen couldn't bear to look at him, not just yet.
"It's the Lady Morgana." Gwen took a deep breath, hands shaking. She was so sure of what she'd seen, had been suspicious since noticing the old hag's change of face. Sorceress had leapt to her mind, but never had Gwen suspected of Morgana's involvement.
Gaius asked her something else, but the conversation dropped from her mind. Gwen had to tell someone, had to tell Gaius what she knew. "She had a box, and… and there was fire and her eyes… her eyes," Gwen clutched Gaius' arm, letting go a moment later.
"Are you sure Guinevere?" Gwen nodded at the serious tone, knowing full well she was accusing her mistress of using sorcery.
"I am sure. She was using magic. She's a sorceress," the words caught in Gwen's throat and she brought her hands up, clutching them to her neck as if they could steal back the words.
"I…" Now that she had started, it was hard to keep the hysteria down, and the words just had to be said. "Ever since she's been back I've felt… something's not right Gaius. I don't want to believe it but… there is nothing in her that is good for us now, that is what I fear."
Gwen expected Gaius to soothe her fears, place them as silly delusions and make her believe what she had seen was nothing. She knew it would be denial, but it would have been so much better than the truth.
"That, dear Guinevere, is exactly what I fear too."
There were no comforting words, no reassuring touch or sympathetic look. What Gwen has walked into because of her own inability to just leave things alone is uncharted territory. The only connection she had to sorcery was that her father had died of an accusation. She didn't understand sorcery, feared it and what it had done to her family… and now the person she had trusted was using it, bending it to her will.
"What do I do Gaius?" Gwen needed to know what she should do. She couldn't think, couldn't react to magic. She was just a lowly servant girl, brought up working in a castle that hunted sorcerers… and now the King's ward, her mistress was going against everything they had been taught, proving Uther's campaign true and just.
"There's nothing you can do. Not really." Gaius sighed and Gwen sees the life literally flow from him. She wondered briefly how long he had known - or at least suspected. Much longer than she had, that's for sure. "You need to wait. There's someone I need to talk to, someone who might be able to help."
Relief welled in Gwen's chest and she sobbed, choking back tears. It wasn't her problem anymore, at least not just hers. Gaius and someone else would help, she didn't have to be alone.
"If the Lady Morgana does anything out of character…" Gaius placed a hand on the wooden door, raising an eyebrow.
"I'll come right away," Gwen hurries to say, gathering her skirts in one hand and ducking out of the door, escaping the comforting smell of Gaius' rooms.
Gaius remained by the door for a while after Gwen had gone, staring at a flickering candle, a frown on his face. Morgana was becoming careless and with that, she was sure to become more reckless.
Gaius returned to his bed, rubbing a hand over his face wearily. He did not feel safe in Camelot without the presence of Merlin.
Where magic is concerned, our king is blind to reason, and yet... magic is our only hope.
~ Gaius
Merlin entered Camelot an hour behind Prince Arthur, a bag of herbs in his hand, just in case anyone questioned where he had been. It was as Arthur said; the Prince had completed the quest alone. He dismounted, leading his horse to the stables. Unlike Arthur, Merlin didn't have the advantage of passing his steed off to another person and instead was responsible.
"Ah, Merlin!"
Merlin jolted as the stable master's voice rang across the distance between them. Merlin walked a few more metres across the cobbled stone, bowing his head in acknowledgement.
"Here, Gaius wanted you to see him as soon as you could. I'll take Cara," he motioned to the horse, reaching for the reins. Merlin blinked. If the stable master was prepared to take over duties, it had to be serious.
"Is everything okay?" The man waved Merlin's worries off.
"There was something about the urgency of herbs," he eyed the bag Merlin held, "And said that the potency of this particular cure needed delicate handling."
Merlin nodded, thanking the stable master and unhooking the saddle bags, darting away from the stables a moment later and running to the physician's quarters. Had something happened while he'd been with Gwaine and Arthur?
He burst through the doors to his home, bags knocking against the wood. Gaius, to his credit, didn't even flinch, merely looked up as if Merlin entered the room in such a manner every time.
"You're back," he said, smiling. "And Arthur?"
Merlin set the bags down on a nearby table, bringing the bag of herbs to Gaius. They were herbs they always ran out of, rosemary and thyme, just in case his bags had been searched.
"He completed his quest." A wry grin crossed Merlin's features. "Alone of course."
Gaius ducked his head, humming in agreement. "Of course. I would expect no less from our Crown Prince." The twinkle in his eye betrayed his words and Merlin risked a chuckle, shaking his head absently.
"There is one thing," Merlin said, face losing its mirth. "The Fisher King said that this quest was for me… and he gave me this." Merlin fished the bottle out of his pocket, carefully handling the wooden-framed glass.
"It's water Merlin, why would he give you water?" Gaius looked at him in disbelief.
"It's water from the lake of Avalon." The disbelief vanished and instead Gaius reached for the bottle.
"Well? Did he say anything?"
Merlin opened his mouth to speak, eyes focused on the water inside of the glass. "He said that when all seemed lost, when there was no hope, I should use this. Something's going to happen Gaius… something terrible. The King said that I would be the only one who could stop it."
Gaius' eyes were grave and Merlin could see the plans formulating in his mind. Did Gaius know something of this already?
"Gaius?" Merlin questioned.
"It's nothing." He straightened up, smiling briefly to Merlin. "I believe it would be appropriate for you to attend to the Prince now, I shall see you in a short while."
It was only as Merlin took the golden trident from Arthur as he presented the proof of his quest to his father that he realised he had forgotten to ask Gaius what the urgency before had been. He risked a glance to Morgana, sitting by the King, as he left the room, passing the trident to Geoffrey for him to do as the King pleased. She was straight backed, smiling, yet Merlin noticed the coldness in her eyes.
She had not intended Arthur to live. Victory swelled in Merlin's chest and he fought the smile. It faded in an instant when the glass bottle in his pocket hit his hip, reminding him what was to come.
Merlin wouldn't be the fool who ignored the Fisher King's words.
There is no right or wrong, only what is, and what isn't.
~ Kilgharrah
That night, Gwen rushed to Gaius' chambers, lips pressed together tightly and eyes lowered. She all but ran when the corridors were empty, her fingers catching at the latch on the door. It was stiff and she almost cursed when - finally - the door swung open.
Gaius looked up instantly, standing when he noticed the panic on Gwen's face.
"Guinevere?" He questioned softly, motioning for her to sit down. Gwen sat on one of the work benches, hands covering her mouth.
"Are you hurt?" Gaius lowered his voice, rushing over to one of the apothecary cupboards, hands itching to heal whatever ailed Gwen.
"No, I'm fine Gaius." Gwen took a deep breath, turning to look at the physician. "When Arthur returned… Morgana…" Her eyebrows creased as she fought back emotion. "I think she wanted him dead."
Gaius nodded gravely, confirming Gwen's fears. He seemed so calm, so sure of something that Gwen felt herself calming down.
"Would you like some tea?" Gwen nodded numbly and Gaius moved to place a kettle on the stove, poking at the hot coals to encourage more heat. "Merlin should be back soon," Gaius mumbled, preparing the tea.
"Oh," Gwen's heart sank. "I'll be gone soon." She didn't want to go because leaving would mean she had to know what to do next, and that scared her more than she'd admit.
"That's not exactly what I meant." Gaius turned back to the stove, looking at the water and nodding. He brought the kettle over to the cups and poured the steaming water into them, passing one to Gwen. The third cup he had made was left, steam curling as it waited for its drinker.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before the thump of feet marched down the hall and the door slammed open, Merlin entering with a thunderous look on his face. Gwen wondered what punishment Arthur had bestowed on his manservant this time when Merlin noticed her.
"Gwen?" His voice was laced with worry. "Is everything alright?"
"Merlin," Gaius said, drawing his attention away from Gwen. From the tone of Gaius' voice, Merlin knew it was serious. "She knows about Morgana."
Merlin paled suddenly, eyes widening. He looked to Gwen, lips parting as if he was about to say something, when Gaius continued.
"She saw her practicing magic, in her chambers. Guinevere believes her target is Arthur."
Merlin relaxed slightly, but his shoulders were still slightly squared. He locked eyes on the tea left for him and darted to it, blowing over the steam as he cupped it in his hands.
"And?" Gwen looked up sharply at Merlin's tone. His eyes were fixed on his tea, a slight frown on his face.
"Merlin," Gaius chastised softly, indicating to the bite behind Merlin's word.
"Well isn't it a bit obvious she wants to get rid of Arthur?" Merlin let out a huff of air. "I mean, come on. Anyone with half a brain and who could just open their eyes and look could spot that Morgana has magic. And anyone who cared to look a little more could easily see that she's been trying to kill Arthur - and Uther - since she returned."
Merlin shook his head, looking at Gwen. She couldn't see any of the carefree Merlin in his eyes, none of the joker who was prepared to knock the Prince down off of his pedestal. Instead she saw someone who had known for a long time, knew many more secrets, and she was shocked by the wisdom in his eyes.
How could this be Merlin?
"It's not that simple Merlin." Gaius sighed softly. "It's easy for you because you've been there through it all and you… have a different view point. The rest of us watched her grow up. You can't accuse someone you've known your whole life with looks. There has to be proof."
Merlin narrowed his eyes. "It's easy to condemn someone with looks," he said, with such conviction that Gwen knew he'd experienced it. How or why, though, she couldn't even begin to determine.
"She is the King's ward," Gaius said instead and Gwen can't miss the slight pause before the word 'ward'.
Merlin rubbed his forehead, "Well what can we do?" For the first time since he came back with Arthur, Gwen felt the smile he shared with her. Merlin's features had changed, becoming softer, returning to the serving boy she knew him to be.
"We wait," Gaius muttered grimly, poking at the stove once again. "We wait to see what Morgana does next."
I just want Arthur to trust me and to see me for who I really am.
~ Merlin
It was a few weeks before Morgana moved to strike again. Her own powers were the sole reason this time and Merlin could feel the distinction in what was Morgause-fuelled and what was solely Morgana in his own magic.
Morgause's magic was full of life and want. Her magic was greedy and it lingered behind, leaving a soiled palate and marks across the land.
Morgana's magic, on the other hand, was crumbling and twisted. When Merlin felt her magic, it felt as though two vines were coiling on each other, desperately competing to kill the other. The smaller one, the thinner one that was crumbling far before its time, was the one that was pure. This was the kind of magic that the unicorns were based on, that the Old Religion was meant for.
The darker strand, the one that had been poisoned into Morgana, reeked of Morgause and hemlock. Merlin had never realised that the poison he had given to Morgana would damage her magic too, but it had coiled in her core, become spiteful and manifested in her power.
It was subtle, but Merlin was sure that there was someone else's influence in there too. He recognised it, didn't want to, but oh how he did. It belonged to the Druid boy, Mordred, and Merlin could only hope that it was just because of his attachment rather than her meeting the boy again in the year that had passed.
In the pure strand of magic, Merlin could feel his own power. Unknown to Morgana, he had influenced her magic abilities. He'd believed in her, took her to the Druids as help, and poisoned her to save Camelot. He had played a drastic part in her life, and while she had no idea, Merlin did.
It was through the tiniest speck of connection that Merlin knew Morgana's dream.
Guinevere stands on the steps of the throne room, her hand connected to Arthur's. Arthur is smiling, eyes only for Gwen. They then face the room, bright eyed with glistening metal on their heads. Gwen - Queen Guinevere - dips into a curtsey to her people, in the same moment King Arthur bows. They respect their kingdom and Merlin's eyelids fluttered as the image changed.
Guinevere is seated next to the King for council, listening to the villagers. Arthur lets her have her own say, connected to the town as she is. The people clearly love their queen and they approach the blessed couple with smiles and well wishes, sharing their problems and receiving concern and promises in return.
The dream begins to slip, but Merlin wasn't ready yet. He had to know, had to show Morgana something worth saving in Camelot if she could not have the throne.
Merlin pushed on the pure thread, running his magic along the tendrils and forcing the tainted thread of magic back, just for a moment.
They see images of a prosperous Camelot, of another council session. This time, however, Arthur is grinning to a young couple, standing from his throne to shake their hands. It isn't clear - at first - why he is honouring them, until the King nods and the man's eyes flash an amber colour. The juggling balls his wife held danced in the air, entertaining the King.
Merlin felt the shift in Morgana's sleep as she sees magic's return to Camelot, and Merlin just hoped it would be enough.
Just as he was about to separate their connection, cut off the slight flow of magic he had forced into her, Mordred's magic collides with his own, digging into the pure strand. Merlin cries out and he can feel Morgana doing the same.
"Camelot shall fall."
There are too many images to count, of fields burning, of battles lost. Carrion birds pick at plentiful selections and Merlin recognises faces. They are older, more worn, and certainly not alive anymore. They all wear the mark of the knights of Camelot and Merlin struggles to push away Mordred's taint.
The dream flickers, grabbing Merlin by the throat. He can see the blue eyes of Mordred baring his soul as he watched a sword pierce Arthur, two men falling in synchronisation, alone on a sea of dead bodies.
This is how Arthur will die. The earth is cracked, the sky bloody and Merlin can't breathe. Where is Arthur's queen? Where are the knights to guard their King? Where is he for that matter?
"You all abandon him in his time of need." Mordred's voice coils around the dream and Merlin knows that this is intended for him, not Morgana.
There are images again. Images of Arthur alone in his room, staring blankly across the dining table, two plates of food set up. A flicker later and Merlin watches as Arthur presses his ear to a door, a hand against the wood.
Merlin had his suspicions and he wanted none of them to be true. He knew, though, probably knew it from the moment he had to tell Gwen that Lancelot had gone, what lay behind that door.
Mordred's magic reveals his suspicions, the Once and Future Queen Guinevere laid bare on the bed, Lancelot covering her with himself, pressing their bodies together…
Merlin felt himself slipping, Mordred pulling him deeper into the dream. If he didn't wake now, he'd be lost in these images forever, unable to separate self from unadulterated magic.
Pain exploded at the back of Merlin's head and his eyes snap awake. He looked up, gasping for breath. Mordred's magic has vanished completely and somewhere he knows Morgana will be waking in her chambers, unsure what to make of the images.
Arthur stareed back disapprovingly, frown clear on his face.
"Only you could manage to choke when sleeping," he said, distain clear in his words. Merlin smiled. This was his King, Arthur free of pain and death.
"Well don't just sit there Merlin," Arthur looked over his shoulder, eyes blazing. "Get up and actually look like you're doing work at the very least?"
Arthur left the room, allowing Merlin to continue his duties of cleaning the armour, all as it was before he had slipped into sleep. The images jumbled and Merlin knew he couldn't keep it to himself any longer. He couldn't tell Gaius, though. He hadn't believed Merlin about the crystal visions before and this… this issue seemed far more personal.
There was only one person and Merlin knew the experience wouldn't be a joyful occasion.
What if... magic isn't something you choose? What if it chooses you?
~ Morgana
If not for their last meeting, Merlin wouldn't have believed the dragon would come. Kilgharrah landed with a thump, eyes furious though they were bent to Merlin's command.
"You summoned me, young warlock?" Kilgharrah's voice was full of annoyance and Merlin chose to ignore it.
"I need your advice."
The dragon tilted his head curiously, eyes widening as a slight smile curled his lips.
"Advice? Usually it's help you come to me for." Smoke curled from his nostrils and Merlin took a slight step back.
"What do you know of Guinevere?" he asked instead, looking up to Kilgharrah. It was only a shot, the dragon could chose not to say anything at all… but Merlin wanted to trust him.
"Perhaps I should ask, what do you know of Guinevere?" the dragon threw Merlin's question back at him, teeth revealed as he smiled properly.
"If… if she becomes queen… will she hurt Arthur?"
For a terrible moment, Merlin can believe that Gwen is faithful, that she loves Arthur and only Arthur. And then the dragon heaved a great sigh, bending his neck down so that he can almost touch Merlin's face.
"If Guinevere becomes Queen, Albion will fall, yes."
Merlin scrunched his face up, wanting to call Kilgharrah a liar. Except he knew that dragon could never lie to him, and what could he stand for telling this to Merlin?
"She represents the land of Albion. She represents the people and the earth and when she falls, the land will fall with her." The dragon looked at Merlin, eyes piercing him. "If Guinevere becomes Arthur's Queen, she will betray him to his closest friend and best knight Lancelot. You will not see him until his death, when all of Albion will fall into chaos and there will be no way to stop it."
Merlin thought of Mordred's vision, of Arthur impaled on the sword, swiping the last blow to kill his opponent before falling on his knees, hands desperately trying to stop the blood flow from his stomach.
"What can I do?" Merlin practically begged the answer, unsure of how he could stop the fall of Albion. Kilgharrah had always mentioned how crucial Merlin was to the rise of the Once and Future King, surely it extended to his reign?
Kilgharrah dipped his head, stretching out his wings. Merlin was afraid the dragon would fly there and then, but his kin paused.
"Arthur is destined to marry someone who represents the land Merlin. That you cannot change." Merlin's heart sank. "But there is more than one person who the land responds to."
With that, Kilgharrah took to the skies, surprisingly quiet for an animal of his size.
Merlin walked back to Camelot, a hand in his pocket all the time, fingers pressed to the glass that contained the water from Avalon. How could he search for someone to replace Gwen when he had to watch Morgana?
His hands left the bottle as Merlin entered the citadel, making his way to his room. He'd figure it all out in the morning, for now he needed sleep.
In life you always have a choice. Sometimes it's easier to think that you don't.
~ Gwen
Gwen came rushing to Gaius' chambers the night after Merlin talked to Kilgharrah. She was out of breath, eyes wide as the door closes behind her.
Merlin slammed his book shut, pulling spare papers on top of it to hide the nature of his book. Gaius would have scolded him for studying magic so openly, but Gaius was down in the lower village, treating an illness that had cropped up for a few people.
"Morgana knows about Arthur and me." Gwen looked as though she was about to rip her bottom lip off and Merlin stood, guiding her to a seat.
"She said today that…" Gwen rubbed her eyes, trying to stop the tears. Merlin felt a pang of sympathy; Gwen had to be so scared. The woman she had respected and loved as a friend turned out to be plotting to kill the man she loved and now… well, now it could well be she had threatened Gwen too.
"Did she hurt you?" Merlin was surprised at how calm his voice was.
"No, but she said that she would tell Uther." Gwen clutched at Merlin's arm. "I can't… she can't…"
The images of Gwen's betrayal rang in Merlin's mind and he suddenly knew what he had to do. Arthur couldn't marry Guinevere. Merlin wouldn't allow that, despite their feelings. They loved each other, yes, but Gwen didn't love Arthur in the same way he loved her.
"Gwen," Merlin said softly, sitting next to her and drawing an arm around her shoulders. His heart sank at what he was about to do, feeling too much like holding Morgana as she suffocated. "You have to leave Camelot."
Gwen's head looked up, eyes fiery. She was the Guinevere that could rule a kingdom, the woman who Merlin had grown to love. She was back, passionate and unwavering.
"Leave Camelot?" Her voice was mocking, "Merlin, I can't. Camelot is my home, how stupid-"
"Then Morgana will tell Uther."
Merlin's words brought silence and Gwen stilled. He knew she knew he was right.
"You need to leave Camelot, just for a while. Pretend you have to see someone or something… lay low for a while."
With each word, Merlin felt the heavy sting of betrayal building up, preparing to unleash itself.
"On my own Merlin?" Gwen shook her head. "It could be a good plan, but I can't Merlin. Camelot is my home and I can't just leave. What about Elyan? I have my family here and-"
"And Arthur," Merlin cut across simply. "Gwen, Morgana is going to tell Uther. There's no maybe, she will tell him if you remain here. She wants to destroy Camelot and, knowing Arthur, he would do anything to protect you."
The words 'even die' remained unspoken, but they were clear.
"If you stay, Morgana will win. We will lose, even if Arthur stays alive."
Merlin would do all he could, even reveal his magic, to protect Arthur. He was prepared to lose everything in order to protect his Prince, but only as a last resort. If Gwen left, he could protect Arthur, both now and in the future.
"I-"
"You could find Lancelot." The four words smashed against Gwen's resolve and Merlin finally saw a flicker.
He knew she still loved him. And, thanks to Mordred's visions, Merlin knew what her love would do. He had the chance to tip the scales before anyone was wise to the game. He felt dirty for doing it, for ruining Arthur's love, but he wouldn't be responsible for the fall of Albion.
Not when that was what Mordred wanted.
"Lancelot?" Gwen's voice was steady. "Why would I want to find him?"
Merlin stood, moving back to his magic book.
"Why?" he commented lightly, not meeting Gwen's eyes, "Because you love him." The flickering of Arthur's betrayal rose again. "And because he will save you."
Merlin's loyalty was to Arthur Pendragon and Arthur Pendragon alone. That didn't mean it was easy to watch Gwen go, knowing that she'd have disappeared by the following day.
The image of Morgana clutching her throat danced next to the image of Gwen's tear stained cheeks as she left Gaius' chambers and Merlin found he couldn't focus on his book anymore.
What use was magic when all it brought was pain?
I've seen how much he needs you, how much you need him. You're like two sides of the same coin.
~ Hunith
"She's gone."
Merlin looked up as Arthur looked out of his window. He glanced back down to the boots he was polishing, running the brush harder against the leather. It was the first thing Arthur had said since returning from lunch and Merlin didn't have to piece anything together to understand what he meant.
"I know," he said instead, quietly as if he too was mourning her.
"I thought…" Arthur's voice cracked and Merlin was grateful for the fact he was looking down. Arthur wouldn't have to see the pain on his manservant's face, pain for causing Arthur to be like this.
"I thought she loved me," Arthur whispered, pressing a hand against the windowpane.
Merlin couldn't say that Gwen had for he couldn't offer an explanation for why she hadn't stayed.
Arthur sniffed heavily and Merlin realised the Prince was moments away from crying. He hadn't sent Merlin away, either, which told Merlin that Arthur needed him. It was a rare occasion that Arthur revealed his true emotions and Merlin respected how hard it was for him.
Merlin stood, walking to Arthur's side. It felt natural now, as if he should always stay there.
"The first woman I loved died in my arms," Merlin said softly, clasping Arthur's shoulder gently. He felt Arthur jerk a fraction to the statement before removing his hand, slipping it from Arthur's shoulder and down his arm until it fell at his own side.
"And?" Arthur remained with his gaze out of the window, but Merlin could hear the desperation hidden in the lone word.
"I'll never not-love her, but I've found other things to fall on." Merlin remembered Freya's head falling into the mud, the way smoke from her funeral boat had drifted back to the shore, burning Merlin's tears as they fell down his cheeks. "I'll see her again someday and I know she'll be proud of who I've become, what I managed to do without her." Merlin looked to Arthur, not surprised to meet the Prince's eyes. "Of how I was able to find love again."
Merlin backed away, returning to boot-cleaning. Arthur stayed vigil at the window, eyes fixed on Merlin.
It was a spark, one that wouldn't be felt for a long time, but Merlin wanted to let Arthur know it would be okay. He could love again, he would love again, someone who loved him back as much as was given to them.
The thought burned in his throat and Merlin convinced himself that it was because he had forced Gwen to Lancelot and broken Arthur's heart… not because of the clarity he'd seen in Arthur's stare when they'd locked eyes.
But it must hurt, so much, to be so put upon, so overlooked, when all the while you have such power.
~ Sigan
That's the way it has to be.
~Merlin
Morgana had been strangely quiet since Gwen had left Camelot. Almost three weeks had passed and life at Court seemed to be running smoothly. Morgause and Mordred had backed away from Morgana, or at least for the moment, and Arthur appeared to be past Gwen.
Only Merlin noticed the slump in the Prince's shoulders, the sad looks he would dart around the council rooms when he thought no one was looking, clearly searching for Gwen. Merlin had once caught him smiling to himself, raising his eyes as if to make eye contact with someone, before his face had fallen, the realisation of 'she wasn't there' sinking in.
The guilt crawled up his neck each time he caught Arthur suffering and had to look away. There was no one he could tell about what he had done, unlike the time with Morgana. Gaius wouldn't understand, call Merlin selfish for what he had done.
But Gaius could never understand the fear Merlin had of Mordred's future coming true. He could not allow Arthur to be betrayed, slaughtered and Albion fall. Gaius hadn't seen the images, hadn't felt the death seep into his head, curling there as Mordred's words rang out in truth.
He could tell Kilgharrah, but what would that serve? The dragon would just laugh before offering cryptic responses, mirth in his eyes as he wove riddles around Merlin.
The only other person he could think to tell would have been Lancelot - as he knew of Merlin's magic and may have been able to help. Except for the fact he played a crucial role in the downfall of Albion.
A hand enclosed around Merlin's bicep and he was pulled into an alcove, facing the angered eyes of the Lady Morgana. He tried to steel himself, calm the panic that rose at the sudden grabbing and bite down the magic that had risen instinctively. If there was one person he would never trust with his secret it would be Morgana.
"You sent her away," Morgana hissed, pressing herself closer to Merlin, backing him up against the stone wall. "You saw what was going to happen and you sent here away." Morgana's voice curled up in amusement, a small laugh escaping.
"You idiot, Merlin." The bitterness overtook any mirth and she pressed a slender finger to Merlin's neck, pushing against the skin. "Why do you go so far for him? You're just a serving boy."
Merlin felt his throat clamp tighter as Morgana's eyes flashed amber. She didn't bother with an incantation and Merlin knew that, if he used his own power, he could have easily squashed the spell sent to wrap around his throat. He didn't though, knowing that on many levels he deserved it. He had, after all, tried to kill Morgana.
The spell fell suddenly and Morgana smirked, her beautiful face marred by the twisted grin.
"Camelot will fall soon enough, once Morgause has found Him."
Merlin wheezed as air rushed into his lungs. He coughed once as Morgana pulled back. "Who?" He assumed she meant Mordred, but at the triumphant look in Morgana's eyes, Merlin wondered if it really was the Druid boy.
"He is the one spoken of in prophecies, the greatest warlock the world will ever see." She gave a bitter laugh and Merlin wondered how messier the situation could become. "He is Emrys," she uttered his name as if it were a sacred word, bending her tongue under her smirk and triumph.
And then she was gone, leaving Merlin to press his head against the stone arch. In his pocket, the water was a heavy weight and Merlin placed his hand in to wrap around the cool glass. He'd have to use it soon, this was known beyond doubt.
But he had to see Kilgharrah once more. If Morgause was looking for him and stumbled across Mordred… Merlin knew he wouldn't have long.
No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn.
~ Kilgharrah
Strangely enough, Kilgharrah was waiting for Merlin when he arrived. The clearing was the very same one that he had been 'defeated' in by Arthur, spacious enough for them both to move around in when they talked.
Merlin began to pace, dismounting from his horse.
"Someone has been searching for you," the dragon said, matter of fact.
"Well I know that already," Merlin muttered, sitting cross legged on the floor, ditching his pacing. "What can I do to keep myself hidden is what I want to know."
Kilgharrah grunted in amusement. "Perhaps it is not the time to stay hidden."
Merlin looked at the dragon, frowning with a smile. "Oh of course. So I'll just waltz in on one of the great feasts and start performing parlour tricks then?" He scoffed, "What kind of idea is that?"
"The witch will strike soon. You must be prepared to do whatever it takes to keep your destiny." The dragon shifted, moonlight catching on a dent on his chest. Merlin realised it had to be where Arthur had struck the dragon and he didn't hesitate to move to Kilgharrah's side.
"I'm going to have to reveal myself," he said, running a hand over the spear mark. Kilgharrah bowed his head, his breath warm on Merlin's back.
"There is a time for everything. You are the sole protector of Camelot and the one who will guide the rise of Albion. I cannot give you answers Merlin," the dragon admitted, his voice honest for once. "There are things that even I do not know."
Their moment of kinship ended as Kilgharrah stepped away and Merlin removed his hand from the dragon's scales.
"No one is every truly alone," he echoed the same meaning as the Fisher King and Merlin nodded, watching as Kilgharrah pulled away, taking to the skies once more.
He was right. Merlin was never alone. He had Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, Morgana, Mordred… so many people be they on his side or another. Strengthening his resolve, Merlin set his eyes in the direction he had come.
"Camelot will not fall," he murmured, eyes flashing in the darkness. It was an oath, one he would uphold at all costs.
Well, science is knowledge.
~Merlin
It has the answers to everything.
~Edwin
Maybe. It can't explain love.
~Merlin
Merlin pinned Arthur's ceremonial cloak down, smoothing the red fabric on the Prince's shoulders and making sure the material flared out just right. There was a feast tonight, in honour of the approaching solstice, and Arthur was to look his best.
"I don't know why I have to wear the circlet," Arthur moaned, looking to his crown. It was uncomfortable, pressing against his skull in such a way that it always gave him a headache by the end of the evening.
"I'll be sure to keep your goblet full Sire," Merlin smirked, darting a look to his master. Arthur rolled his eyes, clapping Merlin on the shoulder.
"A good manservant would do that anyway, need I remind you again?" His voice was humorous, more so than it had been since Gwen had left.
"Yes, Sire," Merlin mocked, bowing deeply. "Of course, anything you wish my Lord."
Arthur gave a bark of disbelief, narrowing his eyes. "You really are one of a kind, you know that?"
Merlin shrugged. "I do try my best to keep you on your toes."
Arthur picked up the crown, placing it on his head and grimacing. "How do I look?" he muttered, turning to face the mirror against one of the walls. Merlin watched as he sized himself up, turning slightly, checking the fit of his clothing.
"Acceptable," he said, eventually. Merlin caught his eyes in the mirror and smiled, noticing the laughter locked behind the Prince's duties. Arthur smoothed the fabric down over his chest absent mindedly, eyes still fixed to Merlin, and Merlin found he couldn't look away.
The moment was broken as the sound of laughter floated up to Arthur's open window, and Merlin bobbed his head, making a hasty retreat to check in with Gaius, just before he changed into his own ridiculous outfit.
As the feather hat sat on his head, Merlin looked in his own mirror, a small hand-held one propped up on Gaius' desk. He didn't look like a mighty Warlock, or the last Dragonlord. He looked lost, eyes wide and cheeks hollow, and he remembered another time he had looked like this.
Of course, it couldn't be the same. The last time he had looked this tired, this lost, was with Freya. He'd been keeping her safe, and that had to have been why. It had nothing to do with the fact he loved her, not when it meant he was falling for Arthur.
Impossible.
Why does everyone seem to think it's down to me to do something about it?
~ Merlin
Because it is! Isn't it? You have to show everyone that you were right and they were wrong.
~ Gwen
| Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four (one) | Part Four (two) | Part Five | Part Six |