Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this?

[neverbeenfree]

I didn't know what to do.

I guess that's what it all boiled down to, right? And what else would be new? I didn't know what to do, or how to act, or what the right decision was. I always kinda sucked at makin' those kind've calls but it wasn't like I could ask B or Angel to do it for me. I had to make the decision and the stakes were a little too

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[mr_angel]

I left Harry in the jungle and this time he promised he'd stay in one place. This time. He told me that before it had been because of seeing Faith and that he wouldn't wander off by himself again. If I got back this time and found out otherwise I'd.. well, I don't know what I'd do but there'd be something. Mostly it was because I didn't want something to happen to him and let's face it in this jungle things happened. A lot. Like being darted and kidnapped by scientists, getting knocked up by dead mothers, or having a run-in with the island monster. Things just happened here

[neverbeenfree]

"Obviously." I echoed hollowly as I rested my chin on my knee and kept lookin' out at the water. I couldn't look at Angel cause I knew the minute I did I was gonna wanna hit him and I was tryin' this new thing where I didn't hit him. Well, at least not until he pissed me off which probably wouldn't take all that long. I was trying, and I think I should get points for that

[mr_angel]

I pulled my legs up and just looked down when she spoke. It wasn't like I could get angry at her for how she felt because she was justified in all of it. I'd killed and turned her husband. I'd run off into the jungle with his body not minutes after she'd given birth to twins. I was sure racking up the points.

Anything I said right now was bound to piss her off even more, but I couldn't just sit here and say nothing. She was willing to talk, we needed to talk, so we would have to talk. Right?

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "For leaving like I did." I didn't want her to think I was apologizing for everything else because I couldn't be. Sorry for how it hurt her, but not for actually doing it.

"I.." God, how were we supposed to just start this out? "Do you understand? I mean.. do you?"

[neverbeenfree]

"Do I understand?" I asked, finally turning my head so that I was facing him. "Understand that you had some kinda dream that told you to kill Harry. That you turned him so that he could raise his family, like you never got the chance to. That you dragged him off into the jungle so that no one would kill him. Is that what you want me to understand? Cause I've read the cliffnotes, I got the memo but it all seems to gloss over one thing." I bit down on my lower lip a little bit as I looked at him. Maybe I shouldn't have done that but hey I was rockin' the self-control a minute ago, I could do this.

"I understand that you thought you were saving him and maybe you were. I don't know." I sighed. "I understand that you made this huge decision about my life without even bothering to mention it to me. My life, Angel. It's mine. I had the right to know what you were gonna do, you should've told me. And maybe you're right, maybe I would've said no. But maybe I wouldn't have? Maybe you could have made me understand what had to be done, maybe I