Skeletons Chapter Seven (PART I)
Woot, I'm back! Didja miss me?
X3
Anyway, sorry this chapter took so long to get out-- Alex and Edward were fighting with me; for some reason, they didn't feel like being written. And then, the chapter ended up being...er... lengthy. ^_^; (Like the Harry Potter books... these updates just keep getting longer. x_X)
So, without further ado:
Title: Skeletons
Type: Chapter Fic-- Letter Seven (PART I)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Elricestx2
Warnings: Nothing you haven't read before.
Summary: Everyone has skeletons in their closet-- and Edward and Alexander Elric are about to find their grandfather's.
Disclaimer: Ummmmm…
Author’s Note: Hiya! X3 A few notes before we begin.
One-a couple of people mentioned that they didn’t agree with Edward and Alex suddenly having sex; that their relationship seems sort of rushed. And, while I can appreciate where these people are coming from, I’d like to defend myself and my actions with the following points:
-Edward and Alex have known each other for over sixteen years. They’re already well aware of each other’s talents, vices, opinions, etc. They already know each other, VERY well, which can almost be said to be an advantage over…er, well… “non-incestuous” couples. The kissing, cuddling, and sex is a much smaller step for them.
-They DO do other things besides have sex. As mentioned last chapter, they also like innocent kissing and holding hands and stuff. They even go on out-of-town “dates,” where people won’t know them, when they can.
- They’re teenage boys. Forgive my stereotypical judgment here, but that’s just how teenage boys are. Sex is constantly on their minds!
So, yeah. Also, a few people mentioned how, technically, Edward and Alex’s relationship is NOT pedophiliac. That may be true; I had always heard that pedophilia constitutes as any couple where one person is 18 or older and the other isn’t. I could be wrong… it was really just supposed to be a funny comment. (*sweatdrop*)
In any case, thanks for all the awesome feedback for last chapter! I apologize for any historical mistakes I may have made (my US history is…er… lacking) and am very happy that people are enjoying, regardless. X3
Please enjoy chapter seven! (Things are starting to get interesting again… heehee.)
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If I could choose one word to describe myself, I think the word I’d pick would be “lazy.”
Not the kindest self-analysis, I know. And I suppose, if I wanted to be egotistical, there are a bunch of other words that I could claim suit me: “talented,” “laid-back,” even “handsome,” according to the girls at school. But let’s be honest: first and foremost, I’m lazy. Embarrassingly so. Heck, it’s my laziness which birthed all of those other wonderful adjectives. Seriously.
Why did I start painting; drawing? Why did I look into acting at all? How did I become so “talented” at both? I was too lazy to try out for competitive sports.
Why am I always so “laid-back”? Why do I rarely get into fights? Why do I generally evade confrontation? Because getting mad takes work and I’d rather avoid it.
Why did I grow my hair out? It sure wasn’t because people told me it made me look “handsome.” It was because it was easier to whip it in a pony-tail than go to the barber.
Don’t even get me started about my choice of clothes. Mom is still trying to talk me into buying a new pair of jeans, or at least fix the broken zipper on the pair I always wear. But no… I like them, they’re comfortable, and I’m just too lazy to do anything else with them.
I’m telling you, “sloth” isn’t just a deadly sin: it’s a way of freakin’ life.
At least… it was. Then…
I- I don’t know. I guess I’m just a romantic moron at heart, but… when I saw Alex sitting there, looking so scared; when he told me that he didn’t want to see me dating other people; whenever he smiles at me, or blushes, or speaks, or just IS…
I love him. So much…
…And I realized, at that moment-with dad barreling down on me, my hands covered in soap suds- that I’d finally found something I wanted to work for:
Us.
X
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XXX
Skeletons
XXX
“Get out.”
Benjamin’s voice shook, much like his hands, but his face was set-firm and furious. Stark white, eyes glittering wildly, he pointed towards the door…
The words echoed though the otherwise silent kitchen.
Edward bristled, but that was all. He didn’t move or speak or even appear frightened…and though his fists did tighten, it was in a resolute sort of way. Alex didn’t know how he could stand there so calmly; if he was in his brother’s shoes, he’d be terrified. Heck, he was terrified now, and he wasn’t on the receiving end of his father’s icy glare.
Teri was the first to break the tension, managing to find her voice after a noiseless moment of desperate pleading- sending Edward an imploring glance from over her husband’s shoulder, as if soundlessly begging her oldest son to retract his words. Ed, however, didn’t even look at her. She whimpered, standing; touching Benjamin’s shoulder with her thin, quaking hands. “Ben…”
Her husband shrugged away from her touch. The woman recoiled as if she’d been slapped; Rosie leapt to her feet, fingers clenched into ashen fists. “Daddy,” she said quietly-in a strange voice that Alex had never heard her use before. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that that was because she sounded timid- even petrified. Rosalie, nervous? That couldn’t be right… “Daddy, please. Calm down and think things through. You don’t want to do thi-!”
But rather than help, her words only served to further infuriate the older man. Whirling around in a frenzy of rage, Benjamin snapped his wrathful glare on both of his younger children, his face a fiery red. “Did you know…?”
Rosie dropped back onto her seat, trembling. Alexander grasped her hand underneath the table, surprised to feel how urgently she clung back. Her nails bit into his skin like teeth, reminiscent of the days she’d hold his hand while they wandered around the city, looking for Grandpa’s apartment. Strange, really, how he’d think of that now…“Dad, we-”
“DID YOU KNOW?” their father roared, slamming a fist down on the table. The cutlery jumped and rattled; Teri shot her children a pitiful look. She had no idea what to do, either. “Did you know that your brother was- Rosalie, did you influence-!”
“They had nothing to do with it!” Edward cut in firmly, raising his voice for the first time in years. For a brief moment, he allowed his strong mask to fall- casting his brother and sister a desperate glance when they opened their mouths to protest. Both younger teens swallowed, still cowering under Mr. Elric’s deadly gaze.
Then they shook their heads, lowering their faces to the floor. “N-no, sir…”
Ed visibly relaxed for half of a second, content in knowing that his siblings, at least, were safe for the moment; then snapped back into his role when Ben spun to face him once again. The two men stood tall, proud, towering, stubborn…
Benjamin lifted a finger, pointing towards the door. “GET OUT.”
Edward nodded once.
And out he walked.
X
February, 1930
Dear Al,
They discovered a new planet a few days ago. It was in the paper. I don’t know if they’ve named it yet, but it got me thinking about home.
Pathetic, I know. I should let the memories of Amestris stay where they belong-behind me. And I have no real desire to go back anymore; everything I need is here. Still, a part of me will always long for the world in which we belong, and wonder how things are going over there. Wonder if we’ll ever find out.
I know Heiderich thought that our world lay just beyond the sky, but with all of these new planets cropping up-it makes me think that maybe Amestris isn’t so much an alternate dimension; just a distant planet. And perhaps the Gate is really some sort of fucked up worm hole.
I don’t know… it was just a passing thought. But even if it was true, we’d have no way of getting to it. Nor any way to tell where to look for it.
Either way, I’m not sure if I’d want to go back. Realistically. We couldn’t bring Annya with us-look at what happened to Cullison and to Heiderich when their alternate personalities found them. I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to either Annya or Winry- and there’s probably no place for us in Amestris, anymore. Things will have changed too much.
We will have changed too much.
One of the problems I’ve always had with life is that I’ve never been able to appreciate how wonderful things are until I’ve succeeded in screwing up. For once, I want to just accept what I have and move on.
…Though when scientists find things like new planets or technologies-when they make announcements that make me think of all the things we used to know- it’s kind of hard.
I suspect it always will be.
-Ed
X
The morning air was as cold as it was damp, beautiful autumn sunlight bouncing off the heavy fog as it rolled over the little subdivision, leaving dew-drop kisses on the rubbery green grass. Edward’s sneakers squeaked as he walked down the cement driveway, pausing on the edge of the road. Then, with a definitive sort of hum, he tugged his cell phone out of his lab coat pocket and-for the first time in two years-turned it on.
Pressing speed dial number three, he waited; hesitated, then pulled his cigarettes out as well. By the time the person he’d called had answered, he was already on his fourth drag.
“Hey, Lisa?” the blonde greeted cheerfully, expelling a slate-colored ribbon of smoke. It curled innocently around his head, vanishing in the misty air. “Yeah, it’s Edward… no, I’m not kidding. No, I’m not a fucking idiot, either; I know it’s early Sunday morning. Sorry…. Sorry….Sorry. Ye- yes, I know, Lisa. C’mon, you know I wouldn’t call unless it was an emergency, right? Well, it is. …No, really. No, I haven’t lost my script. N- no, Lisa, would you liste-? Lisa… My dad just kicked me out of the house, okay? For good. …yeah, that’s what I thought, now you feel guilty for yelling at me, don’t you?”
He snickered, flicking the tip of his cigarette. A little stream of ashes crumbled off the end, falling to the moisture-darkened ground. “It’s all right, sweetie, I know you didn’t know… no…. yes, I’ll still be going to school. Look, all I need is a place to stay for a day or two; just long enough to find a place of my own. I know that’s asking a lot, especially with how big your family is, but- NO, I’m not asking Todd! Stop laughing. This is serious. You know I-”
But Ed silenced himself abruptly, straightening; oblivious to Lisa’s crackling questions as they poured from his phone. His ears had picked up a softer sound...
“I don’t want you to go.”
Edward smiled gently, stamping out his cigarette and holding up a finger. “Li- Lisa, love, breathe. All right. You listening? I’m gonna come over and we can talk, okay? Is that okay? Good. Thanks, hon.” The cellular snapped shut with an audible crack.
“I don’t want you to go,” Alex repeated tearfully, hands bunched at his sides, glaring up at his older brother with as much fierceness as he could muster. Admittedly, it wasn’t very much… which possibly explained why Edward simply chuckled, flicking his hair over his shoulder.
“Al, you know I don’t have a choice in this,” he said calmly, turning on his heel to face his baby brother. “It’s not like I want to leave. Do you know how much an apartment is going to cost me? I’d much rathe-”
“Then don’t go!” Alex interrupted, nearly groveling, as water began to well in the corners of his eyes-slipping down his cheeks despite his snuffling attempts to stop them. “Don’t go… wait a little while, I’m sure Dad will-!”
But Edward only shook his head; shook his head and tenderly grinned. “It’s not about Dad,” he murmured; unexpectedly- and for a reason the brunette didn’t understand- bending down: kneeling in front of his younger sibling. Alex bit his bottom lip, trying his best not to sob, for once staring down into his brother’s expressive face. He was shaking… “It’s not about Dad or Mom or anyone else, anymore, Alex. It’s about me. Me, finally being mature enough to stand up for myself. Me, finally being mature enough to be myself. Me, finally being mature enough to work for something I want.”
Ed reached out a hand, pushing a stray strand of Alexander’s dark hair behind his ear. He beamed. “It’s going to be okay. It may take a little while, but things will work out. All right?”
Alex swallowed harshly, grabbing the hand lingering by his cheek. “Do you promise…?” he asked wetly, wishing he never had to let go.
“If you promise not to worry.”
The brunette felt a cynical smile tug on his lips, though his eyes continued to shimmer with tears. “I’ve told you…” he whispered, slowly loosening his grip on his brother’s fingers. “I can’t promise that.”
“But you did promise to try,” Edward said steadfastly, pushing himself back to his feet. “That’s all I ask.” And Alex, despite himself, managed to give a short, jerky nod.
There was a brief silence; Ed watched his little brother’s sniveling attempts to compose himself, looking suddenly lost-torn. “…I wish I could hug you, right now,” the blonde admitted quietly, forcing his arms to lie at his sides. Alexander offered an understanding smile.
“That’s all right…” he swallowed, voice thick with emotion, though he seemed to be itching for the same thing. “Dad might be watching… I only managed to sneak out of the kitchen ‘cause he was so busy yelling…”
“Not at Mom or Rosie, I hope?” Alex shook his head no. “Good. Just in general, then?”
“About how you’re not his son anymore, and stuff,” the brunette informed, sounding rather guilty for having to play the messenger. But if Edward was hurt by this news, he didn’t show it-he just blew out his cheeks and shrugged. Still, Alex felt inclined to add: “I’m sure he doesn’t really mean it, Brother.”
“Well, it wouldn’t matter if he did.” The blonde tapped the toes of his shoes against the ground, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I’ll be out of here soon enough… oh, don’t look at me like that, Al. You’ll see me around! I’ll be at school and I’ll have to come back to get my stuff. And …as soon as I find my own place, you can come visit your ‘girlfriend,’ yeah?” Ed arched an eyebrow, winking.
Alexander blushed, squeaking; his brother laughed.
“Go on, Al,” the blonde encouraged, still chortling softly. “Go back inside, before Dad notices you’re talking to me. We don’t want him to get any more suspicious, right? Don’t worry about me. I’ll be just fine.”
Of course, this was all easier said than done. Leaving now-watching Edward walk away-it felt like something was ending. And something was ending… but what, Alex wasn’t quite sure. Still, he didn’t want to let it go. “I want to come with you.”
“You know you can’t,” Edward lightly reprimanded, though his voice was definite. He moved his head again, vaguely, in the direction of the house. “I’ll call you as soon as I possibly can, okay? I’ll call Rosie’s line; that way Dad won’t hang up on me. And I’ll see you in school. We can have lunch together, like usual. It will be okay.”
Alex seemed understandably unsure, twisting his pajama sleeve over and over in his clammy hands. Regardless, he nodded, echoing his brother’s words. “It will be okay...”
“That’s right,” Ed nodded encouragingly, leaning forward and inch or two- hands still jammed in his pockets. “I love you, Alexander,” he reminded, though he spoke so quietly that the words were nearly lost to the wind. “Remember that. Now, go back into the house, okay? For me? I don’t want you catching a cold.”
The brunette flushed, apparently embarrassed. “I’m not gonna get sick from a little damp air,” he grumbled, glaring at his feet. But neither were fooled-Alex was hiding his eyes for an entirely different reason. “…I love you, too, Edward,” he finally breathed, speaking into his hands as he clutched his face. A little whimper wormed its way out of his throat, shuddering and muffled. “I love you so much that it scares me…”
“…” Edward beamed-though for once, the gesture was somewhat disheartening. “Maybe for good reason.”
He turned away.
And as Alex watched him go; nonchalant at first, but gradually curling in upon himself, moving faster; the younger boy felt a piece of himself leave, too. It hurt… (‘He’s going…he’s really going.’)…it hurt too much to watch- (‘He’s not going to be here; he’s going togoaway. He’s not goingto be…’)-to speak- (‘Notgoingto beherehe’s notgonna-’)-to breathe-!
Throat tightening painfully, Alexander spun back towards the house-half running, half limping- coughing as his world started to spin. He felt himself slam the front door shut, rather than hear it: the sound of rushing blood was too loud in his ears; his sight fuzzy from tears. Alex wobbled towards their room-now his room- rubbing feverishly at his eyes… but they were dry. Why wouldn’t his vision clear? Why was it…? His mind was racing; too fast; it hurt-!
His body brushed Rosie’s; where had she come from? Why were there… two of her…?
“Alex? Alex, what’s wrong-?”
Alexander groaned, his stomach lurching as his heart gave a sharp stab. He was going to throw up… “Don’t- feel…” he wheezed, his mouth as dry as sand, limbs heavy like stone. “Don’t…”
The ground beneath him crumbled…
Rosalie screamed.
X
May, 1930
Dear Al,
On the bright side, we haven’t been kicked out of the apartments, yet.
Really, that’s all the good news I can think of. The Depression hasn’t gotten any better, we’re not making nearly enough money, we have no heat, no food, no lights or candles, and one of your cats just died. So of course, you’re inconsolable, and Annya is panicking. While I have known you long enough to realize that you just want to be left alone right now, she is desperately trying to cheer you up-her English regressing into short, choppy sentences as her flustered state worsens. I tried to consol her earlier; I tried to get her to leave you alone; but she’s nearly as stubborn as we are.
She’s pounding on our bedroom door, right now. I’m sitting on the couch, watching her, and you’re sulking-yelling randomly through the door that if she doesn’t stop right now, you’re going to put her in a time out. That may have worked when she was 12 (and only ever for you, she just argues with me), but Annya is now defiantly 15. A frustrated defiant 15-year-old, to boot.
I just hope that I don’t have to peal her away from the d-
X
A sigh.
“Mom… you really don’t have to sit here. I promise I’m okay- really.”
Teri Elric shook her head, moving impulsively back and forth on the rocking chair she’d pulled into her son’s bedroom. “I know, honey,” she muttered, though her face remained pale and her body tense; nervously folding the laundry in the basket beside her. Her hands flicked as swiftly back and forth as the chair did- fold, fold, crease, press; back, forth, back, forth. “I know. The doctors keep telling us… it’s just stress, but… but me sitting here is for my health, not yours.” She offered a weary smile, though clearly took comfort in the sight of Alex: sitting up, breathing normally, that strange black book in his lap again. Bunny rested innocently beside his leg, playing the part of Alchemy’s toy. Teri gradually began to relax, brushing stray bangs from her eyes. “So don’t mind me. You can keep reading if you’d like. Or I can bring you something to drink…?”
“No,” Alex murmured, lashes fluttering lazily as he stared down at his grandfather’s diary. “No, I’m okay. And I’m sorry that I gave you such a scare, Br- (he reddened, feeling insanely stupid.)-I mean, Mom.”
“…” Mrs. Elric’s hands fell into her lap. “…I’m sorry, Alex,” she whispered, avoiding her child’s gaze. “I know that you’re used to Edward being here…and this morning… it must have been such a shock- and then he left so quickly. And I… I couldn’t even-!”
She cut herself off, taking a deep, shuddering breath. After a feeble moment of trying to collect herself, the woman sighed. “You have to forgive your father, sweetie. He… he has his reasons. I know it seems harsh, but if you understood his side of things-”
Despite his best attempts to keep control, Alexander felt his fists constrict; slamming into his mattress with stifled thuds. The bedspread leapt into the air-as did Alchemy, who scampered out the door with a startled yowl. “HIS side of things?” the boy repeated, lip curling. “What on earth could justify-!” He broke off with a cough- just one; to clear the tickle from the back of his throat. All the same, his mother fell to pieces: toppling forward in a mad scramble for medicine. “MOM! I’m fine, I promise!”
Teri froze, embarrassed; clutching the hand Alex placed on top of her own. “Sorry, Alex…” she apologized for a second time, now kneeling beside him. “I…it’s hard for me, to see this happening and- and I’m worried about you. And Edward. And Rosie. And your Dad.”
She nodded when her son snorted, looking away. “I know… You have every right to be mad at him, sweetie. I understand why you’re questioning what he did. But…well, to be honest, he’s scared.”
Alexander cast his mother a flat look, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “Scared? Of WHAT? Edward being gay? PLEASE!”
Mrs. Elric didn’t reply. Instead, she turned her face away, tightening her fingers around her son’s.
Alex blinked at her. “…you cannot be serious,” he drawled, obviously exasperated. “Why would Edward being gay scare him? I mean, I know he’s a homophobe, but-”
“Look,” Teri sighed, picking herself back up and settling down on her chair-returning to her rapid rocking and speedy sorting, “I really shouldn’t be the one to tell you this… it humiliates your Dad. But… yes. The idea of anyone being in a homosexual relationship frightens your father. You see, your Dad’s father was… um, that is…”
Alexander felt his lips pull back in a dry grin. “He was gay.”
It was a statement, not a question. His mother seemed momentarily startled by this blunt proclamation-and a little confused as to Alex’s knowledge of the subject-but nodded all the same. “Yes… he was. And your Dad knew… he-I think he told me that he’d read it somewhere. In a journal or something… when he was little.”
In an instant, the world stopped spinning.
Alexander’s eyes widened, stomach twisting into knots. ‘Dad… read Grandpa’s diary-?’ he gaped, feeling his own jaw drop. ‘When? Why? But wait… that means- He KNOWS…?’
How Teri had decided to interpret Alex’s apparent horror was a mystery in and of itself, but she didn’t seem to have translated it correctly. Instead of holding out a hand and insisting to see the journal (which he’d subtly shoved under his quilt), she nodded glumly, working on pairing up socks. “I know… it was quite a shock to him, too. I think it affected him more than he admits-” She paused; she chuckled dejectedly. “Ha, I guess that’s an understatement, considering… But, well, whenever he hears about homosexual couples, I think he remembers his father…and that he may never have been born. It’s a scary thought, I’m sure. That and… well,” Teri sighed, sounding dismayed, “he grew up with his mother-your grandmother, Annya; you never met her, she died right after Edward was born… but she was always so depressed. As a result, Ben… I suppose it’d have been strange if he hadn’t been affected.”
…Silence.
Alexander’s head was spinning-not unpleasantly, for once, but numbly. Cold, raw, numb shock… he was still having trouble processing it. Dad, knowing? Knowing Grandpa’s secret? Since he was-what, a child?
Annya. Mom had mentioned Annya-Dad’s mom. She was Dad’s mom? His Grandma? And she… she was depressed? Why? She seemed so happy in Grandpa’s journal…
What happened?
‘What happened?’
“What happened…?” Alex heard himself choke, hands trembling on his knees; watching his mother with bright, shock-filled eyes. Glancing up, Mrs. Elric gave a jolt-startled by the intensity of his stare. “What happened? Between Grandpa and Grandma? Between Dad and his parents? What happened…?”
“I… uh,” Teri blinked, taken aback. “I don’t really know, honey. I think your father had a talk with your Grandpa, but… I can’t really say what happened. They seemed on good enough terms, I guess. As for your Grandma and Grandpa, I… they…didn’t really talk much, after your father left for college. And then Grandma died of a heart attack before you were born.”
“But Dad-Dad knew? He knew that Grandpa was gay?” the brunette reiterated, wanting to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood-the concept was still so foreign; so strange! Dad had read the diary… when he was little! That would have hurt-but would it really have been enough to tear a child’s whole world to pieces, like Teri seemed to suggest?
Mrs. Elric frowned slightly, beginning to look annoyed. “Yes, Alex. I told you. He’s known for many, many years, and the memories are still painful for him. That’s why it’s important for you to understand why Edward being gay was such a nasty shock.”
Alex nodded mechanically, mind still whirling-faster and faster and faster. ‘This changes everything… if Dad knew; if he realized that his father was- that Edward Elric was-’
…wait.
“Mom,” Alex said-hastily hushed, gazing blankly out the distant window: the sunset pouring through in shades of vivid gold. The sound of his mother gathering up her things resonated oddly in his ears, along with the pounding of his own heart. “If Dad knew Grandpa was gay-if he knew and was so terrified, scarred, and revolted by it…”
Teri glanced up. “Yes…?” she prompted, balancing the laundry basket on her hip. He could tell by her stance that she was about to leave-probably to prepare dinner, where she’d promptly forget this conversation; probably even pretend they’d never had it.
Alexander hesitated, the words stuck in his throat.
He closed his eyes. “Never mind,” the brunette decided, sitting stock-still as his mom chirped an overly cheerful “All right,” kissed his cheek, and (though tentatively, frequently casting him anxious glances over her shoulder) strolled out the door. Which was fine; he’d rather be alone. But even though she’d gone, Alex couldn’t get her words out of his mind-or tear the question off of his lips.
Why?
If Benjamin Elric knew that Edward Elric Senior, his father, was gay-had known it from an early age; had suffered terrible psychological side-effects because of it…
Why had he named his eldest son after him?
X
May, 1930
Dear Al,
All right, that was just…
I guess “weird” isn’t the right word for it. “Amazing” doesn’t quite fit, either. But it was certainly memorable. I mean, you even opened your bedroom door; you forgot that you were pouting! That doesn’t happen ever day…
Neither does my dropping a pen, ruining the rest of a journal page with ink stains as I boggle wordlessly.
“What…was that?” you asked Annya-rather breathlessly, actually, gaping at her though the open doorway. She blushed, fiddling with her apron and casting me an embarrassed glance. Then she adverted her eyes again, playing with a strand of her curly hair, announcing that it was the refrain to a song she was working on-a present for us. It wasn’t finished yet, but it seemed like a good time to test it, per say.
“But it’s in Russian,” I pointed out, though still thoroughly impressed. It was… haunting, her melody. Like a tune that I’d heard before, so many times, but had forgotten. “We don’t speak Russian.”
She smiled and replied: “But I do. I will write it down for you; I will translate it for you. I will put it in your little book, too, if you like.”
Of course, that caught your attention, Al, and you noticed me writing in here. I guess I’ll have to explain myself, later. Shit.
But… I don’t really care. Rather, that’s not what disturbs me. What does is… Annya’s voice, actually. Don’t get me wrong, it’s beautiful-but it’s so mature. More mature than it was when we’d first met her. I’d forgotten how old she actually is; I hadn’t realized how developed she’d become in the few short years since we’d met: how attached to us-to you-she’s become. I see her coloring when you glance her way.
This could be a problem.
-Ed
X
“What do you mean, you FAINTED?”
Alexander sighed, growing increasingly tired of being chewed out. “Brother,” he whispered into the faux fur-covered phone, “please. I told you, I’m fine. It was just a panic attack…”
But Edward wouldn’t hear of it. Immediately, he launched into a furious rant. “Al, why didn’t you call me? I was only half way down the street! I woul-”
The brunette rolled his eyes, shooting Rosie an apologetic smile, holding the receiver a few inches from his ear. Ed’s voice poured from it, loud and clear; she huffed, jiggling her foot impatiently beside Alex’s bed, swiveling around in her computer chair. It was her telephone he was using, her phone line he was tying up. As long as Edward continued blabbering, she wouldn’t be able to do anything on the internet… she probably had four dozen messages waiting to occupy her, all along the lines of ‘you wanna get together?’ And she would never know. A fact that clearly irked her.
Her brow scrunched in a warning glare.
“-r another thing, if you had listened and gotten out of the cold-!”
“Ed,” Alex attempted once more, trying his best to talk over his brother without speaking too loudly. Who knew where Benjamin was? “Forget about it, okay? I’m fine. Tell me about you. What’s going on?”
“But-” Edward made a frustrated noise; in his mind’s eye, Alexander could see him pulling a hand through his hair. It made his heart give a little lurch… “…Oh, all right. Let’s see. I’m staying with Lisa tonight, but that’s all her parents will allow, gay or not. After that, I’m being tossed over to Todd- stop laughing, right now!- and am staying with him until I get my finances straight. I had to dip into my college money, but there’s a little flat on the edge of town that’s relatively cheap. Not anything fancy, but it’s a place to stay.”
“How much is it?”
“Six hundred and fifty a month.”
Alex frowned dubiously, pressing the phone closer to his ear. The magenta fur tickled his nose… “That seems like a lot.”
His brother laughed; there was a squeaking flop, suggesting that he’d just lain back on an old, springy mattress. The smile was evident in his voice. “It could be worse. I have plenty of cash saved up in my bank account, and that college money I was talking about. It’ll be enough to get me the apartment and some food… At least until I can get some kind of job. And my art teacher has been trying to talk me into selling some pieces for a while; maybe I’ll take her up on that.”
“What about school?”
“I told you,” Edward soothed, smothering a yawn. “I’ll still be there. I have to graduate from high school. I’ll just take a year or two off before college in order to replenish the cash that I’m stealing from my account, right now.”
“You really have this all planned out, don’t you?” Alexander praised, unable to keep a small grin off of his face. Rosalie noticed this and snorted, grumbling something about looking like a school girl. Alex glared, flushed; forcing himself to stop twirling his hair around a finger. “Are you sure that you don’t need any help? I have some money…”
Ed cut his lover off by blowing a loud, wet raspberry. In the background, Lisa yelled something about not wanting to catch his gayness, so cut it out. Even Alex laughed. “It’s fine, Al; I don’t need your money. I have to do this myself, you know? Besides, you’ll have your own expenses to worry about, soon enough.”
“I’m only a junior,” Alex protested. “I won’t have to worry about college for a while.”
“It’s coming up faster than you think.”
“Yeah… mayb-”
“Look, if you guys aren’t gonna talk about anything important,” Rosie interrupted, irritated; drumming her long nails incessantly against the arms of her chair, “then would you please call it a freakin’ night? You’ve been on for over an hour!”
Which wasn’t nearly enough time, in Alexander’s book-though he wasn’t sure what would be enough time. Heck, he wasn’t sure if there’d ever be enough time… Not when he was used to his brother being right there. He sighed. “Rosie says I have to hang up now, Edw-”
Edward.
The brunette straightened, the unintentional reminder causing electricity to shoot through his veins like lightening. ‘I should tell him-’ “Brother,” he said, talking quickly now; quite aware of his sister’s rising urge to kill. “I forgot to mention: I had a talk with Mom today. About Dad. There’s something strange about your name-”
“My name?”
“Alex!” Rosalie snarled, gritting her teeth furiously. Alexander privately feared she was going to claw a hole through her seat’s armrests. “Tell him LATER.”
The boy pouted, indignant. “But Rosie-!”
“It’s okay,” Ed interrupted, clearly aware of what was going on. “You can tell me later. I should probably get going, anyway-I promised Lisa I’d do the dishes for her. Equivalent exchange, and all that.” From somewhere close to his elder sibling, Alex could hear Lisa mutter: “Damn straight.”
“…all right,” Alexander reluctantly agreed, deflating a bit. “I’ll talk to you later, right?”
“Of course you will,” Edward insisted soothingly. “I’ll call again tomorrow, if you’d like. Okay? I love you both.”
“We love you, too,” Alex returned quietly. Rosie’s face softened; she nodded towards the phone, as if her eldest brother could see her. “Bye, then.”
The phone disconnected with a soft ‘click.’
“…you all right?” Rosalie asked sheepishly, apparently feeling guilty for her previous anger. The brunette shrugged, unhurriedly lowering the tacky receiver; placing it back in its equally tacky cradle. “You’re not gonna get sick again, or anything?”
Alexander glowered. “No, I’m not,” he snapped, cheeks coloring with mortified frustration. “Nor am I going to break like a doll!”
“Well, sorry,” Rosie groused, pulling her knees to her chin. “We’re just worried about you, is all. No need to bite our heads off. But you know, maybe if you stopped fainting…”
She trailed off, waiting for a response… but it never came. A beat; a sniffle. Curious, she shot Alex a sideways glance, spinning her chair in the direction of the door. Then, with a bite of her bottom lip, the girl spoke again. “You know,” she mumbled, playing with her toes, “it’s not that Edward isn’t afraid. He’s just trying to act strong for us, like he always has.”
He nodded, shaky, but didn’t pull away when Rosalie dropped a hand on his shoulder. A good sign.
“…I’m scared, too,” Rosie admitted with an empty laugh, staring purposefully in the opposite direction. “It’s okay to be scared-it doesn’t make you weak. You just can’t let that fear cloud your judgment. If Edward says he’s gonna be okay, we’ve got to trust him. He’s stubborn, but he’s not stupid. If he needs our help, he’ll let us know.”
Alex let out a snuffled grunt of agreement. “I know…but…”
“Everything happens for a reason,” Rosalie stated confidently, speaking before her brother could begin another guilt trip. “Even if it doesn’t seem like it at first. Who knows? Maybe this is really a blessing in disguise.”
The boy arched an eyebrow, casting his sister a flat stare. “How?”
For lack of anything better to say, Rosie simply smiled and shrugged. “We’ll see, won’t we?”
X
X3
Anyway, sorry this chapter took so long to get out-- Alex and Edward were fighting with me; for some reason, they didn't feel like being written. And then, the chapter ended up being...er... lengthy. ^_^; (Like the Harry Potter books... these updates just keep getting longer. x_X)
So, without further ado:
Title: Skeletons
Type: Chapter Fic-- Letter Seven (PART I)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Elricestx2
Warnings: Nothing you haven't read before.
Summary: Everyone has skeletons in their closet-- and Edward and Alexander Elric are about to find their grandfather's.
Disclaimer: Ummmmm…
Author’s Note: Hiya! X3 A few notes before we begin.
One-a couple of people mentioned that they didn’t agree with Edward and Alex suddenly having sex; that their relationship seems sort of rushed. And, while I can appreciate where these people are coming from, I’d like to defend myself and my actions with the following points:
-Edward and Alex have known each other for over sixteen years. They’re already well aware of each other’s talents, vices, opinions, etc. They already know each other, VERY well, which can almost be said to be an advantage over…er, well… “non-incestuous” couples. The kissing, cuddling, and sex is a much smaller step for them.
-They DO do other things besides have sex. As mentioned last chapter, they also like innocent kissing and holding hands and stuff. They even go on out-of-town “dates,” where people won’t know them, when they can.
- They’re teenage boys. Forgive my stereotypical judgment here, but that’s just how teenage boys are. Sex is constantly on their minds!
So, yeah. Also, a few people mentioned how, technically, Edward and Alex’s relationship is NOT pedophiliac. That may be true; I had always heard that pedophilia constitutes as any couple where one person is 18 or older and the other isn’t. I could be wrong… it was really just supposed to be a funny comment. (*sweatdrop*)
In any case, thanks for all the awesome feedback for last chapter! I apologize for any historical mistakes I may have made (my US history is…er… lacking) and am very happy that people are enjoying, regardless. X3
Please enjoy chapter seven! (Things are starting to get interesting again… heehee.)
XXX
X
X
X
If I could choose one word to describe myself, I think the word I’d pick would be “lazy.”
Not the kindest self-analysis, I know. And I suppose, if I wanted to be egotistical, there are a bunch of other words that I could claim suit me: “talented,” “laid-back,” even “handsome,” according to the girls at school. But let’s be honest: first and foremost, I’m lazy. Embarrassingly so. Heck, it’s my laziness which birthed all of those other wonderful adjectives. Seriously.
Why did I start painting; drawing? Why did I look into acting at all? How did I become so “talented” at both? I was too lazy to try out for competitive sports.
Why am I always so “laid-back”? Why do I rarely get into fights? Why do I generally evade confrontation? Because getting mad takes work and I’d rather avoid it.
Why did I grow my hair out? It sure wasn’t because people told me it made me look “handsome.” It was because it was easier to whip it in a pony-tail than go to the barber.
Don’t even get me started about my choice of clothes. Mom is still trying to talk me into buying a new pair of jeans, or at least fix the broken zipper on the pair I always wear. But no… I like them, they’re comfortable, and I’m just too lazy to do anything else with them.
I’m telling you, “sloth” isn’t just a deadly sin: it’s a way of freakin’ life.
At least… it was. Then…
I- I don’t know. I guess I’m just a romantic moron at heart, but… when I saw Alex sitting there, looking so scared; when he told me that he didn’t want to see me dating other people; whenever he smiles at me, or blushes, or speaks, or just IS…
I love him. So much…
…And I realized, at that moment-with dad barreling down on me, my hands covered in soap suds- that I’d finally found something I wanted to work for:
Us.
X
X
X
XXX
Skeletons
XXX
“Get out.”
Benjamin’s voice shook, much like his hands, but his face was set-firm and furious. Stark white, eyes glittering wildly, he pointed towards the door…
The words echoed though the otherwise silent kitchen.
Edward bristled, but that was all. He didn’t move or speak or even appear frightened…and though his fists did tighten, it was in a resolute sort of way. Alex didn’t know how he could stand there so calmly; if he was in his brother’s shoes, he’d be terrified. Heck, he was terrified now, and he wasn’t on the receiving end of his father’s icy glare.
Teri was the first to break the tension, managing to find her voice after a noiseless moment of desperate pleading- sending Edward an imploring glance from over her husband’s shoulder, as if soundlessly begging her oldest son to retract his words. Ed, however, didn’t even look at her. She whimpered, standing; touching Benjamin’s shoulder with her thin, quaking hands. “Ben…”
Her husband shrugged away from her touch. The woman recoiled as if she’d been slapped; Rosie leapt to her feet, fingers clenched into ashen fists. “Daddy,” she said quietly-in a strange voice that Alex had never heard her use before. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that that was because she sounded timid- even petrified. Rosalie, nervous? That couldn’t be right… “Daddy, please. Calm down and think things through. You don’t want to do thi-!”
But rather than help, her words only served to further infuriate the older man. Whirling around in a frenzy of rage, Benjamin snapped his wrathful glare on both of his younger children, his face a fiery red. “Did you know…?”
Rosie dropped back onto her seat, trembling. Alexander grasped her hand underneath the table, surprised to feel how urgently she clung back. Her nails bit into his skin like teeth, reminiscent of the days she’d hold his hand while they wandered around the city, looking for Grandpa’s apartment. Strange, really, how he’d think of that now…“Dad, we-”
“DID YOU KNOW?” their father roared, slamming a fist down on the table. The cutlery jumped and rattled; Teri shot her children a pitiful look. She had no idea what to do, either. “Did you know that your brother was- Rosalie, did you influence-!”
“They had nothing to do with it!” Edward cut in firmly, raising his voice for the first time in years. For a brief moment, he allowed his strong mask to fall- casting his brother and sister a desperate glance when they opened their mouths to protest. Both younger teens swallowed, still cowering under Mr. Elric’s deadly gaze.
Then they shook their heads, lowering their faces to the floor. “N-no, sir…”
Ed visibly relaxed for half of a second, content in knowing that his siblings, at least, were safe for the moment; then snapped back into his role when Ben spun to face him once again. The two men stood tall, proud, towering, stubborn…
Benjamin lifted a finger, pointing towards the door. “GET OUT.”
Edward nodded once.
And out he walked.
X
February, 1930
Dear Al,
They discovered a new planet a few days ago. It was in the paper. I don’t know if they’ve named it yet, but it got me thinking about home.
Pathetic, I know. I should let the memories of Amestris stay where they belong-behind me. And I have no real desire to go back anymore; everything I need is here. Still, a part of me will always long for the world in which we belong, and wonder how things are going over there. Wonder if we’ll ever find out.
I know Heiderich thought that our world lay just beyond the sky, but with all of these new planets cropping up-it makes me think that maybe Amestris isn’t so much an alternate dimension; just a distant planet. And perhaps the Gate is really some sort of fucked up worm hole.
I don’t know… it was just a passing thought. But even if it was true, we’d have no way of getting to it. Nor any way to tell where to look for it.
Either way, I’m not sure if I’d want to go back. Realistically. We couldn’t bring Annya with us-look at what happened to Cullison and to Heiderich when their alternate personalities found them. I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to either Annya or Winry- and there’s probably no place for us in Amestris, anymore. Things will have changed too much.
We will have changed too much.
One of the problems I’ve always had with life is that I’ve never been able to appreciate how wonderful things are until I’ve succeeded in screwing up. For once, I want to just accept what I have and move on.
…Though when scientists find things like new planets or technologies-when they make announcements that make me think of all the things we used to know- it’s kind of hard.
I suspect it always will be.
-Ed
X
The morning air was as cold as it was damp, beautiful autumn sunlight bouncing off the heavy fog as it rolled over the little subdivision, leaving dew-drop kisses on the rubbery green grass. Edward’s sneakers squeaked as he walked down the cement driveway, pausing on the edge of the road. Then, with a definitive sort of hum, he tugged his cell phone out of his lab coat pocket and-for the first time in two years-turned it on.
Pressing speed dial number three, he waited; hesitated, then pulled his cigarettes out as well. By the time the person he’d called had answered, he was already on his fourth drag.
“Hey, Lisa?” the blonde greeted cheerfully, expelling a slate-colored ribbon of smoke. It curled innocently around his head, vanishing in the misty air. “Yeah, it’s Edward… no, I’m not kidding. No, I’m not a fucking idiot, either; I know it’s early Sunday morning. Sorry…. Sorry….Sorry. Ye- yes, I know, Lisa. C’mon, you know I wouldn’t call unless it was an emergency, right? Well, it is. …No, really. No, I haven’t lost my script. N- no, Lisa, would you liste-? Lisa… My dad just kicked me out of the house, okay? For good. …yeah, that’s what I thought, now you feel guilty for yelling at me, don’t you?”
He snickered, flicking the tip of his cigarette. A little stream of ashes crumbled off the end, falling to the moisture-darkened ground. “It’s all right, sweetie, I know you didn’t know… no…. yes, I’ll still be going to school. Look, all I need is a place to stay for a day or two; just long enough to find a place of my own. I know that’s asking a lot, especially with how big your family is, but- NO, I’m not asking Todd! Stop laughing. This is serious. You know I-”
But Ed silenced himself abruptly, straightening; oblivious to Lisa’s crackling questions as they poured from his phone. His ears had picked up a softer sound...
“I don’t want you to go.”
Edward smiled gently, stamping out his cigarette and holding up a finger. “Li- Lisa, love, breathe. All right. You listening? I’m gonna come over and we can talk, okay? Is that okay? Good. Thanks, hon.” The cellular snapped shut with an audible crack.
“I don’t want you to go,” Alex repeated tearfully, hands bunched at his sides, glaring up at his older brother with as much fierceness as he could muster. Admittedly, it wasn’t very much… which possibly explained why Edward simply chuckled, flicking his hair over his shoulder.
“Al, you know I don’t have a choice in this,” he said calmly, turning on his heel to face his baby brother. “It’s not like I want to leave. Do you know how much an apartment is going to cost me? I’d much rathe-”
“Then don’t go!” Alex interrupted, nearly groveling, as water began to well in the corners of his eyes-slipping down his cheeks despite his snuffling attempts to stop them. “Don’t go… wait a little while, I’m sure Dad will-!”
But Edward only shook his head; shook his head and tenderly grinned. “It’s not about Dad,” he murmured; unexpectedly- and for a reason the brunette didn’t understand- bending down: kneeling in front of his younger sibling. Alex bit his bottom lip, trying his best not to sob, for once staring down into his brother’s expressive face. He was shaking… “It’s not about Dad or Mom or anyone else, anymore, Alex. It’s about me. Me, finally being mature enough to stand up for myself. Me, finally being mature enough to be myself. Me, finally being mature enough to work for something I want.”
Ed reached out a hand, pushing a stray strand of Alexander’s dark hair behind his ear. He beamed. “It’s going to be okay. It may take a little while, but things will work out. All right?”
Alex swallowed harshly, grabbing the hand lingering by his cheek. “Do you promise…?” he asked wetly, wishing he never had to let go.
“If you promise not to worry.”
The brunette felt a cynical smile tug on his lips, though his eyes continued to shimmer with tears. “I’ve told you…” he whispered, slowly loosening his grip on his brother’s fingers. “I can’t promise that.”
“But you did promise to try,” Edward said steadfastly, pushing himself back to his feet. “That’s all I ask.” And Alex, despite himself, managed to give a short, jerky nod.
There was a brief silence; Ed watched his little brother’s sniveling attempts to compose himself, looking suddenly lost-torn. “…I wish I could hug you, right now,” the blonde admitted quietly, forcing his arms to lie at his sides. Alexander offered an understanding smile.
“That’s all right…” he swallowed, voice thick with emotion, though he seemed to be itching for the same thing. “Dad might be watching… I only managed to sneak out of the kitchen ‘cause he was so busy yelling…”
“Not at Mom or Rosie, I hope?” Alex shook his head no. “Good. Just in general, then?”
“About how you’re not his son anymore, and stuff,” the brunette informed, sounding rather guilty for having to play the messenger. But if Edward was hurt by this news, he didn’t show it-he just blew out his cheeks and shrugged. Still, Alex felt inclined to add: “I’m sure he doesn’t really mean it, Brother.”
“Well, it wouldn’t matter if he did.” The blonde tapped the toes of his shoes against the ground, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I’ll be out of here soon enough… oh, don’t look at me like that, Al. You’ll see me around! I’ll be at school and I’ll have to come back to get my stuff. And …as soon as I find my own place, you can come visit your ‘girlfriend,’ yeah?” Ed arched an eyebrow, winking.
Alexander blushed, squeaking; his brother laughed.
“Go on, Al,” the blonde encouraged, still chortling softly. “Go back inside, before Dad notices you’re talking to me. We don’t want him to get any more suspicious, right? Don’t worry about me. I’ll be just fine.”
Of course, this was all easier said than done. Leaving now-watching Edward walk away-it felt like something was ending. And something was ending… but what, Alex wasn’t quite sure. Still, he didn’t want to let it go. “I want to come with you.”
“You know you can’t,” Edward lightly reprimanded, though his voice was definite. He moved his head again, vaguely, in the direction of the house. “I’ll call you as soon as I possibly can, okay? I’ll call Rosie’s line; that way Dad won’t hang up on me. And I’ll see you in school. We can have lunch together, like usual. It will be okay.”
Alex seemed understandably unsure, twisting his pajama sleeve over and over in his clammy hands. Regardless, he nodded, echoing his brother’s words. “It will be okay...”
“That’s right,” Ed nodded encouragingly, leaning forward and inch or two- hands still jammed in his pockets. “I love you, Alexander,” he reminded, though he spoke so quietly that the words were nearly lost to the wind. “Remember that. Now, go back into the house, okay? For me? I don’t want you catching a cold.”
The brunette flushed, apparently embarrassed. “I’m not gonna get sick from a little damp air,” he grumbled, glaring at his feet. But neither were fooled-Alex was hiding his eyes for an entirely different reason. “…I love you, too, Edward,” he finally breathed, speaking into his hands as he clutched his face. A little whimper wormed its way out of his throat, shuddering and muffled. “I love you so much that it scares me…”
“…” Edward beamed-though for once, the gesture was somewhat disheartening. “Maybe for good reason.”
He turned away.
And as Alex watched him go; nonchalant at first, but gradually curling in upon himself, moving faster; the younger boy felt a piece of himself leave, too. It hurt… (‘He’s going…he’s really going.’)…it hurt too much to watch- (‘He’s not going to be here; he’s going togoaway. He’s not goingto be…’)-to speak- (‘Notgoingto beherehe’s notgonna-’)-to breathe-!
Throat tightening painfully, Alexander spun back towards the house-half running, half limping- coughing as his world started to spin. He felt himself slam the front door shut, rather than hear it: the sound of rushing blood was too loud in his ears; his sight fuzzy from tears. Alex wobbled towards their room-now his room- rubbing feverishly at his eyes… but they were dry. Why wouldn’t his vision clear? Why was it…? His mind was racing; too fast; it hurt-!
His body brushed Rosie’s; where had she come from? Why were there… two of her…?
“Alex? Alex, what’s wrong-?”
Alexander groaned, his stomach lurching as his heart gave a sharp stab. He was going to throw up… “Don’t- feel…” he wheezed, his mouth as dry as sand, limbs heavy like stone. “Don’t…”
The ground beneath him crumbled…
Rosalie screamed.
X
May, 1930
Dear Al,
On the bright side, we haven’t been kicked out of the apartments, yet.
Really, that’s all the good news I can think of. The Depression hasn’t gotten any better, we’re not making nearly enough money, we have no heat, no food, no lights or candles, and one of your cats just died. So of course, you’re inconsolable, and Annya is panicking. While I have known you long enough to realize that you just want to be left alone right now, she is desperately trying to cheer you up-her English regressing into short, choppy sentences as her flustered state worsens. I tried to consol her earlier; I tried to get her to leave you alone; but she’s nearly as stubborn as we are.
She’s pounding on our bedroom door, right now. I’m sitting on the couch, watching her, and you’re sulking-yelling randomly through the door that if she doesn’t stop right now, you’re going to put her in a time out. That may have worked when she was 12 (and only ever for you, she just argues with me), but Annya is now defiantly 15. A frustrated defiant 15-year-old, to boot.
I just hope that I don’t have to peal her away from the d-
X
A sigh.
“Mom… you really don’t have to sit here. I promise I’m okay- really.”
Teri Elric shook her head, moving impulsively back and forth on the rocking chair she’d pulled into her son’s bedroom. “I know, honey,” she muttered, though her face remained pale and her body tense; nervously folding the laundry in the basket beside her. Her hands flicked as swiftly back and forth as the chair did- fold, fold, crease, press; back, forth, back, forth. “I know. The doctors keep telling us… it’s just stress, but… but me sitting here is for my health, not yours.” She offered a weary smile, though clearly took comfort in the sight of Alex: sitting up, breathing normally, that strange black book in his lap again. Bunny rested innocently beside his leg, playing the part of Alchemy’s toy. Teri gradually began to relax, brushing stray bangs from her eyes. “So don’t mind me. You can keep reading if you’d like. Or I can bring you something to drink…?”
“No,” Alex murmured, lashes fluttering lazily as he stared down at his grandfather’s diary. “No, I’m okay. And I’m sorry that I gave you such a scare, Br- (he reddened, feeling insanely stupid.)-I mean, Mom.”
“…” Mrs. Elric’s hands fell into her lap. “…I’m sorry, Alex,” she whispered, avoiding her child’s gaze. “I know that you’re used to Edward being here…and this morning… it must have been such a shock- and then he left so quickly. And I… I couldn’t even-!”
She cut herself off, taking a deep, shuddering breath. After a feeble moment of trying to collect herself, the woman sighed. “You have to forgive your father, sweetie. He… he has his reasons. I know it seems harsh, but if you understood his side of things-”
Despite his best attempts to keep control, Alexander felt his fists constrict; slamming into his mattress with stifled thuds. The bedspread leapt into the air-as did Alchemy, who scampered out the door with a startled yowl. “HIS side of things?” the boy repeated, lip curling. “What on earth could justify-!” He broke off with a cough- just one; to clear the tickle from the back of his throat. All the same, his mother fell to pieces: toppling forward in a mad scramble for medicine. “MOM! I’m fine, I promise!”
Teri froze, embarrassed; clutching the hand Alex placed on top of her own. “Sorry, Alex…” she apologized for a second time, now kneeling beside him. “I…it’s hard for me, to see this happening and- and I’m worried about you. And Edward. And Rosie. And your Dad.”
She nodded when her son snorted, looking away. “I know… You have every right to be mad at him, sweetie. I understand why you’re questioning what he did. But…well, to be honest, he’s scared.”
Alexander cast his mother a flat look, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “Scared? Of WHAT? Edward being gay? PLEASE!”
Mrs. Elric didn’t reply. Instead, she turned her face away, tightening her fingers around her son’s.
Alex blinked at her. “…you cannot be serious,” he drawled, obviously exasperated. “Why would Edward being gay scare him? I mean, I know he’s a homophobe, but-”
“Look,” Teri sighed, picking herself back up and settling down on her chair-returning to her rapid rocking and speedy sorting, “I really shouldn’t be the one to tell you this… it humiliates your Dad. But… yes. The idea of anyone being in a homosexual relationship frightens your father. You see, your Dad’s father was… um, that is…”
Alexander felt his lips pull back in a dry grin. “He was gay.”
It was a statement, not a question. His mother seemed momentarily startled by this blunt proclamation-and a little confused as to Alex’s knowledge of the subject-but nodded all the same. “Yes… he was. And your Dad knew… he-I think he told me that he’d read it somewhere. In a journal or something… when he was little.”
In an instant, the world stopped spinning.
Alexander’s eyes widened, stomach twisting into knots. ‘Dad… read Grandpa’s diary-?’ he gaped, feeling his own jaw drop. ‘When? Why? But wait… that means- He KNOWS…?’
How Teri had decided to interpret Alex’s apparent horror was a mystery in and of itself, but she didn’t seem to have translated it correctly. Instead of holding out a hand and insisting to see the journal (which he’d subtly shoved under his quilt), she nodded glumly, working on pairing up socks. “I know… it was quite a shock to him, too. I think it affected him more than he admits-” She paused; she chuckled dejectedly. “Ha, I guess that’s an understatement, considering… But, well, whenever he hears about homosexual couples, I think he remembers his father…and that he may never have been born. It’s a scary thought, I’m sure. That and… well,” Teri sighed, sounding dismayed, “he grew up with his mother-your grandmother, Annya; you never met her, she died right after Edward was born… but she was always so depressed. As a result, Ben… I suppose it’d have been strange if he hadn’t been affected.”
…Silence.
Alexander’s head was spinning-not unpleasantly, for once, but numbly. Cold, raw, numb shock… he was still having trouble processing it. Dad, knowing? Knowing Grandpa’s secret? Since he was-what, a child?
Annya. Mom had mentioned Annya-Dad’s mom. She was Dad’s mom? His Grandma? And she… she was depressed? Why? She seemed so happy in Grandpa’s journal…
What happened?
‘What happened?’
“What happened…?” Alex heard himself choke, hands trembling on his knees; watching his mother with bright, shock-filled eyes. Glancing up, Mrs. Elric gave a jolt-startled by the intensity of his stare. “What happened? Between Grandpa and Grandma? Between Dad and his parents? What happened…?”
“I… uh,” Teri blinked, taken aback. “I don’t really know, honey. I think your father had a talk with your Grandpa, but… I can’t really say what happened. They seemed on good enough terms, I guess. As for your Grandma and Grandpa, I… they…didn’t really talk much, after your father left for college. And then Grandma died of a heart attack before you were born.”
“But Dad-Dad knew? He knew that Grandpa was gay?” the brunette reiterated, wanting to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood-the concept was still so foreign; so strange! Dad had read the diary… when he was little! That would have hurt-but would it really have been enough to tear a child’s whole world to pieces, like Teri seemed to suggest?
Mrs. Elric frowned slightly, beginning to look annoyed. “Yes, Alex. I told you. He’s known for many, many years, and the memories are still painful for him. That’s why it’s important for you to understand why Edward being gay was such a nasty shock.”
Alex nodded mechanically, mind still whirling-faster and faster and faster. ‘This changes everything… if Dad knew; if he realized that his father was- that Edward Elric was-’
…wait.
“Mom,” Alex said-hastily hushed, gazing blankly out the distant window: the sunset pouring through in shades of vivid gold. The sound of his mother gathering up her things resonated oddly in his ears, along with the pounding of his own heart. “If Dad knew Grandpa was gay-if he knew and was so terrified, scarred, and revolted by it…”
Teri glanced up. “Yes…?” she prompted, balancing the laundry basket on her hip. He could tell by her stance that she was about to leave-probably to prepare dinner, where she’d promptly forget this conversation; probably even pretend they’d never had it.
Alexander hesitated, the words stuck in his throat.
He closed his eyes. “Never mind,” the brunette decided, sitting stock-still as his mom chirped an overly cheerful “All right,” kissed his cheek, and (though tentatively, frequently casting him anxious glances over her shoulder) strolled out the door. Which was fine; he’d rather be alone. But even though she’d gone, Alex couldn’t get her words out of his mind-or tear the question off of his lips.
Why?
If Benjamin Elric knew that Edward Elric Senior, his father, was gay-had known it from an early age; had suffered terrible psychological side-effects because of it…
Why had he named his eldest son after him?
X
May, 1930
Dear Al,
All right, that was just…
I guess “weird” isn’t the right word for it. “Amazing” doesn’t quite fit, either. But it was certainly memorable. I mean, you even opened your bedroom door; you forgot that you were pouting! That doesn’t happen ever day…
Neither does my dropping a pen, ruining the rest of a journal page with ink stains as I boggle wordlessly.
“What…was that?” you asked Annya-rather breathlessly, actually, gaping at her though the open doorway. She blushed, fiddling with her apron and casting me an embarrassed glance. Then she adverted her eyes again, playing with a strand of her curly hair, announcing that it was the refrain to a song she was working on-a present for us. It wasn’t finished yet, but it seemed like a good time to test it, per say.
“But it’s in Russian,” I pointed out, though still thoroughly impressed. It was… haunting, her melody. Like a tune that I’d heard before, so many times, but had forgotten. “We don’t speak Russian.”
She smiled and replied: “But I do. I will write it down for you; I will translate it for you. I will put it in your little book, too, if you like.”
Of course, that caught your attention, Al, and you noticed me writing in here. I guess I’ll have to explain myself, later. Shit.
But… I don’t really care. Rather, that’s not what disturbs me. What does is… Annya’s voice, actually. Don’t get me wrong, it’s beautiful-but it’s so mature. More mature than it was when we’d first met her. I’d forgotten how old she actually is; I hadn’t realized how developed she’d become in the few short years since we’d met: how attached to us-to you-she’s become. I see her coloring when you glance her way.
This could be a problem.
-Ed
X
“What do you mean, you FAINTED?”
Alexander sighed, growing increasingly tired of being chewed out. “Brother,” he whispered into the faux fur-covered phone, “please. I told you, I’m fine. It was just a panic attack…”
But Edward wouldn’t hear of it. Immediately, he launched into a furious rant. “Al, why didn’t you call me? I was only half way down the street! I woul-”
The brunette rolled his eyes, shooting Rosie an apologetic smile, holding the receiver a few inches from his ear. Ed’s voice poured from it, loud and clear; she huffed, jiggling her foot impatiently beside Alex’s bed, swiveling around in her computer chair. It was her telephone he was using, her phone line he was tying up. As long as Edward continued blabbering, she wouldn’t be able to do anything on the internet… she probably had four dozen messages waiting to occupy her, all along the lines of ‘you wanna get together?’ And she would never know. A fact that clearly irked her.
Her brow scrunched in a warning glare.
“-r another thing, if you had listened and gotten out of the cold-!”
“Ed,” Alex attempted once more, trying his best to talk over his brother without speaking too loudly. Who knew where Benjamin was? “Forget about it, okay? I’m fine. Tell me about you. What’s going on?”
“But-” Edward made a frustrated noise; in his mind’s eye, Alexander could see him pulling a hand through his hair. It made his heart give a little lurch… “…Oh, all right. Let’s see. I’m staying with Lisa tonight, but that’s all her parents will allow, gay or not. After that, I’m being tossed over to Todd- stop laughing, right now!- and am staying with him until I get my finances straight. I had to dip into my college money, but there’s a little flat on the edge of town that’s relatively cheap. Not anything fancy, but it’s a place to stay.”
“How much is it?”
“Six hundred and fifty a month.”
Alex frowned dubiously, pressing the phone closer to his ear. The magenta fur tickled his nose… “That seems like a lot.”
His brother laughed; there was a squeaking flop, suggesting that he’d just lain back on an old, springy mattress. The smile was evident in his voice. “It could be worse. I have plenty of cash saved up in my bank account, and that college money I was talking about. It’ll be enough to get me the apartment and some food… At least until I can get some kind of job. And my art teacher has been trying to talk me into selling some pieces for a while; maybe I’ll take her up on that.”
“What about school?”
“I told you,” Edward soothed, smothering a yawn. “I’ll still be there. I have to graduate from high school. I’ll just take a year or two off before college in order to replenish the cash that I’m stealing from my account, right now.”
“You really have this all planned out, don’t you?” Alexander praised, unable to keep a small grin off of his face. Rosalie noticed this and snorted, grumbling something about looking like a school girl. Alex glared, flushed; forcing himself to stop twirling his hair around a finger. “Are you sure that you don’t need any help? I have some money…”
Ed cut his lover off by blowing a loud, wet raspberry. In the background, Lisa yelled something about not wanting to catch his gayness, so cut it out. Even Alex laughed. “It’s fine, Al; I don’t need your money. I have to do this myself, you know? Besides, you’ll have your own expenses to worry about, soon enough.”
“I’m only a junior,” Alex protested. “I won’t have to worry about college for a while.”
“It’s coming up faster than you think.”
“Yeah… mayb-”
“Look, if you guys aren’t gonna talk about anything important,” Rosie interrupted, irritated; drumming her long nails incessantly against the arms of her chair, “then would you please call it a freakin’ night? You’ve been on for over an hour!”
Which wasn’t nearly enough time, in Alexander’s book-though he wasn’t sure what would be enough time. Heck, he wasn’t sure if there’d ever be enough time… Not when he was used to his brother being right there. He sighed. “Rosie says I have to hang up now, Edw-”
Edward.
The brunette straightened, the unintentional reminder causing electricity to shoot through his veins like lightening. ‘I should tell him-’ “Brother,” he said, talking quickly now; quite aware of his sister’s rising urge to kill. “I forgot to mention: I had a talk with Mom today. About Dad. There’s something strange about your name-”
“My name?”
“Alex!” Rosalie snarled, gritting her teeth furiously. Alexander privately feared she was going to claw a hole through her seat’s armrests. “Tell him LATER.”
The boy pouted, indignant. “But Rosie-!”
“It’s okay,” Ed interrupted, clearly aware of what was going on. “You can tell me later. I should probably get going, anyway-I promised Lisa I’d do the dishes for her. Equivalent exchange, and all that.” From somewhere close to his elder sibling, Alex could hear Lisa mutter: “Damn straight.”
“…all right,” Alexander reluctantly agreed, deflating a bit. “I’ll talk to you later, right?”
“Of course you will,” Edward insisted soothingly. “I’ll call again tomorrow, if you’d like. Okay? I love you both.”
“We love you, too,” Alex returned quietly. Rosie’s face softened; she nodded towards the phone, as if her eldest brother could see her. “Bye, then.”
The phone disconnected with a soft ‘click.’
“…you all right?” Rosalie asked sheepishly, apparently feeling guilty for her previous anger. The brunette shrugged, unhurriedly lowering the tacky receiver; placing it back in its equally tacky cradle. “You’re not gonna get sick again, or anything?”
Alexander glowered. “No, I’m not,” he snapped, cheeks coloring with mortified frustration. “Nor am I going to break like a doll!”
“Well, sorry,” Rosie groused, pulling her knees to her chin. “We’re just worried about you, is all. No need to bite our heads off. But you know, maybe if you stopped fainting…”
She trailed off, waiting for a response… but it never came. A beat; a sniffle. Curious, she shot Alex a sideways glance, spinning her chair in the direction of the door. Then, with a bite of her bottom lip, the girl spoke again. “You know,” she mumbled, playing with her toes, “it’s not that Edward isn’t afraid. He’s just trying to act strong for us, like he always has.”
He nodded, shaky, but didn’t pull away when Rosalie dropped a hand on his shoulder. A good sign.
“…I’m scared, too,” Rosie admitted with an empty laugh, staring purposefully in the opposite direction. “It’s okay to be scared-it doesn’t make you weak. You just can’t let that fear cloud your judgment. If Edward says he’s gonna be okay, we’ve got to trust him. He’s stubborn, but he’s not stupid. If he needs our help, he’ll let us know.”
Alex let out a snuffled grunt of agreement. “I know…but…”
“Everything happens for a reason,” Rosalie stated confidently, speaking before her brother could begin another guilt trip. “Even if it doesn’t seem like it at first. Who knows? Maybe this is really a blessing in disguise.”
The boy arched an eyebrow, casting his sister a flat stare. “How?”
For lack of anything better to say, Rosie simply smiled and shrugged. “We’ll see, won’t we?”
X