Skeletons Chapter Five
Woot! Finally! Something new! XD Guess what it is?
That's right! It's chapter five! ^_^
Enjoy!
Title: Skeletons
Type: Chapter Fic-- Letter Five
Rating: PG-13 (may be upped later)
Pairings: Elricestx2
Warnings: Swearing. Mentions of yuri, yaoi, and general Ed-emo. X3
Summary: Everyone has skeletons in their closet-- and Edward and Alexander Elric are about to find their grandfather's.
Disclaimer: Me with ownership of FMA… that’s a scary thought. X3 (But I do own my OC-babies! *huggles them*)
Author’s Note: I am still completely speechless. THANK YOU, everyone, for your support! I love you guys-and I’m so thankful! *sobs happily*
I hope you guys enjoy this chapter… I’m pretty sure you will. ^_~
(PS. ‘RAY’ stands for Rainbow Alliance of Youth. It’s a group that fights for equality and tries to put a stop to prejudice based on race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. *is a proud member* XD)
XXX
X
X
X
My arm hurt like hell the next morning. To be honest, I couldn’t even move it-not for the rest of the day.
But it had been worth it… for just that little spark of hope.
X
X
X
XXX
Skeletons
XXX
“What do you think?”
Rosalie looked abruptly up from the deck she was shuffling, quirking an eyebrow at her brother. As if on cue, a flash of lightening illuminated the room. It was Wednesday, it was storming, and Alex was currently sitting across from her, lounging on her bedroom floor, resting his chin in the palms of his hands. It was strange for Rosie to be home on a weekday (as she belonged to so many school clubs), and the two had decided to seize the chance a canceled RAY meeting had provided: an opportunity to catch up on their card playing-the one guilty pleasure they both shared. Between them lay a bowl of cheese popcorn and a stack of poker chips, both waiting to be won.
Alexander watched her expression flatten, wrapping his quilt more tightly around him; coughing once. Then she blinked.
“… you’ll have to be a little more specific then that,” Rosalie finally snorted, dealing them each a hand of cards, chuckling as her bangles jingled, “or else we’ll be here all night.” Grinning at her own joke, she flipped up her cards and organized them. Alex did the same. “What do I think about what?”
“…” The brunette didn’t respond for a moment, choosing instead to finger his five of clubs. This was it… Rosie lifted a can of juice to her lips, taking a sip- “Do you think I’m gay?”
Before promptly choking.
Al watched, torn between laughter and irritation, as Rosalie pounded on her own chest, trying to breathe again. “EXCUSE me?” she then hacked, straightening with an air of… well, he couldn’t really tell what. It seemed to be a mixture of shock and delight and exasperation. In any case, her eyes were glittering in that ‘knowing’ way-the ‘way’ that everyone dreaded. “Did you just ask me if I think you’re gay?”
Now she simply sounded elated.
Alex’s expression turned sour, tugging distractedly on a frayed end of his blanket. “Look, you don’t have to make a big deal about it,” he groused quietly, trying to hide his face with his bangs as his cheeks heated up. “I’m not even sure, okay? That’s why I’m asking y-”
But Rosie wasn’t listening; she wasn’t even paying attention to her cards anymore. (Alexander noticed with distaste that she’d somehow managed to deal herself a flush.) “You think you might be gay?” she squealed, though her face screamed: So you’ve finally come out of the closet, big brother? “That’s awesome!”
‘ ‘Awesome’-?’ “I SAID,” the brunette repeated with a flare of impatience, “that I-I don’t know, Rosie! That’s why I’m asking you!”
“…” The amusement on her face grew, but for a different reason. “…So it’s up to me?” she asked with a snort, her eyebrows shooting up to her hairline. “If I tell you that you’re gay, you’ll believe me and start trying to ‘get some’ from guys?”
Alexander colored more drastically than ever, shaking his head no. “That’s not what I meant…” he murmured, pressing his cards, face down, into the carpet. He watched the waxy backs fold and pop upwards with a hint of forced fascination. “I just… I need someone else’s opinion on all of this. I don’t know what I think anymore.”
Rosie hummed, leaning back on her fist and fanning herself with her cards. Her baggy, button-down shirt bunched around her wrists. “Well,” she then vocalized, sounding pensive, “let’s start at the beginning. When did all of this come up? Your questioning yourself, I mean.”
‘8th grade,’ he thought miserably, but didn’t have the heart to say. 8th grade… ever since Zena, his first (and only) girlfriend. Zena Palzack, who’d lasted a week; Zena Palzack, who he’d dated on a dare. It wasn’t that he disliked her: they had been good friends, at the time. Both had an interest in animals and history… Nor was it that she’d done anything wrong: she was funny and sweet and cute, with a gentle smile and long brown pigtails that fell to her thighs. But… he just couldn’t bring himself to want to do anything with her. He didn’t want to hold her hand, he didn’t want to carry her books, and he sure as hell didn’t want to kiss her.
He’d rather have made out with Alchemy.
But when he’d told Edward they’d broken up… and he saw that adorable little grin Ed had tried his best to hide… then he’d felt happy. Then he’d felt like, maybe, he might enjoy doing something… something for Edward. So he set the dinner table, even though it was his brother’s turn, and even though he’d told Edward off for being an insensitive bastard about Zena.
Alex kneaded his forehead with his fist, trying to erase the memory. “I dunno,” he finally grunted-acutely aware of Rosalie’s piercing stare. “A few months…?”
She hummed again; though she didn’t sound like she believed him; and tapped her cheek with a manicured forefinger. The tip sparkled with navy-colored glitter. “Is there anyone in particular that these feelings are for? ‘Cause ya might be bi if you still think girls are hot but are crushing on some guy.” She grinned toothily, winking. The chain she wore around her hips clattered as she crossed her legs Indian style. “That’s how I knew, you know-I thought Todd Multare was sexy, but it was Amy that I wanted to date.”
The brunette cast his little sister a vague glance before rolling onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “How’d that happen, anyway?” he inquired, a little more curiously than he wished. “You and Amy going out… you’d known each other since, what, Girl Scouts? When did Amy tell you she was a lesbian?”
“She didn’t need to tell me,” Rosie scoffed, sounding exasperated. (Alex rolled his eyes at her tone.) “It was obvious from the way that she acted… at least, obvious to me. ‘Cause she was always blushing when we were together. You know how I’d spend the night at her place a lot in 7th grade? Well, this one time, we were changing into our PJs and I caught her staring. She was trying hard not to, but I could tell that she was fascinated. Her fingers were twitching and everything. I had thought that she was cute since 6th grade, and had noticed all the sweet little things she did for me- like look up hard-to-find computer parts. And I wanted to see if she was really into me, like I was into her… so I told her that my bra was stuck and I needed someone to help me unfasten it. She didn’t want to help, of course, but I coaxed her over… and then, when she reached out, I grabbed her and-”
The blonde cut herself off suddenly, noticing the look of horrified shock on her brother’s face.
She cleared her throat.
“ANYWAY,” Rosie smiled, pinking a bit, “let’s just say that things were pretty clear after that.” Her grin slipped a little, becoming a glower. “…Don’t look at me like that. All we did was make out. No sex before marriage, scouts honor.” She held up her fingers like the Girl Scout she’d tried (but failed) to be.
Alex wondered if it was possible to poke out your mind’s eye.
“But this isn’t about me,” Rosalie quickly chirped, tossing her cards to the side. “This is about you. Who is it you’ve got a crush on?” She smirked, periwinkle pools shimmering with excitement. “Is it someone I know?”
‘Only too well,’ he mentally admitted-but out loud he said nothing.
Classic behavior… Rosie took his silence for a ‘yes.’ The fact that he was blushing up a storm didn’t hurt her decision, either. “In that case,” she cooed, clearly enjoying herself, “your best bet is to see if that person feels the same way for you. If he does, then pursue it!”
Her excited rambling quickly quieted, however, upon noticing the still-raw uncertainty on Alexander’s face. She sighed.
“Alex… if there’s one thing I believe in, it’s that love is love. Gender has nothing to do with it. I hate how people try to box us; how they try to label us as ‘straight’ or ‘gay’ or even ‘bi.’ And then they try to tell us that some of those boxes are wrong… God wouldn’t give us these feelings if he didn’t want us to have them; not everything is about resisting temptation. If you really like this guy as much as you seem to-and believe me, it seems like you like him a lot”- she chuckled; he glanced away, covering his face with his hands- “then GO for it. What have you got to lose?”
‘A brother…?’ But for the third time, he didn’t echo his thoughts: he simply nodded. “I guess… I’ll think about it.”
“Just don’t over think it,” Rosie warned, picking up her cards again. “That can sometimes make things worse. Emotions are powerful… you should follow them, when you can. They’re helpful.”
Alex couldn’t help but smile. “This coming from the girl loses her temper every other day. Speaking of which-don’t you have detention tomorrow?”
“Shut up and discard.”
X
November, 1922
Dear Al,
I’m used to dreaming of you, I do so almost every night. But for some reason, the dreams are getting clearer, now-fewer fuzzy memories and more “flashes.” “Flashes” like photographs; still lives that let me know you’re okay. Countless pictures, flipping past as if on a reel of film: you practicing with Teacher, playing with stray kittens, helping Winry with chores, walking through foreign deserts, growing out your hair...
But in all of these pictures, you’re looking far away. Searching with your eyes.
It’s like you’re trying to find me, even in my dreams. And when I realize that, even though I’m unconscious, I’ll call out for you… then wake up.
Do you hear that? When I call your name… Heiderich does, and usually comes running. It’s always embarrassing to explain that I was only having a dream.
Still… it would be worth it if-just once- the sound reached you, and let you know that I’m here.
-Ed
X
Alex had been taking piano lessons since he was four. He’d never had a particular love for the instrument, nor a natural talent, but his mother had once seen him excitingly pounding the keys of the ancient baby grand Gramdpa Elric used to keep (until he’d moved into an apartment, anyway), and had immediately signed him up for lessons.
She had yet to relent and let him quit.
But that was okay. He got certain privileges out of it-such as first dibs on desert on recital nights- plus it gave him something to do on Thursday afternoons from 4:30 till 5:30. That, and he had to admit… there was something calming about playing, or even just tinkering on the old piano in the living room. It was peaceful: just him and the notes-the one thing in his life that he could control. Recently, he needed that power and catharsis more and more frequently…
And he blamed it on moments like this.
Alexander sighed heavily, pressing his forehead to the window, watching the scenery fly past. Trees and fields and rolling hills… the city wasn’t too far away, but it was hard to tell from here. It was nice.
He squinted a bit, pulling his eyes back-gazing as the dim reflection of Edward in the driver’s seat. His brother was staring straight ahead, lips pursed, dressed in a paint-incrusted set of sweat pants and a t-shirt. The blonde shook his head slightly, brushing a few locks of hair from his eyes; the stands that refused to stay in a ponytail. He looked mildly annoyed, muttering something under his breath. Alex couldn’t blame him-mom was supposed to have driven him to lessons today. Not that driving Alex was that big of a deal, but Ed had been pretty engrossed in whatever project he was working on. And Edward did not like being interrupted.
At least… that was what Alexander had chosen to pin the silence on. Not the heavy blanket of tension between them.
The brunette swallowed silently, wishing he could say something. But since that night… that night they’d held hands… he couldn’t. What could he say? For that matter, what was Ed waiting for him to say? It must have been something… because the one time their gazes locked, there had certainly been a question behind those golden eyes. Alex dreaded to discover what it was. Probably because he already knew… or, at least, had a very fair idea.
His fingers tightened around his folder of music. Why did moments like this always make him want to puke? “Ed…”
The elder of the two stiffened slightly, casting his younger sibling a sideways glance. He seemed surprised by the sudden invite to start a conversation. “Yeah?”
“What is it that you want from me?” he asked quietly, propping his chin in his hands and staring out the window. His nails drummed nervously against his flesh. “I know there’s something… you’ve been really quiet for a while.”
He noticed with some wonder the faint pink flush that crawled up Edward’s neck and stained his ears; then cursed mutely when he realized how poorly he’d phrased his question. ‘Way to look desperate!’ he chastised himself, wishing he could slam his head repeatedly into the windshield. But that might look a little excessive. And suspicious.
But thankfully, Ed continued without mentioning Al’s horrible choice of words. “I don’t want anything from you,” he assured calmly, successfully able to quell his embarrassment. (Alex wished he was so skilled.) “I’ve just been wondering if you’ve given any thought to your own feelings on… you know. The matter we discussed a few nights ago.”
On some level, it amused Alexander that Edward seemed unable to say the word ‘gay’ and ‘Al’ in the same sentence. But at the same time, it sort of annoyed him. Like Ed didn’t really believe that he might be.
‘Why do I want to prove it to him?’
He really was losing his mind.
Edward glanced his way again; the car pulled through a yellow light. Alex sighed, closing his eyes, hugging his music to his chest as his forehead reacquainted itself with the window. And then, before he’d even realized he was speaking, he heard himself announce:
“…I did think about it. And I realized that I’ve never liked any girls.”
The blonde blinked rapidly in the driver’s seat, then snorted and smiled gently. “That doesn’t mean anything,” he assured, completing a right turn with ease. Alex wished for the umpteenth time that he had his own license, rather than just his temps. Then he wouldn’t have to have embarrassing conversations with his brother in the car… “Maybe you just haven’t found the right girl yet. You don’t need to worry.”
But the younger boy shook his head-and as he did so, the rest of his body began to shake, as well. “No,” he muttered, gulping hard. His nerves were a shambled wreck of nervous electricity… “No, I really think… I’m pretty sure I’m probably gay.”
Edward didn’t respond. His lips had slipped down into a light frown: not angry, but not happy, either. More preoccupied than anything else. Then he sighed, brushing his ponytail over his shoulder-before allowing that that hand to land lightly upon Alexander’s. The trembling slowed, but Alexander’s heart sped up. “…Can I ask you something, Al?”
Alex nodded, not trusting himself to speak. If he did, he might say something he regretted…
“Why does it scare you so much?” Ed questioned delicately, keeping his eyes on the road but his hand on top of Al’s. “Being gay, that is. I mean, Rosie and I aren’t as straight as swizzle sticks, but that’s never fazed you. Why are you afraid of the possibility of being gay, too?”
And there it was. THE question. He’d known it was coming, but now that it was here… Al let the words ring through the silence, hoping they would fade. He gulped, wetting his lips three times in a row; but no matter how much he stalled, the deafening quiet hammered on, completely merciless.
He decided that anything was better than just sitting here, flustered.
“It’s not…” Alexander began hesitantly, trying to ignore the pleasant, tingling heat that was radiating from Ed’s fingers, “it’s not being gay that I’m afraid of… it’s what I’d have to admit, if I were.”
Edward’s brow crinkled, clearly confused. “What do you mean?”
What do you mean… that was a good question. Alex squeezed his eyes shut, terrified-but he had nothing to tell but the truth. Or, at least, part of the truth. “If I were gay,” he clarified softly, shifting subtly towards the door, “it would mean that… these feelings I have for-for this guy I know… it would mean that they’re not as… um, well, platonic as I’d tried to pretend they were. And that might ruin things with him, because there’s no way he could possibly feel the same way for me, due to…circumstance. And so I’m afraid that, if I were gay… I’d have to finally admit to myself that I’m in love with him.”
Ed said nothing-but his eyes had hardened strangely, and his grip on the steering wheel tightened. Alex could hear the rubber grips chafing in Edward’s strong hand; ‘Did I say something wrong again? Or… or did he figure it out-!’ But the blonde’s voice, when he spoke, was nonchalant. Dangerously nonchalant. “So…
Who is it?”
Alexander didn’t answer.
“Al?” the older teen repeated in a tone of forced calm. It made Alexander want to throw up more than ever… “Can you tell me who it is? Maybe I can help you.”
But thankfully, the car pulled into his piano teacher’s house at that moment- and he could see Mrs. Carter waiting in the window, scowling; black eyes glittering as she tapped her watch. She spun away, dreadlocks fluttering in the wake of her movements.
He needed no other excuse to bolt.
“Al-! Alex!”
Alex ran and he didn’t look back.
X
March, 1923
Dear Al,
I wonder how far away the sky is? It looks like miles… do you think a rocket will actually manage to touch it?
How else will I be able to find you, if for some reason it can’t?
-Ed
X
Needless to say, the ride home that afternoon had been tense. Neither had said a word: Edward waiting for Alex’s response; Alex hoping Edward would forget. He had come so close to saying something he shouldn’t…! He didn’t want to chance saying anything else. And so the silence remained. Not only in the car, but in the house- lingering for the rest of the evening, proceeding into the next morning, continuing during school, and caring on into Friday night.
It was hell.
Alex sat gloomily at the kitchen table, watching the digital clock tick onward. 11:34 PM… 12:06 AM… 1:57 AM… the hours dragged past. But still, he didn’t move from where he’d sat down to do homework at 7 that night. Heck, he didn’t even move to do that homework-his eyes on the clock and his chin in his right palm, his left hand clutched a mechanical pencil like a dagger, resting on top of an open book and note pad. Yes, he had forgotten his homework ages ago.
‘What am I going to do now?’ he thought desperately, and not for the first time that evening. ‘Ed already hates me, and I haven’t even told him that I- argh, no, stop that Alexander! Even if you ARE gay, you cannot be in love with your brother. He’s your BROTHER!’
His fingernails dug into his chin; he bit his bottom lip.
The back door creaked softly open.
And thought Alexander certainly wasn’t surprised, Rosalie was-nearly jumping a mile when she saw her older brother sitting at the table, watching her quiet attempts to sneak in with dull eyes. “Crud-!” she hissed, clutching her shirt where her heart would be, spinning away with a deep breath. “Geez, Alex!” Rosie yelped in a whisper, attempting to regain her composure. “Trying to give me a heart attack?”
“No,” Alex drawled, still not moving an inch. “But if you’d come home on time…”
“I was home on time,” the girl retorted coolly. “I was on the front porch with Amy. You can ask her.”
The brunette cast his sister a dry look. “…on the front porch. Since eleven?”
Rosalie grinned broadly, wiping a lipstick smudge off of her cheek. “We did a lot of talking.”
“I’m sure.”
“Hey, we did,” she protested-though still smiling impishly; pulling up a chair and straddling it, resting her arms on the back. “Communication is key in a relationship, you know. But… we also spent a little time making out.” She waggled her eyebrows in a way Alex never wanted to see again. His face fell flat against his open Calculus book.
The girl blinked blankly as he groaned into the pages. “What’s wrong?”
Alex didn’t reply.
“Alex…” Rosie said warningly, brow furrowing as she began to toy with her fingerless gloves. The chinking of the decorative metal rings upon them made Alexander look up with a hidden grin. ‘Ed once called them bell-gloves… and told Rosie she sounded like an oncoming cow.’
But he quickly swallowed his amusement with another anguished moan. ‘Dammit!’ he mentally snarled, pounding his temples with his fists. ‘Edward, get out of my head!’
“Wooooah!” Rosalie jumped up, sounding shocked, and grabbed her brother’s wrists. He glared up at her angrily, annoyed by her interference, but she refused to loosen her grasp-even when he tugged. “What the hell, Alex?” she gaped instead, kohl-rimmed eyes wide. “What’s wrong with you?”
“That’s what I want to know!” he snapped, nearly screaming with fury when he felt the corners of his eyes begin to sting. ‘NO! No, dammit, I am NOT going to cry!’
Of course, the tears started pouring anyway… His sister gaped at him, open mouthed.
“Alex…?”
“What’s wrong with me?” he choked, frustrated and furious all at once. No longer struggling against Rosie’s grasp, he let his fingers loosen limply; eyes locked on his math problems, which swam strangely before him. “There MUST be something-! I almost… I almost told Edward...!” The brunette sniffled, clearly horrified.
Rosalie, torn between concern and curiosity, released her hold on her brother, lifting his chin instead. “Told Ed what?” she inquired in a soothing voice, the very picture of worry. “What did you almost tell Ed? That you’re gay…?”
Alexander shook his head, trembling furiously. “No…” he rasped, toying with his pencil. His voice softened, growing quieter and quieter… “No, I… I almost told him that… that I think I’m…
That I think I’m in love with him.”
“…” Rosie gawked.
“But I can’t be in love with him!” Alex cried, momentarily forgetting to keep his voice down. He shook his head feverishly back and forth in a fruitless attempt to keep from choking on bile. “I can’t! He… he’s my brother…”
“Alex…”
“What’s wrong with me?” the boy repeated, beyond distressed. His fingers laced themselves in his long, loose hair, tugging in aggravation. “I can’t be in love with my older brother, that’s just…!”
“Alex-!”
“I mean, its incest! And- and I…”
“Alex!” Rosalie barked, slamming a fist against the table. Alexander jumped at the thunderous sound, looking up in surprise at his irritated sister-
Only to be met by her mouth.
“!”
She was kissing him. She was kissing him! Not just an innocent sibling kiss, either: she was kissing him in the way she might kiss Amy. Long, intense, passionate… He could feel her press closer, running the tip of her tongue against his bottom lip, forcing her way inside-
Alex yanked himself away with a stifled shout, staggering to his feet with a wave of his hands. His face was as white as a sheet. “Rosalie-!” he squeaked, gripping the kitchen counter to keep steady. “What the f-?”
Rosie gazed vacantly at him, unfazed by… well, all of this. “How did that make you feel?”
‘Violated?’ “Disgusted!” Alexander all but sobbed, hands itching to slap his sister in a way he hadn’t since he was 6. “Why did you-!”
But Rosalie just beamed. It seemed strangely out of place, somehow. “There, now, you see? Nothing’s wrong with you at all!”
“. . .” The brunette stared. He could really do nothing else. He had just been Frenched by his little sister… and now she was almost posing. ‘Did she just… sing that retort?’
Noticing his lack of intelligent response-or, hell, any response at all- Rosie scowled. “Does this mean I have to spell things out for you again?” she quipped monotonously, flopping back down on her chair. “Damn, Alex… all right. We’re related, aren’t we?” He nodded. “You’re related to Edward, too, yes?” He nodded once more. “But even though you want his hands down your pants, you want nothing to do with me, right?” This time, Alex didn’t do anything, too distracted by the idea of Ed’s hands down his pants. But Rosalie continued just the same. “Therefore, you’re not into the idea of incest. And nothing is wrong with you. Though, to be honest, I really wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong with you, anyway… you’ve heard of the ancient Egyptians, right?”
Alexander made a mental note to stop letting Edward and Rosalie hang out in the basement. Clearly, they were comparing notes, or something.
“But Rosie,” he protested weakly, easing himself into his own chair once again, “you’re a girl. And I’m ga…”
Her fist reconnected with the table. He jumped this time, too. “Dammit, Alex!” she snapped, glaring icily at her brother. “That’s not the point! Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe-JUST FREAKIN’ MAYBE-you like Ed for who he is? Has it ever even crossed your mind that you’re in love with him NOT because he’s your brother, but because he’s a good, sweet, smart, thoughtful person? Will you EVER stop thinking of your own problems long enough to see that he’s WORRIED about you? For God’s sakes, Alexander! Grow a spine and go tell him how you feel!”
“But Rosie-!” he whimpered fearfully, cheeks a blazing maroon. “I-!”
She pointed threateningly at the kitchen door.
“GO.”
He did; scampering off in a strange state of fear and thankfulness. Though he still wasn’t planning on telling Edward anything… Rosie’s words kept ringing in his head. ‘Could I… really just love him? Would that be okay?’ Nobody answered him, of course. But nobody needed to.
In the kitchen, Rosie watched him go-clearly exasperated. “What is it with men?” she sighed, running her hands through her hair. “Blegh.”
With that, she stood to go wash her mouth out with Listerine. Many, many times.
X
July, 1923
Dear Al,
Heiderich’s carnival is only two months away-he’s so excited, it’s kind of funny. This morning, for example, while telling me about a new engine they want to try on the exhibit rocket, he accidentally poured coffee into his fruit bowl. Then he blushed like a strawberry and tried to hide it with the paper. I don’t think I laughed so hard in ages. But then I got him some more fruit to make up for my snickers.
It’s kind of strange, but I’m excited for the carnival, too. It will be fun to travel a little, again; and I have a peculiar feeling… like something is going to happen, soon. Maybe at the fair? Maybe the rocket will be a success, and Heiderich and I can start building one which will reunite us, Al.
I hope so.
In any case, I need to go to work. And I need to go grocery shopping. (I already warned Heiderich that I won’t touch any milk. He was pretty mad when I refused to buy any last time. So now he buys milk when he’s out, and I buy the rest of it.)
I’ll write more later, all right?
-Ed
X
When Alex got to his room, it was quiet. Quiet and dark-even the stars were gone, hidden by a shadowy swirl of lingering clouds. He closed the door behind him with a muted squeak.
Nothing. No grumbles, no snuffles, no yawns, no snores.
That was the first sign. Edward was awake.
Alexander mentally sighed, feeling his expression fall into a heavy frown. He hated this silent treatment… and it was unnerving that it was apparently going to continue, even through the night. But it wasn’t like he could explain himself to his brother-that would involve admitting those feelings Rosie had been so enthusiastic about exploiting. Or trying to exploit, anyway…
He blew out his cheeks and crawled into bed, reaching over to grab his grandfather’s diary and his itty-bitty reading light from the nightstand. Even if he couldn’t do anything to his brother, he could always read about Grandpa Elric’s incestuous relationship and quietly cheer him on. That might make him feel better. Jealous, maybe. But better.
Perhaps.
It would at least do well in distracting him, if nothing else.
But when he silently unsnapped the lock and found his bookmark, it wasn’t his grandfather’s handwriting that filled the page. It was Edward’s: a neat, black scrawl on a pale sheet of sketchbook paper, jammed into the binding of the diary. The words seemed to glisten in the mini lamp’s soft yellow glow… and Alex, unsure of what else to do, read them silently; knuckles whitening on the covers on the book.
X
October, 2015
Dear Al,
I don’t know why I’m writing this-honestly, I don’t. But it was the only way I could think of talking to you, right now. Through Grandpa’s little diary.
Stupid, huh?
I dunno… I guess it’s just easier to write things like this down, rather than say them. I know that if I tried to say them, after all, the words would come out all jumbled and dumb and I’d only make things worse. At least, when I’m writing, I can try to compose something intelligible.
So here I go.
I’m sorry, Alex. I’m sorry if all of my questions frightened you, or if I seemed pushy. I didn’t mean to pressure you into telling me things that you’re not ready to admit-I’m just concerned. You’ve been subdued and anxious for so long; I worry about you. Which is embarrassing to admit, I have to say. I mean, the last thing you need is someone else hovering over you, trying to pull you in directions you don’t want to go, attempting to wheedle secrets out of you.
But I really want to know, Al. I really want to be there for you.
And so, in exchange for your secrets-because we both know things need to be fair-I’ll tell you mine.
I love you, Alexander.
And not just in the way brothers are supposed to love each other. I know it’s weird, and, again, I’m sorry-I really, really am. I don’t know when it happened, how, or why… I just know that I do. I really, really do.
I apologize, Al, if this is too much. I swear to God I’ll never mention this again if it scares you, and I won’t blame you if you hate me. But please, Al, talk to me-I want to help you with whatever you’re going through. I want to see you smile again.
I just want you to be happy. Can you do that much for me?
Please?
-Ed
X
The diary slipped from his hands.
The diary slipped from his hands and fell upon his bed, bouncing once, before toppling to the floor-landing with a muffled thump upon the carpet. Alex watched its journey with wide eyes: wide eyes full of bubbling, boiling tears… tears the ran down his cheeks like rivers, leaving scalding red welts in their wake.
He gasped, he snuffled; his hands darted up in a vain attempt to stem the flow of water-but it was no use. The tears just kept pouring… and his sniffling slowly grew louder, no matter how he attempted to muffle the sound.
And then Edward was there-crouching beside his bed, positively terrified. Alex had been right, he’d been awake the whole time… and he was frightened. For the first time Alexander could remember, his older brother was frightened- trying to comfort Alex without touching him.
“Brother…” the brunette blubbered, voice barely above a whisper-fingers gripping at his cheeks and mouth. He was probably bruising his own face… “Is… is it true…?”
Ed flushed, looking disgusted with himself. And still, still so petrified... “I’m sorry, Al,” he choked, brow knitted with worry as he timidly raised a hand, touching Alex’s cheek. Yet he pulled quickly back, as if the tears had scalded him. “I’m so, so sorry… I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…”
But rather than scowl or scream or shove him away, Alex did something surprising- he grabbed that drifting hand, brought it to his cheek, and held it there. Firmly.
Edward gaped, stunned… watching as his baby brother closed his eyes, burying his face in the warmth of the other’s palm; whispering words Ed had been sure he’d never hear.
“I… I love you, too…”
Neither could breathe. Alexander’s black lashes slowly drifted open, still heavy with moisture; lips pursed and thin as his body trembled horribly. Their eyes hesitantly met, both still afraid that the other was joking.
Then, timorously, Ed moved: slowly but surly easing himself onto Alex’s mattress, sitting beside him. Reaching out with his free hand, he looped his arm around Alexander-pressing against the small of his back. Alex gasped, shivering all the harder when Edward drew him closer. Their chests met, their arms touched, their noses were mere inches apart…
“Don’t be scared,” he murmured, golden eyes glowing through the darkness. His free hand moved in little calming circles, trying to quell his sibling’s tremors. But Alex simply shook his head, timidly wrapping his own arms around Edward’s neck.
“That’s the scary thing…” he admitted softly, pulling all the closer. He could feel Ed’s breath from here, released in shy little gusts. “…I’m not.”
At first their lips met hesitantly-a light brush that lasted all of a second. But neither moved away, neither tried to protest. Alexander’s fingers tightened urgently. And so, encouraged, Edward descended again, welcomed by his brother: lingering, now; deepening, now- desperately trying to taste and touch and take all that they could...
They fell back upon the bed…
X
September, 1923
Dear Al,
…You’re here.
-Ed
XXX
Woot! Everyone’s together! X3 (See, now? Didn’t you like that? (I hope…!))
Anyway, I should probably explain Zena, who, if you hadn’t guessed IS Alter!Nina.
All right, so, her name. I have some friends who are identical twins, one of whom is blessed with the name Nina. The other, Zena. Ergo, when I think alter!Nina, I think of Nina’s twin… who’s name, as I said before, happens to be Zena. (They’re Finish and very fun. :D) Sooo…yeah. Hopefully, Zena will show up again for some actual interaction with Alex… that’d be interesting. ^_~
Anyway, thank you for reading-and thank you again for all of the GORGEOUS art! AND ZOMG A COMMUNITY! O.O I still can’t believe how much love you guys have for Edward, Alex, Rosie, and their friends and family! X3 I’m so thrilled; I really have no idea what else to say! -^_^- *glomps and refuses to let go*
I’ll update again soon! XD
That's right! It's chapter five! ^_^
Enjoy!
Title: Skeletons
Type: Chapter Fic-- Letter Five
Rating: PG-13 (may be upped later)
Pairings: Elricestx2
Warnings: Swearing. Mentions of yuri, yaoi, and general Ed-emo. X3
Summary: Everyone has skeletons in their closet-- and Edward and Alexander Elric are about to find their grandfather's.
Disclaimer: Me with ownership of FMA… that’s a scary thought. X3 (But I do own my OC-babies! *huggles them*)
Author’s Note: I am still completely speechless. THANK YOU, everyone, for your support! I love you guys-and I’m so thankful! *sobs happily*
I hope you guys enjoy this chapter… I’m pretty sure you will. ^_~
(PS. ‘RAY’ stands for Rainbow Alliance of Youth. It’s a group that fights for equality and tries to put a stop to prejudice based on race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. *is a proud member* XD)
XXX
X
X
X
My arm hurt like hell the next morning. To be honest, I couldn’t even move it-not for the rest of the day.
But it had been worth it… for just that little spark of hope.
X
X
X
XXX
Skeletons
XXX
“What do you think?”
Rosalie looked abruptly up from the deck she was shuffling, quirking an eyebrow at her brother. As if on cue, a flash of lightening illuminated the room. It was Wednesday, it was storming, and Alex was currently sitting across from her, lounging on her bedroom floor, resting his chin in the palms of his hands. It was strange for Rosie to be home on a weekday (as she belonged to so many school clubs), and the two had decided to seize the chance a canceled RAY meeting had provided: an opportunity to catch up on their card playing-the one guilty pleasure they both shared. Between them lay a bowl of cheese popcorn and a stack of poker chips, both waiting to be won.
Alexander watched her expression flatten, wrapping his quilt more tightly around him; coughing once. Then she blinked.
“… you’ll have to be a little more specific then that,” Rosalie finally snorted, dealing them each a hand of cards, chuckling as her bangles jingled, “or else we’ll be here all night.” Grinning at her own joke, she flipped up her cards and organized them. Alex did the same. “What do I think about what?”
“…” The brunette didn’t respond for a moment, choosing instead to finger his five of clubs. This was it… Rosie lifted a can of juice to her lips, taking a sip- “Do you think I’m gay?”
Before promptly choking.
Al watched, torn between laughter and irritation, as Rosalie pounded on her own chest, trying to breathe again. “EXCUSE me?” she then hacked, straightening with an air of… well, he couldn’t really tell what. It seemed to be a mixture of shock and delight and exasperation. In any case, her eyes were glittering in that ‘knowing’ way-the ‘way’ that everyone dreaded. “Did you just ask me if I think you’re gay?”
Now she simply sounded elated.
Alex’s expression turned sour, tugging distractedly on a frayed end of his blanket. “Look, you don’t have to make a big deal about it,” he groused quietly, trying to hide his face with his bangs as his cheeks heated up. “I’m not even sure, okay? That’s why I’m asking y-”
But Rosie wasn’t listening; she wasn’t even paying attention to her cards anymore. (Alexander noticed with distaste that she’d somehow managed to deal herself a flush.) “You think you might be gay?” she squealed, though her face screamed: So you’ve finally come out of the closet, big brother? “That’s awesome!”
‘ ‘Awesome’-?’ “I SAID,” the brunette repeated with a flare of impatience, “that I-I don’t know, Rosie! That’s why I’m asking you!”
“…” The amusement on her face grew, but for a different reason. “…So it’s up to me?” she asked with a snort, her eyebrows shooting up to her hairline. “If I tell you that you’re gay, you’ll believe me and start trying to ‘get some’ from guys?”
Alexander colored more drastically than ever, shaking his head no. “That’s not what I meant…” he murmured, pressing his cards, face down, into the carpet. He watched the waxy backs fold and pop upwards with a hint of forced fascination. “I just… I need someone else’s opinion on all of this. I don’t know what I think anymore.”
Rosie hummed, leaning back on her fist and fanning herself with her cards. Her baggy, button-down shirt bunched around her wrists. “Well,” she then vocalized, sounding pensive, “let’s start at the beginning. When did all of this come up? Your questioning yourself, I mean.”
‘8th grade,’ he thought miserably, but didn’t have the heart to say. 8th grade… ever since Zena, his first (and only) girlfriend. Zena Palzack, who’d lasted a week; Zena Palzack, who he’d dated on a dare. It wasn’t that he disliked her: they had been good friends, at the time. Both had an interest in animals and history… Nor was it that she’d done anything wrong: she was funny and sweet and cute, with a gentle smile and long brown pigtails that fell to her thighs. But… he just couldn’t bring himself to want to do anything with her. He didn’t want to hold her hand, he didn’t want to carry her books, and he sure as hell didn’t want to kiss her.
He’d rather have made out with Alchemy.
But when he’d told Edward they’d broken up… and he saw that adorable little grin Ed had tried his best to hide… then he’d felt happy. Then he’d felt like, maybe, he might enjoy doing something… something for Edward. So he set the dinner table, even though it was his brother’s turn, and even though he’d told Edward off for being an insensitive bastard about Zena.
Alex kneaded his forehead with his fist, trying to erase the memory. “I dunno,” he finally grunted-acutely aware of Rosalie’s piercing stare. “A few months…?”
She hummed again; though she didn’t sound like she believed him; and tapped her cheek with a manicured forefinger. The tip sparkled with navy-colored glitter. “Is there anyone in particular that these feelings are for? ‘Cause ya might be bi if you still think girls are hot but are crushing on some guy.” She grinned toothily, winking. The chain she wore around her hips clattered as she crossed her legs Indian style. “That’s how I knew, you know-I thought Todd Multare was sexy, but it was Amy that I wanted to date.”
The brunette cast his little sister a vague glance before rolling onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “How’d that happen, anyway?” he inquired, a little more curiously than he wished. “You and Amy going out… you’d known each other since, what, Girl Scouts? When did Amy tell you she was a lesbian?”
“She didn’t need to tell me,” Rosie scoffed, sounding exasperated. (Alex rolled his eyes at her tone.) “It was obvious from the way that she acted… at least, obvious to me. ‘Cause she was always blushing when we were together. You know how I’d spend the night at her place a lot in 7th grade? Well, this one time, we were changing into our PJs and I caught her staring. She was trying hard not to, but I could tell that she was fascinated. Her fingers were twitching and everything. I had thought that she was cute since 6th grade, and had noticed all the sweet little things she did for me- like look up hard-to-find computer parts. And I wanted to see if she was really into me, like I was into her… so I told her that my bra was stuck and I needed someone to help me unfasten it. She didn’t want to help, of course, but I coaxed her over… and then, when she reached out, I grabbed her and-”
The blonde cut herself off suddenly, noticing the look of horrified shock on her brother’s face.
She cleared her throat.
“ANYWAY,” Rosie smiled, pinking a bit, “let’s just say that things were pretty clear after that.” Her grin slipped a little, becoming a glower. “…Don’t look at me like that. All we did was make out. No sex before marriage, scouts honor.” She held up her fingers like the Girl Scout she’d tried (but failed) to be.
Alex wondered if it was possible to poke out your mind’s eye.
“But this isn’t about me,” Rosalie quickly chirped, tossing her cards to the side. “This is about you. Who is it you’ve got a crush on?” She smirked, periwinkle pools shimmering with excitement. “Is it someone I know?”
‘Only too well,’ he mentally admitted-but out loud he said nothing.
Classic behavior… Rosie took his silence for a ‘yes.’ The fact that he was blushing up a storm didn’t hurt her decision, either. “In that case,” she cooed, clearly enjoying herself, “your best bet is to see if that person feels the same way for you. If he does, then pursue it!”
Her excited rambling quickly quieted, however, upon noticing the still-raw uncertainty on Alexander’s face. She sighed.
“Alex… if there’s one thing I believe in, it’s that love is love. Gender has nothing to do with it. I hate how people try to box us; how they try to label us as ‘straight’ or ‘gay’ or even ‘bi.’ And then they try to tell us that some of those boxes are wrong… God wouldn’t give us these feelings if he didn’t want us to have them; not everything is about resisting temptation. If you really like this guy as much as you seem to-and believe me, it seems like you like him a lot”- she chuckled; he glanced away, covering his face with his hands- “then GO for it. What have you got to lose?”
‘A brother…?’ But for the third time, he didn’t echo his thoughts: he simply nodded. “I guess… I’ll think about it.”
“Just don’t over think it,” Rosie warned, picking up her cards again. “That can sometimes make things worse. Emotions are powerful… you should follow them, when you can. They’re helpful.”
Alex couldn’t help but smile. “This coming from the girl loses her temper every other day. Speaking of which-don’t you have detention tomorrow?”
“Shut up and discard.”
X
November, 1922
Dear Al,
I’m used to dreaming of you, I do so almost every night. But for some reason, the dreams are getting clearer, now-fewer fuzzy memories and more “flashes.” “Flashes” like photographs; still lives that let me know you’re okay. Countless pictures, flipping past as if on a reel of film: you practicing with Teacher, playing with stray kittens, helping Winry with chores, walking through foreign deserts, growing out your hair...
But in all of these pictures, you’re looking far away. Searching with your eyes.
It’s like you’re trying to find me, even in my dreams. And when I realize that, even though I’m unconscious, I’ll call out for you… then wake up.
Do you hear that? When I call your name… Heiderich does, and usually comes running. It’s always embarrassing to explain that I was only having a dream.
Still… it would be worth it if-just once- the sound reached you, and let you know that I’m here.
-Ed
X
Alex had been taking piano lessons since he was four. He’d never had a particular love for the instrument, nor a natural talent, but his mother had once seen him excitingly pounding the keys of the ancient baby grand Gramdpa Elric used to keep (until he’d moved into an apartment, anyway), and had immediately signed him up for lessons.
She had yet to relent and let him quit.
But that was okay. He got certain privileges out of it-such as first dibs on desert on recital nights- plus it gave him something to do on Thursday afternoons from 4:30 till 5:30. That, and he had to admit… there was something calming about playing, or even just tinkering on the old piano in the living room. It was peaceful: just him and the notes-the one thing in his life that he could control. Recently, he needed that power and catharsis more and more frequently…
And he blamed it on moments like this.
Alexander sighed heavily, pressing his forehead to the window, watching the scenery fly past. Trees and fields and rolling hills… the city wasn’t too far away, but it was hard to tell from here. It was nice.
He squinted a bit, pulling his eyes back-gazing as the dim reflection of Edward in the driver’s seat. His brother was staring straight ahead, lips pursed, dressed in a paint-incrusted set of sweat pants and a t-shirt. The blonde shook his head slightly, brushing a few locks of hair from his eyes; the stands that refused to stay in a ponytail. He looked mildly annoyed, muttering something under his breath. Alex couldn’t blame him-mom was supposed to have driven him to lessons today. Not that driving Alex was that big of a deal, but Ed had been pretty engrossed in whatever project he was working on. And Edward did not like being interrupted.
At least… that was what Alexander had chosen to pin the silence on. Not the heavy blanket of tension between them.
The brunette swallowed silently, wishing he could say something. But since that night… that night they’d held hands… he couldn’t. What could he say? For that matter, what was Ed waiting for him to say? It must have been something… because the one time their gazes locked, there had certainly been a question behind those golden eyes. Alex dreaded to discover what it was. Probably because he already knew… or, at least, had a very fair idea.
His fingers tightened around his folder of music. Why did moments like this always make him want to puke? “Ed…”
The elder of the two stiffened slightly, casting his younger sibling a sideways glance. He seemed surprised by the sudden invite to start a conversation. “Yeah?”
“What is it that you want from me?” he asked quietly, propping his chin in his hands and staring out the window. His nails drummed nervously against his flesh. “I know there’s something… you’ve been really quiet for a while.”
He noticed with some wonder the faint pink flush that crawled up Edward’s neck and stained his ears; then cursed mutely when he realized how poorly he’d phrased his question. ‘Way to look desperate!’ he chastised himself, wishing he could slam his head repeatedly into the windshield. But that might look a little excessive. And suspicious.
But thankfully, Ed continued without mentioning Al’s horrible choice of words. “I don’t want anything from you,” he assured calmly, successfully able to quell his embarrassment. (Alex wished he was so skilled.) “I’ve just been wondering if you’ve given any thought to your own feelings on… you know. The matter we discussed a few nights ago.”
On some level, it amused Alexander that Edward seemed unable to say the word ‘gay’ and ‘Al’ in the same sentence. But at the same time, it sort of annoyed him. Like Ed didn’t really believe that he might be.
‘Why do I want to prove it to him?’
He really was losing his mind.
Edward glanced his way again; the car pulled through a yellow light. Alex sighed, closing his eyes, hugging his music to his chest as his forehead reacquainted itself with the window. And then, before he’d even realized he was speaking, he heard himself announce:
“…I did think about it. And I realized that I’ve never liked any girls.”
The blonde blinked rapidly in the driver’s seat, then snorted and smiled gently. “That doesn’t mean anything,” he assured, completing a right turn with ease. Alex wished for the umpteenth time that he had his own license, rather than just his temps. Then he wouldn’t have to have embarrassing conversations with his brother in the car… “Maybe you just haven’t found the right girl yet. You don’t need to worry.”
But the younger boy shook his head-and as he did so, the rest of his body began to shake, as well. “No,” he muttered, gulping hard. His nerves were a shambled wreck of nervous electricity… “No, I really think… I’m pretty sure I’m probably gay.”
Edward didn’t respond. His lips had slipped down into a light frown: not angry, but not happy, either. More preoccupied than anything else. Then he sighed, brushing his ponytail over his shoulder-before allowing that that hand to land lightly upon Alexander’s. The trembling slowed, but Alexander’s heart sped up. “…Can I ask you something, Al?”
Alex nodded, not trusting himself to speak. If he did, he might say something he regretted…
“Why does it scare you so much?” Ed questioned delicately, keeping his eyes on the road but his hand on top of Al’s. “Being gay, that is. I mean, Rosie and I aren’t as straight as swizzle sticks, but that’s never fazed you. Why are you afraid of the possibility of being gay, too?”
And there it was. THE question. He’d known it was coming, but now that it was here… Al let the words ring through the silence, hoping they would fade. He gulped, wetting his lips three times in a row; but no matter how much he stalled, the deafening quiet hammered on, completely merciless.
He decided that anything was better than just sitting here, flustered.
“It’s not…” Alexander began hesitantly, trying to ignore the pleasant, tingling heat that was radiating from Ed’s fingers, “it’s not being gay that I’m afraid of… it’s what I’d have to admit, if I were.”
Edward’s brow crinkled, clearly confused. “What do you mean?”
What do you mean… that was a good question. Alex squeezed his eyes shut, terrified-but he had nothing to tell but the truth. Or, at least, part of the truth. “If I were gay,” he clarified softly, shifting subtly towards the door, “it would mean that… these feelings I have for-for this guy I know… it would mean that they’re not as… um, well, platonic as I’d tried to pretend they were. And that might ruin things with him, because there’s no way he could possibly feel the same way for me, due to…circumstance. And so I’m afraid that, if I were gay… I’d have to finally admit to myself that I’m in love with him.”
Ed said nothing-but his eyes had hardened strangely, and his grip on the steering wheel tightened. Alex could hear the rubber grips chafing in Edward’s strong hand; ‘Did I say something wrong again? Or… or did he figure it out-!’ But the blonde’s voice, when he spoke, was nonchalant. Dangerously nonchalant. “So…
Who is it?”
Alexander didn’t answer.
“Al?” the older teen repeated in a tone of forced calm. It made Alexander want to throw up more than ever… “Can you tell me who it is? Maybe I can help you.”
But thankfully, the car pulled into his piano teacher’s house at that moment- and he could see Mrs. Carter waiting in the window, scowling; black eyes glittering as she tapped her watch. She spun away, dreadlocks fluttering in the wake of her movements.
He needed no other excuse to bolt.
“Al-! Alex!”
Alex ran and he didn’t look back.
X
March, 1923
Dear Al,
I wonder how far away the sky is? It looks like miles… do you think a rocket will actually manage to touch it?
How else will I be able to find you, if for some reason it can’t?
-Ed
X
Needless to say, the ride home that afternoon had been tense. Neither had said a word: Edward waiting for Alex’s response; Alex hoping Edward would forget. He had come so close to saying something he shouldn’t…! He didn’t want to chance saying anything else. And so the silence remained. Not only in the car, but in the house- lingering for the rest of the evening, proceeding into the next morning, continuing during school, and caring on into Friday night.
It was hell.
Alex sat gloomily at the kitchen table, watching the digital clock tick onward. 11:34 PM… 12:06 AM… 1:57 AM… the hours dragged past. But still, he didn’t move from where he’d sat down to do homework at 7 that night. Heck, he didn’t even move to do that homework-his eyes on the clock and his chin in his right palm, his left hand clutched a mechanical pencil like a dagger, resting on top of an open book and note pad. Yes, he had forgotten his homework ages ago.
‘What am I going to do now?’ he thought desperately, and not for the first time that evening. ‘Ed already hates me, and I haven’t even told him that I- argh, no, stop that Alexander! Even if you ARE gay, you cannot be in love with your brother. He’s your BROTHER!’
His fingernails dug into his chin; he bit his bottom lip.
The back door creaked softly open.
And thought Alexander certainly wasn’t surprised, Rosalie was-nearly jumping a mile when she saw her older brother sitting at the table, watching her quiet attempts to sneak in with dull eyes. “Crud-!” she hissed, clutching her shirt where her heart would be, spinning away with a deep breath. “Geez, Alex!” Rosie yelped in a whisper, attempting to regain her composure. “Trying to give me a heart attack?”
“No,” Alex drawled, still not moving an inch. “But if you’d come home on time…”
“I was home on time,” the girl retorted coolly. “I was on the front porch with Amy. You can ask her.”
The brunette cast his sister a dry look. “…on the front porch. Since eleven?”
Rosalie grinned broadly, wiping a lipstick smudge off of her cheek. “We did a lot of talking.”
“I’m sure.”
“Hey, we did,” she protested-though still smiling impishly; pulling up a chair and straddling it, resting her arms on the back. “Communication is key in a relationship, you know. But… we also spent a little time making out.” She waggled her eyebrows in a way Alex never wanted to see again. His face fell flat against his open Calculus book.
The girl blinked blankly as he groaned into the pages. “What’s wrong?”
Alex didn’t reply.
“Alex…” Rosie said warningly, brow furrowing as she began to toy with her fingerless gloves. The chinking of the decorative metal rings upon them made Alexander look up with a hidden grin. ‘Ed once called them bell-gloves… and told Rosie she sounded like an oncoming cow.’
But he quickly swallowed his amusement with another anguished moan. ‘Dammit!’ he mentally snarled, pounding his temples with his fists. ‘Edward, get out of my head!’
“Wooooah!” Rosalie jumped up, sounding shocked, and grabbed her brother’s wrists. He glared up at her angrily, annoyed by her interference, but she refused to loosen her grasp-even when he tugged. “What the hell, Alex?” she gaped instead, kohl-rimmed eyes wide. “What’s wrong with you?”
“That’s what I want to know!” he snapped, nearly screaming with fury when he felt the corners of his eyes begin to sting. ‘NO! No, dammit, I am NOT going to cry!’
Of course, the tears started pouring anyway… His sister gaped at him, open mouthed.
“Alex…?”
“What’s wrong with me?” he choked, frustrated and furious all at once. No longer struggling against Rosie’s grasp, he let his fingers loosen limply; eyes locked on his math problems, which swam strangely before him. “There MUST be something-! I almost… I almost told Edward...!” The brunette sniffled, clearly horrified.
Rosalie, torn between concern and curiosity, released her hold on her brother, lifting his chin instead. “Told Ed what?” she inquired in a soothing voice, the very picture of worry. “What did you almost tell Ed? That you’re gay…?”
Alexander shook his head, trembling furiously. “No…” he rasped, toying with his pencil. His voice softened, growing quieter and quieter… “No, I… I almost told him that… that I think I’m…
That I think I’m in love with him.”
“…” Rosie gawked.
“But I can’t be in love with him!” Alex cried, momentarily forgetting to keep his voice down. He shook his head feverishly back and forth in a fruitless attempt to keep from choking on bile. “I can’t! He… he’s my brother…”
“Alex…”
“What’s wrong with me?” the boy repeated, beyond distressed. His fingers laced themselves in his long, loose hair, tugging in aggravation. “I can’t be in love with my older brother, that’s just…!”
“Alex-!”
“I mean, its incest! And- and I…”
“Alex!” Rosalie barked, slamming a fist against the table. Alexander jumped at the thunderous sound, looking up in surprise at his irritated sister-
Only to be met by her mouth.
“!”
She was kissing him. She was kissing him! Not just an innocent sibling kiss, either: she was kissing him in the way she might kiss Amy. Long, intense, passionate… He could feel her press closer, running the tip of her tongue against his bottom lip, forcing her way inside-
Alex yanked himself away with a stifled shout, staggering to his feet with a wave of his hands. His face was as white as a sheet. “Rosalie-!” he squeaked, gripping the kitchen counter to keep steady. “What the f-?”
Rosie gazed vacantly at him, unfazed by… well, all of this. “How did that make you feel?”
‘Violated?’ “Disgusted!” Alexander all but sobbed, hands itching to slap his sister in a way he hadn’t since he was 6. “Why did you-!”
But Rosalie just beamed. It seemed strangely out of place, somehow. “There, now, you see? Nothing’s wrong with you at all!”
“. . .” The brunette stared. He could really do nothing else. He had just been Frenched by his little sister… and now she was almost posing. ‘Did she just… sing that retort?’
Noticing his lack of intelligent response-or, hell, any response at all- Rosie scowled. “Does this mean I have to spell things out for you again?” she quipped monotonously, flopping back down on her chair. “Damn, Alex… all right. We’re related, aren’t we?” He nodded. “You’re related to Edward, too, yes?” He nodded once more. “But even though you want his hands down your pants, you want nothing to do with me, right?” This time, Alex didn’t do anything, too distracted by the idea of Ed’s hands down his pants. But Rosalie continued just the same. “Therefore, you’re not into the idea of incest. And nothing is wrong with you. Though, to be honest, I really wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong with you, anyway… you’ve heard of the ancient Egyptians, right?”
Alexander made a mental note to stop letting Edward and Rosalie hang out in the basement. Clearly, they were comparing notes, or something.
“But Rosie,” he protested weakly, easing himself into his own chair once again, “you’re a girl. And I’m ga…”
Her fist reconnected with the table. He jumped this time, too. “Dammit, Alex!” she snapped, glaring icily at her brother. “That’s not the point! Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe-JUST FREAKIN’ MAYBE-you like Ed for who he is? Has it ever even crossed your mind that you’re in love with him NOT because he’s your brother, but because he’s a good, sweet, smart, thoughtful person? Will you EVER stop thinking of your own problems long enough to see that he’s WORRIED about you? For God’s sakes, Alexander! Grow a spine and go tell him how you feel!”
“But Rosie-!” he whimpered fearfully, cheeks a blazing maroon. “I-!”
She pointed threateningly at the kitchen door.
“GO.”
He did; scampering off in a strange state of fear and thankfulness. Though he still wasn’t planning on telling Edward anything… Rosie’s words kept ringing in his head. ‘Could I… really just love him? Would that be okay?’ Nobody answered him, of course. But nobody needed to.
In the kitchen, Rosie watched him go-clearly exasperated. “What is it with men?” she sighed, running her hands through her hair. “Blegh.”
With that, she stood to go wash her mouth out with Listerine. Many, many times.
X
July, 1923
Dear Al,
Heiderich’s carnival is only two months away-he’s so excited, it’s kind of funny. This morning, for example, while telling me about a new engine they want to try on the exhibit rocket, he accidentally poured coffee into his fruit bowl. Then he blushed like a strawberry and tried to hide it with the paper. I don’t think I laughed so hard in ages. But then I got him some more fruit to make up for my snickers.
It’s kind of strange, but I’m excited for the carnival, too. It will be fun to travel a little, again; and I have a peculiar feeling… like something is going to happen, soon. Maybe at the fair? Maybe the rocket will be a success, and Heiderich and I can start building one which will reunite us, Al.
I hope so.
In any case, I need to go to work. And I need to go grocery shopping. (I already warned Heiderich that I won’t touch any milk. He was pretty mad when I refused to buy any last time. So now he buys milk when he’s out, and I buy the rest of it.)
I’ll write more later, all right?
-Ed
X
When Alex got to his room, it was quiet. Quiet and dark-even the stars were gone, hidden by a shadowy swirl of lingering clouds. He closed the door behind him with a muted squeak.
Nothing. No grumbles, no snuffles, no yawns, no snores.
That was the first sign. Edward was awake.
Alexander mentally sighed, feeling his expression fall into a heavy frown. He hated this silent treatment… and it was unnerving that it was apparently going to continue, even through the night. But it wasn’t like he could explain himself to his brother-that would involve admitting those feelings Rosie had been so enthusiastic about exploiting. Or trying to exploit, anyway…
He blew out his cheeks and crawled into bed, reaching over to grab his grandfather’s diary and his itty-bitty reading light from the nightstand. Even if he couldn’t do anything to his brother, he could always read about Grandpa Elric’s incestuous relationship and quietly cheer him on. That might make him feel better. Jealous, maybe. But better.
Perhaps.
It would at least do well in distracting him, if nothing else.
But when he silently unsnapped the lock and found his bookmark, it wasn’t his grandfather’s handwriting that filled the page. It was Edward’s: a neat, black scrawl on a pale sheet of sketchbook paper, jammed into the binding of the diary. The words seemed to glisten in the mini lamp’s soft yellow glow… and Alex, unsure of what else to do, read them silently; knuckles whitening on the covers on the book.
X
October, 2015
Dear Al,
I don’t know why I’m writing this-honestly, I don’t. But it was the only way I could think of talking to you, right now. Through Grandpa’s little diary.
Stupid, huh?
I dunno… I guess it’s just easier to write things like this down, rather than say them. I know that if I tried to say them, after all, the words would come out all jumbled and dumb and I’d only make things worse. At least, when I’m writing, I can try to compose something intelligible.
So here I go.
I’m sorry, Alex. I’m sorry if all of my questions frightened you, or if I seemed pushy. I didn’t mean to pressure you into telling me things that you’re not ready to admit-I’m just concerned. You’ve been subdued and anxious for so long; I worry about you. Which is embarrassing to admit, I have to say. I mean, the last thing you need is someone else hovering over you, trying to pull you in directions you don’t want to go, attempting to wheedle secrets out of you.
But I really want to know, Al. I really want to be there for you.
And so, in exchange for your secrets-because we both know things need to be fair-I’ll tell you mine.
I love you, Alexander.
And not just in the way brothers are supposed to love each other. I know it’s weird, and, again, I’m sorry-I really, really am. I don’t know when it happened, how, or why… I just know that I do. I really, really do.
I apologize, Al, if this is too much. I swear to God I’ll never mention this again if it scares you, and I won’t blame you if you hate me. But please, Al, talk to me-I want to help you with whatever you’re going through. I want to see you smile again.
I just want you to be happy. Can you do that much for me?
Please?
-Ed
X
The diary slipped from his hands.
The diary slipped from his hands and fell upon his bed, bouncing once, before toppling to the floor-landing with a muffled thump upon the carpet. Alex watched its journey with wide eyes: wide eyes full of bubbling, boiling tears… tears the ran down his cheeks like rivers, leaving scalding red welts in their wake.
He gasped, he snuffled; his hands darted up in a vain attempt to stem the flow of water-but it was no use. The tears just kept pouring… and his sniffling slowly grew louder, no matter how he attempted to muffle the sound.
And then Edward was there-crouching beside his bed, positively terrified. Alex had been right, he’d been awake the whole time… and he was frightened. For the first time Alexander could remember, his older brother was frightened- trying to comfort Alex without touching him.
“Brother…” the brunette blubbered, voice barely above a whisper-fingers gripping at his cheeks and mouth. He was probably bruising his own face… “Is… is it true…?”
Ed flushed, looking disgusted with himself. And still, still so petrified... “I’m sorry, Al,” he choked, brow knitted with worry as he timidly raised a hand, touching Alex’s cheek. Yet he pulled quickly back, as if the tears had scalded him. “I’m so, so sorry… I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…”
But rather than scowl or scream or shove him away, Alex did something surprising- he grabbed that drifting hand, brought it to his cheek, and held it there. Firmly.
Edward gaped, stunned… watching as his baby brother closed his eyes, burying his face in the warmth of the other’s palm; whispering words Ed had been sure he’d never hear.
“I… I love you, too…”
Neither could breathe. Alexander’s black lashes slowly drifted open, still heavy with moisture; lips pursed and thin as his body trembled horribly. Their eyes hesitantly met, both still afraid that the other was joking.
Then, timorously, Ed moved: slowly but surly easing himself onto Alex’s mattress, sitting beside him. Reaching out with his free hand, he looped his arm around Alexander-pressing against the small of his back. Alex gasped, shivering all the harder when Edward drew him closer. Their chests met, their arms touched, their noses were mere inches apart…
“Don’t be scared,” he murmured, golden eyes glowing through the darkness. His free hand moved in little calming circles, trying to quell his sibling’s tremors. But Alex simply shook his head, timidly wrapping his own arms around Edward’s neck.
“That’s the scary thing…” he admitted softly, pulling all the closer. He could feel Ed’s breath from here, released in shy little gusts. “…I’m not.”
At first their lips met hesitantly-a light brush that lasted all of a second. But neither moved away, neither tried to protest. Alexander’s fingers tightened urgently. And so, encouraged, Edward descended again, welcomed by his brother: lingering, now; deepening, now- desperately trying to taste and touch and take all that they could...
They fell back upon the bed…
X
September, 1923
Dear Al,
…You’re here.
-Ed
XXX
Woot! Everyone’s together! X3 (See, now? Didn’t you like that? (I hope…!))
Anyway, I should probably explain Zena, who, if you hadn’t guessed IS Alter!Nina.
All right, so, her name. I have some friends who are identical twins, one of whom is blessed with the name Nina. The other, Zena. Ergo, when I think alter!Nina, I think of Nina’s twin… who’s name, as I said before, happens to be Zena. (They’re Finish and very fun. :D) Sooo…yeah. Hopefully, Zena will show up again for some actual interaction with Alex… that’d be interesting. ^_~
Anyway, thank you for reading-and thank you again for all of the GORGEOUS art! AND ZOMG A COMMUNITY! O.O I still can’t believe how much love you guys have for Edward, Alex, Rosie, and their friends and family! X3 I’m so thrilled; I really have no idea what else to say! -^_^- *glomps and refuses to let go*
I’ll update again soon! XD