sex politic

[fmephisto]

Last night went over to House Robot for robust conversation and consumption of social drugs. Nice to see so many of that beloved crew in one place, as it doesn't happen nearly as often as it used to. A and I talked a good deal over the evening, and although there are small tensions as we get back in the habit of being around one another, I'm

Comments

[plantyhamchuk]

The times in my life when I've taken celibacy vows - the wisdom gained has been invaluable, and personal productivity has been amazing.

[deepestsin]

that sounds like something i would never be able to do, especially given my fondness for alcohol & the accompanying mischief.

i applaud you, though.

[fmephisto]

Fortunately I don't have to worry about you tempting me out of it!

[unknownbinaries]

Absolutely aside, since I don't know you well enough to comment on topic, I love that icon. They were some of my favourite birds when I was little, because they're like shinier, kind of crazy-eye-having crows.

[alobar]

When I was younger, I had the internal dialog you describe going on constantly. To say I was obsessed would be putting it mildly.

In my 50s, my sex drive dried up. At first, it really freaked me out. But as I adjusted, I realized that I no longer had the internal dialog going, so I had a lot more time to observe and interact with people of all sexes and sexual orientations. It is like being a visitor to an alien culture where I observe the dating game but am not drawn into it.

Ideally, it would be nice to be able to turn my sex drive off or on at will, but I have no complaints about having a very low sex drive. I realized that I really like living alone, not going on dates, not arranging my schedule to hang out with a lover or prospective lover. My life is much simpler now, and I have far less stress and far less grumpiness.

[fmephisto]

I've made conscious long-term shifts in my sex drive before, but I haven't experienced it as a switch so much as a potentiometer that I can gradually change. In a shift from one polarity to the other, I find I have to break the habit of dealing with people in sexual terms, or alternately remind myself that, hey! I actually would like to have sex tonight and the means are standing in front of me.

[pixivixen]

yeah, i have been contemplating this one myself

[fmephisto]

I'm definitely wary of that sort of intensive self-sacrifice for a partner's happiness, even if it's me who is the one trying to be made happy. That seems to be a source of instability that will eventually shake things apart. Of course there is usually some level of sacrifice in any relationship, but there is also a reasonable upper limit.

Although how to determine that limit is a whole other maze...