The Funeral: Chapter 2
Title: The Funeral: Chapter 2
Authors: shelbecat and rachel_wilder
Rating: T (aka PG-13)
Summary: Continuing from Reunion and The Wedding, we follow our characters through the highs and lows of a five year span until we reach The Funeral.
The Funeral
Chapter 2
Christmas, 2019
The minister held the little baby in his arms. The tiny baby seemed lost in the long white gown that EJ had worn at his baptism, and Julie before him. "I present to you, your new brother in Christ, Andrew Matthew Saracen. We welcome him to our family of believers." He walked up and down the aisle of the church as the congregation welcomed the newly baptized baby with applause. The pastor returned to the front where Matt and Julie were standing with Lois and her husband who were serving as Andrew's godparents.
Matt smiled at the pastor holding out their infant son for Julie to hold. Beside him, his wife stood still, her arms hanging limp at her side.
"Julie," he whispered, nudging her.
She looked up, her face confused, then glanced at their son and looked down again. Stepping forward, Matt smiled apologetically and accepted Andrew from the pastor. It was the Sunday before Christmas, a perfect time to have their new son's christening with Tami and Eric in Dillon for the holidays, and even Landry making the journey back for the special day. Everyone was excited to spend a few days together, celebrating Christmas and the christening. Everyone except Julie it seemed.
Shooting Julie a worried look, Matt shushed the baby who had woken up and started to squirm in his arms. He knew she was tired, the baby had been up most of the night, and EJ rarely made it through the night without waking at least once. Having two kids so close together was a struggle, but they'd always talked about having a big family. This was what all couples went through, right?
As the service drew to a close, Matt leaned over to hand Andrew to Julie. Instead, she turned away, walking towards EJ and her parents. She picked EJ up in her arms, snuggling her face into his neck.
"Momma loves you, baby," he heard her whisper.
It was touching to see, but in his heart, Matt still worried about her. She hadn't been the same since Andrew's birth. He'd read about post-partum depression, but Mrs. Taylor was a counselor-surely if Julie was sick she'd notice it.
Pushing his worries aside, he handed the baby to Tami who was holding out her arms for the little boy. Then he turned to put EJ's coat on him, but Julie had already done it and was walking down the aisle-her parents, husband and infant son left behind.
"Come here," Jason said, holding his arms out to Lyla. He had that look he got when he knew she was hurting-like he wanted to scoop her into his arms, to take away all of her pain.
Lyla crossed over and collapsed onto his lap, her body limp in his arms, wracked with the tears and sobs that she didn't seem to be able to stop.
"It's going to be okay," he said, as he smoothed his hand down her hair. "We'll try again, baby."
It would have been too easy. The IVF seemed to have gone so smoothly. They were able to get Jason's sperm without too much trouble and the fertilization went well. They had a good number of fertilized eggs to pick from and transferred three into Lyla's uterus. Everything seemed to be clicking.
But at the end of the two-week wait, there was nothing-no plus sign on the pregnancy test, no doubling numbers on the beta test, no baby.
She had known it might not work, that it was the risk they were running, but she couldn't stop feeling the loss of this baby that wouldn't be.
Jason held her tight. She hated how emotional it made her, but the hormone shots put her feelings all over the map. She knew he felt responsible, but it wasn't just his body that was failing him-it was also her body that hadn't accepted the egg, that hadn't helped it grow into a baby.
The plan had seemed so simple. They had planned to do the IVF in early November, but there had been a problem with Lyla's cycle and they had to wait another month. That pushed them into December. Jason had wanted to wait until after the holidays, but Lyla wanted to press on. And yes, it would have been great if they had found out they were pregnant at the holidays, but now it was two days before Christmas and instead of celebrating their joy, she was here, sitting in his lap unable to stop crying and completely unable to face any expectant faces wondering how the treatments were going.
Her gut had told her to not tell anyone when they were starting, but she had been too excited. She had told Tyra. And Jason had told his parents they were going to try before the end of the year.
Oh god-Jason's parents. She felt the emotion washing over her again.
"Call your mom-I can't go there for Christmas," Lyla said, her voice muffled.
"I don't know if we should start hiding this, Lyla-we need their support," Jason replied.
"I can't," she responded. "Just call them, please, Jason."
"Of course," he replied. He tightened his arms around her once again. Her body collapsed against his. She couldn't have stood up if she wanted to, which she didn't-she never wanted to go anywhere else again.
"I think Billy is enjoying himself," Tyra said as she watched Jake and Billy down in the water, splashing one another.
"I'm pretty sure he figured out that last place was a topless beach," Tim responded as he reached for his glass of ice tea. "Hawaii was a lovely idea, Mrs. Riggins."
Tyra looked over at him and smiled. She loved seeing Tim so relaxed, and being able to share this with Billy and Jake made it even better.
"I guess we should count ourselves lucky that it wasn't Nebraska that was the latest to legalize gay marriage," Tyra teased.
"I know you're tight with Landry, but I've got my limitations," Tim replied. "And one of them includes going cold places in the winter."
"I didn't know you were such a baby," Tyra said, playfully swatting at Tim. "It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?"
"Not as nice as ours," Tim answered.
"Never," Tyra replied. She smiled as she thought about the simple ceremony on the beach at sunset, uniting Landry and Ken in marriage…officially. The look of pure joy on Landry's face as he committed himself to his partner. Tyra couldn't remember the last time she had seen him so happy.
"You don't think it was too soon, do you?" she asked Tim. "I mean, we only just met Ken last fall."
"Lando knows exactly what he's doing," Tim answered.
Tyra leaned back in her chaise and took a sip from her margarita. "I know…you're right. I just worry about him." As far as she knew, Landry hadn't had any long-term relationships since he'd come out. And then the first guy he dated seriously, he married. Sometimes she thought it was pure romance, but then other time she worried that Landry was trying to fill the void left by her and Jake with someone else.
"He's happy, Tyra. We're happy." Tim leaned over and kissed her. "You know, Hawaii is a good place to make a baby."
"Oh, crap!" Tyra exclaimed.
Tim leaned back. "Not exactly the reaction I was expecting."
"No, I was going to call Lyla and see how things had gone. I think they were finding out today about the IVF."
Tim got up and moved over to her chaise, leaned in and kissed Tyra deeply. "Call her later."
Tyra shook her head. "You're really bad, Tim Riggins." She kissed him back, wondering if she could find Landry around here somewhere to keep an eye out for Jake and Billy. "I'll call her later."
"Is everything okay, Matt?" Eric asked as he walked out into the garage. His son-in-law was standing in front of the chest freezer.
"Uh, I was just getting some more ice for the punch," Matt replied, his voice distracted.
Eric stepped up next to Matt and put his arm on Matt's arm. "That's not what I asked. Is everything okay, here?"
Matt turned and faced Eric and shook his head. "No-I don't think it is. Julie's not herself and it's not like it was last time. Last time she was tired after the baby was born and a little stressed figuring everything out, but she's just not herself at all."
"What can we do?" Eric asked. "Tami and I will do whatever you kids need."
"When did you talk to Julie last?" Eric asked as he fixed his eyes on the highway they were traveling.
Tami laid down the magazine she had been looking at. "I talked to Matt two nights ago to make sure they didn't need us to bring anything."
"But Julie. When did you talk to Julie last?" Eric asked again.
Tami thought for a moment. "I'm not sure," she replied. "She's been asleep or feeding the baby most of the times I call."
"I don't think they're okay, Tami," Eric said quietly. He hadn't wanted to say anything before, but a nagging thought that something just wasn't right bothered him. "Matt has been trying to cover it, but I think she's struggling."
Tami slid her hand across his leg and took his hand in hers. "I'll talk to her, Eric."
Eric nodded in affirmation. "Good."
"And a Matt chat for you?" Tami asked.
"Yeah," he agreed. "I think one is in order."
"Honestly, I'm not really sure, Eric," Matt replied. "I tried to get her to go back to the doctor, but she wouldn't. It's like she's not the same Julie."
"I wish you had told us," Eric replied. "We'd like to help you kids."
"I just kept thinking she'd get better," Matt replied. "And then it was so long and she wasn't coming around and then it was hard to tell you. I just kept thinking the baptism would get here and she'd see you and she'd be Julie again."
Eric shook his head and sighed heavily. It just never got easier. Your kids grew up and had kids of their own, but they still needed their parents. And Eric didn't have a clue how to help Julie this time.
"Tami's going to talk to her, son. We'll figure something out."
"Let's just get through today, okay?" Matt asked. "I don't want to upset her with everyone here."
"Alright. Tomorrow. Tomorrow we will sit down and talk this through and try to get her to see a doctor or something."
Matt sighed heavily, reaching into the freezer for the ice.
"Here, let me," Eric said quickly, stepping and hoisting the bag of ice into his arms.
"Thanks," Matt said quietly. "For everything."
Eric glanced quickly at his son-in-law's face and saw the look of complete anguish written there. It tore at his heart to see either Julie or Matt hurting, and here they were with both of them in pain.
"We'll figure something out," Eric repeated, his voice sounding hollow even to his own ears. "We'll figure something out."
Joanne Street hung up the phone and walked into the living room. "They're not coming," she said.
Mitch Street looked up from his newspaper. "What do you mean they're not coming?"
Joanne shrugged. "I don't know-Jason said Lyla wasn't feeling well and they weren't going to drive down."
"Well, shoot," Mitch replied. "Not even tomorrow or something?"
"I guess not," Joanne said as she crossed the room and sat down on the couch next to her husband. "I think something else is going on. Jason just didn't sound like himself." She replayed the phone conversation in her head. Jason hadn't seemed disappointed that they couldn't come spend Christmas in Dillon, more like he was anxious to tell his mother not to expect them and get off the phone.
"You think everything's okay?" Mitch asked, his voice filled with concern.
"No, I don't," Joanne replied. "Call it a mother's intuition, but there's something they're not telling us."
She got up and walked back into the kitchen and picked up the phone. Maybe Jason didn't want to tell her what was going on, and that was fine, but she had to let him know she was there for him. That she and Mitch would always be there for him and Lyla.
"Hello?" Jason said as he answered the phone.
"Jason, it's Mom."
She heard him sigh on the other end.
"We can't come," Jason said, his voice quiet.
"I know…I just…" Joanne stammered. "I just was worried that something was wrong, honey."
Jason was quiet on the other end.
"I just wanted to ask if there was anything we could do," Joanne added. "You know we'll do anything for you, Jason."
"I know, Mom," Jason replied, his voice breaking.
The sound of pain in her son's voice was almost too much to bear. She felt tears rush to her eyes instantly. "What is it, honey?" Joanne asked.
She could hear him choking on a sob.
"Lyla isn't…I mean, there isn't going to be…the IVF didn't work," Jason finally said.
Joanne took a deep breath and nodded. Of course, the in vitro. Jason and Lyla hadn't said exactly when they were going to try, but she had known something was wrong.
"I'm sorry, honey," she said, trying somehow to comfort him through the line, all those miles away in Austin. Why did things have to keep being so hard for Jason? Why was it when it seemed like he'd found his way in life another road block had to be thrown up in front of him?
"Is there anything we can do for you?" she asked again.
"No," Jason choked out. "We're just going to spend some time together-we'll try again."
"I'm praying for you, Jason…for you and Lyla and the baby," Joanne said.
"Thanks, Mom and I'm sorry about Christmas," Jason apologized.
"Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say we weren't going to miss you, but you take care of Lyla, honey."
She said goodbye to her son and hung up the phone. She turned to head back into the living room to let Mitch know what was going on, but before she took a step, she felt the sob overcome her. She tucked her face in her arm to muffle the noise.
Dear God-give them a baby, she asked. Dear God-give us all a baby.
"Consider yourself on the injured list, Williams."
Smash bit his lip and stared angrily at his coach. It wasn't fair, he couldn't do this to him.
"We'll write it up as a sprained wrist, something small, and you take care of this…of this problem before I have to bench you for the season."
"Am I excused…sir?" Smash asked tightly.
His coach only grunted in reply and Smash whirled around to leave the office. His teammates stared at him as he grabbed his bag and left the locker room. He couldn't speak to any of them; didn't want to try and explain away the changes in his behavior and absences from practice.
The drive through the city was slow, but Smash didn't remember any of it. He could only think of getting back to his condo. Of getting inside, alone, and forgetting about this horrible day.
He slammed the door behind him and headed straight for his bedroom. Three minutes later and he was staring down at the piece of rubber tied around his arm. He tapped on his arm to get the vein to pop up.
"I'm not going to sit here and watch you waste your life," Kevin said as he stood at the door.
"I'll stop-it was just a thing, to get me through the season," Smash pleaded.
"You're not going to stop Brian," Kevin replied. "Honestly, I don't think you can stop, even if you want to."
"Please don't leave, baby," Smash said as he walked over to Kevin and put his arm on Kevin's arm. "Please don't leave me here."
Kevin shrugged Smash's arm off his own. "If I thought it would help you, I'd stay here in a minute. I love you, Brian, but honestly, if I stick around we're done. Get yourself clean." He opened the door and walked out of their home-out of Smash's life.
Smash pulled the drug out of the vial, into the tube. How had he gotten here? He'd been an NFL all-star, the MVP of the Super Bowl…he'd shared his life with an amazing person.
Now only one thing mattered and he'd better get it in his arm right now. Smash tipped the syringe and plunged the liquid into his arm.
The flush ran over him, the relief and euphoria. That was it. That made all that other stuff not matter.
Julie lay on her bed in the darkened bedroom. Down the hall she could hear Matt saying goodnight to her parents, then the soft sounds of her parents moving around in the downstairs bedroom while Matt walked up the stairs to their room. She closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep as he entered.
"You feel like saying good night to either of your kids, or is it just me and your parents you are ignoring?" Matt announced as soon as he entered the room.
Julie opened her eyes, staring at the wall in front of her. Matt hated her, he had to. Hell, most days she hated herself. She just couldn't bring herself to care what Matt or her parents thought. Or about her sons and what they needed from her. She felt like she was in a constant fog, too tired to care about anyone's expectations of her.
"I have a headache," she mumbled. It was an excuse that normally bought her at least a few hours.
"Perfect," Matt snapped. He turned on the light in their adjoining bathroom and noisily got ready for bed himself. When he returned to their room, he left the bathroom door open, the light cutting a swath on the wall before her.
"Julie?" he said, his voice much quieter, gentler than before.
"Mmm-hmm," she mumbled.
"Do you love EJ and Andrew? Do you love me?"
Her heart seized in her chest. A sob rose quickly in her throat, almost choking her. She sat up in bed and turned to face him, her face hot.
"How can you ask me that?"
Matt shrugged, the gentleness from before replaced with disinterest. Almost like he already knew the answer to his questions.
"I don't know," he replied, his voice almost void of emotion. "But I know I love you. And I know that somewhere deep down you love our children. And you would never hurt them, not purposefully. But you are hurting them, Julie. You don't even look at Andrew and EJ barely registers as needing your attention."
"That's not fair," Julie said.
"Maybe not," Matt replied, his voice taking on a feverous tone, the urgency in his words obvious. "But it's how I feel. And it's not just me. Your parents noticed it too. They think you need help, and so do I. And we're willing to support you."
He stepped closer to the bed as he spoke and Julie shrunk back against the headboard. He stopped suddenly, as if her movements were words telling him not to come any closer.
Matt shook his head. "You've really given up, haven't you?"
Julie bowed her head away from him, unable to meet his eyes.
"Well, I guess staying committed to your husband and kids is too much to ask, huh?"
His words ignited a fire within her. Her head snapped up and she lashed out at him.
"How can you say that to me? I have been with you my whole life!" Julie cried. "Ever since I was 15. 15, Matt! That's too young to make decisions about the person you are going to be. Too young to tie yourself to one person for the rest of your life."
"Well excuse me, Julie. I didn't realize you felt so tied down."
Julie looked at his face, shattered by her words. Every breath she took wounded him, every moment she was part of his life destroyed him a little further. How could she claim to love this man who had given her so much, and expected nothing in return? She didn't deserve him. Didn't deserve his love.
"I'm sorry, I just…I can't…"
"Can't what?" Matt asked, exhaustion evident in his voice. Down the hall the familiar cry of their infant son rang out in the darkness. Neither of them moved.
"Are you going to feed him or should I get a bottle?" he asked.
Julie turned her head away. She couldn't even look Matt in the eyes.
"Fine," Matt huffed, turning toward the door. "But you know, maybe you better think about spending some time with your son while he's still little, and can't see how much you hate him."
Her cheeks flamed as if he had slapped her himself. Down the hall she could hear Matt's soft voice soothing Andrew. Then the sounds faded as he took the crying baby downstairs, away from where EJ was still soundly sleeping.
Her family-her husband and sons, the children they'd worked so hard have. All of it felt like a burden these days. There was a weight sitting on her chest, pushing her down beneath the waves. Every time she tried to come up for air, another problem, another dirty diaper or stubbed toe would scream in her face and she'd slip back beneath the waves.
Julie looked around the room. It was suffocating her. Matt was suffocating her. The baby was suffocating her. After a moment she moved over to the closet, opened the door and pulled out her suitcase.
If she didn't get out of here now, she'd never make it out alive.
Five Years Later…
Tim opened his eyes at the sound of a high-pitched squeal. He sat up in bed. Tyra?
Slowly his eyes adjusted to the early morning light. The clock on his bedside read 5:13 AM. Tyra was still sleeping beside him. He pulled his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, pausing to stretch. Scratching absently at his chest, he wandered out into the hallway where he could see a blue light radiating out from under Jake’s door. He knocked quietly and pushed the bedroom door open. Jake was asleep in bed, his TV still on from the night before. A police car was chasing down some poor criminal, the siren screaming in the early morning light. Smiling, Tim reached down to turn off the set, then paused to stare at his sleeping son. 15 years old and already reaching Tim’s shoulders. Tim was starting to feel old.
Walking back to his bedroom, he was just sitting on the side of the bed when the phone rang. Quickly he grabbed it before Tyra woke up.
“Lo?” he mumbled softly.
“Tim? It’s Julie.”
/tbc/
Disclaimer: All characters who appear in these stories belong to their respective creators, including Imagine Entertainment, NBC Universal Television Studio and Film 44.
Authors' Note: Thanks once again to our beta, devilc.
Dedicated to the memory of Miss Malificent
Authors: shelbecat and rachel_wilder
Rating: T (aka PG-13)
Summary: Continuing from Reunion and The Wedding, we follow our characters through the highs and lows of a five year span until we reach The Funeral.
The Funeral
Chapter 2
Christmas, 2019
The minister held the little baby in his arms. The tiny baby seemed lost in the long white gown that EJ had worn at his baptism, and Julie before him. "I present to you, your new brother in Christ, Andrew Matthew Saracen. We welcome him to our family of believers." He walked up and down the aisle of the church as the congregation welcomed the newly baptized baby with applause. The pastor returned to the front where Matt and Julie were standing with Lois and her husband who were serving as Andrew's godparents.
Matt smiled at the pastor holding out their infant son for Julie to hold. Beside him, his wife stood still, her arms hanging limp at her side.
"Julie," he whispered, nudging her.
She looked up, her face confused, then glanced at their son and looked down again. Stepping forward, Matt smiled apologetically and accepted Andrew from the pastor. It was the Sunday before Christmas, a perfect time to have their new son's christening with Tami and Eric in Dillon for the holidays, and even Landry making the journey back for the special day. Everyone was excited to spend a few days together, celebrating Christmas and the christening. Everyone except Julie it seemed.
Shooting Julie a worried look, Matt shushed the baby who had woken up and started to squirm in his arms. He knew she was tired, the baby had been up most of the night, and EJ rarely made it through the night without waking at least once. Having two kids so close together was a struggle, but they'd always talked about having a big family. This was what all couples went through, right?
As the service drew to a close, Matt leaned over to hand Andrew to Julie. Instead, she turned away, walking towards EJ and her parents. She picked EJ up in her arms, snuggling her face into his neck.
"Momma loves you, baby," he heard her whisper.
It was touching to see, but in his heart, Matt still worried about her. She hadn't been the same since Andrew's birth. He'd read about post-partum depression, but Mrs. Taylor was a counselor-surely if Julie was sick she'd notice it.
Pushing his worries aside, he handed the baby to Tami who was holding out her arms for the little boy. Then he turned to put EJ's coat on him, but Julie had already done it and was walking down the aisle-her parents, husband and infant son left behind.
"Come here," Jason said, holding his arms out to Lyla. He had that look he got when he knew she was hurting-like he wanted to scoop her into his arms, to take away all of her pain.
Lyla crossed over and collapsed onto his lap, her body limp in his arms, wracked with the tears and sobs that she didn't seem to be able to stop.
"It's going to be okay," he said, as he smoothed his hand down her hair. "We'll try again, baby."
It would have been too easy. The IVF seemed to have gone so smoothly. They were able to get Jason's sperm without too much trouble and the fertilization went well. They had a good number of fertilized eggs to pick from and transferred three into Lyla's uterus. Everything seemed to be clicking.
But at the end of the two-week wait, there was nothing-no plus sign on the pregnancy test, no doubling numbers on the beta test, no baby.
She had known it might not work, that it was the risk they were running, but she couldn't stop feeling the loss of this baby that wouldn't be.
Jason held her tight. She hated how emotional it made her, but the hormone shots put her feelings all over the map. She knew he felt responsible, but it wasn't just his body that was failing him-it was also her body that hadn't accepted the egg, that hadn't helped it grow into a baby.
The plan had seemed so simple. They had planned to do the IVF in early November, but there had been a problem with Lyla's cycle and they had to wait another month. That pushed them into December. Jason had wanted to wait until after the holidays, but Lyla wanted to press on. And yes, it would have been great if they had found out they were pregnant at the holidays, but now it was two days before Christmas and instead of celebrating their joy, she was here, sitting in his lap unable to stop crying and completely unable to face any expectant faces wondering how the treatments were going.
Her gut had told her to not tell anyone when they were starting, but she had been too excited. She had told Tyra. And Jason had told his parents they were going to try before the end of the year.
Oh god-Jason's parents. She felt the emotion washing over her again.
"Call your mom-I can't go there for Christmas," Lyla said, her voice muffled.
"I don't know if we should start hiding this, Lyla-we need their support," Jason replied.
"I can't," she responded. "Just call them, please, Jason."
"Of course," he replied. He tightened his arms around her once again. Her body collapsed against his. She couldn't have stood up if she wanted to, which she didn't-she never wanted to go anywhere else again.
"I think Billy is enjoying himself," Tyra said as she watched Jake and Billy down in the water, splashing one another.
"I'm pretty sure he figured out that last place was a topless beach," Tim responded as he reached for his glass of ice tea. "Hawaii was a lovely idea, Mrs. Riggins."
Tyra looked over at him and smiled. She loved seeing Tim so relaxed, and being able to share this with Billy and Jake made it even better.
"I guess we should count ourselves lucky that it wasn't Nebraska that was the latest to legalize gay marriage," Tyra teased.
"I know you're tight with Landry, but I've got my limitations," Tim replied. "And one of them includes going cold places in the winter."
"I didn't know you were such a baby," Tyra said, playfully swatting at Tim. "It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?"
"Not as nice as ours," Tim answered.
"Never," Tyra replied. She smiled as she thought about the simple ceremony on the beach at sunset, uniting Landry and Ken in marriage…officially. The look of pure joy on Landry's face as he committed himself to his partner. Tyra couldn't remember the last time she had seen him so happy.
"You don't think it was too soon, do you?" she asked Tim. "I mean, we only just met Ken last fall."
"Lando knows exactly what he's doing," Tim answered.
Tyra leaned back in her chaise and took a sip from her margarita. "I know…you're right. I just worry about him." As far as she knew, Landry hadn't had any long-term relationships since he'd come out. And then the first guy he dated seriously, he married. Sometimes she thought it was pure romance, but then other time she worried that Landry was trying to fill the void left by her and Jake with someone else.
"He's happy, Tyra. We're happy." Tim leaned over and kissed her. "You know, Hawaii is a good place to make a baby."
"Oh, crap!" Tyra exclaimed.
Tim leaned back. "Not exactly the reaction I was expecting."
"No, I was going to call Lyla and see how things had gone. I think they were finding out today about the IVF."
Tim got up and moved over to her chaise, leaned in and kissed Tyra deeply. "Call her later."
Tyra shook her head. "You're really bad, Tim Riggins." She kissed him back, wondering if she could find Landry around here somewhere to keep an eye out for Jake and Billy. "I'll call her later."
"Is everything okay, Matt?" Eric asked as he walked out into the garage. His son-in-law was standing in front of the chest freezer.
"Uh, I was just getting some more ice for the punch," Matt replied, his voice distracted.
Eric stepped up next to Matt and put his arm on Matt's arm. "That's not what I asked. Is everything okay, here?"
Matt turned and faced Eric and shook his head. "No-I don't think it is. Julie's not herself and it's not like it was last time. Last time she was tired after the baby was born and a little stressed figuring everything out, but she's just not herself at all."
"What can we do?" Eric asked. "Tami and I will do whatever you kids need."
"When did you talk to Julie last?" Eric asked as he fixed his eyes on the highway they were traveling.
Tami laid down the magazine she had been looking at. "I talked to Matt two nights ago to make sure they didn't need us to bring anything."
"But Julie. When did you talk to Julie last?" Eric asked again.
Tami thought for a moment. "I'm not sure," she replied. "She's been asleep or feeding the baby most of the times I call."
"I don't think they're okay, Tami," Eric said quietly. He hadn't wanted to say anything before, but a nagging thought that something just wasn't right bothered him. "Matt has been trying to cover it, but I think she's struggling."
Tami slid her hand across his leg and took his hand in hers. "I'll talk to her, Eric."
Eric nodded in affirmation. "Good."
"And a Matt chat for you?" Tami asked.
"Yeah," he agreed. "I think one is in order."
"Honestly, I'm not really sure, Eric," Matt replied. "I tried to get her to go back to the doctor, but she wouldn't. It's like she's not the same Julie."
"I wish you had told us," Eric replied. "We'd like to help you kids."
"I just kept thinking she'd get better," Matt replied. "And then it was so long and she wasn't coming around and then it was hard to tell you. I just kept thinking the baptism would get here and she'd see you and she'd be Julie again."
Eric shook his head and sighed heavily. It just never got easier. Your kids grew up and had kids of their own, but they still needed their parents. And Eric didn't have a clue how to help Julie this time.
"Tami's going to talk to her, son. We'll figure something out."
"Let's just get through today, okay?" Matt asked. "I don't want to upset her with everyone here."
"Alright. Tomorrow. Tomorrow we will sit down and talk this through and try to get her to see a doctor or something."
Matt sighed heavily, reaching into the freezer for the ice.
"Here, let me," Eric said quickly, stepping and hoisting the bag of ice into his arms.
"Thanks," Matt said quietly. "For everything."
Eric glanced quickly at his son-in-law's face and saw the look of complete anguish written there. It tore at his heart to see either Julie or Matt hurting, and here they were with both of them in pain.
"We'll figure something out," Eric repeated, his voice sounding hollow even to his own ears. "We'll figure something out."
Joanne Street hung up the phone and walked into the living room. "They're not coming," she said.
Mitch Street looked up from his newspaper. "What do you mean they're not coming?"
Joanne shrugged. "I don't know-Jason said Lyla wasn't feeling well and they weren't going to drive down."
"Well, shoot," Mitch replied. "Not even tomorrow or something?"
"I guess not," Joanne said as she crossed the room and sat down on the couch next to her husband. "I think something else is going on. Jason just didn't sound like himself." She replayed the phone conversation in her head. Jason hadn't seemed disappointed that they couldn't come spend Christmas in Dillon, more like he was anxious to tell his mother not to expect them and get off the phone.
"You think everything's okay?" Mitch asked, his voice filled with concern.
"No, I don't," Joanne replied. "Call it a mother's intuition, but there's something they're not telling us."
She got up and walked back into the kitchen and picked up the phone. Maybe Jason didn't want to tell her what was going on, and that was fine, but she had to let him know she was there for him. That she and Mitch would always be there for him and Lyla.
"Hello?" Jason said as he answered the phone.
"Jason, it's Mom."
She heard him sigh on the other end.
"We can't come," Jason said, his voice quiet.
"I know…I just…" Joanne stammered. "I just was worried that something was wrong, honey."
Jason was quiet on the other end.
"I just wanted to ask if there was anything we could do," Joanne added. "You know we'll do anything for you, Jason."
"I know, Mom," Jason replied, his voice breaking.
The sound of pain in her son's voice was almost too much to bear. She felt tears rush to her eyes instantly. "What is it, honey?" Joanne asked.
She could hear him choking on a sob.
"Lyla isn't…I mean, there isn't going to be…the IVF didn't work," Jason finally said.
Joanne took a deep breath and nodded. Of course, the in vitro. Jason and Lyla hadn't said exactly when they were going to try, but she had known something was wrong.
"I'm sorry, honey," she said, trying somehow to comfort him through the line, all those miles away in Austin. Why did things have to keep being so hard for Jason? Why was it when it seemed like he'd found his way in life another road block had to be thrown up in front of him?
"Is there anything we can do for you?" she asked again.
"No," Jason choked out. "We're just going to spend some time together-we'll try again."
"I'm praying for you, Jason…for you and Lyla and the baby," Joanne said.
"Thanks, Mom and I'm sorry about Christmas," Jason apologized.
"Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say we weren't going to miss you, but you take care of Lyla, honey."
She said goodbye to her son and hung up the phone. She turned to head back into the living room to let Mitch know what was going on, but before she took a step, she felt the sob overcome her. She tucked her face in her arm to muffle the noise.
Dear God-give them a baby, she asked. Dear God-give us all a baby.
"Consider yourself on the injured list, Williams."
Smash bit his lip and stared angrily at his coach. It wasn't fair, he couldn't do this to him.
"We'll write it up as a sprained wrist, something small, and you take care of this…of this problem before I have to bench you for the season."
"Am I excused…sir?" Smash asked tightly.
His coach only grunted in reply and Smash whirled around to leave the office. His teammates stared at him as he grabbed his bag and left the locker room. He couldn't speak to any of them; didn't want to try and explain away the changes in his behavior and absences from practice.
The drive through the city was slow, but Smash didn't remember any of it. He could only think of getting back to his condo. Of getting inside, alone, and forgetting about this horrible day.
He slammed the door behind him and headed straight for his bedroom. Three minutes later and he was staring down at the piece of rubber tied around his arm. He tapped on his arm to get the vein to pop up.
"I'm not going to sit here and watch you waste your life," Kevin said as he stood at the door.
"I'll stop-it was just a thing, to get me through the season," Smash pleaded.
"You're not going to stop Brian," Kevin replied. "Honestly, I don't think you can stop, even if you want to."
"Please don't leave, baby," Smash said as he walked over to Kevin and put his arm on Kevin's arm. "Please don't leave me here."
Kevin shrugged Smash's arm off his own. "If I thought it would help you, I'd stay here in a minute. I love you, Brian, but honestly, if I stick around we're done. Get yourself clean." He opened the door and walked out of their home-out of Smash's life.
Smash pulled the drug out of the vial, into the tube. How had he gotten here? He'd been an NFL all-star, the MVP of the Super Bowl…he'd shared his life with an amazing person.
Now only one thing mattered and he'd better get it in his arm right now. Smash tipped the syringe and plunged the liquid into his arm.
The flush ran over him, the relief and euphoria. That was it. That made all that other stuff not matter.
Julie lay on her bed in the darkened bedroom. Down the hall she could hear Matt saying goodnight to her parents, then the soft sounds of her parents moving around in the downstairs bedroom while Matt walked up the stairs to their room. She closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep as he entered.
"You feel like saying good night to either of your kids, or is it just me and your parents you are ignoring?" Matt announced as soon as he entered the room.
Julie opened her eyes, staring at the wall in front of her. Matt hated her, he had to. Hell, most days she hated herself. She just couldn't bring herself to care what Matt or her parents thought. Or about her sons and what they needed from her. She felt like she was in a constant fog, too tired to care about anyone's expectations of her.
"I have a headache," she mumbled. It was an excuse that normally bought her at least a few hours.
"Perfect," Matt snapped. He turned on the light in their adjoining bathroom and noisily got ready for bed himself. When he returned to their room, he left the bathroom door open, the light cutting a swath on the wall before her.
"Julie?" he said, his voice much quieter, gentler than before.
"Mmm-hmm," she mumbled.
"Do you love EJ and Andrew? Do you love me?"
Her heart seized in her chest. A sob rose quickly in her throat, almost choking her. She sat up in bed and turned to face him, her face hot.
"How can you ask me that?"
Matt shrugged, the gentleness from before replaced with disinterest. Almost like he already knew the answer to his questions.
"I don't know," he replied, his voice almost void of emotion. "But I know I love you. And I know that somewhere deep down you love our children. And you would never hurt them, not purposefully. But you are hurting them, Julie. You don't even look at Andrew and EJ barely registers as needing your attention."
"That's not fair," Julie said.
"Maybe not," Matt replied, his voice taking on a feverous tone, the urgency in his words obvious. "But it's how I feel. And it's not just me. Your parents noticed it too. They think you need help, and so do I. And we're willing to support you."
He stepped closer to the bed as he spoke and Julie shrunk back against the headboard. He stopped suddenly, as if her movements were words telling him not to come any closer.
Matt shook his head. "You've really given up, haven't you?"
Julie bowed her head away from him, unable to meet his eyes.
"Well, I guess staying committed to your husband and kids is too much to ask, huh?"
His words ignited a fire within her. Her head snapped up and she lashed out at him.
"How can you say that to me? I have been with you my whole life!" Julie cried. "Ever since I was 15. 15, Matt! That's too young to make decisions about the person you are going to be. Too young to tie yourself to one person for the rest of your life."
"Well excuse me, Julie. I didn't realize you felt so tied down."
Julie looked at his face, shattered by her words. Every breath she took wounded him, every moment she was part of his life destroyed him a little further. How could she claim to love this man who had given her so much, and expected nothing in return? She didn't deserve him. Didn't deserve his love.
"I'm sorry, I just…I can't…"
"Can't what?" Matt asked, exhaustion evident in his voice. Down the hall the familiar cry of their infant son rang out in the darkness. Neither of them moved.
"Are you going to feed him or should I get a bottle?" he asked.
Julie turned her head away. She couldn't even look Matt in the eyes.
"Fine," Matt huffed, turning toward the door. "But you know, maybe you better think about spending some time with your son while he's still little, and can't see how much you hate him."
Her cheeks flamed as if he had slapped her himself. Down the hall she could hear Matt's soft voice soothing Andrew. Then the sounds faded as he took the crying baby downstairs, away from where EJ was still soundly sleeping.
Her family-her husband and sons, the children they'd worked so hard have. All of it felt like a burden these days. There was a weight sitting on her chest, pushing her down beneath the waves. Every time she tried to come up for air, another problem, another dirty diaper or stubbed toe would scream in her face and she'd slip back beneath the waves.
Julie looked around the room. It was suffocating her. Matt was suffocating her. The baby was suffocating her. After a moment she moved over to the closet, opened the door and pulled out her suitcase.
If she didn't get out of here now, she'd never make it out alive.
Five Years Later…
Tim opened his eyes at the sound of a high-pitched squeal. He sat up in bed. Tyra?
Slowly his eyes adjusted to the early morning light. The clock on his bedside read 5:13 AM. Tyra was still sleeping beside him. He pulled his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, pausing to stretch. Scratching absently at his chest, he wandered out into the hallway where he could see a blue light radiating out from under Jake’s door. He knocked quietly and pushed the bedroom door open. Jake was asleep in bed, his TV still on from the night before. A police car was chasing down some poor criminal, the siren screaming in the early morning light. Smiling, Tim reached down to turn off the set, then paused to stare at his sleeping son. 15 years old and already reaching Tim’s shoulders. Tim was starting to feel old.
Walking back to his bedroom, he was just sitting on the side of the bed when the phone rang. Quickly he grabbed it before Tyra woke up.
“Lo?” he mumbled softly.
“Tim? It’s Julie.”
/tbc/
Disclaimer: All characters who appear in these stories belong to their respective creators, including Imagine Entertainment, NBC Universal Television Studio and Film 44.
Authors' Note: Thanks once again to our beta, devilc.
Dedicated to the memory of Miss Malificent