2nd Week of Work/1st Date/Premature Aging
I just finished my second week of work, and I'm still a babe in the woods as far as competence goes. It's humbling how much my education hasn't helped in being able to do my job, even though my job is directly related to my degrees. Fortunately, this is all expected. My boss's boss said it was normal and healthy to feel overwhelmed, so that's comforting. What's been scary is having horror flashbacks of tests and projects in which I had no idea what to do. That's about what every task is like at the office. Hopefully, my formal education will give me a good learning curve as far as picking up what I'm supposed to do.
I need to do better about embracing life at the moment. I live my life looking forward to the next station. For so long, I awaited finishing school, getting a job and having money. Now that I've got that, I'm waiting my job with the [CENSOR] to come to fruition, then I can be content with the world. My thought process is that because my current job isn't my permanent one, it's an experience I should get through as quickly as possible. If anything, I should savor it a little more because it's only temporary. Enjoy the in-town yuppie lifestyle while it's available. Once I become more able at doing my job, I'll be better able to take this time for what it (hopefully) is.
Well, I actually went out on my first date last Saturday night. Yes, it was my first date.
Speaking of "dates," where does all this "what's a date" rhetoric come from. I consider a date to be one of two scenarios:
1. Two people go out together to see if they have any potential to have a more intimate, romantic relationship with one another.
2. Two people who are already an item go out together to keep their relatioship alive.
That's why I admit that I've never been on a date until now. I have friends who are girls, who I have gone out with. However, we were never trying to see if we could have something more meaningful, so we weren't on a date.
Anyways, I think my romantic ineptitude has snowballed into a gargantuan boulder of ice that will simultaniously freeze and crush any possibility of a budding romance. If you can't tell, we won't be going on a second date. I'm not sure why, either. I called her a couple of days after to try and set up another evening together, but she was on the other line and said she'd call me back...that was four days ago. You couldn't really have called the evening good or bad, just really short. We met for dinner at a Mexican restaurant around the area, spent about an hour dining and having conversation, then left. She was going to a friend's birthday party, and I had to go back to my Dad's place. For her to write me off after only spending an hour with me, I must have been a lousy date.
My roommate said I was supposed to call her back 24 hours after our initial meeting. Not before then because one would come off as needy, clingy, and/or desparate, and not much later because she'll lose interests. That's one crazy rule, and it's probably one of many. We met at 6:00pm and departed at 7:00pm. Was I supposed to call her at 6:00pm or 7:00pm the following day? Where am I supposed to take her on a second date? Not to mention the further complications that Valentine's Day was this past week. Am I explicitly supposed to ask her out for Valentine's Day or not? Will doing so make me come off too strong? Will she hold it against me for not doing so when all her friends are out on V-Day dates and she's stuck at home watching...whatever people watch on TV (yeah, I'm out of touch with more things than dating). Of course, everyone I ask advice of has a different answer, and one answer makes as much sense as the next.
I'm too old to learn all this stuff. I think my dating experience may be over. The dating baby has peed in the bathwater; it's time to throw them both out.
For so long, I've been told I looked older than my actual age. You'd think the gap would have narrowed over time. On the contrary, the gap seems to be growing exponentially. When I was 12, my classmates said I looked closer to 16. When I was 19, one of my dorm neighbors thought I was closer to 30. When I was at Nathan's and Sarah's wedding, one of the other guests asked me if I had kids. Just a few weeks ago, I was dressing out in the gym locker room, when one of the elderly patrons asked me if I was a war veteran. If he placed me as a Gulf War Veteran, assuming he thought I was 18 back in 1990, that would mean I look approximately 35 at my youngest. At least, I hope that's the case. I hope he didn't think I served in 'Nam.