Rape, BDSM and true love
Oh dear...
Today is one of these slow days, where you just click on whatever link you see and especially if it is fanfiction, because hey rainbowcrack!, and then you realize that instead of getting flail and sparkles (or, in rare cases, really well written prose) you're getting something like this.
He entered him without preparation, thrusting hard and fast. The pain was unbearable, it felt as though his body was being torn asunder. The thrusting was now in rhythm with the screams that echoed through the room, screams that insertidolhere only now realized were his own. But after a while his voice crumbled, and the only noise left were the smacking of skin on skin and the barely contained sobs that shook insertidolhere's body. Finally, the fingers on his hips grabbed him tighter and with a last grunt inseltidolhere felt whoevertheshitattackedhim empty himself inside of him.
Lovely.
But what's even worse is how these stories continue. You know, a good writer might be able to turn this story around and actually use this horrible experience as a point of development for the victim, acknowledging that, in fact, rape is terrible and changes your life and the way you view love and relationships and safety.
But other writers...will not do any of that. There are couple of ways that the scenario above can become even worse.
Number one: unexplained victim blaming.
See, insertidolhere had dared to talk to another charactre in the fic before the rape happened and whoevertheshitattackedhim obviously got jealous and had to stake his claim/mark his property/stamp his tramp by violently raping him up the butt. The story then goes on to either the victim avoiding other charactres, or apologizing for being such a slut in the first place. Probably both.
Number two: the misguided BDSM
First of all, I have absolutely nothing against BDSM or rough sex. Both can be enjoyable. But only, and really only, on the basis of mutual consent. If there isn't a safe word, if there hasn't been, prior to the sex, some sort of agreement, it's not okay. For hardcore BDSM that can go as far as declaring that not using the safe word means agreement. (Once a gag comes into play, you need to have an alternative method of saying no.) But the point is, in true BDSM, ALL of those things are previously agreed upon. It's not just about somebody beating the shit out of another person and then fucking them. That's not a lifestyle, that's a crime.
Number three (and my personal worst case): the romantic passion overflow
That's when the attacker suddenly realizes what he has done, by seeing blood or tears or both. And declares that he is sorry, and that he couldn't stop himself, because he loved the victim so much. And the victim agrees.
The victim agrees. And stays. Because it's true love, you know, meaning it is all about putting your own wants about somebody else's needs. (As long as you're the seme, of course. Never try that when you're an uke. Shit will get real.)And there is really no way to deal with an erection other than sticking it into another person. Don't get your hands dirty. It's gross.
...
Thinking that rape is a proof of love is mind-blowingly stupid and very, verysad at the same time. That's not love, that's Stockholm Syndrome, if anything. It's something that many rape victims actually go through, because thinking that it was done out of love seems better than the alternative: that it was done because the victim didn't matter at all. It's a delusion.
Now, maybe I am taking fandom too seriously, but when you consider that most in the LJ Arashi fandom are young and relatively inexperienced in love, than it just makes me worried about what people think acceptable and romantic and normal.
Yes, it's just fiction. But what we read and write has impact on what we feel and how we judge things. And I feel that those kinds of stories can only distort the view on reality.
Today is one of these slow days, where you just click on whatever link you see and especially if it is fanfiction, because hey rainbowcrack!, and then you realize that instead of getting flail and sparkles (or, in rare cases, really well written prose) you're getting something like this.
He entered him without preparation, thrusting hard and fast. The pain was unbearable, it felt as though his body was being torn asunder. The thrusting was now in rhythm with the screams that echoed through the room, screams that insertidolhere only now realized were his own. But after a while his voice crumbled, and the only noise left were the smacking of skin on skin and the barely contained sobs that shook insertidolhere's body. Finally, the fingers on his hips grabbed him tighter and with a last grunt inseltidolhere felt whoevertheshitattackedhim empty himself inside of him.
Lovely.
But what's even worse is how these stories continue. You know, a good writer might be able to turn this story around and actually use this horrible experience as a point of development for the victim, acknowledging that, in fact, rape is terrible and changes your life and the way you view love and relationships and safety.
But other writers...will not do any of that. There are couple of ways that the scenario above can become even worse.
Number one: unexplained victim blaming.
See, insertidolhere had dared to talk to another charactre in the fic before the rape happened and whoevertheshitattackedhim obviously got jealous and had to stake his claim/mark his property/stamp his tramp by violently raping him up the butt. The story then goes on to either the victim avoiding other charactres, or apologizing for being such a slut in the first place. Probably both.
Number two: the misguided BDSM
First of all, I have absolutely nothing against BDSM or rough sex. Both can be enjoyable. But only, and really only, on the basis of mutual consent. If there isn't a safe word, if there hasn't been, prior to the sex, some sort of agreement, it's not okay. For hardcore BDSM that can go as far as declaring that not using the safe word means agreement. (Once a gag comes into play, you need to have an alternative method of saying no.) But the point is, in true BDSM, ALL of those things are previously agreed upon. It's not just about somebody beating the shit out of another person and then fucking them. That's not a lifestyle, that's a crime.
Number three (and my personal worst case): the romantic passion overflow
That's when the attacker suddenly realizes what he has done, by seeing blood or tears or both. And declares that he is sorry, and that he couldn't stop himself, because he loved the victim so much. And the victim agrees.
The victim agrees. And stays. Because it's true love, you know, meaning it is all about putting your own wants about somebody else's needs. (As long as you're the seme, of course. Never try that when you're an uke. Shit will get real.)And there is really no way to deal with an erection other than sticking it into another person. Don't get your hands dirty. It's gross.
...
Thinking that rape is a proof of love is mind-blowingly stupid and very, verysad at the same time. That's not love, that's Stockholm Syndrome, if anything. It's something that many rape victims actually go through, because thinking that it was done out of love seems better than the alternative: that it was done because the victim didn't matter at all. It's a delusion.
Now, maybe I am taking fandom too seriously, but when you consider that most in the LJ Arashi fandom are young and relatively inexperienced in love, than it just makes me worried about what people think acceptable and romantic and normal.
Yes, it's just fiction. But what we read and write has impact on what we feel and how we judge things. And I feel that those kinds of stories can only distort the view on reality.