The Nonconformist Initiative II
Oh, the tension. Locked eyes and bated breath, clenched fists and spread feet. I can taste it. I cracked my neck and popped my knuckles. Flat out honestly, there really was no need to - my opponent was my own mother after all - but I felt it was best to strike fear and intimidation in her despicably evil little mind early for a head-start. It was ( Read more... )
Comments 2
However -- I do think I'd like to offer up a critique.
1: I do think the abrupt change in the mom's personality is a bit odd. At first, she sounds amused and almost -- well -- casual, with her son, casually tossing profanity like it's no big. But abruptly her stance changes, and she seems to be more God-fearing than anything else. I guess what I'm saying is that the conflict between Maw and Son would be more solid if there was one attitude from the mother at the beginning instead of two.
2: I do believe that some parts in Italics can easily be put in normal font and work. It might make the voice slightly more clear than it already is.
3: It'd be interesting if you explored this "Nonconformist Initative" a little more throughly -- it almost sounds like a high school version of Project Mayhem, only focused inside households.
It's great so see how your writing has come along. This was no different. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
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1.) Yeah, after I gave it the look-over, I noticed that it was really abrupt, but by then I was far too lazy to do anything about it. Oh well!
2.) Taken into consideration ma'am!
3.) Yup, it does, doesn't it? I've had a lot of ideas simmering in the pot over the past few days and I'm thinking on expanding the idea a little more. Only reason I started off with households is because it's what I know best. Who knows what I could do with this, right?
Thanks for the criticism Megan, I appreciate it!
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